Wedding Vows

Defining Your Ceremony Vision

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Personalization / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Vows  tagged officiant / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding planning / weddings by

Defining your ceremony vision can seem like a daunting task. This is likely the first time you’ve considered what you want in your wedding ceremony. The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. A good celebrant will be genuinely interested in meeting you and discussing your ceremony wishes. Here are three ways you can prepare for that meeting and tackle the process of defining your ceremony vision.

  1. First, consider what you’ve seen in other weddings. Think about those moments when you thought, “That’s special. I would like to have something like that at my wedding.” Or, on the flip side, maybe you saw something that you knew you definitely did not want at your ceremony. Both are good to share with your celebrant.
  2. Next, talk about your vows with your fiance(e). Your exchange of vows will be the highlight of the ceremony as you make your promises to one another. But there are a number of ways to accomplish that. You can write your own vows if you want them to be totally personal and unique. If that doesn’t fit your style, your celebrant will likely be able to offer sample vows in the “repeat after me” style that you can choose from. Or perhaps you’re very shy or maybe English isn’t your first language and you prefer to respond to the celebrant with a simple, “I do”. Since vows are so important in a wedding ceremony, identifying the vow style you prefer is a key part of defining your ceremony vision.
  3. Finally, before meeting with your celebrant, discuss the length and tone you want for your ceremony. I often hear, “We want a short and sweet ceremony.” But what does that mean to you? Ten minutes, 20 or more? Knowing the time frame you want will help your celebrant guide you in terms of ceremony content and flow. And what about the ceremony tone? Do you want a romantic and more serious ceremony? Perhaps you prefer a lighthearted ceremony and think that some laughter is essential. Maybe involving family members is important to you, or conversely, maybe you want to keep the focus on the two of you and your path to this moment.

Defining your ceremony vision is as simple as following these three steps. Doing so will help ensure that your wedding ceremony reflects your priorities and your personalities, and is memorable and fitting for the two of you.

Making Personal Vows Relevant

 in Personalization / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal vows / personalized vows / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Making personal vows relevant is a great way to make them significant and memorable. Many couples want to write their own vows but can struggle to choose what to include in them. Including references to your life experiences connects you not only to your partner, but also with the family and friends witnessing your ceremony.

In 2020 the COVID pandemic is having an impact on all of us, and this recent article shows how some people might have modified thier own wedding vows if they had married in the time of COVID-19. Some of the vows speak to the general impacts we’ve all seen like shortages of toilet paper. Some are more specific to the couple, like references to Zoom meetings for work or personality traits that became obvious when quarantined together.

Even if you don’t want to use quarantine experiences in your vows, you can use the concept when making personal vows relevant for your wedding. For example, you can reference the little rituals and traditions you’ve established as a couple, or reminisce about funny experiences you’ve shared. Letting your personalities shine, and sharing specific moments from your time together will bring a smile, a laugh, or maybe a tear from your partner. Making personal vows relevant and significant as you make your promises to each other during your wedding ceremony will ensure the moment is memorable for you and your guests.

Making Your Ceremony Reflect You

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Making your ceremony reflect you kicks off your wedding day with a sparkle. Think about your personalities as individuals and who you are as a couple, and bring those qualities into your ceremony.

Begin at the beginning of your ceremony. Think about how you want to enter the space and with whom. We’ve all seen the “dance up the aisle” entrances by wedding parties, and if that’s you, that’s great. But maybe you’re like one of my brides whose parents had died. She opted to enter with her brother and sister-in-law and two nieces. They were her closest family and that felt right to her. Maybe you’ll choose to enter as a couple, because you’ve been together for a number of years and have established your life together, and that feels most authentic to you.

When it comes to the ceremony itself, think about ways to let your story shine. Share some of your experiences with your celebrant so they can be woven into the ceremony. These can be romantic proposals, funny home renovation stories, or amazing travel moments – whatever reflects who you are and the path you’ve walked to your wedding day. Picking a reading that really reflects how you feel about love, or marriage, or building your future together is another great way to bring your thoughts into the ceremony.

Don’t forget your vows – your best opportunity for making your ceremony reflect you. Either by writing your own vows or picking ones that speak to the promises you want to make to each other, you are sharing the core of the reason you’ve gathered for the day. If you are a couple that thrives on laughing together, bringing a bit of humor into your vows is fine. If you want to keep this moment more serious or romantic, that’s great, too.

Making your ceremony reflect you begins with hiring a celebrant who specializes in doing just that. If you don’t want a cookie cutter ceremony or one created by cutting and pasting from information on the internet, take the time to research officiants and celebrants in your area and hire a professional that will help you bring your ceremony to life.

Writing Personal Vows

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Writing personal vows for your wedding ceremony is a great way to share your love, commitment, and personalities. There are multiple options to accomplish this so you’ll be able to find one that is comfortable for you.

Writing personal vows from scratch allows you total control and freedom, but can be a challenge if writing is not your forte. You can make the job easier by following a few simple suggestions:

  1. Limit your vows to eight to ten sentences. This keeps you focused on what you want to say. It leaves you enough space to share your promises and your love for your partner. But if you get emotional this length will not be overwhelming. You’ll have enough space to express yourself without getting too long winded and boring your guests.
  2. Focus on the promises you are making. Don’t allow yourself to get distracted with all the wonderful things you could say about your partner.
  3. Even if you’re keeping your vows secret from your partner until the wedding day, discuss your personal vows before you begin to write. While you don’t want to share the specific words you plan to use, you’ll want to talk about whether or not you want to include humor, for example, or if you prefer to keep your vows more romantic or serious.
  4. When you think you’ve finished writing personal vows, it’s time to read them aloud. This is how you will offer them at the ceremony, and the written word can read very differently than the spoken word is heard. You’ll hear tone and emotion more strongly when the vows are voiced. You’ll also discover repetitive words or concepts more easily when speaking your vows.

If writing personal vows from scratch doesn’t appeal to you, you can still have personal vows by modifying vows you find online (or samples from your celebrant) that appeal to you. Reading these vows to each other, rather than using the more traditional “repeat after me” format will make your vows more personal and potent, too.

And finally, if you’re more comfortable with the “repeat after me” format, you can each choose a vow that really captures the promises you want to make to each other. This is probably the easiest way to personalize your vows.

A recent article in a local magazine, “Rochester Area Wedding” entitled “How to Write Vows that Wow” (see page 26) gives more suggestions for writing personal vows, and provides some great samples and examples, too.

Consider investing some time in writing personal vows for your wedding ceremony – they really are the most important words that will be said during the entire day. Your vows, your promises, your commitments are what your wedding day is all about.

Planning for 2020 Weddings

 in Ceremony / Engagement / Personalization / Venue / Wedding traditions / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged engaged / engagement / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding planning / wedding traditions / weddings by

Planning for 2020 weddings, and beyond, has become a priority task for all the couples who are newly engaged following the recent holiday season. Congratulations again to all of you as you celebrate your engagements and begin the process of figuring out what will come next. No matter who you are, what you envision for your day, where you want it to be held, or who you will enlist to help you with the myriad tasks you will discover as you move forward, this is and will be an exciting time in your life.

The best advice I can offer as you begin planning for 2020 weddings (or any future date) is to decide what 3 to 5 things are really important to you. This will help you focus on where to spend your time, effort and money as you plan for the big day. That doesn’t mean you can ignore all the other aspects of your wedding day. But perhaps you will spend less of your wedding budget on those items, or will enlist the help of family or friends who have talents or experience in those areas.

As you begin your wedding planning process I encourage you to identify your wedding date as soon as possible. Venue availability or key vendor availability will help you select a date, and once you have the date and location there are many more tasks that you can work on.

Remember, too, that wedding traditions are based on hundreds of years of couples getting married. Some may not fit you, and it is more than OK to jettison those that don’t. Maybe you don’t want to be “given away” at your ceremony, call all the single women to the floor for a bouquet toss, or find the garter ritual embarrassing. None of those things have to be part of your wedding day.

Rather, you’ll want to fill your day with moments that reflect you. Perhaps your centerpieces will be board game or book themed because those reflect how you spend your time. Maybe you’ll look for ways to include your family members who have played important roles in your life to date. Or perhaps you’ll place a priority on writing your own vows so the highlight of your ceremony is the two of you making the promises most important to you, in a style that reflects you and your relationship.

It helps to keep all of the above in mind as you begin to define your wedding day. Planning for 2020 weddings (and beyond) will be a big part of your coming months, but remember to take time for the two of you as a couple. Focus on your love that brought you to this place, have fun together doing something NOT wedding related, and enjoy this time in your life.