Weddings

The Role of a Wedding Celebrant

 in Celebrant / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding celebrant / wedding ceremony by

The role of a wedding celebrant is more than showing up at the appointed day and time. It is more than reading a generic ceremony with only your names slotted into the appropriate spots. The role of a wedding celebrant begins with your first contact, and ends when all the legalities are complete.

Britta & Samuel, July 2021
Wedding Celebrant in action

Your initial contact will include sharing the date and location of your wedding ceremony. The celebrant will let you know if they are available. The next step is to determine if you are a good match for each other. This is a crucial step that should not be overlooked. You’ll want to learn if the celebrant can provide the kind of ceremony you want. Religious, spiritual, and secular are the high level categories here. As a Humanist Celebrant who only offers secular ceremonies, I explain that the ceremonies I write and offer do not include any references to gods or the supernatural, and do not include any readings from holy books or prayers. Don’t hesitate to let the celebrant know what you want – there are no wrong answers here, only what’s right for you.

Another important role of a wedding celebrant is the creation of your ceremony. You’ll want to learn how they work to see if it matches with your style. Examples of questions to ask here are:

  • Do you create custom ceremonies? Or do you provide samples of each ceremony element and we decide which we want to include?
  • Do you ask for our input via questionnaires? And do we get to review and update a draft of the ceremony?
  • Do you include a sermon, and if so, what do you talk about?
    Consider how much time you’re willing to invest in your wedding ceremony to ensure you’re a good match for the celebrant.

The role of a wedding celebrant also can include running your rehearsal, if you’re having one. You’ll want to know if this is a service they provide, and if there is an additional fee to have them run your rehearsal.

And finally, the role of a wedding celebrant on the wedding day is crucial to understand. You’ll want to be clear on when they will arrive at the venue, if they will help organize the processional,
if they will need a microphone, and how they will handle signing the legal paperwork. Your stress will be reduced if you know what to expect from your celebrant.

It is true that your guests will see the work of the celebrant only for the duration of the ceremony, but I estimate that I spend 20+ hours on each ceremony I perform. The role of a wedding celebrant occurs mostly before the wedding day and behind the scenes. But a top notch celebrant can ensure a memorable, personal ceremony to start your wedding day celebration on a high note.

Loving on Marriage Equality

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Marriage Equality / Weddings  tagged ceremony / marriage equality / same sex wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Loving on marriage equality means welcoming and supporting couples of all genders and sexual orientations. It means working with them to help create a wedding ceremony that honors their love, and their commitment to each other. Now forces at work in our country are making noise about wanting to remove this right from some couples. So it means standing up and saying loudly that I support all couples.

Custom wedding ceremony

I have proudly supported loving couples through the years. First with commitment ceremonies before marriage equality passed. Then by offering legal wedding ceremonies to couples of all genders and sexual orientations as soon as that became possible in Minnesota. I cheered when marriage equality was extended to everyone with the Obergefell v. Hodges decision in 2015. It has been a privilege and pleasure to work with same sex couples to craft inclusive, personal ceremonies.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Now, however, there are concerns that marriage equality rights could be at risk as this news article demonstrates. Bills have been introduced in the US House to secure marriage equality rights. But it is not clear if they will succeed in the US Senate.

While the bills are considered, some couples are seeking the protections of legal marriage now. Loving on marriage equality continues to be a cornerstone of my business, and I will continue to serve all couples without discrimination. Minnesota Life Celebrations is a safe space to design your ideal secular ceremony, whatever that looks like.

I invite all couples considering marriage to join me in loving on marriage equality where love wins for everyone.

Dealing with Unruly Guests

 in Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged unruly guests / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Dealing with unruly guests is occasionally a necessity at weddings. The need can arise from a variety of situations. Recently I became aware of an aunt who was sitting in the seats reserved for the groom’s parents. When family members suggested she move to another row of seats, she declined. I approached her and explained these seats were reserved for the parents who would be walking in at the beginning of the ceremony. She said they could sit elsewhere. I explained again and politely insisted that she move from those seats. She reluctantly moved.

Your celebrant can help in this kind of situation when it happens before the ceremony begins. Make sure you let them know where you want honored guests (parents, grandparents, etc) seated. Before the ceremony begins they can help ensure things are as you wish them to be.

Another helper in dealing with unruly guests is an usher. If you let them know who is to be seated in reserved seating, they can help ensure everyone is where you want them to be. Ushers can also handle late arriving guests. They can ensure that the late arrivals stay in the back until the processional is finished, and then help them discretely find seats. If a guest becomes disruptive during the ceremony an usher can assist them to leave the ceremony space.

Perhaps you have a family member or friend who is known to be disruptive. Perhaps they have a substance abuse issue, or are generally difficult. Asking another family member or friend to be their “buddy” for the day can help. This “minder” can stay close, and if the guest becomes loud, aggressive or disruptive, they can escort the person from the wedding.

For serious situations, you might even consider hiring professional security. I’ve had situations where an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend had caused trouble in the past. The couple was concerned they would show up and cause a disturbance at the wedding. They wanted them kept out of the venue altogether and hired security to remove that worry from their minds.

You can’t anticipate every situation that could occur when you’ve gathered a large group of family and friends. But knowing your guests and thinking through the possibilities makes dealing with unruly guests easier. Make sure to inform your wedding party, ushers, vendors, and celebrant about any concerns so we can help ensure a disruption free day for you.

Modern Wedding Parties

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged modern wedding parties by

Modern wedding parties are as diverse as the couples being married. No longer is it necessary to match the number of attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen). Or dress attendants identically. No longer do the genders of attendants need to match the person for whom they are standing up. Let’s consider what is most important about the people you choose for your wedding party.

The single most important attribute for inclusion in your wedding party is that the person be someone you are close to and who supports your choice to marry. These important people will work with you in planning your wedding. They will celebrate with you at bachelor or bachelorette parties. They may organize showers or other gatherings, too. On the wedding day itself, these important people will be with you throughout the day. They may gather for hair and make-up sessions. Or help you dress. They will stand with you during the ceremony and will celebrate with you throughout the reception. Bottom line, being an attendant at your wedding is often a job best reserved for your besties and your siblings (if you’re close).

Choosing your modern wedding parties is easier than in the past. You have flexibility in numbers, genders, and attire. If you happen to have four people who immediately come to mind when considering who will stand up for you, and your partner has three, this is not a problem. There are a few ways to handle uneven numbers:

  1. Have the attendants enter as couples and a trio if the numbers are only off by one. Or have one attendant lead the way, followed by the rest as couples.
  2. Have two attendants enter together and both step to one side if your numbers are off by two.
  3. Have your attendants enter single file, alternating between standing on each side. Hint: no one will notice or care if two or even three attendants step to the same side in this approach.
  4. Have all the attendants for one of the couple enter together as a group at the beginning of the processional, with the attendants for the other one of the couple following as a group.

A growing number of weddings have attendants of both genders (or non-binary individuals) for each member of the couple. It’s easy to ignore tradition in this case and have them enter two by two, but not on each others arm. Then it doesn’t matter if two women or two men are walking side by side. You can combine this approach if you have both uneven numbers and mixed genders among your attendants.

If your wedding party includes mixed gender attendants the question of dress often comes up. It’s perfectly acceptable to have the women in the party dress alike and the men as well. But you can also get creative here. A woman standing up for a groom can wear the same style dress as the bridesmaids, but in the groom’s attendants’ color. A man standing up for a bride can add a tie or shirt in the color of the female attendants. Some couples address this situation by simply asking their attendants to wear a certain color and everyone gets to choose their own style. The options are limited only by your creativity, using the comfort of your attendants as your guide.

We are fortunate to be living at a time when many “rules” about weddings are falling to the side. The make up of modern wedding parties benefits from this change. Surround yourself with the people most important to you on your wedding day and you’re sure to have a memorable time.

The Middle of the Road Ceremony

 in Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged elopement style wedding / personalized ceremony / personalized wedding / Vow exchange / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

The middle of the road ceremony that I call a Vow Exchange Ceremony might be the perfect solution for you. Perfect if you’re planning an intimate gathering of up to 20 people and want a short and sweet ceremony to join you in marriage. A Vow Exchange can be personalized by writing your own vows or selecting from some options I provide. It can include a ring exchange if you wish.

I offer three distinct kinds of ceremonies to meet everyone’s needs. Most ceremonies I create with clients are full, custom ceremonies. I work with couples over at least 5 months (and often much longer) to create a fully personalized ceremony. But sometimes that’s more than what you want or need. At the other end of the spectrum is a Certificate Signing Ceremony which is the minimum required for legal marriage in Minnesota. The Vow Exchange is the middle of the road ceremony. Perhaps you don’t like being the center of attention. Maybe this is a second or subsequent marriage for you and you don’t want a typical wedding extravaganza experience. It may be that you want to be married relatively quickly. Or perhaps an elopement style ceremony just fits you best at this moment in your lives.

Whatever the reason, I’ve seen increased requests for a Vow Exchange ceremony, and I’m happy to offer it. Lasting only about 5 – 7 minutes, it honors the commitment you are making to each other marriage, and includes all the essential aspects of a wedding ceremony. These ceremonies can take place in your home, outside in a park (weather permitting), or in a private room in a restaurant.

Some couples dress formally for a Vow Exchange. My most recent couple donned a tuxedo and white formal dress for theirs. But others opt for a more casual vibe, and it all works. Guests usually are limited to family or very close friends – again, a gathering of up to approximately 20 people. Most often there is no musical accompaniment, no processional and no wedding party. We simply gather your guests around so everyone can hear, and begin the ceremony.

All that said, a Vow Exchange Ceremony is still a significant and often emotional experience. Just because you don’t spend a year or more and tens of thousands of dollars planning your ceremony doesn’t make the moment any less a milestone moment in your life. Smiles and happy tears often abound as the couple makes their promises to each other. The world stops for a few moments as a commitment intended for a lifetime is shared.

Please reach out to me if you’re planning a wedding ceremony of any kind in the coming months, and I’ll be happy to discuss options with you. Perhaps you’ll find that the Vow Exchange, the middle of the road ceremony option, is the perfect fit for you.