wedding

Weddings are Still Weddings

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Weddings are still weddings, but each is still unique, even in the time of COVID-19. Recently I performed three weddings in one day, making it easy to compare and contrast them. These were Vow Exchange ceremonies, shorter and simpler than full custom ceremonies, but each couple still made the experience uniquely their own.

So how were these ceremonies similar? All were planned within the last three months. This is common these days as the rules around gatherings continue to evolve and couples want to strike while they can. All three ceremonies were held outside on private land. We, luckily, had a beautiful fall day which simplified the gatherings. All of the ceremonies had smaller guest counts than they might have had during “normal” times, ranging from 14 to nearly 60 guests.

These three couples also demonstrated that weddings are still weddings with the ceremony choices they made. All had a processional moment (with or without music). All the brides were esorted into the ceremony space. All three couples chose the style of vows they were most comfortable with, and all of the ceremonies ended with a pronouncement and a kiss.

There were some differences between the weddings, too. Two of the weddings had attendants – bridesmaids and groomsmen, or at least a maid of honor and best man. One of the couples had multiple couples attending them, and opted for gowns and tuxes. The other weddings opted for more casual attire. Two couples included a ring exchange as part of the ceremony, but one did not. Only one couple setup chairs with a traditional aisle while another had guests sitting at tables. At the third wedding guests stood nearby while keeping some distance between them.

One thing – the most important thing – about each of these weddings is that at the end of the day each couple embarked on a new adventure together as a married couple. Our resilience as human beings was demonstrated by all three of these couples. They found a way to honor their love and commitment to each other, even during a pandemic. They proved that in this challenging year of 2020 weddings are still weddings and love finds a way.

Finding Your Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Secular wedding / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged legal wedding / selecting wedding celebrant / selecting wedding officiant / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding your wedding officiant is one of the most significant decisions you will make about your wedding. Your ceremony is the element of your wedding day that legally marries you – what the day is all about. It is also the first “public” event of day, where your guests gather with you and your wedding party. Your ceremony sets the tone for the rest of your day, so you want to select an officiant who can create that celebratory first impression to get things started on a high note.

A recent article in Brides magazine includes not only information about officiant costs, but has a great set of questions you can ask a potential officiant. The article closes with some considerations to help guide you in making the right final decision. It’s definitely worth a read before you embark on the task of finding your wedding officiant.

Clarification on some terms may help you in choosing your officiant, too. Most broadly, an officiant is the person who will legally marry you. They may be religious, secular or civil, but if they have the legal standing to marry you, they are an officiant. Religious officiants include priests, ministers, rabbis, etc. Civil officiants, depending on your state laws, may carry Judge, Notary, or similar titles. Secular officiants often, but not always, use the title Celebrant. But beware though, the celebrant title does not have a consistent definition, so anyone can call themselves a celebrant. You’ll want to ask a few questions about any officiant’s education, training and experience before choosing to work with them.

It’s also important to understand how each potential officiant works with clients. You may want to ask questions including:

  • Do we get to see the ceremony script ahead of time?
  • Can we make/request changes to the ceremony script?
  • How do you personalize the ceremony for us?
  • Can we write our own vows? Select our own music?
  • How do we best communicate with each other – email, phone, text?

There aren’t right or wrong questions to the questions above. It is important, however, that you have a good understanding of and are comfortable with the answers the officiant provides.

So go ahead and begin your search for your officiant as soon as you have your wedding date and venue identified. Finding your wedding officiant can feel like a daunting task. You’ll find, however, that most officiants are approachable, kind, and are willing to guide your initial discussion if you prefer. They are the professionals after all, and have more experience than you do.

When Love Wins

 in Celebration / COVID-19 / Personalization / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding planning / weddings by

When love wins couples get married and begin their new lives together. When love wins compromises may be made, but the ultimate goal is achieved. In the time of COVID-19 it takes a little more creativity and flexibility, but when love wins there are smiles all around.

This is the story of a family friend and her fiance. Hannah and Yousef spent much time, effort and money planning their perfect destination wedding for August 1, 2020 in Italy. When COVID-19 ravaged Italy and then started its rampage through the United States, it became clear to them that their wedding would not take place as planned.

They first had to deal with the disappointment of abandoning their dream, along with all the challenges of canceling plans and dealing with deposits and retainer fees they had paid. After mourning the loss of their dream for a bit, they decided to keep their wedding date. They decided that beginning their married life together was more important than any of the rest of their plans. They chose to let love win.

Most aspects of their day changed as they planned their new wedding day – from the location, to apparel, to the ceremony, to the guest list, to the celebration. But they kept some of the flavor of the day they had planned. Hannah wore white, and Yousef looked elegant in his blue suit. Their day started with their ceremony, although it was in a Chicago courthouse not on the Italian coast. They were surrounded by their closest loved ones, even if the guest list was smaller than originally planned. They still captured special moments throughout the day with the assistance of a professional photographer, but the backgrounds were a bit different. Best of all, they capped their day with a wonderful meal at an Italian restaurant, in a nod to their original plans.

Hannah and Yousef know that when love wins they win, too. They begin their marriage now, but will celebrate their commitment to each other and the love they share surrounded by family and friends at a later date. When health and safety issues make a such a gathering possible, they will dress up, hear toasts to their future, share a meal, and dance the night away. They may even choose to exchange their vows again as they remember August 2, 2020 – the day when love triumphed over a pandemic – a wedding day they will never forget. Best wishes, Hannah and Yousef, for a long and happy marriage!

Finding Opportunity in Crisis

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Engagement / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding celebration / wedding ceremony / wedding day / weddings by

Finding opportunity in crisis is a characteristic of resilient people. Our resilience is being tested daily as we continue to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic, especially in relation to the milestone moments in life. If you got engaged in 2019 or early 2020 you likely expected your wedding planning to follow a fairly predictable path. All of that got turned upside down when the pandemic reached our area in March of this year.

For engaged couples trying to plan a wedding in recent months the uncertainties have been overwhelming. How many people will be allowed to gather? Is my chosen venue even open? How can a wedding party practice social distancing? Will guests feel safe attending my wedding? Can family and friends travel for the festivities? When will this end?

All of these questions have caused stress for already engaged couples planning 2020 ceremonies. And then there are couples who feel ready to get engaged, but struggle to figure out how to even begin planning a wedding with all the uncertainties in front of them.

Finding opportunity in crisis is possible, however, so do not lose heart. Begin by prioritizing the elements of your wedding day. What is most important to you? The ceremony? The party? The dance? Having your grandparents witness your exchange of vows? Or simply being married and able to begin your marriage journey together? Depending on your answer, finding opportunity in crisis will be different for each of you.

If you want to be married most of all, you can consider a simple certificate signing in front of the legally required witnesses (and maybe a couple of other people). If you want a large gathering, including older friends and relatives, postponing your wedding day may be the right answer for you. Perhaps an intimate gathering with 20 or so people, including a sweet ceremony and significant vows followed by an informal meal where social distancing can be observed and face coverings can be worn may be perfect.

If you choose a certificate signing or intimate ceremony for now, remember that you can plan a larger celebration after the pandemic passes. That celebration can include a wonderful, personal ceremony, too. Wedding ceremonies usually serve the dual purpose of legally marrying you and voicing your commitment and promises in front of the people important to you. But those two purposes can be separated. You can legally marry now and share a wonderful wedding day including a ceremony honoring the commitment you made to each other earlier in private.

Finding opportunity in crisis means thinking outside the box, looking for different ways to accomplish your goals, and bringing creativity to your wedding planning. While there are benefits to being legally married, remember to honor your love and commitment with family and friends when circumstances allow you to do so. When this crisis passes, I believe that we’ll recognize and treasure the opportunities to celebrate life’s milestones with our communities of family and friends even more.

Connecting Elements of Your Wedding Day

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Decor / Guests / Personalization / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding rituals / wedding theme / wedding venues / weddings by

Connecting elements of your wedding day together is a great way to tie your ceremony, your social hour, your dinner and your reception into a cohesive unit. Better yet if you connect the elements in a way that is meaningful to you as a couple. You can use thoughtfulness and creativity to accomplish a truly memorable experience by connecting elements of your wedding day in a meaningful way.

Begin by choosing a venue that represents a shared interest or has significance to you. Perhaps you enjoy wine. Choosing a vineyard or winery as your venue is a great start. Or for the railroad enthusiasts among you, perhaps renting a train for your wedding day is the way to go. Let’s create connections using those two examples.

The vineyard/winery venue offers a ceremony venue among the vines, with wine barrels in place of tables for the unity ritual or program distribution at the ceremony. Include a wine sharing or love letters and wine box ritual in the ceremony, and you’re on a roll. The social hour can feature your favorite wines which can follow through to dinner with wines selected for each course of your meal. Perhaps your cake is decorated in the colors of wine (reds, blushes, and creamy whites) or has a wine themed cake topper. Consider a takeaway for the guests of a wine glass or even a bottle of wine, and you’ve succeeded in connecting elements of your wedding day from start to finish.

For the railroad enthusiasts, you can hand out train whistles to your guests to serenade you as you share your first married kiss at the end of your ceremony. Those whistles can be used at the reception to call on you to kiss, and then be the guest takeaways at the end of the night. You might have a model train running around the cake table or the buffet table, and even choose a train themed song for your first dance.

Many of the ideas for connecting elements of your wedding day are not expensive, but require a bit of time and creativity. They serve to personalize your day and share a part of who you are with your guests. Each couple is unique, so celebrate who you are on your wedding day!