secular ceremonies

Choosing a Secular Wedding

 in Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Secular / Secular wedding  tagged personalized wedding / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Choosing a secular wedding when parents or other important family members are religious can be challenge. You want your wedding day to be a celebration of love and of you. But if you and your family aren’t on the same page when it comes to religion it can be difficult.

A recent article in Brides magazine captured the issue perfectly, offering, “You deserve to have a wedding ceremony that is meaningful to you. You also deserve a wedding that is a celebration rather than a catalyst for hurt feelings and damaged relationships.”

Last week I wrote about ways to make your ceremony reflect you. Deciding whether or not to include religious content in your ceremony is certainly an important aspect of being authentic. An increasing number of couples are non-religious or at least non-practicing so opting for a secular ceremony makes a lot of sense. But wedding days are also about the people you love, and if they are deeply religious, choosing a secular wedding can open the door to a lot of negativity.

I’ve worked with many couples facing this issue and have seen their anxiety as they struggle to be authentic and respectful and caring all at the same time. While every situation is unique, I can share with you that I’ve had many religious parents and grandparents approach me after weddings to tell me how wonderful the ceremony was, and how well it reflected the couple.

Since secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements and don’t include a traditional sermon, there’s more flexibility to create a ceremony that’s all about you. We can tell your love story. We can include music and a reading that is meaningful to you or reflects your relationship. You can say vows that you’ve written yourselves or that you’ve chosen because they reflect the promises you feel in your hearts.

Interestingly, many guests don’t even notice the lack of religious content in a well written and delivered secular ceremony. They appreciate the focus on the couple and the flow of the ceremony. Choosing a secular ceremony is more about crafting a ceremony that truly reflects you than what you are leaving out (the religion part). If a secular ceremony is the right choice for you, stand together, stand proud, and start your wedding day with a ceremony you’re proud to call your own.

What Happens at a Secular Wedding?

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Secular wedding / Weddings  tagged secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

“What happens at a secular wedding?” is a common question for couples who have been raised in a religious tradition. The answer is simple. Pretty much whatever you want. In Minnesota, the only requirements to make a marriage legal are to have the proper paperwork, two witnesses, and say you want to be married to each other. It can be as simple as that, but most couples want to mark this important moment in their lives with something more significant.

Traditional weddings often have religious prayers, rituals and readings, so it is very reasonable to ask what happens at a secular wedding when you remove all of that. Does it still look like a wedding as you know it? Will you feel married after a secular wedding? What will your guests think of your secular wedding?

Rest assured that your secular wedding can still have much of the look and feel of a traditional wedding, if that is your wish. You can have a meaningful, possibly even a more meaningful exchange of vows, and secular weddings can be significant, memorable experiences for you as a couple and for your guests.

The general approach is to use secular wording, readings and rituals in place of religious language and actions. In your secular wedding you have a virtually unlimited choice of music. Any genre, live or recorded, can be used. You can select from contemporary poetry or literature for a reading, or use passages from ancient writers and poets if you prefer. There are a variety of secular, meaningful unity rituals to choose from, too. From tree plantings to love letters to handfastings and beer sharings, there is something for everyone who wants a unity ritual in their wedding. And that’s the beauty of secular weddings.

So now you know why the answer to the question, “What happens at a secular wedding?” is, “Pretty much whatever you want.” Your ceremony can be written or modified for you since there are no rules imposed by religious authorities. It can be authentic because you select the what and how of all the elements of your ceremony. This is a great opportunity to put your personal stamp on this important part of your wedding day. Work with your celebrant to ensure all aspects of your ceremony reflect who you are and what you are promising to each other in marriage. Have fun collaborating to create your perfect ceremony for your special day.

Secular Ceremonies: A Great Option

 in Ceremony / Music / Personalization / Readings / Rituals / Secular / Weddings  tagged non-religious wedding / personal ceremony / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Secular ceremonies are growing in number across the United States. A third of people aged 18 – 34 do not identify with any religion, but want a meaningful, personal ceremony on their wedding day. If this defines you, secular or non-religious weddings are an option you’ll want to explore.

Because secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements they are more flexible and can include only the elements that are significant to you. Don’t want prayers and religious rituals? No problem. Want to include contemporary music and a poem that is meaningful to you? Again, no problem. Interested in having important people in your life help with a unity ritual like handfasting or a tree planting? Absolutely.

That kind of flexibility is possible with secular ceremonies because they are not pre-written ceremonies where only your names are slotted in as a token to personalization. Rather, working with your celebrant, you create the outline of your ceremony and collaborate to make it what you want it to be.

Handfasting, a unity ritual that can include family or friends

Options for music, readings and unity rituals are greater with secular ceremonies, and are limited only by your creativity. Beyond actual ceremony content you can also be creative with how you organize your processional and, recessional, and with your ceremony venue. I’ve had a groom escorted into the ceremony by his fellow adopted siblings, a bride escorted by her brother, sister-in-law and nieces, and a number of brides and grooms enter together. Recessional music is a great way to begin your post-ceremony celebration, and the theme from “Rocky” or “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego movie may fit you perfectly. Ceremonies have taken place in back yards, in caves and on beaches, in parks, museums, and theatres, and in historic barns and on beautiful golf courses, with each venue offering its own special appeal.

Garden wedding venue

If you aren’t tied to a religion and want your wedding ceremony to reflect on the love you’ve found together, honor the commitment you’re making to each other in marriage, and celebrate the bright future in front of you, then a secular ceremony is the perfect answer for you. I’ve been creating and performing secular ceremonies in southeastern Minnesota for nine years now, and can assure you that they are not only possible, but are well received by guests, are a great way to start your wedding day celebration, and will ensure great memories of your wedding for years to come.