wedding ceremony

Envision Your Wedding Ceremony

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It can be a challenge as an engaged couple to envision your wedding ceremony in detail. You know your date, you know your venue, you know you’re going to have a ceremony, but what will that include and how will you make is special and memorable? Couples I work with are seeking a secular or non-religious ceremony, but want it to be appropriately significant and to mark this important step in life.

Occasionally I’ll meet with a couple who already knows many of the things they want in their ceremony, and I’m happy to work with them to include those elements. But most often couples tell me they have little idea where to start or what to include. Since we aren’t bound by religious requirements the simple answer is that anything is possible, but that isn’t a particularly helpful answer. That’s why I come to each initial meeting with a couple prepared with lists and pictures and ideas and experiences.

Envision Your Wedding Ceremony - Crossing the threshold to marriage

Using those resources we can quickly determine what is important to you as a couple, and what you want to spend time on during your ceremony. We can also set a target length for your ceremony, and explore many options and possibilities to reflect your personalities and priorities. During our discussion you can begin to envision your wedding ceremony in a more concrete way – you understand the flow, the content and the feelings evoked.

Being able to envision your wedding ceremony will help it feel more real, and can relieve the stress of the unknown. And it will become even more real to you when I provide the first draft of your ceremony and you can see it come together. Every couple deserves to have a unique and memorable ceremony. Together we can envision your ceremony and then bring it to life.

Extending Your Wedding Ceremony Experience

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Rituals / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding guests by

Extending your wedding ceremony experience can make your ceremony fresh and memorable for you and your guests, and get your celebration off to a great start. Extending your wedding ceremony doesn’t mean making the ceremony itself longer, but rather offers ways to surround your ceremony with things for your guests to see and do.

Some couples are opting to offer a social hour – or half hour – before the ceremony begins. They invite guests, for example, to arrive at 4:00pm for a brief social time before a 4:30pm start time. While this is a nice idea, it can be tricky to get people to stop socializing and shift to a ceremony mindset. Know your guests here, and decide if this is a good idea for your group.

Extending your wedding ceremony experience can also be accomplished by showing a video of you as a couple before the ceremony begins. Some couples show this kind of video during their reception, but pictures showing the growth and path of your relationship can be a great introduction to your ceremony. You probably don’t want to include the “cute kids” pictures, but rather focus on the two of you together, the experiences you’ve shared, and your life together. Backed with some of your favorite music, this can be an entertaining interlude for your guests as they wait for the ceremony to begin. A caveat with this suggestion – if your ceremony is taking place outdoors, make sure the video can be seen in the sunlight.

Guests show support for marriage by adding thumbprints

And a final way to extend your ceremony experience is to introduce the thumbprints poster you want your guests to contribute to in place of a guestbook. These have become popular, but can be more meaningful if introduced during the ceremony as a community ritual demonstrating your guests’ support for your marriage. You and your wedding party can place your thumbprints on the poster during the ceremony, and guests can be invited by your officiant to add their thumbprints on the way into the social hour/reception space. You’ll get much better participation with this positioning and invitation from the officiant, and will have a more complete poster to hang in your home as a remembrance of the special people who shared in your special day.

As these three examples show, with a little “out of the box” thinking extending your wedding ceremony experience in ways that make it more enjoyable, more personal and more meaningful for your guests is fairly easily accomplished. Happy ceremony planning!

Meaningful Unity Rituals

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Meaningful unity rituals can add a memorable touch to your wedding ceremony. Along with your exchange of vows and rings, the unity ritual serves as a highlight of the ceremony when it is done well. So how do you ensure that your unity ritual is meaningful and significant?

Meaningful unity rituals serve a purpose. The purpose is to visually illustrate the vows you’ve just exchanged – blending your lives, joining your lives, becoming one, bringing your individuality to your marriage, and respecting each others goals and preferences can each be demonstrated with unity rituals. The more personal the ritual, the more meaningful it can be.

There are a few well known unity rituals – the unity candle lit from tapers representing your single lives now joining together, and the sand ceremony blending different colored sand showing the blending of your lives into one. They are fine, and if you like them, you should have them in your ceremony. There is another set of unity rituals gaining popularity including handfasting, love letters and tree plantings. They, too, should be part of your ceremony if you like the symbolism involved in them.

Love Letters Unity Ritual

If you select one of the newer unity rituals, and especially if you have a unity ritual created just for you, it is essential that the symbolism and meaning be explained to your guests while you perform the ritual.

A story was shared with me regarding a recent wedding. There was a unity ritual, because the couple moved to a table and did something with dirt from two containers, but no one explained what exactly they were doing or what it was supposed to signify. That unity ritual was a failure from the perspective of the guests. Hopefully it had meaning for the couple, but because it wasn’t explained the guests felt left out and not respected. Maybe the soil came from their childhood homes and would be used to plant a tree outside their own home, thus connecting their histories and families. Or maybe they had gathered the soil on vacations they’ve shared and it represented their love of travel. Or maybe the soil represented the basis for their marriage – as the soil supports and nourishes a tree it surrounds, so will they work to support and nourish their marriage going forward. If the symbolism this ritual held for the couple had been explained, the guests would have understood it, would have learned about the priorities and focus of the couple, and the ritual would have become a significant part of the ceremony.

If you don’t like any of the “standard” unity rituals, or any of the “newer” unity rituals, and don’t want to explore the possibility of a personal unity ritual, that’s OK, too. Unity rituals are a totally optional part of the ceremony. I like them because they involve movement and action for the couple which is visually interesting, and if well explained, can add meaning to the ceremony. But they aren’t for everyone. You can choose to move from your exchange of vows and rings to the closing elements of the ceremony. Simple ceremonies can be lovely and can keep the focus on your promises/vows which can be very touching, too. Just remember to ensure meaningful unity rituals for yourselves and your guests if you choose to include them in your wedding ceremony.

Ensuring your Ceremony Hits the Right Note

 in Ceremony / Music / Weddings  tagged ceremony music / wedding ceremony by

Your ceremony hits the right note when your music is fully integrated and flawlessly performed. When that happens it sets the tone, highlights important ceremony moments, and transitions your guests on to the reception. But music can also hit a sour note, becoming a distraction, leading to awkward silences, and destroying the vision you had for your ceremony.

I’ve had recent experiences at both ends of the spectrum. At one wedding the couple wanted the recorded music played by a family friend. The problem started when they didn’t select that person ahead of time, and did not have the person at the rehearsal so they could see where the music fit into the ceremony. On the wedding day, the person played bits of all the ceremony music while the attendants entered, trying to get to the right piece. The bride actually came in to the recessional song, “Signed, Sealed, Delivered”. Then at the end of the ceremony the device had locked up and the responsible person didn’t know the passcode. It was a quiet recessional, and definitely not what the couple envisioned. Note that if you are having a professional DJ play your recorded music, you don’t need to have them attend the rehearsal, but all amateurs need to be there.

A music disaster was barely averted at another recent ceremony. The couple wanted a piece of music that was special to them played during the ceremony. I included an introductory comment about the significance of the music in the ceremony and thought we were all set to go. When I was reviewing the cue sheet I had prepared for their professional DJ however, she was unaware of the song in the middle of the ceremony. Luckily, she was able to locate and download the music to her computer and insert it into her playlist for the ceremony. Everything worked out OK, but this is a caution to make sure you let your DJ know ahead of time about all the music you want as part of the ceremony.

And finally, the positive experience: This couple selected music that was particularly meaningful to them for both the processional and ring warming ritual. They shared the significance of these pieces with me, and I was able to draw the guests’ attention to it, and even wrap some of the lyrics into my opening comments. This kind of information sharing allowed the music and ceremony to be intertwined in a way that enhanced both.

So when you’re doing your wedding planning, remember to focus on the ceremony music you want and take steps to ensure that it hits the right note to start off your wedding celebration.

The Recessional Song Puts an Exclamation Point on your Ceremony

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The Recessional song you select can put an exclamation point on the end of your wedding ceremony and transition you and your guests to the party that follows. While processional, or opening, music tends to be slower, more romantic or stately, you want your recessional song to start strong and upbeat – to carry you down the aisle as a married couple, and get the party started.

You can personalize your recessional song by choosing your favorite music genre and by paying attention to the message the lyrics convey. Here are a few suggestions across the musical spectrum:

Classical (instrumental): “Water Music, Suite 2” – Handel, “Spring” – Vivaldi, “Brandenburg Concerto, Number 1” – Bach

Country: “Feel Again” – One Republic, “Home” – Phillip Phillips, “Love You Out Loud” – Rascal Flatts

Classic Rock: “Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours” – Stevie Wonder, “All You Need is Love” – The Beatles, “This Will Be (an Everlasting Love)” – Natalie Cole (start 30 seconds in)

Rat Pack: “Come Fly With Me” – Frank Sinatra, “Fly Me To The Moon” – Frank Sinatra

Contemporary: “Best Day of My Life” – American Authors, “You Are the Best Thing In My Life” – Ray LaMontagne, “Lucky” – Jason Mraz/Colbie Caillat, “Heaven” – Los Lonely Boys, “Marry You” – Bruno Mars

Contemporary Instrumentals: “Lucky” – Vitamin String Quartet performs Jason Mraz, “Waterfall” – The Piano Guys (Jon Schmidt Original)

Whether you choose live or recorded music, instrumentals or versions with lyrics, the music you select to close your ceremony will be remembered. Let it reflect your style, your feelings, and your joy on this important day in your life. If your guests are humming along, tapping their toes, or dancing in their seats, you’ll know you’ve hit the right chord. Your recessional song will mark the end of your wedding ceremony with a joyful exclamation point.