wedding

Honoring New Families at Weddings

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony  tagged blended family / ceremony / ceremony readings / handfasting / sand ceremony / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings with children by

Honoring new families at weddings extends the significance of the wedding ceremony beyond the couple. Opportunities to include family elements in your ceremony arise when there are children from this or previous relationships. The ways of honoring new families will vary depending on the ages of the children and on their interest in participating.

Often children of any age will be included in the wedding party. Perhaps as bridemaids, groomsmen, junior attendants or flower girls or ring bearers. It is important to understand the children’s interest in participating in this way. Even adult children may have unresolved feelings due to their parents’ divorce. No one should ever be placed in an uncomfortable public position during a wedding.

There are other ways to include your children in your ceremony that are more personal. Again, the age of the children will define appropriate options, but here are a few to consider:

For young children, there is a book called “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. This story can be offered as the reading during the ceremony. It assures the children that the couple will love them always. I’ve had a couple present a copy of the book to their daughters to follow along as the story was shared at the ceremony. This provided a meaningful memento of the day and can be read often. Other options for readings are “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton or excerpts from “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. These are stories the children will be able to relate to, that also share concepts appropriate for marriages.

My Love Will Find You
Childrens book used for reading as a wedding that created a blended family

Children of all ages can share in a Sand Ceremony ritual where different colored sand is blended creating a visual representation of the new blended family. Along this line I’ve also had family members each decorate a special stone or rock that is placed around a tree the couple has planted. If the children are of elementary age or older they can help with a handfasting ritual. They place ribbons across the parents’ clasped hands with each ribbon representing a wish for the couple and the family.

Family Sand

And lastly, gifts can be presented to the children to include them in this special day. Traditional gifts include necklaces or framed photos of the new family. I also had a new stepdad gift his stepson with a new hockey stick in honor of their shared love of the game. The more meaningful the gifts are the more they will connect with the children.

Blended Family

Each couple will decide how far they want to go in honoring new families at their ceremony. As with so many aspects of your wedding day, there are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps you want to keep the ceremony focused on your love and commitment as a couple. Or perhaps you want the children involved in many aspects of your ceremony and your wedding day as possible. Whatever choice you make, know that there are many options available to you, and working with your celebrant you’re sure to find ones that fit your situation.

The Middle of the Road Ceremony

 in Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged elopement style wedding / personalized ceremony / personalized wedding / Vow exchange / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

The middle of the road ceremony that I call a Vow Exchange Ceremony might be the perfect solution for you. Perfect if you’re planning an intimate gathering of up to 20 people and want a short and sweet ceremony to join you in marriage. A Vow Exchange can be personalized by writing your own vows or selecting from some options I provide. It can include a ring exchange if you wish.

I offer three distinct kinds of ceremonies to meet everyone’s needs. Most ceremonies I create with clients are full, custom ceremonies. I work with couples over at least 5 months (and often much longer) to create a fully personalized ceremony. But sometimes that’s more than what you want or need. At the other end of the spectrum is a Certificate Signing Ceremony which is the minimum required for legal marriage in Minnesota. The Vow Exchange is the middle of the road ceremony. Perhaps you don’t like being the center of attention. Maybe this is a second or subsequent marriage for you and you don’t want a typical wedding extravaganza experience. It may be that you want to be married relatively quickly. Or perhaps an elopement style ceremony just fits you best at this moment in your lives.

Whatever the reason, I’ve seen increased requests for a Vow Exchange ceremony, and I’m happy to offer it. Lasting only about 5 – 7 minutes, it honors the commitment you are making to each other marriage, and includes all the essential aspects of a wedding ceremony. These ceremonies can take place in your home, outside in a park (weather permitting), or in a private room in a restaurant.

Some couples dress formally for a Vow Exchange. My most recent couple donned a tuxedo and white formal dress for theirs. But others opt for a more casual vibe, and it all works. Guests usually are limited to family or very close friends – again, a gathering of up to approximately 20 people. Most often there is no musical accompaniment, no processional and no wedding party. We simply gather your guests around so everyone can hear, and begin the ceremony.

All that said, a Vow Exchange Ceremony is still a significant and often emotional experience. Just because you don’t spend a year or more and tens of thousands of dollars planning your ceremony doesn’t make the moment any less a milestone moment in your life. Smiles and happy tears often abound as the couple makes their promises to each other. The world stops for a few moments as a commitment intended for a lifetime is shared.

Please reach out to me if you’re planning a wedding ceremony of any kind in the coming months, and I’ll be happy to discuss options with you. Perhaps you’ll find that the Vow Exchange, the middle of the road ceremony option, is the perfect fit for you.

Congratulations and Happy Holidays

 in Celebration / Engagement  tagged celebration / engagement / holiday / wedding by

Congratulations and Happy Holidays are going out to all kinds of celebrating people. First, congratulations to the couples who are getting engaged in the remaining days of 2021. You have lots of excitement and decisions waiting for you as you begin to plan for your wedding day in 2022 or even 2023.

Newly engaged couples, you’ll will want to select your wedding date based on availability of your key vendors. Often that list includes venues, photographers and, of course, celebrants. I’m happy to communicate via voice or email with couples as soon as you have your date and venue selected. With just those two pieces of information I can tell you about my availability and we can begin to have meaningful discussions about your ceremony wishes. It is never too early to secure a date on my calendar. But I hate to turn couples away because their preferred date is already taken.

I’d also like to extend happy holidays wishes to everyone celebrating at this time of year. Whether you celebrate Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or simply New Years I’m wishing everyone safe, healthy and happy gatherings. Special wishes go out to couples I married this year as they celebrate their first holiday season together. Whether you’re celebrating a new engagement or a winter holiday, please accept my congratulations and happy holidays wishes. I look forward to posting more in the new year!

Honoring Loved Ones at Weddings

 in Ceremony / Uncategorized / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged honoring loved ones / memorial moment / remembering loved ones / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Honoring loved ones at weddings can be accomplished in a few different ways. If the person (or people) were close to you, you’ll want to find a way to include them in your special day. But weddings are happy occasions, and you don’t want everyone getting sad and distracted during your ceremony.

Honoring loved ones can be done subtly or in a bolder fashion. If you’re having a ceremony program, a remembrance section naming family and friends who have passed may be sufficient. Including a general comment early in the ceremony can also be done gracefully. It can have more impact if you name your loved ones. You can even include a moment of silence in their honor. But if you want something more visual, here are a few options to consider:

  1. Set up a table at the back of the ceremony space with pictures of your loved ones with a plaque and/or candle. Memorial Pictures & Message Memorial Candle
  2. Place a flower or other memento in their honor on the chair they would have occupied. Memorial Mementos
  3. Bring a memento of them into the ceremony – this couple hung a favorite wind chime to honor the groom’s mom. Memorial Wind Chime
  4. At one ceremony I performed, the bride placed a uniform and dress on chairs to honor her grandparents.Honoring Grandparents

Moving beyond the ceremony, honoring loved ones can also be a part of your reception. Place wedding pictures near your cake or gift table can bring them symbolically into your celebration. Or perhaps you’ll dance to their favorite song or raise a toast to them. All are ways to honor the role and impact they’ve had in making you the person you are on your wedding day. Honoring loved ones can be a sensitive topic, but it’s worthwhile to reflect on those important people in your life and choose a way to include them in your wedding day.

Simplify Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Wedding Ceremony  tagged processional / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding processional by

Simplify your wedding ceremony to gain some practical and some personal benefits. Keeping your ceremony streamlined allows you and your guests to focus on the key elements that allow you to cross the threshold into marriage. And the practical benefits can be significant.

Consider these ways to simplify your wedding ceremony and the benefits to be realized:

  1. Limit the size of your wedding party. Fewer bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers and personal attendants can make it easier to coordinate everything from clothing choices to transportation to photographs. It also makes placing people for the ceremony easier.
  2. Limit the number of people in attendance. Keep your guest list to close family and friends. This opens up venue options and ceremony ritual options and makes coordination and communication easier.
  3. Within the ceremony itself, you can simplify the processional by having grandparents seated in reserved spots before the processional begins. Smaller wedding parties also allow the processional to move more quickly and keeps the focus on the main participants – you two.
  4. Keeping your ceremony shorter is another way to simplify it. Consider limiting yourself to one reading if you choose to have any. You can also choose to omit any unity ritual, unless one has significant meaning for you. Finally, if you aren’t interested in having a personal ceremony, you can opt not to include anything that shares your history or love story.

Simpler wedding ceremonies and simpler weddings in general are a bit easier to plan, will cost less, and will help you keep your focus on the important elements of the day. Last but not least, with the spectre of COVID still with us, you gain flexibility when you simplify your wedding ceremony. With fewer guests, a smaller wedding party and a simpler ceremony you’ll be positioned as best you can be should restrictions be reimposed on gatherings.