Wedding Ceremony

Making The Day Your Own

 in Personalization / Readings / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged custom wedding ceremony / handfasting / ring exchange / wedding ceremony / wedding readings by

Making the day your own is often a desire expressed by couples planning their wedding. I’ve seen some great examples this year of couples including elements of the wedding day that reflect who they are and honor their relationship. Enjoy reading about these thoughtful, original couples!

The first couple each had interesting passions. He loved all things from the Viking era, and she researched and appreciated all things Celtic. They wanted to include both interests in their ceremony.The rings were presented on an ax in an adaptation of the Viking ritual that placed the rings on family swords that were exchanged during the wedding.

After the exchange of vows and rings, the couple invited their siblings to perform a handfasting ritual honoring the bride’s Celtic heritage. The sash used was made from the family tartan.

Ax and Sash

The second couple used rock music by Metallica throughout the ceremony, and the bride wore black. Both were authentic for the couple and both were appreciated by their friends. I did notice a shared glance between a few of the older relatives, but the couple felt seen for their authentic selves.

Black Wedding Gown

And last, but not least, another couple was creating a blended family with the bride’s two daughters. They wanted the ceremony to recognize both the marriage of the couple and the formation of the new family. The bride located a children’s book titled, “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. The sweet sentiments were reinforced when the couple presented a copy of the book to the girls so they could follow along during the reading. Later in the ceremony the new stepdad gathered the girls close and made promises to them and placed gold necklaces around their necks to remember the day.

My Love Will Find You

Each of these couples took the concept of making the day your own to heart. The results were as different as the couples were, and each was spectacularly successful. So don’t get burdened by traditions or trends. Making the day your own will result in an authentic wedding day filled with memories to treasure.

Honoring Loved Ones at Weddings

 in Ceremony / Uncategorized / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged honoring loved ones / memorial moment / remembering loved ones / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Honoring loved ones at weddings can be accomplished in a few different ways. If the person (or people) were close to you, you’ll want to find a way to include them in your special day. But weddings are happy occasions, and you don’t want everyone getting sad and distracted during your ceremony.

Honoring loved ones can be done subtly or in a bolder fashion. If you’re having a ceremony program, a remembrance section naming family and friends who have passed may be sufficient. Including a general comment early in the ceremony can also be done gracefully. It can have more impact if you name your loved ones. You can even include a moment of silence in their honor. But if you want something more visual, here are a few options to consider:

  1. Set up a table at the back of the ceremony space with pictures of your loved ones with a plaque and/or candle. Memorial Pictures & Message Memorial Candle
  2. Place a flower or other memento in their honor on the chair they would have occupied. Memorial Mementos
  3. Bring a memento of them into the ceremony – this couple hung a favorite wind chime to honor the groom’s mom. Memorial Wind Chime
  4. At one ceremony I performed, the bride placed a uniform and dress on chairs to honor her grandparents.Honoring Grandparents

Moving beyond the ceremony, honoring loved ones can also be a part of your reception. Place wedding pictures near your cake or gift table can bring them symbolically into your celebration. Or perhaps you’ll dance to their favorite song or raise a toast to them. All are ways to honor the role and impact they’ve had in making you the person you are on your wedding day. Honoring loved ones can be a sensitive topic, but it’s worthwhile to reflect on those important people in your life and choose a way to include them in your wedding day.

Making Weddings a Family Affair

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged children in wedding / family reading / family ritual / family wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony by

Making weddings a family affair is a great idea when there are children in the picture. Whether they belong to one or both of you, including your children in the ceremony adds a great new dimension. It doesn’t take away from the specialness of the moment for the two of you, and you can decide what degree of inclusion is right for you.

It’s common to see children of the couple serve as ring bearers or flower girls, and these are great ways to include younger children in the wedding party. Older children can serve as junior attendants – bridesmaids or groomsmen, and can also serve as escorts to accompany you into the ceremony space.

At a recent wedding, the bride had sourced a lovely childrens book titled, “Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. The text expresses the constancy of love and can be applied to the love of parents for children and is also applicable to the love between the couple. I’ve added it to my readings library and also used it for a Child Welcoming last weekend where it also fit perfectly. At the wedding, the couple had purchased a copy of the book and presented it to the two young girls to follow along as the reading was offered. It was a perfect, sweet moment, and one more example of making weddings a family affair.

The highlight of any wedding is the vows. After the couple exchanges promises with their vows, it’s a perfect time to recognize the new family that is formalized with the marriage of the parents. Bring the children (if still dependents) up and make promises to them, too. These can be simply worded, heartfelt promises to provide a safe, loving home for this new family, or they can be more elaborate. They can be done repeat after me style or spoken directly by the “new” step-parent.

Gifting a memento of the day to children is another way to make it special for them. I’ve seen everything from necklaces to family pictures to a hockey stick (the new stepdad and son shared a love of the game) gifted during ceremonies. It always provides a special moment when topped off with loving hugs shared all around.

A final option for making weddings a family affair is to bring the parents and children together to share in a family ritual. With younger children a sand ceremony utilizing colors representing each of the family members works well. Adult children may enjoy a flower blending ceremony or a family toast.

When making weddings a family affair it is always best to ask the children (of any age) if they would like to participate, and if so, in what manner. You can have some suggestions to offer, but take your cue from them. Following a divorce or death of a parent, the children may be dealing with mixed or conflicted feelings. They may be most comfortable out of the spotlight. For the same reason, I don’t ever ask children to speak at the ceremonies.

No matter what level and type of involvement you choose for your children at your wedding, make sure that you’re honoring and respecting their needs and wishes. You want this first day as newly formalized family to be filled with smiles and happiness as you bring families together and begin a new journey together.

Hiring Your Wedding Officiant

 in Officiant / Wedding Ceremony  tagged celebrant / officiant / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant by

Hiring your wedding officiant should be done soon after you’ve selected your date and ceremony venue. With those two key pieces of information, you’re ready to start your search. Officiants will be able to quickly tell you if they are available for your date, and if they provide services to the location you’ve selected.

By selecting your wedding officiant early you increase the chances that they will be available for your date, and you leave time for an orderly and relaxed timeline for the creation of your ceremony. If you have a particular officiant in mind, it really isn’t ever too early to reach out with an initial contact. If you’re feeling apprehensive about initiating contact with officiants, here are a few tips to ease you into the process:

  1. Online searches for officiants in your geographic area is a good place to begin. Once you find one or a few officiants you’re interested in, see if they offer an online contact form. When you complete and submit their form you can be sure that you’re providing the initial information they need. The officiant can then respond with additional information and suggestions on how best to proceed.
  2. Reputable officiants will offer a no cost, no obligation initial consultation. This is an opportunity for all parties to decide if you’re a good fit for each other, and if the officiant is a viable option for your wedding day. Consultations can take place in person, via video conference, or via teleconference.
  3. Hiring your wedding officiant should include a formal document that lays out all the details – date, time, place and cost of course, along with what the officiant will do and what your responsibilities are. The one exception to this is if you are hiring an officiant for a ceremony in the next few days, in which case a verbal agreement or email exchange may serve your needs.
  4. Make sure you give some thought to what you want in your wedding ceremony before you meet with potential officiants. The more information you can provide about your wishes, priorities, and requirements, the better chance you’ll have of hiring the right person.

Hiring your wedding officiant may take a little time and effort, and it’s OK to continue your search if you don’t connect with the first person you meet. Your wedding ceremony is the first public event of your wedding day. It’s also a required element of your day, if you want to be legally married. So take your time, invest some thought and effort into the process, and you’ll select the person who can deliver on your vision for the ideal wedding ceremony.

Simplify Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Wedding Ceremony  tagged processional / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding processional by

Simplify your wedding ceremony to gain some practical and some personal benefits. Keeping your ceremony streamlined allows you and your guests to focus on the key elements that allow you to cross the threshold into marriage. And the practical benefits can be significant.

Consider these ways to simplify your wedding ceremony and the benefits to be realized:

  1. Limit the size of your wedding party. Fewer bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers and personal attendants can make it easier to coordinate everything from clothing choices to transportation to photographs. It also makes placing people for the ceremony easier.
  2. Limit the number of people in attendance. Keep your guest list to close family and friends. This opens up venue options and ceremony ritual options and makes coordination and communication easier.
  3. Within the ceremony itself, you can simplify the processional by having grandparents seated in reserved spots before the processional begins. Smaller wedding parties also allow the processional to move more quickly and keeps the focus on the main participants – you two.
  4. Keeping your ceremony shorter is another way to simplify it. Consider limiting yourself to one reading if you choose to have any. You can also choose to omit any unity ritual, unless one has significant meaning for you. Finally, if you aren’t interested in having a personal ceremony, you can opt not to include anything that shares your history or love story.

Simpler wedding ceremonies and simpler weddings in general are a bit easier to plan, will cost less, and will help you keep your focus on the important elements of the day. Last but not least, with the spectre of COVID still with us, you gain flexibility when you simplify your wedding ceremony. With fewer guests, a smaller wedding party and a simpler ceremony you’ll be positioned as best you can be should restrictions be reimposed on gatherings.