weddings

Ceremony Start Time on Invitations

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony start time / wedding ceremony / weddings by

What ceremony start time should be noted on your wedding invitations? This is a question many couples struggle with as they plan their wedding day. Today’s day to day social scene is very relaxed. Gatherings are posted on social media and people come if they can and are interested. In contrast, a wedding day is a much more formal social event, but not everyone knows how to handle that.

Wedding etiquette says that guests should arrive approximately 15 – 20 minutes before the ceremony start time. This gives them time to park, find the ceremony site, make a quick restroom stop if needed, and be seated well before the wedding party is ready to enter the space. It has long been considered a serious faux pas to “race the bride down the aisle.” But it happens all to frequently these days. The worst offense I’ve seen is the late arriving guest who stepped between two bridesmaids as they made their way down the aisle, only to step around and in front of a number of guests already seated to reach an empty chair.

Because couples are aware that their guests may not arrive appropriately early for their wedding ceremony, they are left struggling to decide if they should “pad” the ceremony start time on their invitations. For example, they consider listing a 4:00pm ceremony time when they are really planning to begin at 4:30pm. While this may help solve the problem of late arriving guests, it creates other problems.

Some ceremony venues run very tight schedules, and your guests may not be allowed to enter until 15 minutes before the ceremony begins. This can leave your guests literally out on the sidewalk in the sun, rain, or other inclement weather. Even if they can access the ceremony space, if they arrive appropriately early based on the time your invitation indicates, their wait will be even longer. It is simply rude to leave polite guests waiting 45 minutes for a ceremony to start.

I suggest that you list your real ceremony start time on your invitations, and then enlist the aid of your families and friends to help spread the word that the ceremony will start promptly at the appointed time, and to please plan accordingly. I’ve also heard of couples who use their wedding websites to communicate this, and others who include a small note with their invitations if they know certain people habitually run late.

Weddings are formal social events, and while we don’t have many of those these days, it’s good form to understand the etiquette involved, and to enjoy the special experience.

Are Wedding Readings Required?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Weddings  tagged personal ceremonies / wedding readings / weddings by

“Are wedding readings required?” is a question I often get when meeting with couples to plan their wedding ceremony. The simple answer is no. Readings from holy books are often required in religious ceremonies, but the secular ceremonies I create for couples are bound only by state marriage law, and that says nothing about readings. So as an engaged couple, you are able to decide if a reading (or two) is something you want to include in include in your ceremony… or not.

Many couples have a song that they associate with their relationship, but many fewer have a poem or piece of prose that they are emotionally connected to. If you have such a text, this is the perfect reading to include in your ceremony. Or maybe you’re a poetry or literature lover and know the selection you’ve dreamed of having as part of your wedding day. Perfect. Go for it. But honestly, it is the rare couple I encounter who fits this description. Many think they have to have a reading, but have no idea what it should be.

If you fall into this category, don’t worry, your celebrant can provide options and choices for wedding readings and you can look at option online, too. A good reading will connect to your story and the rest of the ceremony, becoming an integral part of the ceremony experience, not a random piece bolted on to fulfill a requirement. I’m writing for a couple right now who have endured many separations over the course of their relationship. They are considering a reading called “I Will Be There” by Stephen Curtis Chapman which repeats the line, “I will be there” throughout the reading. For them, it honors the way they have been there for each other in the past, while also being an integral part of the promise they are making to each other in marriage – to always be there for each other. The bonus is that they found and selected the reading on their own.

If you don’t find a reading that really “speaks” to you, it is perfectly acceptable to not have a reading in your ceremony. Another reason to leave a reading out is if you are trying to manage the length of your ceremony and the other parts – your story, vows, rings, unity ritual, etc – are more important to you. One of the great benefits of choosing a secular wedding ceremony is that there are very few requirements you must comply with. So now you know that wedding readings are not required, but, if well chosen, can highlight a characteristic of you as a couple, or share your view of love and marriage in a way that enhances your overall ceremony. The choice is yours.