wedding ceremony

Same Day Marriages in Minnesota – Not Always Easy

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged elopement / same day marriage / wedding ceremony by

Same day marriages in Minnesota can be tricky, as many couples discover. They apply for their marriage license at the local county offices, and then ask the clerk, “Now where can we get married?” In many counties in Minnesota there is no place to go at that moment. By Minnesota state law judges and retired judges can perform marriages, but in many counties they are so busy that they cannot offer these services at all, or at least not during business hours or without a scheduled appointment. And very few counties staff a wedding officiant on site.

So what’s a couple to do? Many turn to Google or the internet in some form. A simple search of “wedding officiant ‘city name'”, for example, “wedding officiant Rochester”, will return information on local wedding officiants. With a quick phone call or two you may be able to find someone who can provide the service you seek that very day.

That’s what happened to me just yesterday. I was traveling back to Minnesota after a family gathering when my phone rang about 1pm. A bride was on the line asking if I could provide a wedding ceremony in a few hours. Fortunately, my calendar was open, and at 7pm we stood in her grandparents backyard for a short, sweet exchange of vows and rings. With wishes for a long and happy marriage I pronounced them legally married and they sealed their promises with a kiss.

I call these kinds of ceremonies Vow Exchanges. They are not customized to you, but can include personal vows you write, if you wish, or I can offer a choice of a few “repeat after me” vow options. The ceremony includes an optional exchange of rings, too. If you don’t want any ceremony at all, I also offer a “Certificate signing” service that meets the minimal requirements for marriage in the state of Minnesota. I offer Vow Exchange and Certificate Signing services for very small gatherings in Rochester only, at agreed upon days and times.

So, if you’re looking for options for same day marriages or short turnaround services, I can be of assistance. You can have a memorable experience even if you discover the county offices aren’t able to meet your needs. Call me.

Including Guests in Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Rituals / Weddings  tagged ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding guests by

Including guests in your wedding ceremony makes it more personal, unique and interesting. Individual guests can be invited to participate based on their relationship to you or based on a talent they have. And all guests can be invited to participate to demonstrate their support for you and your marriage.

A friend or relative that you are close to can be invited to offer a reading. You’ll want to make sure that they are comfortable with public speaking and can read clearly and slowly. I’ve seen mutual friends of the couple, a close aunt or uncle, grandparents, personal attendants, or even parents of the couple asked to do the reading.

If you have musically talented friends or relatives, you can invite them to offer a musical selection before the ceremony begins, to back the processional, recessional or unity ritual, or as a standalone solo during the ceremony. If you opt for the standalone solo option, it’s nice to have the person stand where they can be seen so guests can watch them perform.

If your state requires witnesses to sign your wedding certificate, this is yet another special role that can be offered to guests. While most often couples invite the best man and maid of honor to sign the certificate, I’ve also had couples invite their mothers, fathers, and even grandparents to take this important role.

Ring Warming

A ring warming ritual is a newer option for including guests in your wedding ceremony. The rings you will exchange are placed in a small bowl, basket or bag, or tied together with ribbon and passed among all the guests. This ritual is performed early in the ceremony so the rings are back in front by the time you finish your vows and are ready to exchange the rings. Guests are invited to imbue the rings with their love and best wishes for you and your marriage, and as you exchange them the rings are spoken of as now carrying those wishes as you cross the threshold into marriage.

Another option for guest involvement begins when everyone is given a small stone or pebble as they are being seated. Then, near the end of the ceremony they are invited to hold their pebbles, respond verbally to a request to support you in your marriage, and then imbue the pebble with their good wishes for you. If your guest list is very small (30 or fewer), you can invite the guests to come forward one at a time, place their pebble in a bowl or basket, and then share their wishes with you verbally. For larger groups, you can place the basket or bowl next to you in the receiving line and invite guests to drop their pebbles there and share their wishes as you greet them after the ceremony.

Thumbprint Ritual

And a final option is for you to place overlapping thumbprints on a tree or other drawing on a poster board during your ceremony representing the joining of your lives in marriage. Then have your honor attendants place their thumbprints on the tree in support of your marriage and invite guests to do the same during the reception. The poster board can also include places for your guests to add their signatures so it serves as a guestbook/recording of your guests, too.

Including guests in your wedding is another way to personalize your ceremony and make it more memorable for everyone. Consider the personalities, talents and interests of your family and friends to decide how you might invite them to participate in your special day.

Modern Marriage

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / modern / modern marriage / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Modern marriage is a venture of equals. No longer is the bride viewed as property to be passed from father to husband. No longer is marriage a financial transaction to enhance the wealth of a man. No longer must a woman forfeit her money or property and lose all rights to either in the future. Thankfully, modern marriage is a joining of equals based on feelings of love and a commitment to build a future together.

Unfortunately, some of the traditions of the wedding ceremony have not kept up with the times. There are a few “traditional” parts of the ceremony that you may choose to drop or modify so the ceremony reflects your views and values. Here are just a few examples:

– The bride is traditionally escorted in to the ceremony by her father. Historically this represented the literal transference of the “property” -the bride- to the groom. In modern marriage the honor of escorting the bride (and the groom) can be given to the parents, or kept with the father to recognize a special, loving relationship. However, you are welcome to enter as a couple, you can enter alone, or you can choose to be escorted by anyone who has held a special place in your life.

– Upon arrival at the front of the ceremony space, the bride’s escort is traditionally asked, “Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?” or something similar. There is absolutely no reason this must be included in your ceremony, and most guests won’t even miss it if it’s not. A heartfelt hug shared with your escort before stepping forward with your partner is sufficient and lovely.

– Traditionally, the bride wore a veil over her face for the first part of the wedding ceremony. Her face was only revealed after the vows had been said. This prevented a groom who had never seen his bride before from bolting if he didn’t like her looks, or was done to preserve her modesty. Today only some brides choose to wear a veil at all, and do so as a fashion statement, not to prevent being seen.

– Wedding vows used to include the phrase, “love, honor and obey…”, but only for the bride. In modern wedding ceremonies you can choose to write your own vows or select vows that are meaningful and appropriate for the relationship you have built with each other.

– And finally, modern marriage uses parallel language, so it is no longer “man and wife” but “husband and wife” recognizing that you are both taking on a new role in marriage. Similarly, the introduction of the couple at the end of the ceremony is more likely to be “Mr and Mrs John and Mary Smith” or, if you’re not changing your last name, “… as a married couple, Mary Jones and John Smith”, or even, “Mary and John Jones-Smith”.

Modern marriage is a joining of two equal people, be they men, women or one of each, so make sure you review the language and rituals of your wedding ceremony to ensure it reflects your thinking and values.

Ceremony Start Time on Invitations

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony start time / wedding ceremony / weddings by

What ceremony start time should be noted on your wedding invitations? This is a question many couples struggle with as they plan their wedding day. Today’s day to day social scene is very relaxed. Gatherings are posted on social media and people come if they can and are interested. In contrast, a wedding day is a much more formal social event, but not everyone knows how to handle that.

Wedding etiquette says that guests should arrive approximately 15 – 20 minutes before the ceremony start time. This gives them time to park, find the ceremony site, make a quick restroom stop if needed, and be seated well before the wedding party is ready to enter the space. It has long been considered a serious faux pas to “race the bride down the aisle.” But it happens all to frequently these days. The worst offense I’ve seen is the late arriving guest who stepped between two bridesmaids as they made their way down the aisle, only to step around and in front of a number of guests already seated to reach an empty chair.

Because couples are aware that their guests may not arrive appropriately early for their wedding ceremony, they are left struggling to decide if they should “pad” the ceremony start time on their invitations. For example, they consider listing a 4:00pm ceremony time when they are really planning to begin at 4:30pm. While this may help solve the problem of late arriving guests, it creates other problems.

Some ceremony venues run very tight schedules, and your guests may not be allowed to enter until 15 minutes before the ceremony begins. This can leave your guests literally out on the sidewalk in the sun, rain, or other inclement weather. Even if they can access the ceremony space, if they arrive appropriately early based on the time your invitation indicates, their wait will be even longer. It is simply rude to leave polite guests waiting 45 minutes for a ceremony to start.

I suggest that you list your real ceremony start time on your invitations, and then enlist the aid of your families and friends to help spread the word that the ceremony will start promptly at the appointed time, and to please plan accordingly. I’ve also heard of couples who use their wedding websites to communicate this, and others who include a small note with their invitations if they know certain people habitually run late.

Weddings are formal social events, and while we don’t have many of those these days, it’s good form to understand the etiquette involved, and to enjoy the special experience.

Handfasting Done Your Way

 in Ceremony / Rituals / Weddings  tagged handfasting / unity ritual / wedding ceremony by

Handfasting is a ritual that has its roots in the Middle Ages in Ireland and Scotland. It is where the phrase “tying th knot” in relation to marriage comes from. It has also historically been used in Pagan or Wiccan ceremonies. Handfasting, however, has been modernized, secularized and come into its own as a unity ritual in contemporary wedding ceremonies.

Handfasting rituals these days can be done a number of different ways based on your personal priorities and preferences. The simplest handfasting ritual involves a single cord or sash that is wrapped loosely around your joined hands while words about the way you are choosing to bind yourselves together in marriage and for your future are offered. In this kind of handfasting the material wrapped around your hands can be significant… or not. I’ve had a couple use a sash made from the bride’s wedding gown when it was shortened, and couple use a brightly colored sash made by the bride’s mom in a lovely and substantial braided pattern. I’ve also had couples purchase a simple decorative cord from a local craft shop in a neutral color or in one of the wedding colors.

Handfasting with parents' assistance

A more elaborate handfasting ritual is possible using colored ribbons. Each ribbon represents a wish for you as a married couple. The wish is spoken as the ribbon is draped over your hands, and when all the wishes/ribbons have been placed they are tied as a group. Again the ribbons themselves can have minimal or significant meaning. For example I worked with a same sex couple shortly after marriage equality passed. They opted to have ribbons in the colors of the rainbow used for their handfasting ritual. Other couples have used ribbons in the colors of their wedding day, and I just wrote a handfasting ritual for a couple of nature lovers using ribbons the colors of sun, sky, trees and the earth.

While some celebrants perform the physical act of the handfasting, I prefer to have you invite family members or friends to do the wrapping and tying while I stand to the side and explain the significance or offer the wishes. This is a great way to include special people in your ceremony and provides visual power as they support your choice to marry by participating in the ritual.

Your handfasting ritual can be customized to your preferences and is one more way to personalize your wedding ceremony. While you are considering possible unity rituals for your ceremony, don’t forget handfasting and its many options for a meaningful, powerful and fun option.