wedding

Modern Wedding Parties, Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged attendants / modern wedding parties / wedding / wedding parties / wedding party by

Modern wedding parties can look very different than your parents’ wedding parties. Couples are leaving tradition behind as they seek to surround themselves with the people most important to them on their wedding day. Same sex couples have taken the lead in redefining the rules for wedding parties, and everyone is benefiting.

Traditionally, the bride had a number of female friends and/or relatives stand with her as bridesmaids, and the groom had an equal number of men stand with him. These days couples are more concerned with having the most significant people in their lives share in the wedding day as attendants. Gender no longer matters, so if a bride has one sibling who happens to be a brother, he can serve as her honor attendant or man of honor. Similarly, a groom can have his sister stand with him as his honor attendant or best woman.

Another tradition that is being left behind is the idea that the couple must have the same number of attendants standing with them. If one partner has 3 “besties” and the other partner has 2… or 4, it’s fine. Attendants can enter singly or as trios, or as combinations of pairs and trios. Two men or two women can enter together by simply walking next to each other (no need to link arms or have one escort the other).

With the traditions falling away and modern wedding parties becoming more eclectic, you may need to decide how you want your attendants to dress. Do women standing up for a groom wear a tux, a matching bridesmaid’s dress, or possibly a dress in the color of the tuxes or suits that male attendants for the groom are wearing? And conversely, do men standing up for the bride wear attire to match the groomsmen (possibly with a tie and pocket square to match the bridesmaids’ dresses), or possibly a suit or tux to match the bridesmaids’ dresses if possible – think navy blue or cream?

As a couple, you have free rein to select the people you wish to have join you as your wedding party. You can decide with them what you want them to wear. Your celebrant can help you figure out the logistics for the processional and recessional. The important thing is to have the special people in your life closest to you during the ceremony and reception as you celebrate your special love.

Three Reasons to Hire a Professional Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Trends / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / wedding professionals / weddings by

There are many more than three reasons to hire a professional officiant for your wedding ceremony, but there are three that I hear most often. As both a trained and certified Life Cycle Celebrant (R), and an endorsed Humanist Celebrant for a decade I’d had the opportunity to hear many horror stories from people who have seen poor wedding ceremonies. One of the most common causes for complaint is an unprepared family member or friend acting as the officiant. Here’s what couples have shared with me:

First, when I meet with couples for an initial consultation (a no cost, no obligation meeting) I’ve heard many times that they had never considered some of the topics I raise. For example, they haven’t thought about the logistics of the processional: who will walk in the processional, in what order, etc? They haven’t considered the possible elements of their ceremony – readings, rituals, guest involvement options, and more. They haven’t thought about where and how they will greet their guests following the ceremony. By engaging with a professional officiant all these topics will be discussed and your wishes will be honored.

Second, most couples in our area opt to have a rehearsal. As an experienced professional I can run your rehearsal in an efficient and effective manner. I can get and hold the attention of your wedding party, provide tips to help make everyone look sharp for the ceremony, and make sure that all the important points are covered. I’ve heard many times from couples, parents and attendants that the rehearsal reduced their stress and uncertainty so they could relax and enjoy the actual ceremony experience.

And third, professional officiants can prepare and preside over your ceremony in a way that is memorable for all the right reasons. The ceremony will be written well in advance, and you will have seen and approved it. The ceremony will follow a logical sequence and an emotional arc that leaves your guests satisfied and ready to move on to the rest of the celebration. Your officiant will offer the ceremony with professional vocal skills to ensure clarity and engage your guests.

These are just three reasons to hire a professional officiant based on my personal experience. You can find another perspective on this topic in an article from The Knot, here.

There is a trend toward having a friend or family member prepare and offer your wedding ceremony, but there are many possible pitfalls with that approach. Sometimes it works out well, but too often the ceremony is poorly written and presented, and opportunities for truly memorable moments are missed. Even a well-paid professional officiant accounts for a small percentage of your overall wedding budget, but will provide a great first act for your wedding day festivities.

Handfasting Rituals: What’s Old is New Again

 in Ceremony / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged handfasting / unity ritual / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Handfasting rituals have been used to recognize and celebrate couples’ commitments to each other across hundreds of years and thousands of miles. First documented in the 16th century in Scotland and used to mark a betrothal or engagement, handfasting today is used as a unity ritual in a wedding ceremony. It is a visual and physical act the signifies the commitment and union of the couple. The handfasting ritual is the genesis of the phrase “tying the knot” in relation to marriage.

There are a number of ways to perform modern handfasting rituals. In all of them, the couple joins hands which are then gently bound together. Once you clasp hands, though, the actual wrapping and tying of your hands can happen any of the following ways:

  • A single cord or sash can be wrapped and tied around your hands by the celebrant as they explain the significance of the binding.
  • Alternately, you can have one or more people assist with the binding while the celebrant takes a narrators role. Couples often choose their parents or siblings or honor attendants for this special role in their ceremony.
Photo credit: Van Dreel Photography
  • Yet another approach to handfasting rituals is to use multiple ribbons or cords placed across your hands by people of your choosing. These ribbons can be used to signify wishes for your marriage going forward. Once all the ribbons are placed, they are tied together in a single knot, gathering the wishes up together. One couple marrying shortly after marriage equality passed in the US had seven friends use ribbons the color of the Pride rainbow, and individually extended their wishes. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

At the end of handfasting rituals you simply slip your hands out of the cord, sash or ribbons without untying the knot. That knot now symbolizes your marriage which, it is hoped, will be a long and happy one.

No matter which approach you prefer for handfasting rituals, they are wonderful ways to demonstrate your union and to involve important people in your ceremony. Pick the option that speaks to you, and have fun making it unique and representative of your love for each other.

Amplifying Voices for Your Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged amplification / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Amplifying voices for your ceremony can be an overlooked item when planning for your wedding day. But with your guests gathering from near and far you want to make sure they can hear the ceremony and those special vows that take you across the threshold into marriage.

Even if you’re having an intimate ceremony with immediate family and friends you’ll want to consider amplifying voices for your ceremony. Outdoor ceremonies are especially prone to audio issues as the wind can take voices away from your guests, street noise and even the noises of nature can be louder than you expect. You definitely want to visit your venue on the day of week and as close to your ceremony time as possible to evaluate the area for ambient noises. The rumbling of a refrigerator truck at the loading dock of a golf club during a Friday afternoon ceremony a few years ago would have been disastrous if microphones had not been in place.

Wedding venues sometimes have audio equipment that can be used or rented for your ceremony. If you have a DJ providing music for the ceremony they may be able to provide microphones for the celebrant and readers, too. Because amplifying voices is so important, I’ve invested in a few different portable systems so I can provide what is needed for ceremonies, and some other celebrants do as well. Make sure that you discuss the audio needs with your celebrant and any soloists and make arrangements to have the right audio equipment in place for your ceremony.

Special audio considerations will be needed if your venue does not have electricity (there are battery powered audio systems available, too). You’ll need to figure out what kinds of microphones are needed – hand held, wearable (lavalier or headset), wired or wireless, and if stands are needed. Different audio systems provide for different numbers and kinds of audio inputs, too, so make sure that any system you plan to use can accommodate the number and kind of devices you need.

Using microphones for your personal vows allows your guests to share this important moment in your ceremony.

On a final note, make sure that a sound check is done before the ceremony begins and that a knowledgeable person is available to manage the audio equipment so amplifying voices for your ceremony is seamless and inconspicuous. Your guests can then focus on what they are hearing and experiencing with you as you make your promises and begin your marriage.

What Happens at a Secular Wedding?

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Secular wedding / Weddings  tagged secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

“What happens at a secular wedding?” is a common question for couples who have been raised in a religious tradition. The answer is simple. Pretty much whatever you want. In Minnesota, the only requirements to make a marriage legal are to have the proper paperwork, two witnesses, and say you want to be married to each other. It can be as simple as that, but most couples want to mark this important moment in their lives with something more significant.

Traditional weddings often have religious prayers, rituals and readings, so it is very reasonable to ask what happens at a secular wedding when you remove all of that. Does it still look like a wedding as you know it? Will you feel married after a secular wedding? What will your guests think of your secular wedding?

Rest assured that your secular wedding can still have much of the look and feel of a traditional wedding, if that is your wish. You can have a meaningful, possibly even a more meaningful exchange of vows, and secular weddings can be significant, memorable experiences for you as a couple and for your guests.

The general approach is to use secular wording, readings and rituals in place of religious language and actions. In your secular wedding you have a virtually unlimited choice of music. Any genre, live or recorded, can be used. You can select from contemporary poetry or literature for a reading, or use passages from ancient writers and poets if you prefer. There are a variety of secular, meaningful unity rituals to choose from, too. From tree plantings to love letters to handfastings and beer sharings, there is something for everyone who wants a unity ritual in their wedding. And that’s the beauty of secular weddings.

So now you know why the answer to the question, “What happens at a secular wedding?” is, “Pretty much whatever you want.” Your ceremony can be written or modified for you since there are no rules imposed by religious authorities. It can be authentic because you select the what and how of all the elements of your ceremony. This is a great opportunity to put your personal stamp on this important part of your wedding day. Work with your celebrant to ensure all aspects of your ceremony reflect who you are and what you are promising to each other in marriage. Have fun collaborating to create your perfect ceremony for your special day.