wedding ceremonies

Wedding Vows Done Right

 in Ceremony / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal vows / vows / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Wedding vows are the most important moment of not only your wedding ceremony, but of your entire wedding day. They are required to make the marriage legal, and equally importantly, they provide the opportunity for you to voice your commitment and promises in front of your community of family and friends. Vows, therefore, should be personal and significant, but can be created and offered a number of different ways.

You can write your own wedding vows, and read them to each other during your ceremony. This option allows you total control over what you say and promise with your vows, while also allowing your personalities to shine. Next week I’ll devote my post to how to write your own vows, but for now, know that it is an option. I don’t recommend however, that you try to memorize your vows. It puts too much pressure on you during an already stressful and busy day, and if you forget them it you’ll feel badly – not the memory you want of your wedding day. Reading your personally written vows is perfectly acceptable, even recommended.

If you don’t feel creative enough to write your own vows, selecting “repeat after me” style vows where you are prompted line by line by your celebrant is a fine alternative. This is, in fact, the most common type of wedding vows used by couples today. There are a nearly unlimited number of pre-written, repeat after me vows at your fingertips with a simple Google search, if those offered by your celebrant don’t meet your needs. Remember, too, that any of these vows can be modified to reflect what you want to say to each other. A word or line can be changed, added or deleted to make it just right for you. Another way to make these kinds of wedding vows feel more personal is for you each to select the vows that best reflect the promises you want to make. You do not both need to say the same vow.

And finally, there are what I refer to as old-fashioned wedding vows. The celebrant asks you if you are making these promises today, and you respond with a simple, “I do.” These are rarely used these days, but are a good solution if you have limited English (and the ceremony is being offered in English), or if you are critically shy. A great way to personalize this style of vow if for you to choose/write the promises you want to make, and then allow the celebrant to voice them for you.

You’ll want your wedding vows to reflect you as individuals as you make your promises to each other, but there are various ways to achieve that goal. Talk with your fiance(e) to decide which approach is right for you.

Secular Ceremonies: A Great Option

 in Ceremony / Music / Personalization / Readings / Rituals / Secular / Weddings  tagged non-religious wedding / personal ceremony / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Secular ceremonies are growing in number across the United States. A third of people aged 18 – 34 do not identify with any religion, but want a meaningful, personal ceremony on their wedding day. If this defines you, secular or non-religious weddings are an option you’ll want to explore.

Because secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements they are more flexible and can include only the elements that are significant to you. Don’t want prayers and religious rituals? No problem. Want to include contemporary music and a poem that is meaningful to you? Again, no problem. Interested in having important people in your life help with a unity ritual like handfasting or a tree planting? Absolutely.

That kind of flexibility is possible with secular ceremonies because they are not pre-written ceremonies where only your names are slotted in as a token to personalization. Rather, working with your celebrant, you create the outline of your ceremony and collaborate to make it what you want it to be.

Handfasting, a unity ritual that can include family or friends

Options for music, readings and unity rituals are greater with secular ceremonies, and are limited only by your creativity. Beyond actual ceremony content you can also be creative with how you organize your processional and, recessional, and with your ceremony venue. I’ve had a groom escorted into the ceremony by his fellow adopted siblings, a bride escorted by her brother, sister-in-law and nieces, and a number of brides and grooms enter together. Recessional music is a great way to begin your post-ceremony celebration, and the theme from “Rocky” or “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego movie may fit you perfectly. Ceremonies have taken place in back yards, in caves and on beaches, in parks, museums, and theatres, and in historic barns and on beautiful golf courses, with each venue offering its own special appeal.

Garden wedding venue

If you aren’t tied to a religion and want your wedding ceremony to reflect on the love you’ve found together, honor the commitment you’re making to each other in marriage, and celebrate the bright future in front of you, then a secular ceremony is the perfect answer for you. I’ve been creating and performing secular ceremonies in southeastern Minnesota for nine years now, and can assure you that they are not only possible, but are well received by guests, are a great way to start your wedding day celebration, and will ensure great memories of your wedding for years to come.

Three Follow-up Stories

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged children in weddings / outdoor weddings / wedding ceremonies / wedding rehearsal by

Three follow-up stories are needed to provide updates to previous blog posts based on recent experiences. Experience always speaks louder than words, so allow me to share a few recent experiences that re-enforce my thoughts on some wedding related topics.

First, on the topic of early and late season outdoor weddings. Fall came quickly to Minnesota this year. Within a two week period I presided at a 90 degree, humid mid-September ceremony and two very chilly, blustery even, late September weddings. If you are planning a “shoulder season” wedding, I encourage you to let your guests know that an outdoor ceremony is planned so they can dress appropriately. You might also consider providing blankets for your guests, if possible. There were quite a few lightly dressed, shivering guests at the late September weddings.

Next, on the topic of rehearsals – I’m a fan of them, but realize that ceremonies are not rocket science. I’ve had a few recent ceremonies where the couple opted to go without a rehearsal that I ran. These experiences reminded me of all the little things that are covered at rehearsals – what time to gather to prep for the processional, how the men should offer their arm to the women in the wedding party, a reminder to keep hands out of pockets when walking into the ceremony space, and the fine details of where people will stand and how we will move during the ceremony. Both ceremonies were lovely, but could have been a bit more polished with a rehearsal.

The last of the three follow-up stories is about children in the wedding party. Recent ceremonies planned to include children; a four year old flower girl in one, and two sign bearers, approximately age three, in the second. The flower girl had practiced walking up the aisle, was going to be following one of her uncles, and had even read a story about a flower girl with her parents before the big day. Everything seemed set for success until the moment when she was to walk up the aisle with many strangers sitting in the chairs. She balked, and her mother whisked her away. As the ceremony began they quietly took chairs and enjoyed the ceremony. In the second ceremony one of the sign bearers broke down, too, and entered the ceremony in his mother’s arms (she was a bridesmaid, so that was fine). At the front, however, he couldn’t deal with letting her join the rest of the wedding party, and a family member quickly removed him from the space altogether. These experiences remind us that the little people really do get to do as they wish, and we need to be ready to react. With plans made ahead of time, both the ceremonies continued without a problem, and the children’s needs were met, too.

As these three follow-up stories demonstrate, planning all aspects of your wedding day really pays off. Your guests are more comfortable, your wedding party is confident, and the children in your wedding party are cared for. Wedding planning is a big, complex job, but pays off when your day arrives and flows smoothly.

New Wedding Venues Discovered

 in Ceremony / Venue / Weddings  tagged ceremony space / wedding ceremonies / wedding venues / weddings by

Discovering new wedding venues is part of the fun of each wedding season. New wedding venues in southeastern Minnesota mean more options for couples planning weddings – always a good thing. This year I had the pleasure of performing ceremonies at three new venues (or at least new to me), and thought I would share them. Each venue offers both indoor and outdoor ceremony spaces, a requirement for our variable weather.

River Run Event Center, Mantorville, MN: This venue is located on the grounds of the Zumbro Valley Golf Course in nearby Mantorville. The space is managed by Victoria’s Ristorante in Rochester and offers patio space for outdoor ceremonies and a good sized indoor room for indoor ceremonies and receptions.
River Run Event Center

The Gardens of Castle Rock, Northfield, MN: This is a lovely venue on the grounds of a garden center outside of Northfield. There are multiple outdoor venues to choose from, but the only “indoor” space is a large, fully enclosed tent used for receptions. There is a large plaza area for social hour that includes outdoor fireplaces, seating groups, and bar areas. Nearby green space is available for outdoor games, too.
Gardens of Castle Rock

Cedar Creek Barn, Winona, MN: This property is fairly new as a wedding venue, and is still enhancing the property and amenities. The inside of the barn has been whitewashed to provide bright, clean walls, and the cement floor remains. No heat or air conditioning is available, but large doors at each end of the barn allow for air flow. A newly added pavilion increases usable space, but is not fully covered, so is less useful in case of inclement weather.
Cedar Creek Barn

Each of these new wedding venues has its own personality, amenities and charms and is worth your consideration as you search for the one that matches your vision for your wedding day. Refer to my earlier post on evaluating venues for tips on how to decide which might be best for you.

Humanist Celebrants and Ceremonies in the News

 in Ceremony / Humanist Celebrant / Officiant  tagged celebrant training / Humanist celebrants / wedding ceremonies by

Humanist Celebrants and ceremonies are in the news with this post at thehumanist.com

Wedding ceremony clients

I was recently invited to write about the fulfilling work I do as a Humanist Celebrant, with a focus on the training available to do the job well. I’m fortunate to have obtained training from both the Celebrant Foundation and Institute and the Humanist Center for Education as I started this work over eight years ago. The training focused on ideas that have become the cornerstone of my celebrant practice:
– working with clients who seek a meaningful but religion-free ceremony.
– collaborating with clients to provide the ceremony they want to mark their milestone in life.
– ensuring that clients have the opportunity to review, make changes to, and ultimately approve any ceremony I write for them.
– offering the ceremony in a professional manner; from my clothing to my physical demeanor, from my voice to my interactions with guests and other vendors.
– committing to running my practice in an ethical manner, complying with relevant state and federal laws, paying my taxes, and renewing my celebrant credential.

I love the work I do as a Humanist Celebrant, and feel honored each time a client chooses to work with me on their ceremony. Even after close to a decade of doing this work, I still encounter many people who don’t know about Humanism or about celebrants, so it’s great to see Humanist Celebrants and ceremonies in the news.