wedding

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Venue / Weddings  tagged wedding / wedding choices by

I’m in Las Vegas for a conference as I write this week’s blog, and am being reminded that one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to weddings. From the moment I arrived I’ve been seeing ads and billboards for wedding chapels. They are stand alone buildings on the street, special spaces in the hotels, gazebos on the grounds and more. I’ve also seen brides-to-be and their entourage out on the town enjoying bachelorette parties.

While the idea of a Vegas wedding or party seems unappealing to some, it is obviously big business here, and the right choice for some people. In the same way, a barn wedding or a church wedding or a ceremony in a state park may not be your ideal, but it is great that each of those options exist because they are some else’s ideal. The point is that each couple should be able to have the kind of wedding they want.

Beyond venue, the idea that one size doesn’t fit all extends to the ceremony itself. Some people focus on the music, others spend a lot of time selecting meaningful readings, and many couples work to find or write the perfect vows that articulate the promises they are making to each other in marriage. Some people want a brief, but full ceremony – 20 minutes or so, while others are happy to spend 30 minutes for the ceremony experience. On the other end of the spectrum are couples who select a very brief ceremony – elopement style – with an exchange of vows and rings, a few words before and after, and only their witnesses present. And the simplest option is to meet the state requirements for marriage with a certificate signing where you only acknowledge your desire to marry and then have your witnesses and officiant sign the paperwork. Each of these options has the same end result – you are legally married. But for each couple there is an option that best matches your vision for your ideal.

The one size doesn’t fit all maxim can be applied to all aspects of your wedding day – from size of wedding party to formality of attire, from size of guest list to the food served, from time of day to time of year. While it is easy to be overwhelmed by all the choices involved in planning your wedding, you can be grateful that options abound for each of the decisions you need to make because truly, one size doesn’t fit all, but there is a size out there that does fit you. Happy planning!

Ceremony Venue Selection

 in Ceremony / Venue / Weddings  tagged ceremony / venue / wedding by

Ceremony venue selection is one of the earliest tasks when planning your wedding day. So, if you’re one of the new Valentine’s Day engagements – Congratulations to you, by the way – you’ll soon be looking at venues for your wedding ceremony. Outdoor ceremonies continue in popularity, and can be beautiful, but there are some extra things to consider when visiting outdoor ceremony venues. For example:

1. Bad weather – is there an indoor backup space at same location? If not, how would your guests know where to go, and if you’ve moved the ceremony indoors somewhere?

2. Position of the sun – will it be in your eyes? The eyes of your guests? This can be a real distraction if you select a ceremony time anywhere near sunset.

3. Accessibility – are the distance from parking and the terrain to be covered comfortable for your guests? Certainly consider elderly guests, but a broken leg can happen to anyone at any time.

Ceremony venue selection

4. Privacy – is there a place for the wedding party to gather and line up for the processional that is out of view from the guests? Some venues are so open that there’s no place to begin the processional from, and guests can see the entire wedding party at all times.

5. Seating – is seating provided for the guests? Do you have to set it up, or is that handled for you? Unless you are having a very brief (10 minutes or less) ceremony, your guests will be more comfortable if they can be seated. And arranging chairs is an additional task that your wedding party doesn’t need to be handling on a busy wedding day.

6. Facilities – are there bathrooms in the vicinity for you and your guests to use? Especially important for guests who have driven a distance to be with, you want them to be comfortable upon arrival.

7. Insects – are there any provision for bug control? I’ve seen guests spend most of the ceremony swatting at mosquitos, bees, and small biting insects. Memorable, but not the way you want it to be. See if it is possible for the venue to do a “bug bombing” of the ceremony site in advance of your ceremony time.

Using the considerations above, potential ceremony venues can be evaluated in a fair and logical way. Ceremony venue selection can soon be checked off your to do list, and you’ll be moving on to planning other aspects of your ideal wedding day.

Finding Your Ideal Officiant

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged ceremony / officiant / wedding by

Finding your ideal officiant is different than finding an officiant. Last week I wrote about how to begin your search for a wedding officiant – the person who will make your marriage legal, and who will preside at your wedding ceremony. But you don’t want just anyone serving in this important role. Your wedding ceremony is a personal, intimate experience that takes place in front of all the people you’ve invited to share your wedding day. That’s a tricky balance to strike. You want your ceremony to be memorable, special, unique and authentic for you as a couple. So how do you find your ideal officiant; the person that can deliver that?

When speaking with potential wedding officiants, I encourage you to evaluate them against these five criteria:
1. Does s/he share my vision for the ceremony? This encompasses things including the amount of humor you want, the ways you want to involve your guests, your approach/wishes regarding your vows, and the level of religiosity you want.

2. Is s/he open to my requests and priorities? This is similar to number 1, but more specific. If you indicate a preference for something, does the officiant listen to what you’re saying and incorporate your ideas in the outline and ceremony plans?

3. Do I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with the officiant? You want to be able to say “no” to ideas that don’t fit you or that you don’t want to spend time on during your ceremony. At its best, your wedding ceremony reflects you as a couple, so you need to be able to share your experiences and personalities with the officiant. If you’re not comfortable doing that, s/he’s probably not the right person for you to work with.

4. Does s/he offer ideas or suggestions I didn’t know about? Can this person help take the ceremony beyond what you had considered? Even if you decline the suggestions they offer, knowing that you’ve considered many options will make you more confident that you will get the ceremony you want for your wedding day

5. Do I have reason to believe that this person can deliver on their promises in a quality way? Basically this gets to the officiant’s education, experience, referrals, references or testimonials. A new officiant my be highly motivated to do a good job for you, but having seen their work personally or getting a referral from a family member or friend whose opinion you value can really increase your confidence in an officiant.

Every reputable officiant will offer the the opportunity to talk with them before hiring them. This can take the form of an in person meeting, a phone call or a Skype or Face Time discussion, but you deserve to get to know them a bit, ask all the questions you have, and be able to assess them against the five criteria, above. When you find someone who meets all those criteria, you’ve found a person you can hire with confidence. You’ve found your ideal officiant!

One Perspective: My Sister’s Wedding

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Weddings  tagged celebration / ceremony / wedding by

I’ve just returned from a road trip to New York state to be a guest at my sister’s wedding. It’s an unusual role for me as I usually serve as the officiant at ceremonies, but I’ll be getting lots of practice this year with a total of three family weddings to attend.

The family weddings are a perfect example of one of my favorite phrases: Every couple should have the wedding ceremony and wedding day that they want. This is not a “one size fits all” experience, and each wedding can be special in its own way. Last weekend’s ceremony was a great example of a minimal ceremony with a very limited guest list. Everyone in attendance was directly related to the bride or groom. The ceremony was held in their home, and we all fit comfortably.

The ceremony was officiated by their town clerk (remember, marriage laws differ by state), and lasted no more than four minutes. After brief introductory remarks the couple said their “I do’s” and exchanged rings. A pronouncement of marriage and invitation to kiss wrapped things up. But it was the happiness that shone from the bride and groom’s faces, especially the smile lighting my sister from head to toe, that made this the perfect ceremony for them. The day continued with pictures, food and wine, and lots of chatter as two families met each other for the first time.

The next family wedding is in only two weeks, and promises to be just about the complete opposite from my sister’s. I’ll report back on that after it occurs. In the meantime, remember that choosing the elements of your wedding ceremony and wedding day that are meaningful for you will ensure happy memories for years to come. Best wishes and Congratulations to Mary Chris and Paul!

Surprise! It’s A Wedding

 in Weddings  tagged surprise / wedding by

A surprise wedding can be great fun, but you’ll want to be aware of possible pitfalls as well. While it might seem at first glance that a surprise wedding would require less planning, in fact, it can take quite a bit more planning than a traditional wedding day, and you’ll have less help if none of your besties even know it’s going to happen.

Here are a few things that will be different if you opt for a surprise wedding celebration:

– You won’t have wedding showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties in the weeks before the wedding. But, there’s no reason these can’t follow the wedding if you like.

– You won’t have a wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen) in color coordinated clothing. You can, of course, ask a few of your guests to stand with you for the ceremony, and can even have arranged for bouquets and boutonnieres for them if you wish.

– The day will likely be more casual than traditional weddings, unless you can devise a story to gather all your family and friends for a dressy gathering without giving away the real reason.

– Your guests won’t be prepared with gifts on your wedding day… since they didn’t know it was your wedding day. Some may gift you in the following weeks or months, or maybe part of your intent is to make this less of a gift giving event.

If you want some of the standard elements of a wedding: a dress/suit or tuxedo, bouquets and boutonnieres, music (for the ceremony and party) and food, you’ll need to make all of those arrangements yourselves, and will have to try to keep everything hidden from your guests until the big reveal moment.

A surprise wedding may be a perfect fit for you if you’re looking to avoid some of the drama wedding planning can bring, if you want a generally lower key experience, or if you want your guests to focus on just having a good time. Some couples have used family reunions, holiday parties, or other social events as a “cover” for their surprise weddings, and this can work very well. Once all your guests have gathered, you take the floor, welcome them to your surprise wedding, and let the festivities begin.

One final word about surprise weddings – it’s best not to surprise the bride or groom with the wedding. This is actually pretty hard to do in Minnesota, since you need to apply together, in person, for your wedding license from the county government center. But even if you manage to find a way around that obstacle, marriage is a big, big commitment, that no one should be pressured into by finding themselves ambushed by a surprise wedding. Save the surprise for your guests, and it can be a fun filled, happy way to launch your new life together.