wedding ceremony

Wedding Vows Done Right

 in Ceremony / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal vows / vows / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Wedding vows are the most important moment of not only your wedding ceremony, but of your entire wedding day. They are required to make the marriage legal, and equally importantly, they provide the opportunity for you to voice your commitment and promises in front of your community of family and friends. Vows, therefore, should be personal and significant, but can be created and offered a number of different ways.

You can write your own wedding vows, and read them to each other during your ceremony. This option allows you total control over what you say and promise with your vows, while also allowing your personalities to shine. Next week I’ll devote my post to how to write your own vows, but for now, know that it is an option. I don’t recommend however, that you try to memorize your vows. It puts too much pressure on you during an already stressful and busy day, and if you forget them it you’ll feel badly – not the memory you want of your wedding day. Reading your personally written vows is perfectly acceptable, even recommended.

If you don’t feel creative enough to write your own vows, selecting “repeat after me” style vows where you are prompted line by line by your celebrant is a fine alternative. This is, in fact, the most common type of wedding vows used by couples today. There are a nearly unlimited number of pre-written, repeat after me vows at your fingertips with a simple Google search, if those offered by your celebrant don’t meet your needs. Remember, too, that any of these vows can be modified to reflect what you want to say to each other. A word or line can be changed, added or deleted to make it just right for you. Another way to make these kinds of wedding vows feel more personal is for you each to select the vows that best reflect the promises you want to make. You do not both need to say the same vow.

And finally, there are what I refer to as old-fashioned wedding vows. The celebrant asks you if you are making these promises today, and you respond with a simple, “I do.” These are rarely used these days, but are a good solution if you have limited English (and the ceremony is being offered in English), or if you are critically shy. A great way to personalize this style of vow if for you to choose/write the promises you want to make, and then allow the celebrant to voice them for you.

You’ll want your wedding vows to reflect you as individuals as you make your promises to each other, but there are various ways to achieve that goal. Talk with your fiance(e) to decide which approach is right for you.

Wedding Readings Offered Creatively

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Readings / Weddings  tagged ceremony / ceremony readings / creative readings / readings / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Wedding readings are a traditional part of wedding ceremonies, but they can be offered creatively, increasing both interest and meaning. Readings can, of course, be offered by your celebrant, but it is much more interesting to bring another voice or voices into the ceremony.

Having family members or friends offer your wedding readings is fairly common and is a nice gesture to include those loved ones in your special day. Make sure, though, that you share with your celebrant what your connection is with the person or people offering readings so that information can be shared with your guests. And you can think outside the box when choosing your readers, too. Perhaps a grandparent whose soothing voice holds a special place in your memories, or the friend who introduced you. Think about hearing the inspiring words of your readings offered by your moms who have guided you through the years. The choice of a special person for a specific reason is sure to increase the power of the moment in your ceremony.

Thinking even more creatively, here are a few things we’ve done at ceremonies I officiated:

  • Two beloved grandparents who celebrated 50 years of marriage shortly before the wedding shared the reading titled, “All I Want” at their grand daugther’s wedding. Not a dry eye to be seen.
  • The bride and groom in one encore wedding had her two and his three adult daughters share the two wedding readings as they stood up for their parents. The couple was literally surrounded by words of love and encouragement.
  • One couple shared a reading themselves, alternating stanzas, just before they offered their personal vows.
  • An entire wedding party shared a closing reflection reading with each bridesmaid and groomsman offering a wish for the couple going forward.
  • And finally, the siblings of a recent couple offered readings as a special show of support during one ceremony.

Thoughtfully choosing your wedding readings, as I discussed in last week’s post, followed by careful choices of readers and presentation of those readings will make them memorable, and will integrate them into your ceremony in a way that heightens the power and personal meaning of the readings themselves.

Readings for Secular Weddings

 in Ceremony / Readings / Secular / Weddings  tagged secular readings / secular wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Readings for secular weddings are not restricted by rules or religious requirements, so you have a virtually endless selection to choose from. Readings can be sourced from anywhere – poetry, prose, song lyrics, even movie or play scripts. You’ll want to pick something that reflects you as a couple and connect it to other elements of the ceremony.

If you are big into nature, perhaps you’ll pick the passage from Walt Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road” that begins:

Afoot and lighthearted, take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before you,
The long brown path before you,
leading wherever you choose.
Say only to one another:
I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
…

Or possibly the nature imagery in this excerpt from Jo Lynne Wood’s “Together” will speak to you:

Two trees near to each other stood
When they were young and life was new.
Their limbs reach out and their branches entwine
And thus together they grew.
Their roots spread out down under the ground
Joining one with the other,
So, from the top in the sky to the heart
In the earth-the two were joined together.
Thru days when the sun was bright and warm
And the winds were temperamental
When a laughing breeze rustled the leaves,
Or when the rain was soft and gentle.
Thru days when the clouds were dark and gray
And cold and fierce the weather
The two stood firm and faced the storms
Because they stood together.

Maybe you like the ancient poetry of Rumi or the modern poetry of ee cummings. Both offer a variety of passages appropriate for a wedding. Readings for secular weddings can focus on an interest you share like bike riding, or perhaps you want to honor your children by choosing a piece of children’s literature. There is “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton about two special dinosaurs, or multiple passages from Dr. Seuss that can be fun and memorable.

How would you describe yourselves as a couple? Fun loving, serious, romantic, traditional, creative? There are readings for secular weddings that will speak to all kinds of couples with all kinds of interests. By choosing a reading thoughtfully, your guests will see another part of your relationship and feel even more connected to you. Take the time to select a reading that speaks to you about love or marriage in a way that is meaningful to you, and it will truly be a remembered moment in your wedding ceremony.

Make Choices That Reflect Who You Are

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Decor / Guests / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged authentic / ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

“Make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have an end result that you can feel super proud of for a long time.” That’s a quote from Allison Davis of Davis Row, a wedding planning company. I encountered that quote recently while reading an article on upcoming wedding trends for 2019. I think it is one of the most important and helpful observations for you to keep in mind when planning your wedding day.

It is so easy to get caught up in all the wedding trends articles, all the pins on Pinterest, all the internet wedding forums, and all the interesting things you’ve seen at weddings you’ve recently attended. The truth is, you can’t include every interesting thing you see. And you really wouldn’t want to. Your budget and your time will put limits on what you ultimately decide to include in your wedding day, but there is good guidance in that opening quote to help you make your decisions.

When you make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, you ensure an authentic, comfortable and unique wedding day. A personalized wedding ceremony can be a great way to kick off your celebration and share your story and your love with your guests. Selecting attire, a venue, flowers, music and even your photographer to match your style and priorities will help ensure that your personalities shine throughout the day.

Remember that you don’t have to accept hardly anything about your day as a “given”. Perhaps you don’t want to have a wedding party at all, keeping you as a couple in the spotlight. Perhaps you’re not a flower person like one bride I worked with who really wanted to carry her video gaming laser gun instead of a bouquet. Go for it! Or like a recent couple I worked with, perhaps you’re not into the whole wedding dance experience. Take a page from their book and offer board games, card games, a huge Jenga game and a couple of bean bag games to entertain your guests. In their case, they included background music to add to the party atmosphere and guests really enjoyed being able to really converse without shouting over loud music.

Whatever your personality and preferences, make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have a happy, comfortable, and memorable wedding day to launch your new adventure called marriage.

Choosing a Custom Ceremony Starts Your Wedding Day on a High Note

 in Celebrant / Celebration / Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Weddings  tagged custom ceremony / custom wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Choosing a custom ceremony allows you to begin your wedding day celebration on a happy, high note. You will likely start your day with hair and make-up sessions, possibly a first look photo session with your partner, and some family photos before the ceremony. But your ceremony will be the first event you share with your guests, and will set the tone for the rest of your celebration.

Working with a professional celebrant you can define the elements of your ceremony, including those that are meaningful for you and leaving out others. For example, you may want to include a reading that reflects your perspective on love or marriage. You may choose to include any children you have with a special family ritual. You may choose to write your own vows, or you may choose to select from various “repeat after me” style vows.

Perhaps you don’t want to have a parent or parents walk you into the ceremony and prefer to walk in with your partner. And if you prefer a shorter ceremony you may opt to leave out a memorial ritual honoring loved ones not with you on your wedding day and to pass on a statement of community support from your guests.

Whatever choices you make on the elements of your ceremony, your celebrant can work with you to reflect your history, your personalities, your hopes for your future, and how you feel about the commitment you are making to each other in marriage. Your thoughts, feelings and even quotes can be woven through a custom ceremony so your guests leave with a greater understanding of who you are as a couple and what you find so special in each other. They will feel connected to you and ready to move into the rest of your wedding day full of warm feelings and good cheer.

Choosing a custom ceremony requires your cooperation and collaboration with your celebrant as you let her/him get to know you, define the elements of the ceremony you want, and then review and provide feedback to achieve the wedding ceremony that uniquely reflects you and honors the commitment you are making to each other in marriage. Choosing a custom ceremony guarantees an authentic, unique start to your wedding day.