wedding

Dealing With Wedding Day Concerns

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Wedding day concerns are common and to be expected. Your wedding day is probably the largest and most formal event you’ve ever planned. On top of that, it marks a milestone moment in your life. Dealing with wedding day concerns in advance can make your day more enjoyable and memorable for you.

Some of your wedding day concerns can be addressed by putting contingency plans in place. For example, if you are planning an outdoor ceremony, what will you do in case of inclement weather? Extreme heat, cold, wind, or rain or thunderstorms can torpedo your dreamed of outdoor ceremony. But if you ensure that you have an acceptable indoor plan, you can roll with whatever weather presents itself on your wedding day. Since weather is beyond our control, it makes sense to plan for the worst and hope for the best, ensuring that you can enjoy your ceremony no matter the weather.

There are a number of wedding day concerns that you can’t plan for, but if you consider them ahead of time you will be prepared to gracefully roll with them if they happen. An example here is the common concern expressed by both brides and grooms, “What if I get emotional or cry during the vows?” My response is always that there is no problem with heartfelt emotion. Practically, the best thing you can do is take a moment to compose yourself and take a few deep, calming breaths. If you or your partner or an attendant can have a tissue handy, that can also help. Remember that a pause that seems incredibly long to you is likely only 15 or 20 seconds. Your guests will wait for you. No one is going anywhere until the ceremony concludes, and recognizing the significance of the moment with some honest emotion is never a problem.

A general wedding day concern is, “What if everything isn’t perfect?” It’s understandable that you want this important day that you’ve been working toward for a year or more to be perfect. But the fact is that there are many moving parts to the day, from the venue to the musicians, to the catering to the weather, to the guests. Most of these you don’t have direct control over on the wedding day, and odds are that something isn’t going to go the way you imagined. Once you’ve planned the day to the best of your ability it’s time to sit back and enjoy the ride. If something goes wrong, ask for help resolving the issue if possible, or just smile and roll with it. Sometimes those snafus make for memorable moments and great stories for years to come.

Considering possible wedding day concerns ahead of time allows you to plan for them where possible. And even just knowing about the possible problems before the wedding day can allow you to accept any imperfections and keep your focus on the important part of the day – making your public declaration of love and commitment to the person you plan to spend your future with. Everything else comes in a distant second. So keep your perspective and have a great day!

Involving Others in Your Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Guests / Rituals / Weddings  tagged wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding rituals by

Involving others in your ceremony is a great way to share your happiness on your wedding day. This is the day when you voice your promises to each other in front of family and friends. It is a community event, and including loved ones in more active ways is a great way to feel the love they have for you. There are a few different ways you can involve others in your ceremony. For example:

Before the ceremony begins:

  • You can ask someone to ensure that all honored loved ones get their corsages and boutonnierres.
  • You can charge one or more people with the job of welcoming guests and directing them to the ceremony space. This is especially helpful if you don’t have ushers as part of your wedding party, or if the parking and ceremony spaces are not in sight of each other.

During the ceremony:

  • Involving others in your ceremony can begin with the processional. You can invite grandparents, siblings or other close family members (perhaps an aunt who helped raise you) to be part of the processional.
  • Inviting someone to offer a reading is a common way to honor someone close to you, but you can also have a friend or family member offer the final wishes on behalf of your assembled guests.

If you wish to involve all of your guests in the ceremony, that is possible, too. Consider a ring warming ritual where your rings are passed among the guests. They hold the rings for a moment and silently express a wish for your marriage or imbue them with their love. When you exchange the rings, they represent not only the love of your partner, but the love and support of the important people in your lives.

Ring Warming ritual ©Midwest LifeShots Photography

A wishing pebbles ritual is another possibility. Here, your guests hold small stones (or shells or other keepsake you wish to provide) and under the direction of your celebrant, they imbue the pebble with wishes for your marriage. These stones can be individually gifted to you and the wishes shared during the actual ceremony if there are fewer than approximately 30 guests, or can be collected and shared with you as you greet your guests after the ceremony.

Wishing Pebbles

And finally, involving your guests can be as simple as them placing their thumbprint/signature on a poster as they leave the ceremony. This tradition comes from Quaker weddings where all guests sign the wedding certificate. A decorative copy of your vows, or a tree or heart shape can be provided to collect the contributions of your guests and later hung in your home as a reminder of all the special people who shared in your important day.

Thumbprint Ritual

Involving others in your ceremony brings them into your wedding day as active participants, demonstrating their love and support for you. It also offers you the opportunity to honor special people with visible roles. The day is all about you as a couple, but it is also about you as part of a loving community. Make the most of it.

Being True to Yourselves

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / certificate signing / elopement wedding / simple wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Being true to yourselves guarantees that you will have a successful wedding day. It’s important to respect your personalities, style, finances, and priorities when planning your wedding. Doing so creates an experience that you are comfortable with on many levels and can remember fondly. My daughter-in-law coined the phrase that she and my son “win at weddings” to capture this idea. And you can feel that way, too.

The centerpiece of any wedding day is the ceremony – it is, after all the marrying part that is the reason for the entire experience. Your ceremony can be as simple or elaborate as you want. Options range from meeting the minimal requirements of your state’s marriage laws to constructing a ceremony full of personal and meaningful moments. Being true to yourselves when deciding what kind of ceremony you will have means that you can relax and enjoy the experience.

If you want to be married quickly with little fanfare and expense, a certificate signing might be the right answer for you. Meeting with a celebrant and your witnesses (required in Minnesota), you can be married and the paperwork signed in under five minutes. This kind of ceremony can happen at your home or nearly any public location – park, coffee shop, etc. If timing is critical, finances are tight, or you simply don’t like being the center of attention, this can be a good choice for you. And remember, if you decide you want a larger celebration at a later date, a vow renewal ceremony with family and friends can always be arranged.

Being true to yourselves could also mean planning a very small, intimate gathering that includes a simple ceremony. This allows for an exchange of vows and (optionally) rings, and provides a brief “ceremony experience”. Again, this can happen in your home or a small private room at a restaurant, or even in a park. If your priorities are to marry your partner and celebrate with an intimate circle of family and friends, this might be your perfect wedding.

Perhaps you’ve always dreamed of a big wedding surrounded by many loved ones and friends, and want a personalized ceremony that reflects you as a couple and launches you into married life. Being true to yourself then means investing time, effort, and of course money to plan and execute a day that fulfills that vision.

All these options are available to you. Picking the one that fits you and your circumstances best allows you to truly be “in the moment” on your wedding day. Being true to yourselves will always feel most comfortable and right. Then you can focus on your partner, the love you share, and the life you will build together. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage.

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

There are questions to ask your officiant at your first meeting that will help you decide if you want to book their services for your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how to find potential officiants, so you’ll want to read that post first. Now that you’re speaking with a prospective officiant in person (or via technology if you’re not in the same city), you’ll want to use your time wisely and ask some important questions.

The questions to ask your officiant are ones that help you determine if you’re a good fit for each other. You’ll want to have trust and confidence that this person will provide the kind of ceremony you want in a meaningful, professional and approachable manner. Here are 6 questions to help you make that determination:

  1. Are you available for the date, time and location of our wedding ceremony? You don’t want to waste anyone’s time if these basic criteria aren’t met. Bonus points if the officiant has performed ceremonies at your venue before. They’ll know the venue manager and how to use the space effectively for you.
  2. Do you offer the kind of ceremony we want? This is a multi-faceted question. First, if you’re looking for a secular or non-religious ceremony, do they offer that? Conversely, if you want religion in your ceremony, are they knowledgeable and willing to include the prayers and religious readings you want? If you’ve been to other weddings and do or do not want a particular element in your ceremony, are they willing to accommodate that? Examples could be a particular unity ritual, reading, or approach to vows.
  3. How involved will we be in ceremony creation? Officiants may want you to provide information via a questionnaire to allow them to personalize the ceremony. They may want you to review the ceremony draft and provide feedback – or alternately, they may not be willing to share the ceremony wording in advance of your wedding day. The important thing is to understand the expectations and make sure you’re comfortable with them.
  4. What background, education and/or experience do you have in ceremony creation? Everyone has a first ceremony, but if the officiant is inexperienced they should be able to point to education or training that prepares them to do good work for you.
  5. What is included in your services? Consider whether the officiant will run a rehearsal for you if you want, how far in advance of the ceremony time they will arrive, and if they handle the legal paperwork for you after the ceremony. Some officiants can provide a sound system to allow your guests to hear the ceremony while some rely on you to provide that. And importantly, how accessible is the officiant to you if you have questions along the way?
  6. Do you have an agreement or contract that we all sign that clearly identifies services to be provided by the officiant and those that are your responsibility? Sometimes officiant services are booked a year or more in advance, and it’s best to have clear documentation of what has been agreed to.

Using these questions to ask your officiant, you can gather a wealth of information and will be able to determine your comfort level in working with them. You’ll feel more comfortable and confident during your initial meeting when you arrive armed with these 6 questions to ask your officiant, and more confident making a decision to move forward with them.

As we move into the second half of 2019 I’m beginning to hear from more couples looking for an officiant for their 2020 wedding days. I look forward to speaking with couples and am happy to address all the questions above. But I realize that selecting an officiant is new to most of you, so I’m always happy to guide the conversation so we all get the information we need, if that is your preference.

Finding the Right Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding the right wedding officiant can be as simple as asking your local minister, rabbi or priest. However, if you are looking for a secular/non-religious ceremony or want a personalized ceremony that focuses on you and the love you’ve found together, finding the right person can take a little more effort.

Finding the right wedding officiant isn’t hard, if you follow these steps:

  1. Decide what kind of ceremony you want. Are you looking for a more traditional ceremony, or do you want something more creative that reflects you as a couple?
  2. Next, make sure you have settled on a wedding date and ceremony venue. These are likely the first questions a potential officiant will ask you. If they are not available on the date and time you need them, there’s no reason to waste your time discussing your ceremony wishes further.
  3. Ask around. Perhaps you’ve been to a wedding that you thought was particularly special. Ask the couple for contact information for their officiant. Maybe co-workers or other acquaintances have recently married or attended a great wedding. They are another source of officiant names.
  4. Use the internet. A search for “Rochester wedding officiant” should turn up a number of options. You can check out websites to learn more about these folks. Things to look for include how they describe their services: does it sound like the kind of ceremony you’re looking for? Read any testimonials that are posted and see if they resonate with you. And check if they provide a page of Frequently Asked Questions – these can give you a good idea of how they work.
  5. Take the plunge and reach out to an officiant or two or three. Many officiants provide an online form you can use to contact them, and they all list email addresses and phone numbers. If you have identified more than one potential officiant it’s good to contact a few as some may be booked already.

When contacting a potential officiant, it’s best to begin by sharing your names, your wedding date, ceremony venue and ceremony time (if known). It’s great, but not necessary in this first communication to share anything that is important to you about your ceremony. Do you want a non-religious ceremony? Is there a particular unity ritual you would like to include? Do you want to write your own vows? This additional information will help the officiant determine if they might be a good fit for you.

Finding the right wedding officiant using the steps above helps you identify one or a few possible officiants for your wedding day. The next step is setting up an in person (or video chat/Skype/Facetime) meeting. Next week I’ll write about what questions you’ll want to ask when that meeting happens.