Weddings

Ceremonies to Remember: Family

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Personalization / Readings / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged celebrant / personal ceremony / personalized vows / personalized wedding by

Ceremonies to Remember is a series of blog posts to run from now to the end of 2020. In each post I’ll reflect on some of the special moments I’ve experienced and some of the creative parts of the more than 400 ceremonies I’ve conducted over the last 10+ years. This week the ceremonies to remember are ones I’ve been privileged to offer for family members.

The first family wedding ceremony I wrote and offered was for my son and daughter-in-law, back in 2013. It was interesting to step back and interact with them as I do with all client couples. I learned so much about each of them, and about their relationship through the process. They were one of the first couples I worked with who chose the Love Letters and Wine Box ceremony as their unity ritual, and it fit them perfectly. They wrote couple’s vows which were offered as a dialogue during the ceremony, and selected an ee cummings reading that was a favorite. One of the most unique elements of their wedding was the setting they chose – our local civic theatre – which was also the site of their first date. The ceremony was a special moment in their wonderful day, and my daughter-in-law still says they “win at weddings”. I hope all couples feel that way about their wedding day!

Love Letters and Wine Box Unity Ritual

The second family wedding I was asked to officiate was for my niece and her nephew-in-law. They chose a December date, and were fortunate to have a clear, if cold, day in Wisconsin that allowed all their invited guests to attend. Surrounded by family and friends, they included their families in the ceremony in multiple ways. Both sisters stood with them as bridesmaids. His father offered the reading. The mothers and sisters performed the handfasting unity ritual, sharing wishes for the couple’s marriage. As with my son’s wedding, the role of officiant provided the opportunity to learn more about my future nephew-in-law, and to see them interact as a couple.

Family Handfasting. Photo credit: Van Dreel Photography.

These family weddings were indeed ceremonies to remember. I was honored to be asked by both couples to serve as their celebrant. To legally join them in marriage and to create personal ceremonies that reflect their unique relationships was memorable. Those ceremonies stand out as highlights of my career as a Humanist Celebrant to date, and I’ll share more special moments in my coming blogs.

3 Tips to Smooth Your Ceremony Experience

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding planning / weddings by

Follow these 3 tips to smooth your ceremony experience. While not an integral part of your wedding ceremony, they help your guests feel welcome. These 3 tips will allow your guests to have a comfortable, memorable experience. Following the ceremony they’ll be ready to move on to the rest of your celebration.

  1. Help your guests find the ceremony space. This can begin with a map on your wedding website to assist guests from outside the area. But you can do more. Have signs on the roadside near the final turnoff to guide your guests to the ceremony site. Perhaps you need another sign pointing them to parking, and yet another one directing them to the actual ceremony space. If your ceremony space isn’t visible from the parking area, designate an usher to stand near the parking lot and direct people as needed.

2. Let your guests know where you want them to sit. Many couples are opting for more casual seating at their ceremony. The days of ushers escorting every guest to their seat are mostly gone. But your guests don’t know what your preferences are, so post an usher near the back of the chairs to greet guests and clue them in. A sign can be helpful here, too, letting people know to choose their seat without observing traditional “bride’s side” and “groom’s side” rules.

Don’t forget about reserved space in the front for immediate family members. Guests will tend to seat themselves close to the back to avoid rows meant for family. This can result in a gulf of empty chairs between family and friends when everyone could be closer to the action. Hanging a few “Reserved” signs as needed can keep the needed space open and let guests know where they are welcome to sit.

3. Tell your guests what comes next. A receiving line, where the couple and their parents greet all the guests is the most traditional activity immediately following the ceremony. But if you’re taking pictures right away, or want your guests to move directly to social hour make sure you tell them. Otherwise your guests will sit awkwardly in the ceremony space wondering if they should stay or go. A simple announcement near the end of your ceremony works well, or you can have ushers release guests from their rows and invite them to proceed as you wish.

There are literally hundreds of details that go into planning your wedding day, and each one needs to be considered if you want to have a smooth celebration. Ignoring details like these can result in delays and confusion. You have a vision for your day and with the help of these 3 tips to smooth your ceremony experience it can become a reality. Happy planning!

Weddings are Still Weddings

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Weddings are still weddings, but each is still unique, even in the time of COVID-19. Recently I performed three weddings in one day, making it easy to compare and contrast them. These were Vow Exchange ceremonies, shorter and simpler than full custom ceremonies, but each couple still made the experience uniquely their own.

So how were these ceremonies similar? All were planned within the last three months. This is common these days as the rules around gatherings continue to evolve and couples want to strike while they can. All three ceremonies were held outside on private land. We, luckily, had a beautiful fall day which simplified the gatherings. All of the ceremonies had smaller guest counts than they might have had during “normal” times, ranging from 14 to nearly 60 guests.

These three couples also demonstrated that weddings are still weddings with the ceremony choices they made. All had a processional moment (with or without music). All the brides were esorted into the ceremony space. All three couples chose the style of vows they were most comfortable with, and all of the ceremonies ended with a pronouncement and a kiss.

There were some differences between the weddings, too. Two of the weddings had attendants – bridesmaids and groomsmen, or at least a maid of honor and best man. One of the couples had multiple couples attending them, and opted for gowns and tuxes. The other weddings opted for more casual attire. Two couples included a ring exchange as part of the ceremony, but one did not. Only one couple setup chairs with a traditional aisle while another had guests sitting at tables. At the third wedding guests stood nearby while keeping some distance between them.

One thing – the most important thing – about each of these weddings is that at the end of the day each couple embarked on a new adventure together as a married couple. Our resilience as human beings was demonstrated by all three of these couples. They found a way to honor their love and commitment to each other, even during a pandemic. They proved that in this challenging year of 2020 weddings are still weddings and love finds a way.

The Impact of Changing Seasons

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding celebration / wedding ceremony / wedding concerns / weddings by

The impact of changing seasons on wedding plans is always significant. Indoors or outdoors? Pastels, autumn tones or holiday colors? Concerns with thunderstorms or blizzards? This year we have to add COVID-19 to the list of things impacting wedding planning.

Most obvious here in Minnesota is the shift from outdoor gatherings to indoor celebrations as the weather cools and the days shorten. While there is still much we don’t know about this virus, we do know that it is more easily transmitted indoors. So moving your ceremony and reception indoors is going to increase the risk of passing the virus among your guests.

The impact of changing seasons can also be seen on the news where stories of university parties sparking cases, outbreaks in schools, and even this week’s news of the first outbreaks among NFL teams are all part of this year’s fall experience. The common thread here is people gathering in new combinations, often in enclosed spaces. In wedding terms, this means increased risk when people travel for a wedding or gather with people they haven’t seen in awhile.

One final impact we’re seeing really doesn’t have to do with the season as much as the fact that we’ve been dealing with this pandemic for more than half a year now. People are getting tired of being careful, of covering their faces, of staying apart, of being isolated. This results in resistance to the safety precautions we’ve all been encouraged to take.

At recent weddings I’ve seen very, very few masks. I’ve seen people gathered closely together for ceremonies with chairs set right up against each other. I’ve seen lots of loving hugs and lots of celebratory shouts and whistles. All my recent wedding ceremonies have been outdoors, so hopefully the risk of spreading the virus is relatively low. But the impact of changing seasons means ceremonies and receptions are moving inside where the risk of these behaviors will escalate.

I can’t imagine the pain and guilt a couple would feel if their wedding became a superspreader event and some of their loved ones or even people they’ve never met became ill or worse. I encourage everyone planning a wedding in the coming months to carefully consider the risks of gatherings at this time. Decide how large (or small) a gathering is appropriate and safe. Evaluate associated activities like dancing for their risks. Consider a legal ceremony this winter, with a delayed, but hopefully larger and safer celebration later next year. The impacts of changing seasons will again be in our favor next year as we move into spring and summer. Those might be perfect months for your wedding, too.

Finding Your Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Secular wedding / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged legal wedding / selecting wedding celebrant / selecting wedding officiant / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding your wedding officiant is one of the most significant decisions you will make about your wedding. Your ceremony is the element of your wedding day that legally marries you – what the day is all about. It is also the first “public” event of day, where your guests gather with you and your wedding party. Your ceremony sets the tone for the rest of your day, so you want to select an officiant who can create that celebratory first impression to get things started on a high note.

A recent article in Brides magazine includes not only information about officiant costs, but has a great set of questions you can ask a potential officiant. The article closes with some considerations to help guide you in making the right final decision. It’s definitely worth a read before you embark on the task of finding your wedding officiant.

Clarification on some terms may help you in choosing your officiant, too. Most broadly, an officiant is the person who will legally marry you. They may be religious, secular or civil, but if they have the legal standing to marry you, they are an officiant. Religious officiants include priests, ministers, rabbis, etc. Civil officiants, depending on your state laws, may carry Judge, Notary, or similar titles. Secular officiants often, but not always, use the title Celebrant. But beware though, the celebrant title does not have a consistent definition, so anyone can call themselves a celebrant. You’ll want to ask a few questions about any officiant’s education, training and experience before choosing to work with them.

It’s also important to understand how each potential officiant works with clients. You may want to ask questions including:

  • Do we get to see the ceremony script ahead of time?
  • Can we make/request changes to the ceremony script?
  • How do you personalize the ceremony for us?
  • Can we write our own vows? Select our own music?
  • How do we best communicate with each other – email, phone, text?

There aren’t right or wrong questions to the questions above. It is important, however, that you have a good understanding of and are comfortable with the answers the officiant provides.

So go ahead and begin your search for your officiant as soon as you have your wedding date and venue identified. Finding your wedding officiant can feel like a daunting task. You’ll find, however, that most officiants are approachable, kind, and are willing to guide your initial discussion if you prefer. They are the professionals after all, and have more experience than you do.