wedding

A Shout Out to Mid-life and Encore Couples

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / encore bride / mid-life couple / wedding by

I recently saw a statistic that one third of all couples marrying in the US include at least one person over the age of 40. This is happening for a couple of reasons. First, the age at which people first marry continues to climb, with the average bride now being 27 and the average groom being a full 30 years old. The other reason, of course, is people who are marrying for a second or subsequent time. As with all couples, mid-life and encore couples have unique considerations and needs when planning their wedding.

Angel & Eric

Anne & Alley

The article I was reading went on at length about the accommodations and special thought that wedding vendors need to consider when serving these couples. And I realized that I’m very lucky in this respect. Since I work with each couple to define the ceremony you want for your wedding day, my process doesn’t need to change at all when working with mid-life couples. I offer options, and each couple tells me what you want to include in your ceremony. This includes options for rituals, readings, vows and more. And since the focus stays on you throughout the ceremony, reflecting on the love you’ve found together, honoring the commitment you are making to each other in marriage, and celebrating the bright future in front of you, it is by definition, appropriate for you regardless of your age and previous marital experience.

Kelly & Steve

Joanie & Rick

I’ve had the great honor to work with mid-life couples from back in 2010 when I started offering ceremony services, and I’m thrilled to include here today a few pictures of the wonderful couples I’ve married through the years. I sincerely hope they are continuing to write new chapters in their love stories as they share their lives together. If you are an encore or mid-life couple, I’d be thrilled to work with you to create the wedding ceremony that fits your vision and ideals.
Stephen & Gerardo

Francie & Mary

The Benefits of Wedding Rehearsals

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding by

I admit it – I’m a fan of wedding rehearsals. I know that weddings aren’t rocket science, and that most follow a familiar format, but I think rehearsals are great stress relievers for everyone involved. If you are fortunate enough to have access to your ceremony venue the day (or two) before the wedding, it’s well worth your time to hold a rehearsal.

When I run a rehearsal for my couples, it focuses on the logistics of the ceremony, not the content. We gather all the people who will participate in the processional and in the ceremony in any capacity. Your parents and grandparents will appreciate knowing where and when they will line up, who will be escorting them up the aisle, and where they will be seated.

Once we’ve got the wedding party up in front, we can look at the group, help them identify landmarks in the space or even put tape on the floor if necessary so they know where to stand for the ceremony. Next, we walk through the ceremony – literally. We invite readers forward to practice with the microphone, and to learn where to stand when offering their reading. We practice any shifts in position that you will need to remember, and the cues that will tell you it’s time to move. For example, when I say, “Please prepare for your exchange of vows and rings,” that’s your cue to pass your bouquet to your maid of honor and face your partner. If you’re including a unity ritual in your ceremony, we walk through that as well.

We also rehearse the end of the ceremony, including the kiss, since many couples are a bit uncomfortable kissing in front of their guests, and we have a little fun with it at rehearsal to set you at ease. After the kiss we have the wedding party and parents recess as they will the next day, and then we do any or all of it one more time if you wish (but most couples are comfortable after the first round).

One thing we don’t do at rehearsal is practice your vows or the words of the ring vows. I practice those individually with you either immediately after rehearsal or in the hour before your ceremony, so those special moments aren’t shared too soon.

If you don’t have access to your ceremony venue for a rehearsal before your wedding day, rehearsal can be held in an alternate location – your home, back yard, or a space at your rehearsal dinner venue if you’re having one. Another alternative is a “day of walk through” which happens about 90 minutes before your ceremony, in your ceremony venue, and is a quicker version of the rehearsal. This can be a good option if you’re seeing each other before the ceremony, but you’ll want to schedule it after your first look experience with your photographer.

Rehearsals reduce stress for everyone involved and allow you all to relax and savor the ceremony experience without worrying about where and when to be moving about. That said, if you’re having a very simple ceremony with little to no wedding party and your parents will be seated before the processional begins, a rehearsal or even a walk through may not be necessary. If you’re very relaxed about the ceremony, and are OK if everything isn’t “perfect”, you may choose to pass on the rehearsal altogether, and that’s fine, too. Your day, your way.

Finding Your Wedding Officiant – Part 1

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / officiant / wedding by

Your wedding day is probably one of the most complex social events you’ll ever need to plan, and being in love and getting engaged doesn’t automatically provide the skills or contacts you need to do it well. One of the people you’ll need to hire is the person who will legally marry you – generically known as your officiant. If you’re not associated with a religious community that provides this person, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to have seen a good officiant in action at a friend or relative’s wedding, or maybe you’ll get a referral from a colleague or neighbor. But if those personal recommendations don’t happen, like most couples, you’ll turn to the internet and use Google or similar services to find local officiants.

Once you’ve located a few officiants that look promising, you’ll need to initiate contact. So what’s the best way to do that, and how do you open the conversation? E-mail or a phone call, depending on your personal preference and schedule, works best for initial contact. Personally, I like e-mail – you can send your query when it is convenient for you, and pick up the response in the same manner. You can having a longer, more informative exchange than texting allows. It may also be more comfortable for you to compose your query as a note, rather than conversing on the phone with a stranger. However, if you’re working on a tight schedule, phone contact can be the quickest way to find your officiant.

So what do you ask in your initial phone call or e-mail? The first thing to determine is if the person is still offering wedding officiant services. Some websites are out of date, or the officiant from your cousin’s wedding 3 years ago may not be in business anymore. Next, ask if s/he is available on your wedding date. You’ll want to share your ceremony location and time as well, as some officiants are willing to schedule more than one ceremony per day, if the timing and locations allow.

Once you’ve determined the officiant’s availability, you’ll want to begin to evaluate if this person’s services match your needs. I suggest covering some basics in this area before meeting with the officiant, so you can save everyone’s time if you don’t match in this area. You’ll want to share, at a high level, what you’re looking for in your ceremony. For example, in your first e-mail after providing ceremony date, time and location information, you might write, “We are looking for a non-religious ceremony of about 30 minutes. We would like to write our own vows and have a reading and unity ritual included in the ceremony.” If the officiant is comfortable providing a ceremony that matches this description, scheduling time for a more indepth discussion is a good next step.

Next time I’ll talk about questions to ask the officiant at that initial meeting.

Marriage Without a Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / Marriage / wedding by

Marriage ceremonies take many different forms. There are intimate ceremonies with the couple and a few close family members and friends. There are large, elaborate wedding days shared with hundreds of guests. There are elopement ceremonies with a simple exchange of vows, and then there are certificate signing ceremonies.

You may not have heard of certificate signing or legalities only ceremonies before because they aren’t really ceremonies. They are a meeting (in Minnesota) of the couple, two witnesses over the age of 16, and a state registered officiant. We gather, usually at the couple’s home, where they each respond to a single question regarding their wish to be married. I am then able to pronounce them married and the legal paperwork is signed. I return the paperwork to the county government offices, and it is done. There are no vows, no readings, no rituals, and often, no rings. It is the bare minimum needed to meet the legal requirements for marriage in our state.

I’ve learned over time that there are a variety of reasons couples choose this option to get married. Sometimes the couple is planning a destination wedding outside the US, and prefers to marry legally in the States. Sometimes they have been together for many years, have an established life as a couple, and don’t see a traditional wedding experience as desirable. Sometimes the couple is planning a ceremony for a later date, but wish to move the date of their legal marriage to as soon as possible. And the reasons for being legally married quickly vary, too.

I’ve performed certificate signings for couples where one person has lost a job or is changing jobs and needs to be covered on the other person’s health insurance. I’ve worked with couples who are moving for a job opportunity, but the employer will only cover moving costs for both of them if they are married. Yet other couples seek a quick marriage due to pending military service.

While there is value in celebrating your marriage with family and friends, life sometimes gets in the way, and you need to marry quickly and/or simply. A certificate signing is the perfect response to these needs, and I’m happy to provide this service in Rochester. Just as each marriage experience will be unique, each wedding experience needs to fit each couple’s needs, too. Vive la difference!