Weddings

Celebrating Love

 in Celebration / Engagement / Love / Weddings  tagged celebrating love / engagement / holiday / wedding by

December holidays are a great time for celebrating love. It might be love for your family – chosen or by blood. Perhaps you celebrate love for your community with donations and volunteer work. Or maybe you’re celebrating love of the romantic sort, with an engagement or wedding.

This time of year is the most popular time for engagements, followed closely by Valentine’s Day. If you’re celebrating love with an engagement this month – Congratulations! Gathering with family and friends at the holidays provides a great opportunity to share the news of your plans to marry.

If this holiday season includes an engagement, you have the exciting work of planning your wedding in front of you. I encourage you to savor the months of your engagement as a wonderful time for you as a couple. You’ll have the opportunity to decide what your wedding vision is, what your priorities are, and how to make them a reality.

Perhaps you’re celebrating love with a holiday wedding this year. Your planning is nearly complete, and the big event is almost here. You’re celebrating love as you cross the threshold into your new chapter as a married couple.

No matter what kind of love you’re celebrating this season, pause to enjoy your time together. In the quiet of a winter evening, or surrounded by the lights of season, let your love glow!

Dealing with Crazy Relatives

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony problems / wedding guests / wedding officiant / weddings by

Dealing with crazy relatives at your wedding ceremony can be a challenge. A variety of situations can occur at your wedding ceremony that need diplomatic solutions to keep everything moving forward smoothly.

Before the ceremony even begins, logistical issues can arise. When lining up the wedding party before one ceremony, the bride became flustered when she noticed that the seats reserved for her parents were occupied. An aunt was sitting in one of the seats, next to the grandfather’s wheelchair. With the bride’s concurrence, I approached the woman and politely asked her to move down the row, as these two seats were reserved for the bride’s parents.

Her response surprised me. She said they could take other open seats; that she was assisting the grandfather. I told her the bride’s mother (also the grandfather’s daughter) would be sitting there in just a moment. I suggested she move either further down the first row, or to the second row with her adult children. Then, I quietly stood there. After a few moments she moved further down the row. I returned to check in with the bride, and then started the ceremony. Having ushers who can either seat guests or oversee the seating of guests could have prevented this situation.

Cameras and phones can also prove troublesome in the wrong hands. At another wedding, an aunt of the groom stepped into the aisle to catch pictures of the bride as she entered. She didn’t realize (I hope) that she stepped directly in front of the professional photographer who was also trying to capture that image. These moments happen so quickly during a ceremony that it is difficult for photographers to relocate for an unobstructed view. To prevent dealing with crazy relatives like this one, I can request that guests put their phones and cameras away for the ceremony so they can be fully present with the couple. This is called an unplugged ceremony. It also ensures that any professional photos taken during the ceremony include the guests’ faces, and not a sea of upraised phones.

Dealing with crazy relatives takes some thought and preventive actions. You can’t think of everything, but some situations can be anticipated and avoided. Working with an experienced celebrant can help you consider and even react to the situations that arise unexpectedly.

Five Important Questions to Ask Wedding Celebrants

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Secular wedding / Wedding Celebrant / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged officiant / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant by


There are five important questions to ask wedding celebrants when selecting the person to create and offer your ceremony. This article has an even more exhaustive list, but these five will give you the most critical information. While it can feel a bit intimidating engaging with celebrants or officiants, they are there to help you have the wedding you envision. They are ready and willing to provide the information you need to decide if you want to work with them.


Kathy officiating ceremony

The five important questions to ask wedding celebrants

  1. Are you available on our wedding date? Do you serve our venue? These are very practical questions that should be asked up front. If the answer to either is “no”, you don’t need to invest more time with that celebrant.
  2. Are you legally credentialed to officiate marriages in our state/county/city? Another simple but essential question. You want your ceremony to legally marry you. Each state, and sometimes more local jurisdictions has different laws defining who can legally marry people.
  3. Do you offer the non-religious (or particular type of religious) ceremony we are interested in? As participation in organized religion drops, more people want a secular or non-religious ceremony. Celebrants who are affiliated with a religion will often not offer a secular ceremony. Or they will slip in god references, often without thinking about it. You can have the kind of ceremony you want if you ask for it.
  4. Will we be able to have input to the ceremony? How will that happen? Some celebrants do not provide a draft of the ceremony to couples before the wedding day. If you want to participate in the creation of your ceremony, or want reassurance that it will meet your expectations, ask how this can happen.
  5. If we want to have a rehearsal, will you attend and run it for us? Rehearsals are a great way to reduce stress and make everyone comfortable before the wedding day. If you plan to hold a rehearsal you’ll want to know if your celebrant will come and run it for you.

Important Questions to Ask Yourselves

While those are the five important questions to ask wedding celebrants, there are equally important questions to ask yourselves. After meeting with a prospective officiant or celebrant ask yourselves: Do we feel comfortable with this person? Will we be able to ask questions of them? Do we think they will respect our wishes and input for the ceremony? Do they provide a ceremony contract that documents our agreement?

Obtain answers to these five important questions to ask wedding celebrants. Follow with the questions to ask yourselves and you’ll be on your way to selecting your ideal wedding celebrant.

Including Children in Your Ceremony

 in Blended family / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged blended family / children in weddings / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Including children in your ceremony is a lovely idea, but must be done with care. Your children from a previous relationship become part of a new blended family when you marry. While you are excited and positive about this new phase of your life, they may have very mixed feelings.

Depending on the situation, your children may view your fiance(e) as an interloper. They may feel that your attention is now divided, and they may be resentful. Maybe they haven’t had enough time to really know this new person yet. They may feel loyalty to their other parent.

If your new fiance(e) also has children, the situation is more complex. In addition to becoming acquainted with a new step-parent to be, they will need to build relationships with new step-siblings. Simple things like sharing rooms, and having more activity and people around the house can create stress.

Understanding your children’s feelings about your upcoming marriage is critical when planning your wedding ceremony. Plan to have a chat with them about it during a quiet, private time. Ask about their feelings. Ask about their concerns. Don’t try to “fix” their feelings, but understand and accept them. It’s helpful to give your children options regarding their level of involvement in the ceremony.

Perhaps they would be most comfortable simply sitting with grandparents. Maybe they want to hand out programs to guests as they enter the ceremony space. They might be interested in walking you down the aisle. And maybe they even want to participate in some kind of family ritual during the ceremony.

Family Sand

All of these are options. Notice, however, that none of them involve the children speaking during the ceremony. Especially if the children are teenagers or younger, I recommend not asking them to speak. You can make promises to them if you wish. Perhaps they want to join in a family sand blending ritual. Or maybe they even want to stand up as a junior bridesmaid or groomsman. But having a child speak in front of your guests can be very stressful for them. They may be experiencing conflicting or uncertain emotions at the actual ceremony. Allow them the space they need to process the significance of your marriage.

If they are interested in participating, including children in your ceremony can provide memorable moments and great photos. But you’ll want to avoid trauma and stress if your children aren’t interested in joining in. You’ll have lots of time after the wedding day for your children to become more comfortable with the situation. Keep their thoughts and concerns front of mind while planning your special day.

Too Much of a Good Thing

 in Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony customization / custom ritual / customization / owl ring bearer / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony by


Too much of a good thing is possible in wedding ceremonies, too. I often encourage couples to personalize their wedding ceremonies with rituals and special moments that reflect them. But you can cross a line here. Using an interest or experience to create a memorable moment is a great idea, but do step back and consider the bigger picture.

Back in 2018 a couple in the UK decided to have an owl act as their ring bearer. I’m not sure if they had a particular interest in the animals, or were just looking for a “wow” moment. But they got more than expected. When the time came for the bird to deliver the rings, it decided it didn’t like the look of one of the best men in the wedding party, and it attacked. You can see pictures and read the whole story here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/27/owls-of-laughter-as-winged-ring-bearer-attacks-best-man The story recalls the enjoyment and laughter of the bride and groom. I expect that the attacked best man may have a different story to tell.

There are falconry businesses available in the US that will provide similar services – for a hefty price. If you have an interest in falconry or are planning a medieval themed wedding, this might be something you want to consider.

There are a number of ways this choice may be too much of a good thing. Here are just a few of them:

  • The cost is very high for this brief experience. Listed prices are around $1000 plus travel expenses.
  • If you are planning an indoor experience, or if weather forces you indoors, you’ll need to ensure your venue will permit the birds to fly.
  • These are wild animals, and as such are unpredictable. Consider how guests may react to a rogue or attacking bird.
  • Animal cruelty concerns must be vetted. Perhaps some handlers can assure you that their animals are not being harmed, but some of your guests may feel differently.

I am a fan of customizing your wedding ceremony and including unique rituals. Personally, I think owls/birds of prey as ring bearers is too much of a good thing. But you’ll have to make the decision for yourselves.