wedding ceremony

Sharing Observations From an Unexpected Wedding

 in Guests / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged ushers / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by


Sharing observations from an unexpected wedding I stumbled across last weekend. A wedding took place at the resort I was visiting for a family gathering. It was a unique opportunity to observe a ceremony that I wasn’t performing. Here are some things I noted that you might want to consider for your own ceremony.

  1. Have your celebrant invite people to stand and sit at appropriate times. There was a lengthy interaction between the couple and their parents at the beginning of the ceremony. The guests were visibly shifting around, not sure if they should stand or be seated during it. Eventually the celebrant did invite people to be seated, but they would have been able to see what was happening in front if they had been seated before this ritual.
  2. Make sure your ushers know what you want them to do. This couple had four ushers which should have been more than adequate. However, they were standing around socializing before the ceremony and did not help move guests toward the seats. They also did not hold late arrivals during the processional, so a couple walked part way up the aisle between the seating of the mothers and the entrance of the wedding party.
  3. Consider allowing the women in your wedding party to select their own dresses, coordinating only by color. All seven female attendants had obviously selected their own dresses. Some were tea length, others floor length. I saw chiffon, lace, jersey, and satin, all in a peachy champagne color. The maid of honor wore a darker, almost brown velvet dress that coordinated but allowed her to stand out. Taking this approach with your attendants allows them each to feel comfortable and beautiful as they support you throughout the day.
  4. Explain any rituals or actions included in the ceremony. After the exchange of vows and rings, the couple stepped to a small table at the back of the ceremony space. I have no idea what they did there as nothing was explained and it was difficult to see. A simple introduction by the celebrant would have made this more meaningful.
  5. Help your guests know where to go/what comes next after the ceremony. Remember those ushers I mentioned above? At the end of the ceremony they remained seated in their back row instead of releasing the guests from their rows. There also as no announcement made to tell the guests where to go immediately following the ceremony. The all remained seated for a few awkward moments before some guests in the middle of the chairs stood up and started to leave the space. Others followed, but having the ushers facilitate the exit would have been pleasant for the guests.

A ceremony was not on my agenda for our family gathering last weekend. But I hope that sharing observations from an unexpected wedding will provide some food for thought as you plan your special day.

The Role of a Wedding Celebrant

 in Celebrant / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding celebrant / wedding ceremony by

The role of a wedding celebrant is more than showing up at the appointed day and time. It is more than reading a generic ceremony with only your names slotted into the appropriate spots. The role of a wedding celebrant begins with your first contact, and ends when all the legalities are complete.

Britta & Samuel, July 2021
Wedding Celebrant in action

Your initial contact will include sharing the date and location of your wedding ceremony. The celebrant will let you know if they are available. The next step is to determine if you are a good match for each other. This is a crucial step that should not be overlooked. You’ll want to learn if the celebrant can provide the kind of ceremony you want. Religious, spiritual, and secular are the high level categories here. As a Humanist Celebrant who only offers secular ceremonies, I explain that the ceremonies I write and offer do not include any references to gods or the supernatural, and do not include any readings from holy books or prayers. Don’t hesitate to let the celebrant know what you want – there are no wrong answers here, only what’s right for you.

Another important role of a wedding celebrant is the creation of your ceremony. You’ll want to learn how they work to see if it matches with your style. Examples of questions to ask here are:

  • Do you create custom ceremonies? Or do you provide samples of each ceremony element and we decide which we want to include?
  • Do you ask for our input via questionnaires? And do we get to review and update a draft of the ceremony?
  • Do you include a sermon, and if so, what do you talk about?
    Consider how much time you’re willing to invest in your wedding ceremony to ensure you’re a good match for the celebrant.

The role of a wedding celebrant also can include running your rehearsal, if you’re having one. You’ll want to know if this is a service they provide, and if there is an additional fee to have them run your rehearsal.

And finally, the role of a wedding celebrant on the wedding day is crucial to understand. You’ll want to be clear on when they will arrive at the venue, if they will help organize the processional,
if they will need a microphone, and how they will handle signing the legal paperwork. Your stress will be reduced if you know what to expect from your celebrant.

It is true that your guests will see the work of the celebrant only for the duration of the ceremony, but I estimate that I spend 20+ hours on each ceremony I perform. The role of a wedding celebrant occurs mostly before the wedding day and behind the scenes. But a top notch celebrant can ensure a memorable, personal ceremony to start your wedding day celebration on a high note.

Loving on Marriage Equality

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Marriage Equality / Weddings  tagged ceremony / marriage equality / same sex wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Loving on marriage equality means welcoming and supporting couples of all genders and sexual orientations. It means working with them to help create a wedding ceremony that honors their love, and their commitment to each other. Now forces at work in our country are making noise about wanting to remove this right from some couples. So it means standing up and saying loudly that I support all couples.

Custom wedding ceremony

I have proudly supported loving couples through the years. First with commitment ceremonies before marriage equality passed. Then by offering legal wedding ceremonies to couples of all genders and sexual orientations as soon as that became possible in Minnesota. I cheered when marriage equality was extended to everyone with the Obergefell v. Hodges decision in 2015. It has been a privilege and pleasure to work with same sex couples to craft inclusive, personal ceremonies.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Now, however, there are concerns that marriage equality rights could be at risk as this news article demonstrates. Bills have been introduced in the US House to secure marriage equality rights. But it is not clear if they will succeed in the US Senate.

While the bills are considered, some couples are seeking the protections of legal marriage now. Loving on marriage equality continues to be a cornerstone of my business, and I will continue to serve all couples without discrimination. Minnesota Life Celebrations is a safe space to design your ideal secular ceremony, whatever that looks like.

I invite all couples considering marriage to join me in loving on marriage equality where love wins for everyone.

Dealing with Unruly Guests

 in Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged unruly guests / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Dealing with unruly guests is occasionally a necessity at weddings. The need can arise from a variety of situations. Recently I became aware of an aunt who was sitting in the seats reserved for the groom’s parents. When family members suggested she move to another row of seats, she declined. I approached her and explained these seats were reserved for the parents who would be walking in at the beginning of the ceremony. She said they could sit elsewhere. I explained again and politely insisted that she move from those seats. She reluctantly moved.

Your celebrant can help in this kind of situation when it happens before the ceremony begins. Make sure you let them know where you want honored guests (parents, grandparents, etc) seated. Before the ceremony begins they can help ensure things are as you wish them to be.

Another helper in dealing with unruly guests is an usher. If you let them know who is to be seated in reserved seating, they can help ensure everyone is where you want them to be. Ushers can also handle late arriving guests. They can ensure that the late arrivals stay in the back until the processional is finished, and then help them discretely find seats. If a guest becomes disruptive during the ceremony an usher can assist them to leave the ceremony space.

Perhaps you have a family member or friend who is known to be disruptive. Perhaps they have a substance abuse issue, or are generally difficult. Asking another family member or friend to be their “buddy” for the day can help. This “minder” can stay close, and if the guest becomes loud, aggressive or disruptive, they can escort the person from the wedding.

For serious situations, you might even consider hiring professional security. I’ve had situations where an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend had caused trouble in the past. The couple was concerned they would show up and cause a disturbance at the wedding. They wanted them kept out of the venue altogether and hired security to remove that worry from their minds.

You can’t anticipate every situation that could occur when you’ve gathered a large group of family and friends. But knowing your guests and thinking through the possibilities makes dealing with unruly guests easier. Make sure to inform your wedding party, ushers, vendors, and celebrant about any concerns so we can help ensure a disruption free day for you.

Honoring New Families at Weddings

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony  tagged blended family / ceremony / ceremony readings / handfasting / sand ceremony / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings with children by

Honoring new families at weddings extends the significance of the wedding ceremony beyond the couple. Opportunities to include family elements in your ceremony arise when there are children from this or previous relationships. The ways of honoring new families will vary depending on the ages of the children and on their interest in participating.

Often children of any age will be included in the wedding party. Perhaps as bridemaids, groomsmen, junior attendants or flower girls or ring bearers. It is important to understand the children’s interest in participating in this way. Even adult children may have unresolved feelings due to their parents’ divorce. No one should ever be placed in an uncomfortable public position during a wedding.

There are other ways to include your children in your ceremony that are more personal. Again, the age of the children will define appropriate options, but here are a few to consider:

For young children, there is a book called “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. This story can be offered as the reading during the ceremony. It assures the children that the couple will love them always. I’ve had a couple present a copy of the book to their daughters to follow along as the story was shared at the ceremony. This provided a meaningful memento of the day and can be read often. Other options for readings are “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton or excerpts from “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. These are stories the children will be able to relate to, that also share concepts appropriate for marriages.

My Love Will Find You
Childrens book used for reading as a wedding that created a blended family

Children of all ages can share in a Sand Ceremony ritual where different colored sand is blended creating a visual representation of the new blended family. Along this line I’ve also had family members each decorate a special stone or rock that is placed around a tree the couple has planted. If the children are of elementary age or older they can help with a handfasting ritual. They place ribbons across the parents’ clasped hands with each ribbon representing a wish for the couple and the family.

Family Sand

And lastly, gifts can be presented to the children to include them in this special day. Traditional gifts include necklaces or framed photos of the new family. I also had a new stepdad gift his stepson with a new hockey stick in honor of their shared love of the game. The more meaningful the gifts are the more they will connect with the children.

Blended Family

Each couple will decide how far they want to go in honoring new families at their ceremony. As with so many aspects of your wedding day, there are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps you want to keep the ceremony focused on your love and commitment as a couple. Or perhaps you want the children involved in many aspects of your ceremony and your wedding day as possible. Whatever choice you make, know that there are many options available to you, and working with your celebrant you’re sure to find ones that fit your situation.