weddings

Out With the Old and In With the New

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged certificate signing / COVID-19 / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Out with the old and in with the new is a sentiment often spoken as we approach the end of the year. Never was it more true than as we close out 2020 and look to the new year with hope. 2020 has been the strangest, most stressful year most of us have ever experienced. It seems years ago that we started the year with normal hopes and expectations for the beginning of a new decade. Then COVID arrived and everything changed.

Many couples with plans to marry in 2020 were left scrambling. They variously decided to hold their dates and modified guest lists, venues and more, or postponed to later in the year or to 2021. Some couples actually planned their wedding three times as postponements to later in 2020 needed to be moved into the next year as the pandemic raged on. Some lucky couples with summer wedding dates managed to hold their days mostly as planned, but even then masks, hand sanitizer and social distancing impacted the vision they had for their wedding day.

Throughout the year many couples chose a brief Marriage Certificate Signing option. This no ceremony option meets the legal requirements of marriage, but happens with just the couple and their required witnesses. We gather briefly, masked and distanced, and say the words necessary to join them in legal marriage. Couples chose this option for many reasons, but most of them were tied to the pandemic. In some cases, they wanted to hold their original wedding date, but plan to hold a celebration later. Other couples opted for a Certificate Signing due to job losses and the need to be eligible for their partner’s medical insurance. Still others worked in medical fields or simply feared the virus and wanted to have spousal privileges should they or their partner become ill.

All of these reasons reflect the state of our world today as our lives continue to be defined, or at least significantly impacted, by COVID-19. But as the year comes to a close, the phrase, “Out with the old and in with the new” takes on more meaning than usual. With vaccines beginning to be available we can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Newly engaged couples can begin planning the late 2021 or 2022 wedding they want with fewer concerns for the virus. Those who married this year in small to non-existent ceremonies can consider the outlines of a future celebration. Love always finds a way, as the many couples who found a way to marry this year can attest. Congratulations and best wishes to all the couples I married this year. May you share your stories of 2020 with generations to come, and remember the strange and unique year you began your marriage journey.

Ceremonies to Remember: Involving Others

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Personalization / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged blended family / memorable wedding / personalized wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Involving Others in novel ways in your ceremony shows your love and respect for them. This post is the third in the Ceremonies to Remember series where I reflect on some of the special moments I’ve experienced and some of the creative parts of the more than 400 ceremonies I’ve conducted over the last 10+ years. The previous posts focused on ceremonies I’ve done for family members and unique processionals.

Traditional ways of involving others in your ceremony include as bridesmaids and groomsmen, as ushers and flower girls. But some of the couples I married found unique ways to include those important to them. In one case the groom had a daughter who was about 10 years old. They wanted to include her in the ceremony to honor the new family they were becoming. A handfasting had been chosen as their unity ritual, and they chose to have his daughter actual wrap and tie the ribbon, signifying her support for their marriage. The cord was made extra long, so after the couple were connected, the daughter placed her hand on top of theirs. The cord was then wrapped and tied around the three hands, denoting the new family formed by the ceremony. It was a touching moment, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd.

Family Handfasting

A second couple chose to honor their parents in a way that also honored their heritage. Early in the wedding ceremony the parents stepped forward to present gifts of bread, wine, salt and a coin to the couple. Each had significance from their European heritage which was shared with the guests. The ritual also made clear the love and support the bride and groom were receiving from their new in-laws as they were welcomed to the family.

Parents gifts

The final example of involving others in a ceremony in a special way honored the bride’s Indian heritage. After the exchange of vows and rings in the western tradition, her grandfather presided over the Seven Steps ritual. This ritual marks the commitment the couple makes to each other as they take their first steps as a married couple. To make this moment even more special, he had performed the same ritual with his daughter (the bride’s mother) when she married nearly 30 years ago.

These three examples show how some thought, creativity and sensitivity when involving others in your wedding ceremony ensure that it will be significant and memorable for everyone. When you choose to have a ceremony written just for you there are nearly endless ways of involving others who are important to you.

3 Tips to Smooth Your Ceremony Experience

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding planning / weddings by

Follow these 3 tips to smooth your ceremony experience. While not an integral part of your wedding ceremony, they help your guests feel welcome. These 3 tips will allow your guests to have a comfortable, memorable experience. Following the ceremony they’ll be ready to move on to the rest of your celebration.

  1. Help your guests find the ceremony space. This can begin with a map on your wedding website to assist guests from outside the area. But you can do more. Have signs on the roadside near the final turnoff to guide your guests to the ceremony site. Perhaps you need another sign pointing them to parking, and yet another one directing them to the actual ceremony space. If your ceremony space isn’t visible from the parking area, designate an usher to stand near the parking lot and direct people as needed.

2. Let your guests know where you want them to sit. Many couples are opting for more casual seating at their ceremony. The days of ushers escorting every guest to their seat are mostly gone. But your guests don’t know what your preferences are, so post an usher near the back of the chairs to greet guests and clue them in. A sign can be helpful here, too, letting people know to choose their seat without observing traditional “bride’s side” and “groom’s side” rules.

Don’t forget about reserved space in the front for immediate family members. Guests will tend to seat themselves close to the back to avoid rows meant for family. This can result in a gulf of empty chairs between family and friends when everyone could be closer to the action. Hanging a few “Reserved” signs as needed can keep the needed space open and let guests know where they are welcome to sit.

3. Tell your guests what comes next. A receiving line, where the couple and their parents greet all the guests is the most traditional activity immediately following the ceremony. But if you’re taking pictures right away, or want your guests to move directly to social hour make sure you tell them. Otherwise your guests will sit awkwardly in the ceremony space wondering if they should stay or go. A simple announcement near the end of your ceremony works well, or you can have ushers release guests from their rows and invite them to proceed as you wish.

There are literally hundreds of details that go into planning your wedding day, and each one needs to be considered if you want to have a smooth celebration. Ignoring details like these can result in delays and confusion. You have a vision for your day and with the help of these 3 tips to smooth your ceremony experience it can become a reality. Happy planning!

Weddings are Still Weddings

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Weddings are still weddings, but each is still unique, even in the time of COVID-19. Recently I performed three weddings in one day, making it easy to compare and contrast them. These were Vow Exchange ceremonies, shorter and simpler than full custom ceremonies, but each couple still made the experience uniquely their own.

So how were these ceremonies similar? All were planned within the last three months. This is common these days as the rules around gatherings continue to evolve and couples want to strike while they can. All three ceremonies were held outside on private land. We, luckily, had a beautiful fall day which simplified the gatherings. All of the ceremonies had smaller guest counts than they might have had during “normal” times, ranging from 14 to nearly 60 guests.

These three couples also demonstrated that weddings are still weddings with the ceremony choices they made. All had a processional moment (with or without music). All the brides were esorted into the ceremony space. All three couples chose the style of vows they were most comfortable with, and all of the ceremonies ended with a pronouncement and a kiss.

There were some differences between the weddings, too. Two of the weddings had attendants – bridesmaids and groomsmen, or at least a maid of honor and best man. One of the couples had multiple couples attending them, and opted for gowns and tuxes. The other weddings opted for more casual attire. Two couples included a ring exchange as part of the ceremony, but one did not. Only one couple setup chairs with a traditional aisle while another had guests sitting at tables. At the third wedding guests stood nearby while keeping some distance between them.

One thing – the most important thing – about each of these weddings is that at the end of the day each couple embarked on a new adventure together as a married couple. Our resilience as human beings was demonstrated by all three of these couples. They found a way to honor their love and commitment to each other, even during a pandemic. They proved that in this challenging year of 2020 weddings are still weddings and love finds a way.

The Impact of Changing Seasons

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding celebration / wedding ceremony / wedding concerns / weddings by

The impact of changing seasons on wedding plans is always significant. Indoors or outdoors? Pastels, autumn tones or holiday colors? Concerns with thunderstorms or blizzards? This year we have to add COVID-19 to the list of things impacting wedding planning.

Most obvious here in Minnesota is the shift from outdoor gatherings to indoor celebrations as the weather cools and the days shorten. While there is still much we don’t know about this virus, we do know that it is more easily transmitted indoors. So moving your ceremony and reception indoors is going to increase the risk of passing the virus among your guests.

The impact of changing seasons can also be seen on the news where stories of university parties sparking cases, outbreaks in schools, and even this week’s news of the first outbreaks among NFL teams are all part of this year’s fall experience. The common thread here is people gathering in new combinations, often in enclosed spaces. In wedding terms, this means increased risk when people travel for a wedding or gather with people they haven’t seen in awhile.

One final impact we’re seeing really doesn’t have to do with the season as much as the fact that we’ve been dealing with this pandemic for more than half a year now. People are getting tired of being careful, of covering their faces, of staying apart, of being isolated. This results in resistance to the safety precautions we’ve all been encouraged to take.

At recent weddings I’ve seen very, very few masks. I’ve seen people gathered closely together for ceremonies with chairs set right up against each other. I’ve seen lots of loving hugs and lots of celebratory shouts and whistles. All my recent wedding ceremonies have been outdoors, so hopefully the risk of spreading the virus is relatively low. But the impact of changing seasons means ceremonies and receptions are moving inside where the risk of these behaviors will escalate.

I can’t imagine the pain and guilt a couple would feel if their wedding became a superspreader event and some of their loved ones or even people they’ve never met became ill or worse. I encourage everyone planning a wedding in the coming months to carefully consider the risks of gatherings at this time. Decide how large (or small) a gathering is appropriate and safe. Evaluate associated activities like dancing for their risks. Consider a legal ceremony this winter, with a delayed, but hopefully larger and safer celebration later next year. The impacts of changing seasons will again be in our favor next year as we move into spring and summer. Those might be perfect months for your wedding, too.