weddings

Finding the Right Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding the right wedding officiant can be as simple as asking your local minister, rabbi or priest. However, if you are looking for a secular/non-religious ceremony or want a personalized ceremony that focuses on you and the love you’ve found together, finding the right person can take a little more effort.

Finding the right wedding officiant isn’t hard, if you follow these steps:

  1. Decide what kind of ceremony you want. Are you looking for a more traditional ceremony, or do you want something more creative that reflects you as a couple?
  2. Next, make sure you have settled on a wedding date and ceremony venue. These are likely the first questions a potential officiant will ask you. If they are not available on the date and time you need them, there’s no reason to waste your time discussing your ceremony wishes further.
  3. Ask around. Perhaps you’ve been to a wedding that you thought was particularly special. Ask the couple for contact information for their officiant. Maybe co-workers or other acquaintances have recently married or attended a great wedding. They are another source of officiant names.
  4. Use the internet. A search for “Rochester wedding officiant” should turn up a number of options. You can check out websites to learn more about these folks. Things to look for include how they describe their services: does it sound like the kind of ceremony you’re looking for? Read any testimonials that are posted and see if they resonate with you. And check if they provide a page of Frequently Asked Questions – these can give you a good idea of how they work.
  5. Take the plunge and reach out to an officiant or two or three. Many officiants provide an online form you can use to contact them, and they all list email addresses and phone numbers. If you have identified more than one potential officiant it’s good to contact a few as some may be booked already.

When contacting a potential officiant, it’s best to begin by sharing your names, your wedding date, ceremony venue and ceremony time (if known). It’s great, but not necessary in this first communication to share anything that is important to you about your ceremony. Do you want a non-religious ceremony? Is there a particular unity ritual you would like to include? Do you want to write your own vows? This additional information will help the officiant determine if they might be a good fit for you.

Finding the right wedding officiant using the steps above helps you identify one or a few possible officiants for your wedding day. The next step is setting up an in person (or video chat/Skype/Facetime) meeting. Next week I’ll write about what questions you’ll want to ask when that meeting happens.

Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / wedding trends / weddings by

Leaving tradition behind on your wedding day can allow you to personalize your event and also reduce the stress of the day. In recent weeks I’ve written about leaving tradition behind with regard to your wedding party and ceremony helpers. Today let’s consider other wedding ceremony traditions that are falling out of favor with couples.

Runners – These have been used for ages, first to keep “devils” from coming up through the stone floors in churches, and to help keep wedding dresses clean. However, runners at outdoor ceremonies are asking for trouble as the picture below shows. If you want to highlight your aisle, consider using flower petals as illustrated in the second picture.

Runner on a windy day

Veils, especially veils over the bride’s face – While veils are a wonderful finishing touch for a bride, they can cause problems at outdoor ceremonies when they catch on twigs or blow in the wind. Since the bride’s identity is no longer a secret, veils are a fashion statement these days and not a necessity. Fascinators, decorative combs, clips or pins are often used by modern brides and carry over gracefully to the reception, too.

Giving away the bride – This is another antiquated concept that was part of wedding ceremonies when the bride was chattel being legally transferred from father to groom. It’s perfectly OK to pass on this part of the ceremony. No one will miss it, and it feels pretty inappropriate for many couples who have established their own lives and professions in advance of marriage.

Using “man and wife” when pronouncing the couple married. Currently options include “husband and wife”, “husbands together” or “wives together”. This keeps the couple on equal footing grammatically and offers options for same sex couples.

Similarly, the traditional introduction of “Mr and Mrs John Smith” is often replaced with “Mr and Mrs John and Mary Smith”, “… as a married couple, John Smith and Mary Jones”, or simply, “… as a married couple, John and Mary.” These options identify you as equal partners in the marriage and work well for same sex couples and couples where neither partner is changing their name.

If you find value or enjoyment in wedding traditions, it’s fine to incorporate them into your ceremony, but leaving tradition behind when planning your wedding is equally fine. Choose rituals, language, decor and attire that represents you as a couple, and it will feel comfortable and authentic.

Same Sex Weddings: What’s Different?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Same se weddings / Weddings  tagged ceremonies / inclusive ceremonies / same sex weddings / wedding ceremonies / wedding processional / weddings by

Same sex weddings have been legal for a few years now, and I’m happy and honored to include same sex couples in the clients I’ve served. As we leave Pride month behind for 2019, it’s an opportunity to reflect on what is different about same sex weddings and to celebrate marriage equality once more.

Anne & Allie

The first difference is that we have two brides or two grooms. Using some creativity we can come up with many different kinds of processional arrangements to welcome each of you to your ceremony. Maybe we “book-end” the processional with one partner entering first, and the other one last. Or perhaps we have each of you escorted to the front at the end of the processional, one after the other. Perhaps you would like to enter together. If your venue allows, you can also have the chairs set for two aisles and enter at the same time, from two different aisles, meeting at the front.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Another difference for same sex couples is an increased focus on inclusive language. We refer to you using language you prefer – brides, grooms, partners, and eventually as husbands, wives or spouses. It’s important to make your preferences known to your celebrant so we can use language that is authentic and comfortable for you.

Dusti & Val. Same sex weddings.

Using inclusive language throughout the ceremony is respectful of you and your guests, even when the couple is made up of a bride and groom. Inclusive language includes readings, reflections, vows and pronouncements. All your guests will feel more connected to the ceremony if it represents their relationships, too.

Same sex couples have also led the way with redefining wedding parties. No longer must there be equal numbers of men and women in the party. Same sex weddings are the perfect time to pick your party based on close relationships and those who support you as a couple. Coordinated attire is also often not required, with wedding parties reflecting the personal style of the attendants.

Same sex weddings are now legal in all US states, and we celebrate all loving couples who choose to make a loving commitment to each other in marriage.

Modern Ceremony Helpers, Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Ceremony / Trends / Weddings  tagged escorts / modern ceremonies / modern ceremony helpers / ushers / wedding ceremony / wedding helpers / weddings by

Modern ceremony helpers provide great support for you on your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how couples are selecting modern wedding parties to surround themselves with the important people in their lives on their wedding day. Today we look at leaving tradition behind with regard to your ceremony helpers to achieve that same goal.

There are many opportunities to include family and close friends in your wedding ceremony, and you have even greater flexibility when you choose to leave tradition behind as you choose those modern ceremony helpers. Ushers are a great place to start. Ushers may escort guests to their seats, distribute ceremony programs, provide directions to restrooms, parking, and the ceremony space. Ushers were traditionally male relatives or friends of the groom. Today this role can be filled with friends or relatives of yours or your partner’s and can be any gender. Some couples use the terms “host and hostess”, or “greeters” for these helpers to be more inclusive. Select outgoing people who will be comfortable greeting and assisting your guests and making them feel welcome at your ceremony.

Traditionally an usher has served as the escort for your parents during the processional, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Having the groom escort his parents into the ceremony space is becoming more common as a way to give him a moment comparable to the bride’s entrance. I’ve also seen the bride’s parents enter together, with the dad seating his wife and then returning to the back to escort the bride at the end of the processional. Sometimes parents enter together at the beginning of the processional with you and your partner entering as a couple at the end. Another option is to select a close relative to escort parents – someone they are close to and want to share this special moment with.

There is one more twist on modern ceremony helpers that needs to be mentioned – flower grandmas. This trend has your grandmas replacing traditional flower girls, spreading flower petals as they enter before taking their seats for the ceremony. Especially if there aren’t grandpas present to escort these ladies, it can be a special way to include these important women in your wedding day.

You can be creative in selecting your modern ceremony helpers. Don’t feel constrained by tradition, but rather focus on who you want to have near you and supporting you on your wedding day.

Three Reasons to Hire a Professional Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Trends / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / wedding professionals / weddings by

There are many more than three reasons to hire a professional officiant for your wedding ceremony, but there are three that I hear most often. As both a trained and certified Life Cycle Celebrant (R), and an endorsed Humanist Celebrant for a decade I’d had the opportunity to hear many horror stories from people who have seen poor wedding ceremonies. One of the most common causes for complaint is an unprepared family member or friend acting as the officiant. Here’s what couples have shared with me:

First, when I meet with couples for an initial consultation (a no cost, no obligation meeting) I’ve heard many times that they had never considered some of the topics I raise. For example, they haven’t thought about the logistics of the processional: who will walk in the processional, in what order, etc? They haven’t considered the possible elements of their ceremony – readings, rituals, guest involvement options, and more. They haven’t thought about where and how they will greet their guests following the ceremony. By engaging with a professional officiant all these topics will be discussed and your wishes will be honored.

Second, most couples in our area opt to have a rehearsal. As an experienced professional I can run your rehearsal in an efficient and effective manner. I can get and hold the attention of your wedding party, provide tips to help make everyone look sharp for the ceremony, and make sure that all the important points are covered. I’ve heard many times from couples, parents and attendants that the rehearsal reduced their stress and uncertainty so they could relax and enjoy the actual ceremony experience.

And third, professional officiants can prepare and preside over your ceremony in a way that is memorable for all the right reasons. The ceremony will be written well in advance, and you will have seen and approved it. The ceremony will follow a logical sequence and an emotional arc that leaves your guests satisfied and ready to move on to the rest of the celebration. Your officiant will offer the ceremony with professional vocal skills to ensure clarity and engage your guests.

These are just three reasons to hire a professional officiant based on my personal experience. You can find another perspective on this topic in an article from The Knot, here.

There is a trend toward having a friend or family member prepare and offer your wedding ceremony, but there are many possible pitfalls with that approach. Sometimes it works out well, but too often the ceremony is poorly written and presented, and opportunities for truly memorable moments are missed. Even a well-paid professional officiant accounts for a small percentage of your overall wedding budget, but will provide a great first act for your wedding day festivities.