wedding

Wedding Vows Done Right

 in Ceremony / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal vows / vows / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Wedding vows are the most important moment of not only your wedding ceremony, but of your entire wedding day. They are required to make the marriage legal, and equally importantly, they provide the opportunity for you to voice your commitment and promises in front of your community of family and friends. Vows, therefore, should be personal and significant, but can be created and offered a number of different ways.

You can write your own wedding vows, and read them to each other during your ceremony. This option allows you total control over what you say and promise with your vows, while also allowing your personalities to shine. Next week I’ll devote my post to how to write your own vows, but for now, know that it is an option. I don’t recommend however, that you try to memorize your vows. It puts too much pressure on you during an already stressful and busy day, and if you forget them it you’ll feel badly – not the memory you want of your wedding day. Reading your personally written vows is perfectly acceptable, even recommended.

If you don’t feel creative enough to write your own vows, selecting “repeat after me” style vows where you are prompted line by line by your celebrant is a fine alternative. This is, in fact, the most common type of wedding vows used by couples today. There are a nearly unlimited number of pre-written, repeat after me vows at your fingertips with a simple Google search, if those offered by your celebrant don’t meet your needs. Remember, too, that any of these vows can be modified to reflect what you want to say to each other. A word or line can be changed, added or deleted to make it just right for you. Another way to make these kinds of wedding vows feel more personal is for you each to select the vows that best reflect the promises you want to make. You do not both need to say the same vow.

And finally, there are what I refer to as old-fashioned wedding vows. The celebrant asks you if you are making these promises today, and you respond with a simple, “I do.” These are rarely used these days, but are a good solution if you have limited English (and the ceremony is being offered in English), or if you are critically shy. A great way to personalize this style of vow if for you to choose/write the promises you want to make, and then allow the celebrant to voice them for you.

You’ll want your wedding vows to reflect you as individuals as you make your promises to each other, but there are various ways to achieve that goal. Talk with your fiance(e) to decide which approach is right for you.

Wedding Readings Offered Creatively

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Readings / Weddings  tagged ceremony / ceremony readings / creative readings / readings / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Wedding readings are a traditional part of wedding ceremonies, but they can be offered creatively, increasing both interest and meaning. Readings can, of course, be offered by your celebrant, but it is much more interesting to bring another voice or voices into the ceremony.

Having family members or friends offer your wedding readings is fairly common and is a nice gesture to include those loved ones in your special day. Make sure, though, that you share with your celebrant what your connection is with the person or people offering readings so that information can be shared with your guests. And you can think outside the box when choosing your readers, too. Perhaps a grandparent whose soothing voice holds a special place in your memories, or the friend who introduced you. Think about hearing the inspiring words of your readings offered by your moms who have guided you through the years. The choice of a special person for a specific reason is sure to increase the power of the moment in your ceremony.

Thinking even more creatively, here are a few things we’ve done at ceremonies I officiated:

  • Two beloved grandparents who celebrated 50 years of marriage shortly before the wedding shared the reading titled, “All I Want” at their grand daugther’s wedding. Not a dry eye to be seen.
  • The bride and groom in one encore wedding had her two and his three adult daughters share the two wedding readings as they stood up for their parents. The couple was literally surrounded by words of love and encouragement.
  • One couple shared a reading themselves, alternating stanzas, just before they offered their personal vows.
  • An entire wedding party shared a closing reflection reading with each bridesmaid and groomsman offering a wish for the couple going forward.
  • And finally, the siblings of a recent couple offered readings as a special show of support during one ceremony.

Thoughtfully choosing your wedding readings, as I discussed in last week’s post, followed by careful choices of readers and presentation of those readings will make them memorable, and will integrate them into your ceremony in a way that heightens the power and personal meaning of the readings themselves.

Make Choices That Reflect Who You Are

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Decor / Guests / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged authentic / ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

“Make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have an end result that you can feel super proud of for a long time.” That’s a quote from Allison Davis of Davis Row, a wedding planning company. I encountered that quote recently while reading an article on upcoming wedding trends for 2019. I think it is one of the most important and helpful observations for you to keep in mind when planning your wedding day.

It is so easy to get caught up in all the wedding trends articles, all the pins on Pinterest, all the internet wedding forums, and all the interesting things you’ve seen at weddings you’ve recently attended. The truth is, you can’t include every interesting thing you see. And you really wouldn’t want to. Your budget and your time will put limits on what you ultimately decide to include in your wedding day, but there is good guidance in that opening quote to help you make your decisions.

When you make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, you ensure an authentic, comfortable and unique wedding day. A personalized wedding ceremony can be a great way to kick off your celebration and share your story and your love with your guests. Selecting attire, a venue, flowers, music and even your photographer to match your style and priorities will help ensure that your personalities shine throughout the day.

Remember that you don’t have to accept hardly anything about your day as a “given”. Perhaps you don’t want to have a wedding party at all, keeping you as a couple in the spotlight. Perhaps you’re not a flower person like one bride I worked with who really wanted to carry her video gaming laser gun instead of a bouquet. Go for it! Or like a recent couple I worked with, perhaps you’re not into the whole wedding dance experience. Take a page from their book and offer board games, card games, a huge Jenga game and a couple of bean bag games to entertain your guests. In their case, they included background music to add to the party atmosphere and guests really enjoyed being able to really converse without shouting over loud music.

Whatever your personality and preferences, make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have a happy, comfortable, and memorable wedding day to launch your new adventure called marriage.

Newly Engaged Couples – Congratulations!

 in Celebrant / Engagement / Officiant / Venue / Weddings  tagged celebrant / engaged / engagement / newly engaged / officiant / venue / wedding / weddings by

To all newly engaged couples, I offer my congratulations, and welcome you to the wonderful world of wedding planning. The holiday season – from Thanksgiving through New Years – is the busiest time of the year for engagements, so you are in good company as newly engaged couples. Often upon announcing your engagement, the first question to come up is, “Do you have a date yet?” While it may seem overwhelming with so many decisions in front of you, setting your date is the right place to start.

To set your date, though, you’ll need to discuss a few things including:
– do you want to have your wedding where you live now, where one of you grew up, or maybe a destination wedding is the right choice for you? Answering this question will help you identify the city/area to focus on.
– do you have a specific time of year you want to get married? It’s best if you maintain some flexibility here as some dates will already be booked.
– do you have a particular kind of venue in mind? Maybe a barn wedding or a celebration at a winery is your dream, or perhaps you’re looking for an elegant ballroom or loft event or a simple backyard gathering.

Once you have a vision for the where, when and what your ideal wedding day looks like, you’re ready to start researching venues that meet your criteria. I can’t impress on newly engaged couples enough to jump on this level of planning immediately after you become engaged (or even before if you know a wedding is in your near future). Many popular venues book a year or more in advance, so it is never too soon to begin your search. That said, if you have some flexibility, you might still be able to book your favorite venue – maybe for a Friday or Sunday celebration if all the Saturdays are booked.

As soon as you know your wedding date and venue, it’s time to begin your next round of research and secure the following vendors for your day:
1. Celebrant or officiant
2. Photographer
3. Planner or coordinator (if you plan to hire a professional)
4. Caterer (if food in not provided by your venue)
5. Florist
6. Bridal Salon for your dress (especially if your wedding date is closer in than 9 months away)

There are a number of tools available to help newly engaged couples navigate the complex task of planning your wedding day. Make sure to check out online tools at sites like Wedding Wire or The Knot along with articles at sites like Brides and Weddingbee. There are also hard copy books, binders and specialized planners available if you prefer to use something you can literally put your hands on.

The Engagement Season is certainly upon us. I’ve been booking 2019 weddings for a number of months, but my email and phone have definitely seen increased activity in the last week. So congratulations and welcome to all newly engaged couples. I look forward to hearing from you when you’re ready to select your wedding celebrant to help you have the ceremony of your dreams.

Expressing Gratitude: A Gracious Touch

 in Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Weddings  tagged gratitude / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Expressing gratitude at your wedding is a gracious touch to a day normally focused exclusively on you as a couple. With the Thanksgiving holiday this week, it is a natural time to reflect on all the things we are grateful for in our lives. I invite you to consider highlighting some of that gratitude when gathering with your family and friends to celebrate at your wedding, too.

Here are just a few of the people you might want to recognize in your ceremony:

– The guests who have gathered to celebrate with you. Expressing gratitude to everyone for making the effort to be there in the opening moments of the ceremony will make them feel appreciated and a part of your day.

– Family members and friends who have passed or are not able to be with you due to illness, geography, or military service. These loved ones can be honored with a general statement, or by naming them, or by invoking a moment of silence in their memory. Alternately, a candle can be lit in their memory, a memorial note can be placed in your ceremony program, or pictures of them can be placed in a prominent location in either the ceremony space or reception venue.

– Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your parents can be included in your wedding ceremony or in toasts at your reception. You might consider what they have given you growing up – opportunities, love, and support as you grew into the person you are today. Or perhaps they have been very supportive of your relationship, or with planning your wedding day. You might even thank each others parents for raising the person who you love.

– If the people who introduced you are at your wedding, giving them a special nod or even a role in your ceremony can be a wonderful touch. I’ve had friends share a reading, and mentioned the maid of honor or groomsmen who introduced the couple. In one special ceremony, the relatives who introduced the couple were invited to participate in the sand ceremony, pouring the first layer of sand symbolizing the family foundation that the couple’s relationship is built on.

– And finally, you want to find a way to express your gratitude to your partner. If you’re writing your own vows, remember to mention the positive impact they have had on you, or how much you love them, or how wonderful it is to consider a future by their side. Otherwise, your toast at the reception is another good place to thank them and tell everyone what a wonderful person they are.

While the wedding day is all about you, expressing gratitude for the important people in your life is a thoughtful and gracious gesture. It demonstrates your appreciation of the fact that we walk through life surrounded and impacted by others, and that will be true throughout your marriage, too.