Wedding Vows

Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony

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Personalizing your wedding ceremony is a favorite catch phrase these days, but what does it really mean? Wedding ceremonies are full of traditions and can feel formulaic – seen one, you’ve seen them all. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Especially if you are planning a ceremony outside of a religious community the options are nearly endless.

Here are some ideas of ways to personalize your wedding ceremony:

  • Choose music that is meaningful to you. Country music, a single violin, guitar or harp, a movie theme or a classic rock’n’roll song can all be perfect if they are perfect for you.
  • Enter the ceremony space in an authentic way. Perhaps you’ll choose to walk in alone, with your parents, with your children, with your partner, or with your extended family. It all works, as long as they are the people you want to surround you at this moment.
  • Select a reading (poetry or prose) that reflects you as a couple or speaks to you in some way. Adding a reading that doesn’t resonate with you in some way is wasting time.
  • Write your own vows. The promises you make to each other on your wedding day are the most important words of the day, so make sure that reflect what is in your heart.
  • Consider unity ritual options beyond a unity candle or sand ceremony. There are a number of rituals with lovely symbolism, so take the time to explore the possibilities. And as with readings, if it doesn’t speak to you, consider passing on a unity ritual altogether.
  • Especially if you are having a smaller number of guests, look for meaningful ways to include them in your ceremony.
  • Include the important people in your life in your ceremony. Yes, it’s all about the two of you, but having significant people participate will make it special and memorable for you.

Personalizing your wedding ceremony isn’t difficult, but it takes some additional time and effort. An experienced, trained wedding celebrant can help you unpack these ideas, offer options and suggestions of her own and write custom elements and rituals to make your ceremony truly unique. Enjoy the process of personalizing your ceremony and treasure the memories for a lifetime.

Writing Your Own Vows

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personalized vows / vows / wedding vows / weddings / writing vows by

Writing your own vows for your wedding day is a wonderful way to make this most important moment of your ceremony even more memorable. It sounds like a simple thing to do – to share the happiness and love you feel, and to voice the promises you are making to each other.

But when you sit down to actually write the vows, it can quickly become an overwhelming experience. The ideas below will help you break the process down into workable pieces and create vows you’re proud to share.

  1. Talk to each other about length and tone. You’ll want vows that are similar in these ways, while still being unique to each of you. Eight to ten sentences is a good length, allowing you to share meaningful promises without boring your audience.
  2. Consider the content and flow of your vows. One approach is to break your vows into three sections: share a bit of your history, then move on to your promises, and close with your personal statement of love and commitment.
  3. Start early. You know why you’ve chosen to marry. You know what you love about each other. With a little thought, you can articulate the promises you want to make to each other. Completing your vows weeks before the ceremony removes some last minute stress for you and usually results in more articulate and thoughtful vows, too.
  4. Brainstorm to get started. Sitting down in front of a blank screen or paper can be intimidating. Create a list of concepts you might want to include, then go back and pick out the gems that are really important to you, and craft them into the thoughts and promises you want in your vows.
  5. Read the vows out loud. They will seem longer when voiced, so do this often as you write your vows. Listen to the word choices, timing and flow of ideas – things can sound different than they appear when printed. Remember your audience – you may choose to limit “inside jokes and stories” so they can stay engaged.
  6. Ask for advice or review as needed. If you have trouble getting started, can’t figure out how to get your vows to a reasonable length, or wonder if your humor is appropriate for the situation, consult your celebrant. We can help you find the right words to express yourself and provide editing support.

Remember, you’re likely to be somewhat emotional when sharing your vows, so using shorter, simpler sentences will make it easier to get through. Writing your own vows can be wonderful, but it’s not for everyone. Know your strengths and preferences – writing skills, presentation style, level of emotion, etc. Refer to my post from last week for other approaches to wedding vows, and you’re sure to find the one that’s right for you.

Wedding Vows Done Right

 in Ceremony / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal vows / vows / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Wedding vows are the most important moment of not only your wedding ceremony, but of your entire wedding day. They are required to make the marriage legal, and equally importantly, they provide the opportunity for you to voice your commitment and promises in front of your community of family and friends. Vows, therefore, should be personal and significant, but can be created and offered a number of different ways.

You can write your own wedding vows, and read them to each other during your ceremony. This option allows you total control over what you say and promise with your vows, while also allowing your personalities to shine. Next week I’ll devote my post to how to write your own vows, but for now, know that it is an option. I don’t recommend however, that you try to memorize your vows. It puts too much pressure on you during an already stressful and busy day, and if you forget them it you’ll feel badly – not the memory you want of your wedding day. Reading your personally written vows is perfectly acceptable, even recommended.

If you don’t feel creative enough to write your own vows, selecting “repeat after me” style vows where you are prompted line by line by your celebrant is a fine alternative. This is, in fact, the most common type of wedding vows used by couples today. There are a nearly unlimited number of pre-written, repeat after me vows at your fingertips with a simple Google search, if those offered by your celebrant don’t meet your needs. Remember, too, that any of these vows can be modified to reflect what you want to say to each other. A word or line can be changed, added or deleted to make it just right for you. Another way to make these kinds of wedding vows feel more personal is for you each to select the vows that best reflect the promises you want to make. You do not both need to say the same vow.

And finally, there are what I refer to as old-fashioned wedding vows. The celebrant asks you if you are making these promises today, and you respond with a simple, “I do.” These are rarely used these days, but are a good solution if you have limited English (and the ceremony is being offered in English), or if you are critically shy. A great way to personalize this style of vow if for you to choose/write the promises you want to make, and then allow the celebrant to voice them for you.

You’ll want your wedding vows to reflect you as individuals as you make your promises to each other, but there are various ways to achieve that goal. Talk with your fiance(e) to decide which approach is right for you.