wedding ceremonies

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

There are questions to ask your officiant at your first meeting that will help you decide if you want to book their services for your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how to find potential officiants, so you’ll want to read that post first. Now that you’re speaking with a prospective officiant in person (or via technology if you’re not in the same city), you’ll want to use your time wisely and ask some important questions.

The questions to ask your officiant are ones that help you determine if you’re a good fit for each other. You’ll want to have trust and confidence that this person will provide the kind of ceremony you want in a meaningful, professional and approachable manner. Here are 6 questions to help you make that determination:

  1. Are you available for the date, time and location of our wedding ceremony? You don’t want to waste anyone’s time if these basic criteria aren’t met. Bonus points if the officiant has performed ceremonies at your venue before. They’ll know the venue manager and how to use the space effectively for you.
  2. Do you offer the kind of ceremony we want? This is a multi-faceted question. First, if you’re looking for a secular or non-religious ceremony, do they offer that? Conversely, if you want religion in your ceremony, are they knowledgeable and willing to include the prayers and religious readings you want? If you’ve been to other weddings and do or do not want a particular element in your ceremony, are they willing to accommodate that? Examples could be a particular unity ritual, reading, or approach to vows.
  3. How involved will we be in ceremony creation? Officiants may want you to provide information via a questionnaire to allow them to personalize the ceremony. They may want you to review the ceremony draft and provide feedback – or alternately, they may not be willing to share the ceremony wording in advance of your wedding day. The important thing is to understand the expectations and make sure you’re comfortable with them.
  4. What background, education and/or experience do you have in ceremony creation? Everyone has a first ceremony, but if the officiant is inexperienced they should be able to point to education or training that prepares them to do good work for you.
  5. What is included in your services? Consider whether the officiant will run a rehearsal for you if you want, how far in advance of the ceremony time they will arrive, and if they handle the legal paperwork for you after the ceremony. Some officiants can provide a sound system to allow your guests to hear the ceremony while some rely on you to provide that. And importantly, how accessible is the officiant to you if you have questions along the way?
  6. Do you have an agreement or contract that we all sign that clearly identifies services to be provided by the officiant and those that are your responsibility? Sometimes officiant services are booked a year or more in advance, and it’s best to have clear documentation of what has been agreed to.

Using these questions to ask your officiant, you can gather a wealth of information and will be able to determine your comfort level in working with them. You’ll feel more comfortable and confident during your initial meeting when you arrive armed with these 6 questions to ask your officiant, and more confident making a decision to move forward with them.

As we move into the second half of 2019 I’m beginning to hear from more couples looking for an officiant for their 2020 wedding days. I look forward to speaking with couples and am happy to address all the questions above. But I realize that selecting an officiant is new to most of you, so I’m always happy to guide the conversation so we all get the information we need, if that is your preference.

Same Sex Weddings: What’s Different?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Same se weddings / Weddings  tagged ceremonies / inclusive ceremonies / same sex weddings / wedding ceremonies / wedding processional / weddings by

Same sex weddings have been legal for a few years now, and I’m happy and honored to include same sex couples in the clients I’ve served. As we leave Pride month behind for 2019, it’s an opportunity to reflect on what is different about same sex weddings and to celebrate marriage equality once more.

Anne & Allie

The first difference is that we have two brides or two grooms. Using some creativity we can come up with many different kinds of processional arrangements to welcome each of you to your ceremony. Maybe we “book-end” the processional with one partner entering first, and the other one last. Or perhaps we have each of you escorted to the front at the end of the processional, one after the other. Perhaps you would like to enter together. If your venue allows, you can also have the chairs set for two aisles and enter at the same time, from two different aisles, meeting at the front.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Another difference for same sex couples is an increased focus on inclusive language. We refer to you using language you prefer – brides, grooms, partners, and eventually as husbands, wives or spouses. It’s important to make your preferences known to your celebrant so we can use language that is authentic and comfortable for you.

Dusti & Val. Same sex weddings.

Using inclusive language throughout the ceremony is respectful of you and your guests, even when the couple is made up of a bride and groom. Inclusive language includes readings, reflections, vows and pronouncements. All your guests will feel more connected to the ceremony if it represents their relationships, too.

Same sex couples have also led the way with redefining wedding parties. No longer must there be equal numbers of men and women in the party. Same sex weddings are the perfect time to pick your party based on close relationships and those who support you as a couple. Coordinated attire is also often not required, with wedding parties reflecting the personal style of the attendants.

Same sex weddings are now legal in all US states, and we celebrate all loving couples who choose to make a loving commitment to each other in marriage.

Three Reasons to Hire a Professional Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Trends / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / wedding professionals / weddings by

There are many more than three reasons to hire a professional officiant for your wedding ceremony, but there are three that I hear most often. As both a trained and certified Life Cycle Celebrant (R), and an endorsed Humanist Celebrant for a decade I’d had the opportunity to hear many horror stories from people who have seen poor wedding ceremonies. One of the most common causes for complaint is an unprepared family member or friend acting as the officiant. Here’s what couples have shared with me:

First, when I meet with couples for an initial consultation (a no cost, no obligation meeting) I’ve heard many times that they had never considered some of the topics I raise. For example, they haven’t thought about the logistics of the processional: who will walk in the processional, in what order, etc? They haven’t considered the possible elements of their ceremony – readings, rituals, guest involvement options, and more. They haven’t thought about where and how they will greet their guests following the ceremony. By engaging with a professional officiant all these topics will be discussed and your wishes will be honored.

Second, most couples in our area opt to have a rehearsal. As an experienced professional I can run your rehearsal in an efficient and effective manner. I can get and hold the attention of your wedding party, provide tips to help make everyone look sharp for the ceremony, and make sure that all the important points are covered. I’ve heard many times from couples, parents and attendants that the rehearsal reduced their stress and uncertainty so they could relax and enjoy the actual ceremony experience.

And third, professional officiants can prepare and preside over your ceremony in a way that is memorable for all the right reasons. The ceremony will be written well in advance, and you will have seen and approved it. The ceremony will follow a logical sequence and an emotional arc that leaves your guests satisfied and ready to move on to the rest of the celebration. Your officiant will offer the ceremony with professional vocal skills to ensure clarity and engage your guests.

These are just three reasons to hire a professional officiant based on my personal experience. You can find another perspective on this topic in an article from The Knot, here.

There is a trend toward having a friend or family member prepare and offer your wedding ceremony, but there are many possible pitfalls with that approach. Sometimes it works out well, but too often the ceremony is poorly written and presented, and opportunities for truly memorable moments are missed. Even a well-paid professional officiant accounts for a small percentage of your overall wedding budget, but will provide a great first act for your wedding day festivities.

Unsung Heroes of Wedding Ceremonies

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ushers / wedding ceremonies / weddings by

The unsung heroes of wedding ceremonies, in my opinion, are ushers. There are many small tasks that ushers can handle, freeing up the rest of the wedding party and parents to handle other demands on their time.

Photography sessions often run very close to ceremony times, with guests arriving while the wedding party is still busy with photos, or trying to quickly refresh make-up, catch a quick drink of water, or cool off if it’s a warm day. Our unsung heroes can step in to welcome guests, direct them to restrooms, to the ceremony space, and to refreshments if they are being offered at that time.

As ceremony time approaches, ushers can encourage guests who are socializing to move into the ceremony space. Depending on the formality of the ceremony, they can offer programs, formally seat guests, and make sure that family members with reserved seats are escorted to them.

A critical role for ushers is to act as traffic managers as the processional begins. They can quietly greet late arriving guests and have them stay in the back until the processional finishes and the ceremony begins. At that point they can assist those guests to open seats in a discreet manner. Some couples include ushers in the processional, asking them to escort grandparents or parents, but ideally one usher is always available to deal with late arrivals.

During the ceremony itself, ushers who are seated near the back can assist any guests who are feeling ill, need to find a restroom, or even help chase down a runaway child. At the end of the ceremony the wedding party and parents leave the ceremony space, followed by the celebrant. The ushers step forward to release the guests from their seats. They can provide the additional service of reminding guests where they need to go next, and if necessary can even hand out maps or directions to out of town guests.

Your ushers provide a warm welcome to your guests, making them feel appreciated and cared for. They relieve stress for you and the wedding party by handling all kinds of small tasks in those busy moments before, during and after the ceremony. Consider adding these unsung heroes of wedding ceremonies to your wedding party. You’ll be glad you did.

Unplugged Ceremonies: A Growing Trend

 in Ceremony / Guests / Weddings  tagged unplugged ceremony / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding guests by

Unplugged ceremonies are a growing trend for weddings. Simply put, an unplugged ceremony means your guests leave their phones and other devices in their pockets or purses during the ceremony. There are a few reasons to consider having an unplugged ceremony:

  1. Your photographer can do a better job. I’ve seen people step into the aisle to get a picture of the bride as she enters, totally cutting off the photographer who you’ve paid to capture the important moments of your wedding day.
  2. All your guests can see better. No one is standing or holding a device up in front of other guests trying to capture your entire ceremony on video, or taking lots of pictures.
  3. Your guests are able to be fully present with you during the ceremony. Guests will stay in their seats and pay attention to the celebrant, readers, musicians and most importantly to you as you share your promises to each other. No one will step in front of your parents to get a picture or video of the ring exchange as happened at one wedding I officiated.

You can achieve an unplugged ceremony with a tasteful sign at the back of the chairs, inviting guests to put their devices away so they can fully share in your ceremony. An even more effective way to communicate your wishes is to have your celebrant make a simple announcement before the processional begins. People sometimes don’t read signs, or feel comfortable ignoring them, but rarely do they hold their devices up after being specifically requested not to.

When I glance out at your gathered guests at an unplugged wedding I see smiles, perhaps a happy tear, and many sets of eyes focused on you and engaged in the moment. Otherwise it can be like looking at a sea of screens as nearly everyone tries to snap a picture or frame a video shot. While unplugged ceremonies are gaining in popularity, I’ve also encountered couples who have no concern with their guests snapping away during the ceremony, so as with all aspects of your wedding day, you can choose what best fits you.