wedding ceremony

Celebrate Your Uniqueness

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged custom rituals / personalized wedding / unity rituals / wedding ceremony / weddings by


Your wedding ceremony is a great opportunity to celebrate your uniqueness. Weddings can be full of traditions that are fun to include in your day, but make sure you include all that makes you special as a couple.

Weddings have been changing for awhile now, which offers you the chance to make the day a personal reflection of yourselves and your relationship. Traditions like bouquet and garter toss at the reception and “giving away” the bride at the ceremony can be left out if you prefer. And new rituals and ceremony approaches that better reflect you can be added.

I strive to make each ceremony I craft for a couple unique to them. Sharing their story is part of the beginning of the ceremony. My goal is for all the guests to learn something new about the couple. If they are interested, I encourage couples to write their own vows. It is another way to let their personalities shine.

Unity Ritual - Sazerac creation
Unity Ritual – Sazerac creation

Unity rituals are an obvious opportunity to celebrate your uniqueness. A trip to New Orleans was a significant event for a couple I married recently. For their unity ritual we had them build a Sazerac cocktail – the official cocktail of New Orleans. I used the characteristics of the ingredients – sweet, bitter, strong, and unique to craft a metaphor for marriage. This is the first Sazerac ritual I’ve written in the more than 500 ceremonies I’ve officiated. It was perfect for them. While there are many lovely “generic” unity rituals available, many can also be customized to
celebrate your uniqueness with a little effort.

An experienced, educated celebrant can work with you to write a wedding ceremony that reflects and celebrates you and the love you share. Start your wedding day with a ceremony that will celebrate your uniqueness as you voice your commitment to each other in marriage.

Dealing with Crazy Relatives

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony problems / wedding guests / wedding officiant / weddings by

Dealing with crazy relatives at your wedding ceremony can be a challenge. A variety of situations can occur at your wedding ceremony that need diplomatic solutions to keep everything moving forward smoothly.

Before the ceremony even begins, logistical issues can arise. When lining up the wedding party before one ceremony, the bride became flustered when she noticed that the seats reserved for her parents were occupied. An aunt was sitting in one of the seats, next to the grandfather’s wheelchair. With the bride’s concurrence, I approached the woman and politely asked her to move down the row, as these two seats were reserved for the bride’s parents.

Her response surprised me. She said they could take other open seats; that she was assisting the grandfather. I told her the bride’s mother (also the grandfather’s daughter) would be sitting there in just a moment. I suggested she move either further down the first row, or to the second row with her adult children. Then, I quietly stood there. After a few moments she moved further down the row. I returned to check in with the bride, and then started the ceremony. Having ushers who can either seat guests or oversee the seating of guests could have prevented this situation.

Cameras and phones can also prove troublesome in the wrong hands. At another wedding, an aunt of the groom stepped into the aisle to catch pictures of the bride as she entered. She didn’t realize (I hope) that she stepped directly in front of the professional photographer who was also trying to capture that image. These moments happen so quickly during a ceremony that it is difficult for photographers to relocate for an unobstructed view. To prevent dealing with crazy relatives like this one, I can request that guests put their phones and cameras away for the ceremony so they can be fully present with the couple. This is called an unplugged ceremony. It also ensures that any professional photos taken during the ceremony include the guests’ faces, and not a sea of upraised phones.

Dealing with crazy relatives takes some thought and preventive actions. You can’t think of everything, but some situations can be anticipated and avoided. Working with an experienced celebrant can help you consider and even react to the situations that arise unexpectedly.

Five Important Questions to Ask Wedding Celebrants

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Secular wedding / Wedding Celebrant / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged officiant / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant by


There are five important questions to ask wedding celebrants when selecting the person to create and offer your ceremony. This article has an even more exhaustive list, but these five will give you the most critical information. While it can feel a bit intimidating engaging with celebrants or officiants, they are there to help you have the wedding you envision. They are ready and willing to provide the information you need to decide if you want to work with them.


Kathy officiating ceremony

The five important questions to ask wedding celebrants

  1. Are you available on our wedding date? Do you serve our venue? These are very practical questions that should be asked up front. If the answer to either is “no”, you don’t need to invest more time with that celebrant.
  2. Are you legally credentialed to officiate marriages in our state/county/city? Another simple but essential question. You want your ceremony to legally marry you. Each state, and sometimes more local jurisdictions has different laws defining who can legally marry people.
  3. Do you offer the non-religious (or particular type of religious) ceremony we are interested in? As participation in organized religion drops, more people want a secular or non-religious ceremony. Celebrants who are affiliated with a religion will often not offer a secular ceremony. Or they will slip in god references, often without thinking about it. You can have the kind of ceremony you want if you ask for it.
  4. Will we be able to have input to the ceremony? How will that happen? Some celebrants do not provide a draft of the ceremony to couples before the wedding day. If you want to participate in the creation of your ceremony, or want reassurance that it will meet your expectations, ask how this can happen.
  5. If we want to have a rehearsal, will you attend and run it for us? Rehearsals are a great way to reduce stress and make everyone comfortable before the wedding day. If you plan to hold a rehearsal you’ll want to know if your celebrant will come and run it for you.

Important Questions to Ask Yourselves

While those are the five important questions to ask wedding celebrants, there are equally important questions to ask yourselves. After meeting with a prospective officiant or celebrant ask yourselves: Do we feel comfortable with this person? Will we be able to ask questions of them? Do we think they will respect our wishes and input for the ceremony? Do they provide a ceremony contract that documents our agreement?

Obtain answers to these five important questions to ask wedding celebrants. Follow with the questions to ask yourselves and you’ll be on your way to selecting your ideal wedding celebrant.

Making Space

 in Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning  tagged ceremony planning / ceremony space / wedding ceremony / wedding planning by

Making space at your ceremony venue for all ceremony activities is an important part of your wedding planning. If you are having an outdoor ceremony, or an indoor ceremony where the front of the space is not well defined, you’ll want to plan for how much space you’ll need.

You want space at the front of your ceremony venue to gracefully accommodate you, your celebrant, and your wedding party. But you also need to allocate space for your reader to stand. You may also need a table for any ritual props. Don’t forget to save space for anyone else who is participating in the ceremony. This could be children helping with a family ritual, or parents (or others) helping with a handfasting or other ritual. If you are having floral arrangements, arches, or other decor, space will need to be planned for that, too.

As you consider all this, you’ll realize there may be a lot of people and things that need to be in the ceremony space. If you don’t have enough space you increase the chances of people tripping, dresses being crushed, or decor being tipped. And your photos of the ceremony may show cramped wedding parties or awkward positioning.

Make sure you place the chairs for your guests far enough back to provide the space you need. But don’t let them drift so far back that they feel disconnected from what’s happening. This is where a rehearsal can be very helpful. When you get your entire wedding party, you two, and your celebrant up in front, you’ll get a real feel for the space. At that time you can consider placement for your decor, ceremony props and guest chairs. Walking through the ceremony at rehearsal allows you to choose where a reader stands, where to place a ritual table, and how everyone will move in the space. Making space for everything and everyone becomes more real at a rehearsal and will help the actual ceremony run smoothly.

Including Children in Your Ceremony

 in Blended family / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged blended family / children in weddings / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Including children in your ceremony is a lovely idea, but must be done with care. Your children from a previous relationship become part of a new blended family when you marry. While you are excited and positive about this new phase of your life, they may have very mixed feelings.

Depending on the situation, your children may view your fiance(e) as an interloper. They may feel that your attention is now divided, and they may be resentful. Maybe they haven’t had enough time to really know this new person yet. They may feel loyalty to their other parent.

If your new fiance(e) also has children, the situation is more complex. In addition to becoming acquainted with a new step-parent to be, they will need to build relationships with new step-siblings. Simple things like sharing rooms, and having more activity and people around the house can create stress.

Understanding your children’s feelings about your upcoming marriage is critical when planning your wedding ceremony. Plan to have a chat with them about it during a quiet, private time. Ask about their feelings. Ask about their concerns. Don’t try to “fix” their feelings, but understand and accept them. It’s helpful to give your children options regarding their level of involvement in the ceremony.

Perhaps they would be most comfortable simply sitting with grandparents. Maybe they want to hand out programs to guests as they enter the ceremony space. They might be interested in walking you down the aisle. And maybe they even want to participate in some kind of family ritual during the ceremony.

Family Sand

All of these are options. Notice, however, that none of them involve the children speaking during the ceremony. Especially if the children are teenagers or younger, I recommend not asking them to speak. You can make promises to them if you wish. Perhaps they want to join in a family sand blending ritual. Or maybe they even want to stand up as a junior bridesmaid or groomsman. But having a child speak in front of your guests can be very stressful for them. They may be experiencing conflicting or uncertain emotions at the actual ceremony. Allow them the space they need to process the significance of your marriage.

If they are interested in participating, including children in your ceremony can provide memorable moments and great photos. But you’ll want to avoid trauma and stress if your children aren’t interested in joining in. You’ll have lots of time after the wedding day for your children to become more comfortable with the situation. Keep their thoughts and concerns front of mind while planning your special day.