weddings

Celebrate Your Uniqueness

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged custom rituals / personalized wedding / unity rituals / wedding ceremony / weddings by


Your wedding ceremony is a great opportunity to celebrate your uniqueness. Weddings can be full of traditions that are fun to include in your day, but make sure you include all that makes you special as a couple.

Weddings have been changing for awhile now, which offers you the chance to make the day a personal reflection of yourselves and your relationship. Traditions like bouquet and garter toss at the reception and “giving away” the bride at the ceremony can be left out if you prefer. And new rituals and ceremony approaches that better reflect you can be added.

I strive to make each ceremony I craft for a couple unique to them. Sharing their story is part of the beginning of the ceremony. My goal is for all the guests to learn something new about the couple. If they are interested, I encourage couples to write their own vows. It is another way to let their personalities shine.

Unity Ritual - Sazerac creation
Unity Ritual – Sazerac creation

Unity rituals are an obvious opportunity to celebrate your uniqueness. A trip to New Orleans was a significant event for a couple I married recently. For their unity ritual we had them build a Sazerac cocktail – the official cocktail of New Orleans. I used the characteristics of the ingredients – sweet, bitter, strong, and unique to craft a metaphor for marriage. This is the first Sazerac ritual I’ve written in the more than 500 ceremonies I’ve officiated. It was perfect for them. While there are many lovely “generic” unity rituals available, many can also be customized to
celebrate your uniqueness with a little effort.

An experienced, educated celebrant can work with you to write a wedding ceremony that reflects and celebrates you and the love you share. Start your wedding day with a ceremony that will celebrate your uniqueness as you voice your commitment to each other in marriage.

Dealing with Crazy Relatives

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony problems / wedding guests / wedding officiant / weddings by

Dealing with crazy relatives at your wedding ceremony can be a challenge. A variety of situations can occur at your wedding ceremony that need diplomatic solutions to keep everything moving forward smoothly.

Before the ceremony even begins, logistical issues can arise. When lining up the wedding party before one ceremony, the bride became flustered when she noticed that the seats reserved for her parents were occupied. An aunt was sitting in one of the seats, next to the grandfather’s wheelchair. With the bride’s concurrence, I approached the woman and politely asked her to move down the row, as these two seats were reserved for the bride’s parents.

Her response surprised me. She said they could take other open seats; that she was assisting the grandfather. I told her the bride’s mother (also the grandfather’s daughter) would be sitting there in just a moment. I suggested she move either further down the first row, or to the second row with her adult children. Then, I quietly stood there. After a few moments she moved further down the row. I returned to check in with the bride, and then started the ceremony. Having ushers who can either seat guests or oversee the seating of guests could have prevented this situation.

Cameras and phones can also prove troublesome in the wrong hands. At another wedding, an aunt of the groom stepped into the aisle to catch pictures of the bride as she entered. She didn’t realize (I hope) that she stepped directly in front of the professional photographer who was also trying to capture that image. These moments happen so quickly during a ceremony that it is difficult for photographers to relocate for an unobstructed view. To prevent dealing with crazy relatives like this one, I can request that guests put their phones and cameras away for the ceremony so they can be fully present with the couple. This is called an unplugged ceremony. It also ensures that any professional photos taken during the ceremony include the guests’ faces, and not a sea of upraised phones.

Dealing with crazy relatives takes some thought and preventive actions. You can’t think of everything, but some situations can be anticipated and avoided. Working with an experienced celebrant can help you consider and even react to the situations that arise unexpectedly.

Including Children in Your Ceremony

 in Blended family / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged blended family / children in weddings / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Including children in your ceremony is a lovely idea, but must be done with care. Your children from a previous relationship become part of a new blended family when you marry. While you are excited and positive about this new phase of your life, they may have very mixed feelings.

Depending on the situation, your children may view your fiance(e) as an interloper. They may feel that your attention is now divided, and they may be resentful. Maybe they haven’t had enough time to really know this new person yet. They may feel loyalty to their other parent.

If your new fiance(e) also has children, the situation is more complex. In addition to becoming acquainted with a new step-parent to be, they will need to build relationships with new step-siblings. Simple things like sharing rooms, and having more activity and people around the house can create stress.

Understanding your children’s feelings about your upcoming marriage is critical when planning your wedding ceremony. Plan to have a chat with them about it during a quiet, private time. Ask about their feelings. Ask about their concerns. Don’t try to “fix” their feelings, but understand and accept them. It’s helpful to give your children options regarding their level of involvement in the ceremony.

Perhaps they would be most comfortable simply sitting with grandparents. Maybe they want to hand out programs to guests as they enter the ceremony space. They might be interested in walking you down the aisle. And maybe they even want to participate in some kind of family ritual during the ceremony.

Family Sand

All of these are options. Notice, however, that none of them involve the children speaking during the ceremony. Especially if the children are teenagers or younger, I recommend not asking them to speak. You can make promises to them if you wish. Perhaps they want to join in a family sand blending ritual. Or maybe they even want to stand up as a junior bridesmaid or groomsman. But having a child speak in front of your guests can be very stressful for them. They may be experiencing conflicting or uncertain emotions at the actual ceremony. Allow them the space they need to process the significance of your marriage.

If they are interested in participating, including children in your ceremony can provide memorable moments and great photos. But you’ll want to avoid trauma and stress if your children aren’t interested in joining in. You’ll have lots of time after the wedding day for your children to become more comfortable with the situation. Keep their thoughts and concerns front of mind while planning your special day.

Unconventional Wedding Choices

 in Personalization / Wedding traditions / Weddings  tagged personalized wedding / unconventional wedding choices / wedding attire / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Unconventional wedding choices are yet another way to make your wedding day uniquely yours. If you are a bit unconventional as a couple, and traditional weddings just aren’t for you, I encourage you to make choices that feel authentic for you.

I recently had two Halloween weddings where couples used the holiday to express themselves in different, but meaningful (to them) ways. One couple dressed all in black, taking a more gothic approach to the day. And the other couple dressed in costume, bringing some whimsy to what can be a more serious, though celebratory day. In each case the couples were being true to themselves as they marked a milestone moment in their lives.

Costumed Halloween Wedding
Unconventional wedding choices

I’ve also had couples express their individuality in a different way. One couple chose dressy, but nontraditional, colorful attire for their ceremony, while another couple opted for dark colors and their favorite heavy metal music to accompany their wedding.

Colorful wedding attire
Colorful wedding attire
Unconventional wedding choices
Unconventional wedding choices

Some couples enjoy the more typical wedding traditions, and that’s great, too. White dresses, traditional ceremonies and rituals all have their place. They can be the exactly what some couples want. But unconventional wedding choices have their place, too. Feel free to modify or discard wedding traditions if they don’t fit you. Embrace choices to make the day truly reflect who you are and the marriage you are beginning.

Honoring Deceased Parents at Weddings

 in Personalization / Weddings  tagged memorial ritual / parent memorial / wedding deceased parent / weddings by

Honoring deceased parents at weddings deserves thought and consideration. Do you want to mention them during the ceremony? Is a ritual the right answer for you? Or perhaps you want a memento placed on the chair they would occupy, without anything being said at all? Maybe pictures of parents who have passed, along with an “in memory” plaque is the way you want to honor them at your wedding. There are many possibilities, and if you are in this situation you’ll want to select one that feels authentic for you.

Weddings are happy events, and bringing up parents who have passed can be a bit tricky to do. How recent the loved ones’ passing is will also impact what you choose. If the loss is fresh, it might be best to avoid talking about it during the ceremony, to avoid feeling overwhelmed by sadness. Think about your remaining parent, too, and be sensitive to how they will feel about whatever you decide to do.

Over the years I’ve had couples choose very simple statements, similar to, “John and Steven are so happy to share this day with all of you, and carry in their hearts those not able to be with us today.” That, along with a picture placed on a chair or table may be just the right touch for you.

Both fathers of a recent couple had died years ago, and they wanted to have me speak to the impact these important men had on them as individuals growing up. They also lit a candle in their dads’ memory near the beginning of the ceremony. This was the right answer for them, but I did notice that both of their moms were very emotional following this moment.

Honoring deceased parents at weddings is a very personal choice. You’ll want to discuss it as a couple and with your celebrant to decide how best to remember these important people on your happy day.