personal ceremony

Ceremonies to Remember: Family

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Personalization / Readings / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged celebrant / personal ceremony / personalized vows / personalized wedding by

Ceremonies to Remember is a series of blog posts to run from now to the end of 2020. In each post I’ll reflect on some of the special moments I’ve experienced and some of the creative parts of the more than 400 ceremonies I’ve conducted over the last 10+ years. This week the ceremonies to remember are ones I’ve been privileged to offer for family members.

The first family wedding ceremony I wrote and offered was for my son and daughter-in-law, back in 2013. It was interesting to step back and interact with them as I do with all client couples. I learned so much about each of them, and about their relationship through the process. They were one of the first couples I worked with who chose the Love Letters and Wine Box ceremony as their unity ritual, and it fit them perfectly. They wrote couple’s vows which were offered as a dialogue during the ceremony, and selected an ee cummings reading that was a favorite. One of the most unique elements of their wedding was the setting they chose – our local civic theatre – which was also the site of their first date. The ceremony was a special moment in their wonderful day, and my daughter-in-law still says they “win at weddings”. I hope all couples feel that way about their wedding day!

Love Letters and Wine Box Unity Ritual

The second family wedding I was asked to officiate was for my niece and her nephew-in-law. They chose a December date, and were fortunate to have a clear, if cold, day in Wisconsin that allowed all their invited guests to attend. Surrounded by family and friends, they included their families in the ceremony in multiple ways. Both sisters stood with them as bridesmaids. His father offered the reading. The mothers and sisters performed the handfasting unity ritual, sharing wishes for the couple’s marriage. As with my son’s wedding, the role of officiant provided the opportunity to learn more about my future nephew-in-law, and to see them interact as a couple.

Family Handfasting. Photo credit: Van Dreel Photography.

These family weddings were indeed ceremonies to remember. I was honored to be asked by both couples to serve as their celebrant. To legally join them in marriage and to create personal ceremonies that reflect their unique relationships was memorable. Those ceremonies stand out as highlights of my career as a Humanist Celebrant to date, and I’ll share more special moments in my coming blogs.

Making Your Ceremony Reflect You

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Personalization / Readings / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged ceremony readings / personal ceremonies / personal ceremony / personalized vows / personalized wedding / readings / wedding officiant / wedding processional / wedding readings by

Making your ceremony reflect you kicks off your wedding day with a sparkle. Think about your personalities as individuals and who you are as a couple, and bring those qualities into your ceremony.

Begin at the beginning of your ceremony. Think about how you want to enter the space and with whom. We’ve all seen the “dance up the aisle” entrances by wedding parties, and if that’s you, that’s great. But maybe you’re like one of my brides whose parents had died. She opted to enter with her brother and sister-in-law and two nieces. They were her closest family and that felt right to her. Maybe you’ll choose to enter as a couple, because you’ve been together for a number of years and have established your life together, and that feels most authentic to you.

When it comes to the ceremony itself, think about ways to let your story shine. Share some of your experiences with your celebrant so they can be woven into the ceremony. These can be romantic proposals, funny home renovation stories, or amazing travel moments – whatever reflects who you are and the path you’ve walked to your wedding day. Picking a reading that really reflects how you feel about love, or marriage, or building your future together is another great way to bring your thoughts into the ceremony.

Don’t forget your vows – your best opportunity for making your ceremony reflect you. Either by writing your own vows or picking ones that speak to the promises you want to make to each other, you are sharing the core of the reason you’ve gathered for the day. If you are a couple that thrives on laughing together, bringing a bit of humor into your vows is fine. If you want to keep this moment more serious or romantic, that’s great, too.

Making your ceremony reflect you begins with hiring a celebrant who specializes in doing just that. If you don’t want a cookie cutter ceremony or one created by cutting and pasting from information on the internet, take the time to research officiants and celebrants in your area and hire a professional that will help you bring your ceremony to life.

Writing Personal Vows

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Writing personal vows for your wedding ceremony is a great way to share your love, commitment, and personalities. There are multiple options to accomplish this so you’ll be able to find one that is comfortable for you.

Writing personal vows from scratch allows you total control and freedom, but can be a challenge if writing is not your forte. You can make the job easier by following a few simple suggestions:

  1. Limit your vows to eight to ten sentences. This keeps you focused on what you want to say. It leaves you enough space to share your promises and your love for your partner. But if you get emotional this length will not be overwhelming. You’ll have enough space to express yourself without getting too long winded and boring your guests.
  2. Focus on the promises you are making. Don’t allow yourself to get distracted with all the wonderful things you could say about your partner.
  3. Even if you’re keeping your vows secret from your partner until the wedding day, discuss your personal vows before you begin to write. While you don’t want to share the specific words you plan to use, you’ll want to talk about whether or not you want to include humor, for example, or if you prefer to keep your vows more romantic or serious.
  4. When you think you’ve finished writing personal vows, it’s time to read them aloud. This is how you will offer them at the ceremony, and the written word can read very differently than the spoken word is heard. You’ll hear tone and emotion more strongly when the vows are voiced. You’ll also discover repetitive words or concepts more easily when speaking your vows.

If writing personal vows from scratch doesn’t appeal to you, you can still have personal vows by modifying vows you find online (or samples from your celebrant) that appeal to you. Reading these vows to each other, rather than using the more traditional “repeat after me” format will make your vows more personal and potent, too.

And finally, if you’re more comfortable with the “repeat after me” format, you can each choose a vow that really captures the promises you want to make to each other. This is probably the easiest way to personalize your vows.

A recent article in a local magazine, “Rochester Area Wedding” entitled “How to Write Vows that Wow” (see page 26) gives more suggestions for writing personal vows, and provides some great samples and examples, too.

Consider investing some time in writing personal vows for your wedding ceremony – they really are the most important words that will be said during the entire day. Your vows, your promises, your commitments are what your wedding day is all about.

Personalizing Your Unity Ritual

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged personal ceremony / personalized rituals / personalized wedding / unity ritual / wedding ceremony by

Personalizing your unity ritual is a wonderful way to share part of yourselves with your guests during your wedding ceremony. Unity rituals usually follow your exchange of vows and rings and are meant to be symbolize your coming together in marriage. There are a number of meaningful unity rituals that you can choose from, but creating a new ritual that reflects you, your interests or values can add extra significance to your ceremony.

Through the years I’ve had the opportunity to write unity rituals for couples that connected to them in various ways. Here are some examples:

Personalizing Your Unity Ritual – Hot Toddy

Hot toddies: This couple was serving hot toddies as the signature drink at their fall wedding, so we had them build one during the ceremony. We spoke about the sugar representing the sweet and loving moments in their marriage, and the lemon representing the more challenging times they may face together. The alcohol represented the strength of their love and passion for each other, and the hot water reflected the need to provide support and warmth each and every day. The ritual connected their guests to the couple and to the festivities to come. As toasts were raised with the signature drink during the reception, it hearkened back to the ceremony itself.

Personalizing Your Unity Ritual – Craft Beer Sharing

Beer sharing: With many couples enjoying craft beers these days, this unity ritual may have broad appeal, but it was especially meaningful for this couple – he ran a craft brewery and had invented the beer, she had named this particular brew “Sunny Days”, and they shared it and toasted their marriage with it during their ceremony.

Personalizing Your Unity Ritual – Cookies and Milk

Cookies and milk: This unity ritual shared an intimate part of the couple’s lives with their guests. Each day they shared milk and cookies at the kitchen table as they shared the events of the day with each other. They each had their favorite cookie. One needed non-dairy milk. They will carry these preferences and needs into their marriage, retaining their individuality. But by connecting each day they will ensure that their marriage and life together remains their focus.

Personalizing your unity ritual as these couples did allows your guests to know more about you as individuals and a couple, and connects the ritual to you in a memorable way. Whenever they share a hot toddy, toast with a beer or share milk and cookies it reminds them in a subtle way of their wedding day, of the promises they made to each other, and of the life they are building together. Let your unity ritual be just as powerful for you.

Secular Ceremonies: A Great Option

 in Ceremony / Music / Personalization / Readings / Rituals / Secular / Weddings  tagged non-religious wedding / personal ceremony / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Secular ceremonies are growing in number across the United States. A third of people aged 18 – 34 do not identify with any religion, but want a meaningful, personal ceremony on their wedding day. If this defines you, secular or non-religious weddings are an option you’ll want to explore.

Because secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements they are more flexible and can include only the elements that are significant to you. Don’t want prayers and religious rituals? No problem. Want to include contemporary music and a poem that is meaningful to you? Again, no problem. Interested in having important people in your life help with a unity ritual like handfasting or a tree planting? Absolutely.

That kind of flexibility is possible with secular ceremonies because they are not pre-written ceremonies where only your names are slotted in as a token to personalization. Rather, working with your celebrant, you create the outline of your ceremony and collaborate to make it what you want it to be.

Handfasting, a unity ritual that can include family or friends

Options for music, readings and unity rituals are greater with secular ceremonies, and are limited only by your creativity. Beyond actual ceremony content you can also be creative with how you organize your processional and, recessional, and with your ceremony venue. I’ve had a groom escorted into the ceremony by his fellow adopted siblings, a bride escorted by her brother, sister-in-law and nieces, and a number of brides and grooms enter together. Recessional music is a great way to begin your post-ceremony celebration, and the theme from “Rocky” or “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego movie may fit you perfectly. Ceremonies have taken place in back yards, in caves and on beaches, in parks, museums, and theatres, and in historic barns and on beautiful golf courses, with each venue offering its own special appeal.

Garden wedding venue

If you aren’t tied to a religion and want your wedding ceremony to reflect on the love you’ve found together, honor the commitment you’re making to each other in marriage, and celebrate the bright future in front of you, then a secular ceremony is the perfect answer for you. I’ve been creating and performing secular ceremonies in southeastern Minnesota for nine years now, and can assure you that they are not only possible, but are well received by guests, are a great way to start your wedding day celebration, and will ensure great memories of your wedding for years to come.