wedding ceremony

Starting With the Basics: Your Wedding Ceremony, Part 1

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony requirements / legal requirements / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Starting with the basics and understanding the requirements of your wedding ceremony is a good place to start when considering your ceremony wishes.. There are many misconceptions around what must and what may be included in your ceremony, so let’s start at the beginning.

Marriage laws are written by each state, and define what must be included to constitute a legal marriage. In Minnesota, the requirements are quite simple. You must:

  • obtain your legal marriage license and wedding certificate from a Minnesota county office. Note: They are valid for six months, so plan accordingly.
  • secure the services of an officiant/celebrant who is registered with the state.
  • have IDs to present, along with the paperwork to your officiant/celebrant.
  • have 2 witnesses, over the age of 16, present for the wedding. They, too, will need IDs.
  • Say that you want to be married to each other. This can be a response to a simple question, or vows you repeat or recite.
  • have your officiant/celebrant return the signed legal paperwork to the county within 5 business days.

That’s the bare minimum requirements to have a legal wedding that results in a marriage that is recognized and registered in the State of Minnesota. There are fees involved in getting your paperwork from the county and for your officiant/celebrant’s services, and there are requirements you must meet to obtain your paperwork. But the actual “wedding” can be very simple and quick.

Sometimes people choose this option, I call it a Certificate Signing, because they’ve been married before and don’t want another big wedding. Sometimes it is because they’ve been together for many years, and while they want to make their partnership legal, they don’t want a big fuss. Sometimes a couple needs to be legally married quickly – often to gain insurance coverage – and are planning a celebration with family and friends at a later date.

One of the most interesting reasons couples choose a simple Certificate Signing is if they are planning a destination wedding out of the country. It can be very time consuming, expensive and complex to understand and meet the marriage laws outside the US. These couples take care of the legalities here at home and then have a ceremony and celebration in the other country without having to worry about the process and paperwork there.

Starting with the basics, understanding what is required in our state to marry, is only the beginning. If you are planning to celebrate with family and friends you likely want something more in your wedding ceremony. But how do you know what to include? In the next few weeks I’ll share some of the many options you can consider for your wedding ceremony and discuss how they fit together and why you may want them in your ceremony.

Starting Your Ceremony on Time: Why and How

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / ceremony start time / on time weddings / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Starting your ceremony on time may seem like an impossible task, but with a little planning and assistance it can and should be done. Your wedding ceremony is usually the first event of your wedding day that everyone participates in – you as a couple, your wedding party and the family and friends you’ve invited to share your special day. That means there are many activities yet to come – social hour, toasts, dinner, cake cutting, the first dance, and more. If you begin your ceremony late it will throw the entire day off schedule which can result in uncomfortable guests, cold or overcooked food, and stress for you as you try to make up time.

So that’s the “why” behind the goal of starting your ceremony on time. Now, with so many moving parts, how do you achieve your goal? Following the suggestions below will help:

  1. Plan, plan, plan. Make sure you know how many hair and make-up stylists will be working with your wedding party. Ask your photographer how much time to allow for family pictures, wedding party pictures, first look pictures, etc. Ask your musicians and officiant how far they will arrive in advance of the ceremony time in order to be ready on time.
  2. Now take all the information you’ve gathered and make a schedule for your day – all the activities from when you wake up in the morning to the start of the processional. (Note: you might want your schedule to go through the evening, too, to keep things moving along.) Then add buffer to most or all of the tasks. For example, if you’re planning to spend 2 hours with your attendants getting hair and make-up done, plan for at least 2 1/2. If photographs are scheduled to end at 3pm, plan for them to end at 3:15 or even 3:30pm. If everything runs to the original plan, you’ve built yourself time to catch your breath, have a drink of water, or spend a few special minutes together and alone before the ceremony begins. These are all good things.
  3. Ask for assistance from family, friends and your wedding party to keep things moving. Impress on your attendants the need to stick to the schedule. If one of your attendants is known for being late, partner him with another attendant who can keep him on schedule. If you aren’t having ushers, ask a couple of friends or family members to act as ceremony hosts. They can direct guests to restrooms and the ceremony space, and most importantly, they can help encourage guests to take their seats starting 10 – 15 minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin. Your officiant should take care of gathering the wedding party and organizing them for the processional, and interface with your musicians so everything is ready to begin on time.

I love to begin ceremonies at the scheduled time, but remain flexible so the guest who arrives as we’re getting ready to walk has a moment to find a seat, or the flower girl who decides she needs a last restroom stop is accommodated. But starting your ceremony on time is a priority for me, and we are usually underway within a couple of minutes of the scheduled time. Starting your ceremony on time is respectful of your guests who may be sitting in the hot sun, or chilly wind. It is respectful to the vendors you’ve hired for the day. It is also a stress reliever for you as the day can unfold gracefully and without constant pressure to catch up. Make it a priority, and starting your ceremony on time CAN happen.

Leveraging The Season

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Weddings  tagged personalized wedding / seasonal weddings / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Leveraging the season is a great way to make your wedding ceremony feel timely and current. Decor, flowers, even the colors you choose can focus your day on the time of year you are marrying. If you have a favorite season and have chosen that for your wedding, even better!

A recent harvest themed wedding I officiated included pumpkins and mums. The bride is a very outdoors person, and table decorations included cross sections of a tree with deer antlers, flowers and candles. Pumpkins marked the entrance to the venue (in this case, decorated with the logos of the sports teams they follow). Huge burgundy mums on pedestals marked the ceremony space, and the bridesmaids wore burgundy dresses. The bouquets were mixed fall flowers from the bride’s garden. All these touches effectively leveraged the current season and the interests of the couple.

A winter wedding from a few years ago relied on ice blue and silver to accent the overall white theme of the day. Flowers, dresses, table decor, even the cake followed the winter wonderland theme fitting in perfectly with the frigid January day. A winter solstice themed wedding celebrated the return of the sun with its light and warmth.

Spring offers all kinds of themes from growth and rejuvenation to the Spring Equinox and fresh light colors. Seed packets can be gifted to guests to plant and a tree can be planted as your unity ritual. Perhaps a refreshing Spring themed cocktail can serve as the signature drink.

Summer weddings offer the opportunity to celebrate the long, warm days being experienced. There is a reading that begins, “Now in midsummer, a wedding…” which may be a perfect selection. Fans for your guests to stay cool during the ceremony make great favors, and decor in the rich, vibrant colors of summer fits right in. Offering cold water or lemonade before your ceremony can set the right tone.

If you met during the season you are marrying, got engaged during this time of year, or have birthdays around the wedding date those ideas can all be integrated into your ceremony and your day. Finding ways to connect the season to your relationship allows you to make the ceremony and your wedding day even more personal.

Whatever month you choose to marry, leveraging the season helps with your budget as you utilize nature and decor – think flowers in season – and allows you to customize and personalize your wedding day in myriad ways.

Making Everyone Welcome at Your Wedding

 in Ceremony / Guests / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Making everyone welcome at your wedding is one of the most gracious things you can focus on as the hosts of your big day. I’ve written previously about ensuring your ceremony venue is accessible for guests with disabilities but there are other ways to increase your guests’ comfort, too.

If you have a number of guests who are not fluent in English you might consider translating your final ceremony into their preferred language and making those copies available to them before the ceremony begins. This allows them to follow along and feel connected to what is happening.

One couple I worked with went further when the groom and his entire family spoke little English. They hired a translator for the ceremony. I knew about this ahead of time, and was able to assist the translator by providing a copy of the ceremony in advance so she could have her translation ready. I had also written the ceremony focusing on short paragraphs and simpler sentences so there were frequent breaks for translation. If you take this approach, make sure you opt for a shorter ceremony as your guests will be sitting through the equivalent of two ceremonies.

Turkish tea Ritual

Once, the groom, his family and most of his guests were from Turkey. They didn’t want to translate the ceremony, but wanted these important people to feel connected to what was happening. They had the reading offered in both English and Turkish, and we wove a Turkish tea ritual through the entire ceremony. The couple had met over Turkish tea, and often shared tea as they connected at the end of each day. The ingredients, the preparation and the sharing of the tea were all described as analogies to marriage. The guests who couldn’t understand English saw a familiar ritual, and saw the couple valuing the groom’s (and their) heritage.

Making everyone welcome at your wedding takes some thought and creativity, but the rewards are awesome. Your ceremony is more personal, your guests feel more connected to you and everyone is ready for more celebrating afterward.

Greeting Your Guests – Options Abound

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Guests / Trends / Weddings  tagged greeting guests / receiving line / wedding ceremony / wedding etiquette by

Greeting your guests is one of the basic responsibilities for all couples on your wedding day. These are the people you’ve invited to share your special day. Some have traveled significant distances and incurred significant expenses to be with you. It’s important for you to acknowledge their presence and express your appreciation for their efforts. There are, however, traditional and modern, formal and informal ways to accomplish this important task.

Traditionally, a receiving line immediately following the wedding ceremony provided the opportunity to greet your guests. Older style receiving lines included the couple, both sets of parents, and all your attendants in a long line. Receiving lines following the ceremony are still a great way to ensure you have a chance to speak with each of your guests, at least for a few moments. But often the line is limited to just you two, or just you and the parents. Your attendants and your guests are no longer subjected to awkward introductions among strangers, and this also makes the line move much more quickly.

Another opportunity for greeting your guests is a brief receiving line as everyone enters the reception venue for dinner. This can work well if you left immediately after your ceremony for pictures or if you expect that some guests will skip the ceremony and arrive only in time for the reception.

A modern alternative to a receiving line is to have you both re-enter the ceremony space immediately after the wedding party and parents recess at the conclusion of the ceremony. You then act as ushers, greeting your guests as they leave their seats and move on to the next phase of the celebration. This approach tends to take a bit longer, but your guests are able to remain seated until it is their turn to greet you.

Finally, if you’re opting for a more informal approach to greeting your guests you can mingle with them during social hour, or make the rounds of tables during dinner. These approaches work best if you have a smaller number of guests so you can keep track of who you’ve spoken to and who you haven’t.

Greeting your guests may seem like a chore, but as the hosts and honorees of the event, it is your responsibility to welcome and thank them all. These loved ones and friends want to share in your happiness, wish you well, and celebrate with you, so pick the approach that works best for you and enjoy the experience.