Weddings

Customizing Family Rituals

 in Blended family / Inclusive ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged family rituals / personalized rituals / wedding ceremony / wedding rituals by

Customizing family rituals is a creative way to personalize your wedding ceremony. Allowing your personalities shine during your ceremony makes it more interesting. While wedding rituals like blending sand or handfasting can enhance a ceremony, extending them to include your family make them truly memorable.

Sand blending, where the couple pour two different colors of sand into a vessel, has been around since outdoor ceremonies became popular. The ritual represents the blending of two lives in marriage. It has been extended to become a popular ritual for families with children where the couple and each of their children blend colored sand representing themselves into a common vessel representing the new blended family.

I recently saw a new version of this ritual where rather than blending all the different colors, everyone took turns pouring their own color. The resulting layers created a striped effect, which was even more significant when the colors of the Pride flag were used for a same sex couple and their children. The symbolism is a little different, with everyone retaining their individuality (or stripe) while joining together in a single vessel (the new family unit).

Rainbow Ribbons for a Handfasting ritual.

The sand blending ritual is perfect for a family with younger children. If you have adult children, you might consider enhancing the handfasting ritual to represent both the couple and the new, blended family created by their union. I recently wrote this ritual with the adult family members stepping forward to demonstrate their support for their newly married parents, and recognizing their part in the newly blended family. Each adult child brings forward a ribbon which are placed over the parents’ joined hands. The ribbons represent both a wish for the couple, and a coordinated wish for the new family. For example, one ribbon may represent a wish for growing love for the couple and growing connection among all the family members. At the end of the ritual all the ribbons are tied together, as the new family is joined together through their parents’ marriage.

Customizing family rituals in these and similar ways takes a little creativity and thought, but is not difficult to do. Including modified rituals allows them to integrate fully in the ceremony and include all members of a newly blended family. As with many aspects of your wedding ceremony, customizing rituals provides one more way to let your personalities and your new family shine.

Congratulations and Happy Holidays

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Venue / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged legal marriage / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding planning by

Congratulations and Happy Holidays to everyone celebrating special events in the coming weeks. Hanukkah has begun, the winter solstice is tonight, Christmas and Kwanzaa are around the corner, and New Years can be celebrated by us all. And scattered amongst all these annual holidays many couples will formalize their engagements in the next few weeks, too. These winter holidays and Valentine’s Day in February are the most frequent times for couple’s to get engaged.

So, to all the newly engaged, I would like to extend my congratulations and best wishes for long and happy marriages. As you share your happy news with family and friends, often the first question you will be asked is, “Have you set a date yet?” You’ll only be able to answer that after you’ve selected your venue. It may be a local hotel or event center. Perhaps you’ll want an intimate backyard gathering. Or maybe you’ll select a destination wedding in a foreign country. Selecting your venue and learning their availability will likely determine your wedding date.

Once you have your date established, it will be time to lock down all your important vendors. This includes catering (if not provided by the venue), florist and photography, and many more. I encourage you to put securing the services of a professional celebrant high on your To Do list. We are the people who will make your marriage legal. No matter how intimate, elaborate, formal or casual your day will be, you will need to ensure that your marriage will be legally recognized when all is said and done.

Professional celebrants will work with you to craft the ceremony you want. We will also walk you through the process needed to obtain your legal marriage paperwork, and ensure it is returned to the issuing governmental offices. This last step is important. If your paperwork is not returned in compliance with state law, your marriage will not be legal.

Remember then, to include selecting your wedding celebrant as a key part of your planning process. Then you can relax, knowing that you’ll have the ceremony of your dreams, and all the details will be handled, too.

At this special time of year, I’d like to express my congratulations and happy holidays wishes to everyone. I’m looking forward to celebrating with some of you in the coming year.

Unconventional Wedding Choices

 in Personalization / Wedding traditions / Weddings  tagged personalized wedding / unconventional wedding choices / wedding attire / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Unconventional wedding choices are yet another way to make your wedding day uniquely yours. If you are a bit unconventional as a couple, and traditional weddings just aren’t for you, I encourage you to make choices that feel authentic for you.

I recently had two Halloween weddings where couples used the holiday to express themselves in different, but meaningful (to them) ways. One couple dressed all in black, taking a more gothic approach to the day. And the other couple dressed in costume, bringing some whimsy to what can be a more serious, though celebratory day. In each case the couples were being true to themselves as they marked a milestone moment in their lives.

Costumed Halloween Wedding
Unconventional wedding choices

I’ve also had couples express their individuality in a different way. One couple chose dressy, but nontraditional, colorful attire for their ceremony, while another couple opted for dark colors and their favorite heavy metal music to accompany their wedding.

Colorful wedding attire
Colorful wedding attire
Unconventional wedding choices
Unconventional wedding choices

Some couples enjoy the more typical wedding traditions, and that’s great, too. White dresses, traditional ceremonies and rituals all have their place. They can be the exactly what some couples want. But unconventional wedding choices have their place, too. Feel free to modify or discard wedding traditions if they don’t fit you. Embrace choices to make the day truly reflect who you are and the marriage you are beginning.

Honoring Deceased Parents at Weddings

 in Personalization / Weddings  tagged memorial ritual / parent memorial / wedding deceased parent / weddings by

Honoring deceased parents at weddings deserves thought and consideration. Do you want to mention them during the ceremony? Is a ritual the right answer for you? Or perhaps you want a memento placed on the chair they would occupy, without anything being said at all? Maybe pictures of parents who have passed, along with an “in memory” plaque is the way you want to honor them at your wedding. There are many possibilities, and if you are in this situation you’ll want to select one that feels authentic for you.

Weddings are happy events, and bringing up parents who have passed can be a bit tricky to do. How recent the loved ones’ passing is will also impact what you choose. If the loss is fresh, it might be best to avoid talking about it during the ceremony, to avoid feeling overwhelmed by sadness. Think about your remaining parent, too, and be sensitive to how they will feel about whatever you decide to do.

Over the years I’ve had couples choose very simple statements, similar to, “John and Steven are so happy to share this day with all of you, and carry in their hearts those not able to be with us today.” That, along with a picture placed on a chair or table may be just the right touch for you.

Both fathers of a recent couple had died years ago, and they wanted to have me speak to the impact these important men had on them as individuals growing up. They also lit a candle in their dads’ memory near the beginning of the ceremony. This was the right answer for them, but I did notice that both of their moms were very emotional following this moment.

Honoring deceased parents at weddings is a very personal choice. You’ll want to discuss it as a couple and with your celebrant to decide how best to remember these important people on your happy day.

Fall Weddings – Embrace the Season

 in Decor / Guests / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged fall colors / fall weddings / weddings by

Fall Weddings offer beautiful colors and relief from the heat of summer, but have challenges of their own. September and October have become some of the busiest months for weddings in our area. June and July, traditionally the busiest time, have been uncomfortably hot in recent years, helping drive the interest in fall gatherings.

September weddings can be particularly tricky as some of our warmest weather has occurred during the first weeks of the month. I remember an early September ceremony in the lower gardens at Plummer House that had many guests scurrying to look for some shade. While we think of September as part of the fall season, especially if you’re planning a wedding early in the month, you’ll want to be prepared for heat, too. Consider options for shade for your guests. Provide paper fans and/or bottled water to help them stay comfortable. And remember the potential for really hot weather when choosing attire for your wedding party. Short dresses for women, and shirts and suspenders for the men may be great choices.

Embracing the colors of the season

Later September into October brings changeable weather to our area. You’ll want to be prepared for anything from high 40’s to mid-70 degree temperatures. And don’t forget the wind, which turns cool and can make it feel downright cold. But you’ll also get some beautiful fall colors at this time of year. You may choose typical fall colors of golden yellows, reds and oranges, purples or browns for your decor and ceremony colors. Vines and leaves, even pumpkins and gourds can be utilized to bring the season into your wedding experience.

Fall weddings can be as fresh and lovely as the weather. Brilliant colors bring a festive tone to pictures, especially if you are graced with a sunny day. Embracing the fall season and incorporating it into your wedding theme will make for a memorable experience.