wedding ceremony

Feeling Pressure to Add Glitz and Glamour

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged simplify wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding favors / wedding runners / weddings by

If you are feeling pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day, you are not alone. Social media, wedding sites and Pinterest present pictures of over the top wedding ceremonies and celebrations that are putting pressure on couples to “one up” their friends. They encourage you to make the day a “one of a kind experience” and push all kinds of “things” to make this happen. You don’t have to fall into this trap, over extend your budget, and lose yourselves in the process.

Instead, I encourage you to take some time to reflect and talk with each other about what is really important to you about your day, and importantly, why? If you choose things that are authentically you for all aspects of your wedding day it will be personal, unique, meaningful and memorable.

Here are three examples of ways to simplify and resist feeling pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day:

1. Allow your guests to celebrate the pronouncement of your marriage and introduction at the end of your ceremony with a hearty round of applause (and cheers if they feel so inclined). Bubbles, bells, streamers on sticks, and the most recent one I saw – custom flower petal confetti that the guests create for themselves from a confetti bar – can be expensive and often go under utilized.

2. Eliminate runners – that strip of cloth (or these days, often paper) that is rolled down the aisle before the bride enters. Runners can be big business these days as companies offer custom versions with elaborate monograms, poems, graphics and more on expensive fabrics. Runners especially in outdoor ceremony settings, are a trip hazard, roll up in the breeze and are quickly stained with mud and grass. Embrace your outdoor venue and leave the runners behind.

3. Eliminate guest favors, or replace them with a donation to a meaningful cause. There is often tension as you work to identify special favors for your guests and manage the cost of such a large number of them. The engraved shot glasses, personalized drink cozies and ornaments are often left behind at the end of the reception. Save your time and money and make a real effort to speak personally with everyone who attends your wedding, and follow with thoughtful thank you notes for gifts you receive. Realize that wedding favors (beyond a traditional tulle wrapped handful of candied almonds or other cultural favor) only came into vogue in the last 25 years or so. If you feel you need to do something, take the money you would have spent on favors and make a donation to an organization that helps people. Let your guests know with a note on the dinner tables or in the ceremony program as part of a thank you statement.

When you avoid feeling the pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day you reduce your stress, reduce your costs and save your energy for more important things. Your day will be unique because you are as a couple. You don’t need to be tied to traditions that don’t fit you or to expectations put on you by family, friends, and social media.

Expressing Gratitude: A Gracious Touch

 in Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Weddings  tagged gratitude / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Expressing gratitude at your wedding is a gracious touch to a day normally focused exclusively on you as a couple. With the Thanksgiving holiday this week, it is a natural time to reflect on all the things we are grateful for in our lives. I invite you to consider highlighting some of that gratitude when gathering with your family and friends to celebrate at your wedding, too.

Here are just a few of the people you might want to recognize in your ceremony:

– The guests who have gathered to celebrate with you. Expressing gratitude to everyone for making the effort to be there in the opening moments of the ceremony will make them feel appreciated and a part of your day.

– Family members and friends who have passed or are not able to be with you due to illness, geography, or military service. These loved ones can be honored with a general statement, or by naming them, or by invoking a moment of silence in their memory. Alternately, a candle can be lit in their memory, a memorial note can be placed in your ceremony program, or pictures of them can be placed in a prominent location in either the ceremony space or reception venue.

– Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your parents can be included in your wedding ceremony or in toasts at your reception. You might consider what they have given you growing up – opportunities, love, and support as you grew into the person you are today. Or perhaps they have been very supportive of your relationship, or with planning your wedding day. You might even thank each others parents for raising the person who you love.

– If the people who introduced you are at your wedding, giving them a special nod or even a role in your ceremony can be a wonderful touch. I’ve had friends share a reading, and mentioned the maid of honor or groomsmen who introduced the couple. In one special ceremony, the relatives who introduced the couple were invited to participate in the sand ceremony, pouring the first layer of sand symbolizing the family foundation that the couple’s relationship is built on.

– And finally, you want to find a way to express your gratitude to your partner. If you’re writing your own vows, remember to mention the positive impact they have had on you, or how much you love them, or how wonderful it is to consider a future by their side. Otherwise, your toast at the reception is another good place to thank them and tell everyone what a wonderful person they are.

While the wedding day is all about you, expressing gratitude for the important people in your life is a thoughtful and gracious gesture. It demonstrates your appreciation of the fact that we walk through life surrounded and impacted by others, and that will be true throughout your marriage, too.

Ceremony Length: What is Too Short and Too Long?

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony length / ceremony too long / ceremony too short / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Selecting the right ceremony length for your wedding will ensure a significant, meaningful ceremony experience, and will keep the attention and interest of your guests at the same time. Finding the right balance between too short and too long is actually fairly easy to do when you have control over the content of your ceremony.

When you choose a customized wedding ceremony you are able to decide what elements you wish to include and can choose the target length of your ceremony, too. Readings, unity rituals, and even your vows can be selected with an awareness of length and complexity if you want to keep your ceremony on the shorter side. The Love Story segment (or homily or sermon) can easily be expanded or reduced as well.

So how short is too short and how long is too long when considering your ceremony length? This is a significant moment in your life and should not be rushed. You are making promises to each other that are meant to last a lifetime. And you’ve gathered your family and friends to share this moment with you. They may have traveled long distances and made significant efforts to share this moment with you. With all that said, I recommend that you not plan for a ceremony shorter than 15 minutes (and add a few more to allow for the entrance and exit of the parents and wedding party). Shorter than that is likely to leave everyone feeling that they blinked and missed the ceremony.

On the other end of the ceremony length spectrum, I recommend that you limit your ceremony to 30 minutes or less. No matter how interesting, creative and meaningful your ceremony is, after 30 minutes your guests are going to be getting restless, anxious to check their devices and ready to move on to the next part of your wedding day. Remember that if your ceremony is not bound by religious requirements, you’re not taking time with impersonal rituals or elements. The entire ceremony is focused on you, your love and the commitment you are making to each other, so you can cover a lot of ground in 30 minutes. Select a target ceremony length that gives you time to recognize this important moment in your life and you’ll have wonderful memories to look back on for years to come.

Secular Ceremonies: A Great Option

 in Ceremony / Music / Personalization / Readings / Rituals / Secular / Weddings  tagged non-religious wedding / personal ceremony / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Secular ceremonies are growing in number across the United States. A third of people aged 18 – 34 do not identify with any religion, but want a meaningful, personal ceremony on their wedding day. If this defines you, secular or non-religious weddings are an option you’ll want to explore.

Because secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements they are more flexible and can include only the elements that are significant to you. Don’t want prayers and religious rituals? No problem. Want to include contemporary music and a poem that is meaningful to you? Again, no problem. Interested in having important people in your life help with a unity ritual like handfasting or a tree planting? Absolutely.

That kind of flexibility is possible with secular ceremonies because they are not pre-written ceremonies where only your names are slotted in as a token to personalization. Rather, working with your celebrant, you create the outline of your ceremony and collaborate to make it what you want it to be.

Handfasting, a unity ritual that can include family or friends

Options for music, readings and unity rituals are greater with secular ceremonies, and are limited only by your creativity. Beyond actual ceremony content you can also be creative with how you organize your processional and, recessional, and with your ceremony venue. I’ve had a groom escorted into the ceremony by his fellow adopted siblings, a bride escorted by her brother, sister-in-law and nieces, and a number of brides and grooms enter together. Recessional music is a great way to begin your post-ceremony celebration, and the theme from “Rocky” or “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego movie may fit you perfectly. Ceremonies have taken place in back yards, in caves and on beaches, in parks, museums, and theatres, and in historic barns and on beautiful golf courses, with each venue offering its own special appeal.

Garden wedding venue

If you aren’t tied to a religion and want your wedding ceremony to reflect on the love you’ve found together, honor the commitment you’re making to each other in marriage, and celebrate the bright future in front of you, then a secular ceremony is the perfect answer for you. I’ve been creating and performing secular ceremonies in southeastern Minnesota for nine years now, and can assure you that they are not only possible, but are well received by guests, are a great way to start your wedding day celebration, and will ensure great memories of your wedding for years to come.

Evaluating Wedding Venues

 in Ceremony / Guests / Venue / Weddings  tagged outdoor weddings / wedding ceremony / wedding venues / weddings by

Evaluating wedding venues is one of the first tasks you undertake as a newly engaged couple. When you are checking out possible venues there are many things you need to consider, and it can become overwhelming. Each venue has its own charms… and drawbacks, and you’ll want to select the one that best fits your vision for your wedding. The following list gives you a place to start.

– First you’ll want to ascertain the venue’s availability for your wedding date, or what dates they have available, if you haven’t set your date yet.

– Consider both the indoor and outdoor ceremony spaces. Even if you’re planning an outdoor ceremony, you want to ensure there is an indoor space in case of bad weather. You want the indoor space to be a true, viable alternative as the many extremely hot, wet, and cold weekends this year demonstrate.

– For outdoor ceremony spaces, check to see if power is available. Your DJ and celebrant may need it to power speakers, and you want your guests to be able to hear the ceremony.

– Ask about seating – does the venue provide chairs, hay bales, benches, or do you need to provide the seating? Does seating from the ceremony space needs to be moved to the reception space, and if so, are you responsible for moving it?

– Also for outdoor ceremony spaces, look around. Is there an obvious place for the ceremony, or just lots of open space? If open space, will you need to provide decor elements to create a focal point or backdrop for the ceremony?

– Consider the sun’s location and height at the time of year and time of day your ceremony will be held. Will your guests be staring into bright sunshine?

– When evaluating wedding venues you’ll also want to consider your guests’ comfort and accessibility. Are there restrooms, ramps, wide and stable walkways, sufficient parking?

– Does the venue require you to use specific musicians/DJs, florists, bakers, officiants, caterers, etc? Can they provide the services you want?

– And finally, remember to get information on pricing. Ask about any additional or hidden charges. You want to ensure the venue costs are within your overall budget.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed when searching for the right venue for your wedding day. Take your time, have a list of questions to ask and areas you want to see. Ask if you can take pictures so you can review them later and remember the specifics of each venue. Evaluating wedding venues can be exciting, stressful, overwhelming, and fun all at once, so go in prepared and you’ll be able to select the right venue to make your wedding day vision come true.