wedding party

Small Medium or Large?

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding planning  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding party / weddings by

Does a small, medium or large wedding party best fit your wedding day vision? There is no right or wrong answer. But there are many considerations in choosing the size of your wedding party. The topic deserves careful review and discussion early in your planning process.

A large wedding party, five or more sets of attendants can be a party within the party of your wedding day. You’ll be surrounded by a larger group of people who are important to you. Ideally, more hands make for lighter work. They can all share the many tasks involved in planning for your wedding day. Even on the day itself there are many details that need tending to, and these folks can take some of the load off you and your families.

However, larger wedding parties also have some down sides. They are harder to keep focused. You’ll spend more time tracking down the missing attendant for pictures, for the grand march, and more. Large wedding parties are also more expensive. The cost of gifts for 10 or more will add up. If you’re considering covering the cost of make-up and hair styling for your party, the cost can be significant. If you’re looking to provide transportation for the wedding party you’ll need more cars or a larger van or bus.

For some couples, a small wedding party, zero to 2 sets of attendants, is the right answer. This option reverses the pros and cons noted above. It also provides a more intimate and streamlined experience. Small wedding parties allow the focus to stay on you as a couple. They are often perfect for shy or introverted couples, and for second or subsequent weddings. If you’re opting for an intimate wedding experience with a smaller guest list, a small wedding party is a great way to begin.

A medium sized wedding party is defined as three to five attendants for each of you. It is the most common size for wedding parties, and can be ideal if you are looking to minimize the cost and complexities while maximizing the support and fun considerations.

When choosing the size of your wedding party – small, medium or large, remember that it is no longer necessary to have the same number of attendants for each of you. You can each also select your attendants regardless of gender. Creative planning for your wedding party allows anything to work. Surround yourselves with the people most important to you, but consider how your wedding party – be it small, medium or large – fits into the vision you have for your wedding day.

Choosing an Inclusive Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Readings / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged inclusive ceremony / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding party by

Choosing an inclusive ceremony is becoming a popular option for couples being married. An inclusive ceremony is one that avoids gendered terms like his and hers. As we become more aware of discrimination based on gender and sexual identity, it’s thoughtful and welcoming to choose an inclusive ceremony.

Here are a few ways to have an inclusive ceremony:

  • Choose songs for the ceremony whose lyrics can apply to couples of all kinds.
  • Choose readings that avoid the use gendered pronouns like he/his and she/hers.
  • Ask your celebrant to avoid language that implies all couples are male/female. Rather speak to loving couples and partners without identifying specific sex or gender identities.
  • Choose your wedding party without regard to traditional gendered roles. Brides can have male bodied people stand up for them. Grooms can have female bodied people stand up for them. Choose your wedding party based on who you are closest to. Consider who will support you best on your wedding day, regardless of sex or gender identity.

Perhaps you are not a traditional male/female couple. Choosing an inclusive ceremony is an obvious choice for you. But traditional het couples request an inclusive ceremony to be more comfortable and respectful to some of their family and friends. You want everyone who attends your wedding ceremony to be able to feel the love you’ve found together. You also want them to be able to relate to the emotions being celebrated. To be able to envision themselves experiencing that kind of love. Choosing an inclusive ceremony makes that possible.

Discuss your desire for an inclusive ceremony when you first meet with your celebrant. If they aren’t willing to work with you to ensure that all your guests can see themselves in the ceremony experience, choose another celebrant. Request to review the ceremony draft to ensure that you are comfortable with the language being used. Each couple may have particular sensitivities so inclusive ceremonies are not “one size fits all”. But at the end of the day, you deserve to have a ceremony that you’re 100% comfortable with. Choosing an inclusive ceremony may be the perfect way to do that.

Rehearsals Reduce Stress

 in Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding processional / Wedding Rehearsal / Weddings  tagged stess reduction / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding party / wedding rehearsal by

Rehearsals reduce stress for the couple being married, their attendants and parents, and anyone else who has a role in the wedding ceremony. While I often tell people that wedding ceremonies are not rocket science, a rehearsal will help ensure that everyone looks their best and is comfortable with the experience.

I include a rehearsal in the pricing for my celebrant services for weddings because I think they are an important part of ceremony preparation. At rehearsal I meet with the couple, their attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen), parents, and any other people who have a role in the ceremony. This includes flower girls, ring bearers, readers, and friends or family who will be running the music for the ceremony.

Rehearsals reduce stress by allowing people in the processional to practice where they are going to walk and stand. They allow readers or musicians to practice in the ceremony space. The wedding party sees who they are following up the aisle, and we discuss what cues will tell them when to walk. Once in front, everyone can find their place and know where to stand for the ceremony.

Beyond basic movement, we chat about how the men are to offer their arm to the women, and where the women are to place their hand on the offered arm. Our world is so casual these days, that this small bit of etiquette is often totally unknown to the wedding participants. We also discuss how the women should hold their flowers and remind the men to keep their hands out of their pockets. These small things can result in a more elegant appearance and much better pictures, too.

Rehearsals are often followed with a dinner or social gathering. This also reduces stress as members of the wedding party who haven’t met before can get to know each other and be more comfortable with each other at the ceremony. The wedding day is full of hustle and bustle and many guests, so a rehearsal dinner is a great opportunity to celebrate privately with those special people who are part of your wedding party, too.

Your Secular Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Secular wedding / Weddings  tagged secular ceremony / secular readings / secular wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding party / wedding vows by

Your secular wedding ceremony can be what you truly want it to be. When you’re not constrained by religious requirements, you have the freedom to include only elements that are meaningful to you. The focus of the ceremony can be you as a couple, the love you’ve found together, and the commitment you are making to each other in marriage.

Writing your own vows is a great first step to making your ceremony your own. If you’re not comfortable with that idea, you can choose from literally hundreds of “repeat after me” style vows. Your vows are the public statement of your commitment to each other, so it’s important that they express the promises you want to make. Choosing a reading that reflects your priorities and feelings about love or marriage is another great way to personalize your ceremony. With a secular ceremony your reading can be sourced from any poetry, prose or quotes that speak to you.

Another benefit of choosing your secular wedding ceremony is that you don’t have to include a sermon or homily by your officiant. You can use that time to have your celebrant share highlights of your love story, include an additional reading, or simply have a shorter ceremony. Unity ritual options are nearly limitless in a secular ceremony, and if you want to have a ritual written just for you, many celebrants are willing to do that.

Wedding party surrounds the couple.

While your secular wedding ceremony can have a look and feel of a traditional ceremony, it doesn’t have to. Options for processionals, wedding parties, the ceremony spaces are limited only by your imagination. Perhaps you want your wedding party to stand in a semi-circle around you rather than in straight lines. If you choose to have only one attendant for each of you, they can stand together on one side with the celebrant on the other side of you, balancing the space and keeping you the center of attention.

Civil requirements for marriage are very minimal. Once you get your legal paperwork for your state, your creativity and the skills of your celebrant are the only limitations you’ll encounter. A personal secular ceremony can be the perfect way to begin your wedding celebration if you are non-religious or of different religions and choose to avoid conflicting requirements. Let your personalities and your love for each other shine and you’re sure to have a wonderful, memorable ceremony for you and for your guests.

Modern Wedding Parties, Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged attendants / modern wedding parties / wedding / wedding parties / wedding party by

Modern wedding parties can look very different than your parents’ wedding parties. Couples are leaving tradition behind as they seek to surround themselves with the people most important to them on their wedding day. Same sex couples have taken the lead in redefining the rules for wedding parties, and everyone is benefiting.

Traditionally, the bride had a number of female friends and/or relatives stand with her as bridesmaids, and the groom had an equal number of men stand with him. These days couples are more concerned with having the most significant people in their lives share in the wedding day as attendants. Gender no longer matters, so if a bride has one sibling who happens to be a brother, he can serve as her honor attendant or man of honor. Similarly, a groom can have his sister stand with him as his honor attendant or best woman.

Another tradition that is being left behind is the idea that the couple must have the same number of attendants standing with them. If one partner has 3 “besties” and the other partner has 2… or 4, it’s fine. Attendants can enter singly or as trios, or as combinations of pairs and trios. Two men or two women can enter together by simply walking next to each other (no need to link arms or have one escort the other).

With the traditions falling away and modern wedding parties becoming more eclectic, you may need to decide how you want your attendants to dress. Do women standing up for a groom wear a tux, a matching bridesmaid’s dress, or possibly a dress in the color of the tuxes or suits that male attendants for the groom are wearing? And conversely, do men standing up for the bride wear attire to match the groomsmen (possibly with a tie and pocket square to match the bridesmaids’ dresses), or possibly a suit or tux to match the bridesmaids’ dresses if possible – think navy blue or cream?

As a couple, you have free rein to select the people you wish to have join you as your wedding party. You can decide with them what you want them to wear. Your celebrant can help you figure out the logistics for the processional and recessional. The important thing is to have the special people in your life closest to you during the ceremony and reception as you celebrate your special love.