wedding ceremony

Making Weddings a Family Affair

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged children in wedding / family reading / family ritual / family wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony by

Making weddings a family affair is a great idea when there are children in the picture. Whether they belong to one or both of you, including your children in the ceremony adds a great new dimension. It doesn’t take away from the specialness of the moment for the two of you, and you can decide what degree of inclusion is right for you.

It’s common to see children of the couple serve as ring bearers or flower girls, and these are great ways to include younger children in the wedding party. Older children can serve as junior attendants – bridesmaids or groomsmen, and can also serve as escorts to accompany you into the ceremony space.

At a recent wedding, the bride had sourced a lovely childrens book titled, “Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. The text expresses the constancy of love and can be applied to the love of parents for children and is also applicable to the love between the couple. I’ve added it to my readings library and also used it for a Child Welcoming last weekend where it also fit perfectly. At the wedding, the couple had purchased a copy of the book and presented it to the two young girls to follow along as the reading was offered. It was a perfect, sweet moment, and one more example of making weddings a family affair.

The highlight of any wedding is the vows. After the couple exchanges promises with their vows, it’s a perfect time to recognize the new family that is formalized with the marriage of the parents. Bring the children (if still dependents) up and make promises to them, too. These can be simply worded, heartfelt promises to provide a safe, loving home for this new family, or they can be more elaborate. They can be done repeat after me style or spoken directly by the “new” step-parent.

Gifting a memento of the day to children is another way to make it special for them. I’ve seen everything from necklaces to family pictures to a hockey stick (the new stepdad and son shared a love of the game) gifted during ceremonies. It always provides a special moment when topped off with loving hugs shared all around.

A final option for making weddings a family affair is to bring the parents and children together to share in a family ritual. With younger children a sand ceremony utilizing colors representing each of the family members works well. Adult children may enjoy a flower blending ceremony or a family toast.

When making weddings a family affair it is always best to ask the children (of any age) if they would like to participate, and if so, in what manner. You can have some suggestions to offer, but take your cue from them. Following a divorce or death of a parent, the children may be dealing with mixed or conflicted feelings. They may be most comfortable out of the spotlight. For the same reason, I don’t ever ask children to speak at the ceremonies.

No matter what level and type of involvement you choose for your children at your wedding, make sure that you’re honoring and respecting their needs and wishes. You want this first day as newly formalized family to be filled with smiles and happiness as you bring families together and begin a new journey together.

Simplify Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Wedding Ceremony  tagged processional / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding processional by

Simplify your wedding ceremony to gain some practical and some personal benefits. Keeping your ceremony streamlined allows you and your guests to focus on the key elements that allow you to cross the threshold into marriage. And the practical benefits can be significant.

Consider these ways to simplify your wedding ceremony and the benefits to be realized:

  1. Limit the size of your wedding party. Fewer bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers and personal attendants can make it easier to coordinate everything from clothing choices to transportation to photographs. It also makes placing people for the ceremony easier.
  2. Limit the number of people in attendance. Keep your guest list to close family and friends. This opens up venue options and ceremony ritual options and makes coordination and communication easier.
  3. Within the ceremony itself, you can simplify the processional by having grandparents seated in reserved spots before the processional begins. Smaller wedding parties also allow the processional to move more quickly and keeps the focus on the main participants – you two.
  4. Keeping your ceremony shorter is another way to simplify it. Consider limiting yourself to one reading if you choose to have any. You can also choose to omit any unity ritual, unless one has significant meaning for you. Finally, if you aren’t interested in having a personal ceremony, you can opt not to include anything that shares your history or love story.

Simpler wedding ceremonies and simpler weddings in general are a bit easier to plan, will cost less, and will help you keep your focus on the important elements of the day. Last but not least, with the spectre of COVID still with us, you gain flexibility when you simplify your wedding ceremony. With fewer guests, a smaller wedding party and a simpler ceremony you’ll be positioned as best you can be should restrictions be reimposed on gatherings.

Defining Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Ceremony  tagged ceremony / ceremony definition / personal ceremony / wedding ceremony by

Defining your wedding ceremony is an opportunity to personalize your wedding day. Minnesota marriage requirements are minimal – basically you have to say you want to be married to each other – so there’s lots of opportunity to make the ceremony your own. An experienced celebrant can help guide you through the process, but your wishes should be paramount.

A good way to begin the process of defining your wedding ceremony is to consider what you’ve seen at other weddings you’ve attended. Were there certain moments you found particularly touching or meaningful? Alternately, were there moments you felt you’d seen at every other wedding or didn’t care for? Share these thoughts with your celebrant as a great starting point for defining your own ceremony.

Next, think about what ceremony elements are important to you. Perhaps you have a poem, reading or song that is significant to you as a couple. Those are perfect elements to include in your ceremony. Maybe you definitely want (or don’t want) to write your own vows. Make sure that your officiant knows about this and is on board.

Writing your own vows is a great way to personalize your wedding ceremony

Another consideration should be any people you want to have a role in your ceremony. Beyond being a bridesmaid or groomsman there are a number of possibilities here. Maybe you want to ask them to be greeters to welcome your guests, or perhaps you want them to offer a reading during the ceremony. If you have family or friends who have artistic talent, perhaps you can ask them to create the backdrop for your ceremony.

And finally, you’ll want to decide if you want your ceremony personalized by including anecdotes or stories from your time together. This is the best way to put your personal stamp on your ceremony, but it’s OK to leave it out if you’re shy, very private or want a very short ceremony. Just realize that in making that choice you’re losing the element of the ceremony that is uniquely yours.

Defining your wedding ceremony involves some thought and decision making, but will result in a ceremony that fits you, that reflects your priorities, and that will be meaningful and memorable. A perfect way to begin your wedding celebration.

Choose Your Own Wedding Ceremony Style

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged certificate signing / Full custom ceremony / personal ceremony / Vow exchange / wedding ceremony by

Choose your own wedding ceremony style to ensure that your big day reflects you as a couple. The ceremony starts the wedding day celebration and should be all you want it to be, and only what you want it to be. As our area continues to recover from the COVID-19 pandemic all kinds of wedding ceremonies are once again available, allowing you to choose the style that fits you best.

Full Custom ceremonies are coming back in large numbers. Now that you can gather again with family and friends many couples are busy planning ceremonies that share their story and include readings, unity rituals and all the extras. I’m working hard to accommodate couples who want big ceremonies but are working on tight schedules. Remember to select your officiant at least six months in advance if you want this kind of personalized ceremony.

When you choose your own wedding ceremony style the term “short and sweet” may come to mind. It’s helpful to define this a little more when speaking with potential celebrants. Do you want a personalized ceremony, or prefer not to share a lot of your story? If you’re looking for a 5-10 minute ceremony without a lot of personalization, a Vow Exchange or elopement style ceremony may be the perfect fit. This style allows you to write your own vows or select from a few vow options in the repeat-after-me format. There’s space for a ring exchange if you want one, and even for a reading. This style can be perfect for a shy or more private couple who don’t enjoy being the center of attention. A Vow Exchange also works well for a more casual celebration or for second or subsequent marriages.

The final ceremony style I offer is the Certificate Signing. I sometimes refer to this as a “no ceremony” option because it focuses on meeting the legal requirements for marriage in Minnesota and not much more. You respond to a simple question regarding your intention to join in marriage, I extend good wishes for your marriage, make a pronouncement and invite you to kiss. Legal paperwork is signed and the entire process takes no more than 3 minutes.

I performed many Certificate Signings during the pandemic because that’s all we could do. But now you can choose your own wedding ceremony style again. So if you’re having a big celebration and want a personal ceremony experience, ask for the Full Custom ceremony. A Vow Exchange is perfect for smaller, informal gatherings or when you’re not interested in sharing your personal story. And a Certificate Signing will always be the choice for couples who, “just want to make it legal.” Every couple is unique and has their own style, so just pick the ceremony style that fits you best.

Bad Weather Backup Plans – A Wedding Essential

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding planning  tagged bad weather venue / wedding / wedding backup plans / wedding ceremony by

Bad weather backup plans are essential for Minnesota weddings. The variability of our weather makes an indoor ceremony plan necessary for anyone planning an outdoor ceremony.

Most people think of rain as the weather problem requiring a move to an indoor ceremony space, but our current hot weather demonstrates that there are more weather conditions to consider. Extreme heat is uncomfortable for everyone, but can be deadly for senior citizens like grandparents, and for guests with underlying health conditions. And don’t forget about yourselves and your wedding party. Tuxedos and suits are not normal daily wear for many of the men in your wedding party, and long dresses made of synthetic fabrics can cause your women to melt in the heat. Hair and makeup is not going to be optimal following photo sessions before the ceremony. Who wants to look wilted on their wedding day?

Over the years I’ve encountered other weather conditions that wreak havoc with outdoor ceremonies, too. The Rochester area is known to often be breezy, but there are many days when winds top 25 miles per hour. If it is a temperate day this might not be a problem, but consider a 50 degree late September day when the wind has a definite bite to it. Not pleasant conditions for guests or the wedding party. And the same can be true of early spring ceremonies.

Given the variety of weather we experience here in Minnesota, well considered bad weather backup plans are needed to address this critical but uncontrollable element of your wedding day. Knowing that there is a viable indoor space available, ideally at the same venue as your outdoor ceremony space, will allow for a graceful shift in plans if the weather requires it.

No one wants to consider that weather will adversely impact their ceremony plans, but the reality is that it can and too often does. Having bad weather backup plans in your back pocket can save the day and keep the celebration on track.