weddings

Starting Your Ceremony on Time: Why and How

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / ceremony start time / on time weddings / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Starting your ceremony on time may seem like an impossible task, but with a little planning and assistance it can and should be done. Your wedding ceremony is usually the first event of your wedding day that everyone participates in – you as a couple, your wedding party and the family and friends you’ve invited to share your special day. That means there are many activities yet to come – social hour, toasts, dinner, cake cutting, the first dance, and more. If you begin your ceremony late it will throw the entire day off schedule which can result in uncomfortable guests, cold or overcooked food, and stress for you as you try to make up time.

So that’s the “why” behind the goal of starting your ceremony on time. Now, with so many moving parts, how do you achieve your goal? Following the suggestions below will help:

  1. Plan, plan, plan. Make sure you know how many hair and make-up stylists will be working with your wedding party. Ask your photographer how much time to allow for family pictures, wedding party pictures, first look pictures, etc. Ask your musicians and officiant how far they will arrive in advance of the ceremony time in order to be ready on time.
  2. Now take all the information you’ve gathered and make a schedule for your day – all the activities from when you wake up in the morning to the start of the processional. (Note: you might want your schedule to go through the evening, too, to keep things moving along.) Then add buffer to most or all of the tasks. For example, if you’re planning to spend 2 hours with your attendants getting hair and make-up done, plan for at least 2 1/2. If photographs are scheduled to end at 3pm, plan for them to end at 3:15 or even 3:30pm. If everything runs to the original plan, you’ve built yourself time to catch your breath, have a drink of water, or spend a few special minutes together and alone before the ceremony begins. These are all good things.
  3. Ask for assistance from family, friends and your wedding party to keep things moving. Impress on your attendants the need to stick to the schedule. If one of your attendants is known for being late, partner him with another attendant who can keep him on schedule. If you aren’t having ushers, ask a couple of friends or family members to act as ceremony hosts. They can direct guests to restrooms and the ceremony space, and most importantly, they can help encourage guests to take their seats starting 10 – 15 minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin. Your officiant should take care of gathering the wedding party and organizing them for the processional, and interface with your musicians so everything is ready to begin on time.

I love to begin ceremonies at the scheduled time, but remain flexible so the guest who arrives as we’re getting ready to walk has a moment to find a seat, or the flower girl who decides she needs a last restroom stop is accommodated. But starting your ceremony on time is a priority for me, and we are usually underway within a couple of minutes of the scheduled time. Starting your ceremony on time is respectful of your guests who may be sitting in the hot sun, or chilly wind. It is respectful to the vendors you’ve hired for the day. It is also a stress reliever for you as the day can unfold gracefully and without constant pressure to catch up. Make it a priority, and starting your ceremony on time CAN happen.

Leveraging The Season

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Weddings  tagged personalized wedding / seasonal weddings / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Leveraging the season is a great way to make your wedding ceremony feel timely and current. Decor, flowers, even the colors you choose can focus your day on the time of year you are marrying. If you have a favorite season and have chosen that for your wedding, even better!

A recent harvest themed wedding I officiated included pumpkins and mums. The bride is a very outdoors person, and table decorations included cross sections of a tree with deer antlers, flowers and candles. Pumpkins marked the entrance to the venue (in this case, decorated with the logos of the sports teams they follow). Huge burgundy mums on pedestals marked the ceremony space, and the bridesmaids wore burgundy dresses. The bouquets were mixed fall flowers from the bride’s garden. All these touches effectively leveraged the current season and the interests of the couple.

A winter wedding from a few years ago relied on ice blue and silver to accent the overall white theme of the day. Flowers, dresses, table decor, even the cake followed the winter wonderland theme fitting in perfectly with the frigid January day. A winter solstice themed wedding celebrated the return of the sun with its light and warmth.

Spring offers all kinds of themes from growth and rejuvenation to the Spring Equinox and fresh light colors. Seed packets can be gifted to guests to plant and a tree can be planted as your unity ritual. Perhaps a refreshing Spring themed cocktail can serve as the signature drink.

Summer weddings offer the opportunity to celebrate the long, warm days being experienced. There is a reading that begins, “Now in midsummer, a wedding…” which may be a perfect selection. Fans for your guests to stay cool during the ceremony make great favors, and decor in the rich, vibrant colors of summer fits right in. Offering cold water or lemonade before your ceremony can set the right tone.

If you met during the season you are marrying, got engaged during this time of year, or have birthdays around the wedding date those ideas can all be integrated into your ceremony and your day. Finding ways to connect the season to your relationship allows you to make the ceremony and your wedding day even more personal.

Whatever month you choose to marry, leveraging the season helps with your budget as you utilize nature and decor – think flowers in season – and allows you to customize and personalize your wedding day in myriad ways.

Making Everyone Welcome at Your Wedding

 in Ceremony / Guests / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Making everyone welcome at your wedding is one of the most gracious things you can focus on as the hosts of your big day. I’ve written previously about ensuring your ceremony venue is accessible for guests with disabilities but there are other ways to increase your guests’ comfort, too.

If you have a number of guests who are not fluent in English you might consider translating your final ceremony into their preferred language and making those copies available to them before the ceremony begins. This allows them to follow along and feel connected to what is happening.

One couple I worked with went further when the groom and his entire family spoke little English. They hired a translator for the ceremony. I knew about this ahead of time, and was able to assist the translator by providing a copy of the ceremony in advance so she could have her translation ready. I had also written the ceremony focusing on short paragraphs and simpler sentences so there were frequent breaks for translation. If you take this approach, make sure you opt for a shorter ceremony as your guests will be sitting through the equivalent of two ceremonies.

Turkish tea Ritual

Once, the groom, his family and most of his guests were from Turkey. They didn’t want to translate the ceremony, but wanted these important people to feel connected to what was happening. They had the reading offered in both English and Turkish, and we wove a Turkish tea ritual through the entire ceremony. The couple had met over Turkish tea, and often shared tea as they connected at the end of each day. The ingredients, the preparation and the sharing of the tea were all described as analogies to marriage. The guests who couldn’t understand English saw a familiar ritual, and saw the couple valuing the groom’s (and their) heritage.

Making everyone welcome at your wedding takes some thought and creativity, but the rewards are awesome. Your ceremony is more personal, your guests feel more connected to you and everyone is ready for more celebrating afterward.

Dealing With Wedding Day Concerns

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding / wedding concerns / wedding day / wedding problems / weddings by

Wedding day concerns are common and to be expected. Your wedding day is probably the largest and most formal event you’ve ever planned. On top of that, it marks a milestone moment in your life. Dealing with wedding day concerns in advance can make your day more enjoyable and memorable for you.

Some of your wedding day concerns can be addressed by putting contingency plans in place. For example, if you are planning an outdoor ceremony, what will you do in case of inclement weather? Extreme heat, cold, wind, or rain or thunderstorms can torpedo your dreamed of outdoor ceremony. But if you ensure that you have an acceptable indoor plan, you can roll with whatever weather presents itself on your wedding day. Since weather is beyond our control, it makes sense to plan for the worst and hope for the best, ensuring that you can enjoy your ceremony no matter the weather.

There are a number of wedding day concerns that you can’t plan for, but if you consider them ahead of time you will be prepared to gracefully roll with them if they happen. An example here is the common concern expressed by both brides and grooms, “What if I get emotional or cry during the vows?” My response is always that there is no problem with heartfelt emotion. Practically, the best thing you can do is take a moment to compose yourself and take a few deep, calming breaths. If you or your partner or an attendant can have a tissue handy, that can also help. Remember that a pause that seems incredibly long to you is likely only 15 or 20 seconds. Your guests will wait for you. No one is going anywhere until the ceremony concludes, and recognizing the significance of the moment with some honest emotion is never a problem.

A general wedding day concern is, “What if everything isn’t perfect?” It’s understandable that you want this important day that you’ve been working toward for a year or more to be perfect. But the fact is that there are many moving parts to the day, from the venue to the musicians, to the catering to the weather, to the guests. Most of these you don’t have direct control over on the wedding day, and odds are that something isn’t going to go the way you imagined. Once you’ve planned the day to the best of your ability it’s time to sit back and enjoy the ride. If something goes wrong, ask for help resolving the issue if possible, or just smile and roll with it. Sometimes those snafus make for memorable moments and great stories for years to come.

Considering possible wedding day concerns ahead of time allows you to plan for them where possible. And even just knowing about the possible problems before the wedding day can allow you to accept any imperfections and keep your focus on the important part of the day – making your public declaration of love and commitment to the person you plan to spend your future with. Everything else comes in a distant second. So keep your perspective and have a great day!

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

There are questions to ask your officiant at your first meeting that will help you decide if you want to book their services for your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how to find potential officiants, so you’ll want to read that post first. Now that you’re speaking with a prospective officiant in person (or via technology if you’re not in the same city), you’ll want to use your time wisely and ask some important questions.

The questions to ask your officiant are ones that help you determine if you’re a good fit for each other. You’ll want to have trust and confidence that this person will provide the kind of ceremony you want in a meaningful, professional and approachable manner. Here are 6 questions to help you make that determination:

  1. Are you available for the date, time and location of our wedding ceremony? You don’t want to waste anyone’s time if these basic criteria aren’t met. Bonus points if the officiant has performed ceremonies at your venue before. They’ll know the venue manager and how to use the space effectively for you.
  2. Do you offer the kind of ceremony we want? This is a multi-faceted question. First, if you’re looking for a secular or non-religious ceremony, do they offer that? Conversely, if you want religion in your ceremony, are they knowledgeable and willing to include the prayers and religious readings you want? If you’ve been to other weddings and do or do not want a particular element in your ceremony, are they willing to accommodate that? Examples could be a particular unity ritual, reading, or approach to vows.
  3. How involved will we be in ceremony creation? Officiants may want you to provide information via a questionnaire to allow them to personalize the ceremony. They may want you to review the ceremony draft and provide feedback – or alternately, they may not be willing to share the ceremony wording in advance of your wedding day. The important thing is to understand the expectations and make sure you’re comfortable with them.
  4. What background, education and/or experience do you have in ceremony creation? Everyone has a first ceremony, but if the officiant is inexperienced they should be able to point to education or training that prepares them to do good work for you.
  5. What is included in your services? Consider whether the officiant will run a rehearsal for you if you want, how far in advance of the ceremony time they will arrive, and if they handle the legal paperwork for you after the ceremony. Some officiants can provide a sound system to allow your guests to hear the ceremony while some rely on you to provide that. And importantly, how accessible is the officiant to you if you have questions along the way?
  6. Do you have an agreement or contract that we all sign that clearly identifies services to be provided by the officiant and those that are your responsibility? Sometimes officiant services are booked a year or more in advance, and it’s best to have clear documentation of what has been agreed to.

Using these questions to ask your officiant, you can gather a wealth of information and will be able to determine your comfort level in working with them. You’ll feel more comfortable and confident during your initial meeting when you arrive armed with these 6 questions to ask your officiant, and more confident making a decision to move forward with them.

As we move into the second half of 2019 I’m beginning to hear from more couples looking for an officiant for their 2020 wedding days. I look forward to speaking with couples and am happy to address all the questions above. But I realize that selecting an officiant is new to most of you, so I’m always happy to guide the conversation so we all get the information we need, if that is your preference.