Wedding Ceremony

Rejecting Ceremony Traditions

 in Ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding traditions  tagged personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

Rejecting ceremony traditions when designing your wedding is sometimes a good thing to consider. Traditions can be wonderful and memorable, but can also be outdated or downright offensive. Selectively choosing the ceremony traditions that are meaningful to you allows the ceremony to be truly representative of you as a couple.

There are four ceremony traditions in particular that you will want to consider either jettisoning or significantly reworking.

  1. Giving away the bride. This tradition dates from the time when women were considered chattel to be passed from father to husband. If you choose to leave it out of your ceremony no one will miss it. If it’s important for some reason to include some version of it, consider having the celebrant ask, “Who supports this couple in their choice to marry?” All parents can stand and respond, “We all do.”
  2. Including, “love, honor and obey” in the vows. This can be easily modified to replace “obey” with “cherish”. Or select or write personal vows unique to the two of you.
  3. Including prayers or readings from holy books. If you’re planning a secular or non-religious ceremony but want to include a reading there are many lovely passages in literature and popular culture on love, marriage, friendship, and commitment that can be used.
  4. Having your celebrant offer a sermon or homily. Rejecting this traditional part of the wedding ceremony leaves space for sharing parts of your story as a couple, celebrating the love that has brought you to this moment.

Rejecting ceremony traditions makes sense if you find the tradition offensive in some way, or you just don’t want to spend time on it. Removing or modifying traditions does not take away from the ceremony experience. In fact, it can make the ceremony more personal and more interesting. Keep the focus on you as a couple, your values, your love and your commitment to each other in marriage.

A Personalized Wedding Ceremony

 in Personalization / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged personal ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

A personalized wedding ceremony can mean different things to different people. I had the opportunity last month to perform one of the most personalized ceremonies I’ve ever created. It’s also the first ceremony I’ve performed on an ice rink!

This wonderful couple had been friends for quite a few years, when he invited her to go ice skating one day. Not being a skater, she relied on him to support her on the ice and teach her basic skills. But something more important happened that first day – they began to move their relationship beyond friendship. Through the coming years they continued to skate together, and their romance blossomed, too. Then a year ago, on the anniversary of their first skating date, he proposed marriage to her on that very ice rink. And she said yes.

This wonderful couple wanted a personal, intimate wedding, but wanted it to reflect them and their story. They contacted me asking if I would marry them on that special anniversary date this year. They also wanted me to marry them on their ice rink where it all began. Sometimes couples who have such a unique and interesting vision for their wedding plan an extravaganza of a wedding day. Not so for this couple. In fact they wanted this to be a totally personal and private experience.

Since our state requires two witnesses for a legal marriage, they asked their photographer and my husband to be the witnesses. So, on a snowy Saturday evening in January the four of us gathered at the indoor ice rink for the ceremony. They provided a carpet for me to walk onto the ice to join them. I really appreciated that as it’s been literally decades since I strapped on a pair of skates. They skated toward me; the bride in a white satin dress and knit bolero to try to stay warm and the groom looking dapper in his jacket, hat and scarf.

In a personalized wedding ceremony written for them, I reminded them of their beginning on the ice. We reflected on skating as an apt metaphor for marriage. They spoke thoughtful vows and exchanged rings. I offered good wishes for their marriage and pronounced them married, upon which they circled the rink together a few times to celebrate their marriage.

While originally planned for just the couple, their photographer and required witness, this couple did invite their parents to observe the ceremony from the stands at the last minute. As this couple demonstrates, a personalized wedding ceremony makes the event more memorable, more special, and totally unique to them. Having the opportunity to create such a novel ceremony was a treat for me, and fun for all of us.

Defining Your Ceremony Vision

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Personalization / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Vows  tagged officiant / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding planning / weddings by

Defining your ceremony vision can seem like a daunting task. This is likely the first time you’ve considered what you want in your wedding ceremony. The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. A good celebrant will be genuinely interested in meeting you and discussing your ceremony wishes. Here are three ways you can prepare for that meeting and tackle the process of defining your ceremony vision.

  1. First, consider what you’ve seen in other weddings. Think about those moments when you thought, “That’s special. I would like to have something like that at my wedding.” Or, on the flip side, maybe you saw something that you knew you definitely did not want at your ceremony. Both are good to share with your celebrant.
  2. Next, talk about your vows with your fiance(e). Your exchange of vows will be the highlight of the ceremony as you make your promises to one another. But there are a number of ways to accomplish that. You can write your own vows if you want them to be totally personal and unique. If that doesn’t fit your style, your celebrant will likely be able to offer sample vows in the “repeat after me” style that you can choose from. Or perhaps you’re very shy or maybe English isn’t your first language and you prefer to respond to the celebrant with a simple, “I do”. Since vows are so important in a wedding ceremony, identifying the vow style you prefer is a key part of defining your ceremony vision.
  3. Finally, before meeting with your celebrant, discuss the length and tone you want for your ceremony. I often hear, “We want a short and sweet ceremony.” But what does that mean to you? Ten minutes, 20 or more? Knowing the time frame you want will help your celebrant guide you in terms of ceremony content and flow. And what about the ceremony tone? Do you want a romantic and more serious ceremony? Perhaps you prefer a lighthearted ceremony and think that some laughter is essential. Maybe involving family members is important to you, or conversely, maybe you want to keep the focus on the two of you and your path to this moment.

Defining your ceremony vision is as simple as following these three steps. Doing so will help ensure that your wedding ceremony reflects your priorities and your personalities, and is memorable and fitting for the two of you.

A Week for Giving Thanks

 in Ceremony / Memorial services / Wedding Ceremony / Welcoming Ceremony  tagged Giving thanks / memorial services / wedding ceremony / welcoming ceremony by

A week for giving thanks is upon us, offering a time to reflect on the good things in life. I invite you to share in my reflection. I encourage you to take a few moments between the guests, the turkey, the football, and the travel to reflect on the good things in your life, too.

This year I am grateful for vaccines that have allowed us to gather more safely to celebrate the important moments in life. It may have been to welcome a new child to the family, to voice your commitment to each other in marriage, or to commemorate the passing of a loved one. Whatever the reason, our humanity urges us to gather at these times to recognize that our lives have changed. Vaccines have helped us gather more safely.

I am also grateful for the couples I’ve worked with this year on their weddings. A few were couples who legally married last year under COVID restrictions and chose to celebrate in 2021 with a full ceremony and wedding day attended by family and friends. Other couples delayed their weddings until this year or had planned for a 2021 ceremony all along. All the couples invested themselves in their ceremony – providing information and reviews to ensure that the ceremony reflected them and told their story.

A Celebration of Life for a member of my family was both a responsibility and privilege earlier this year, and I was honored to be asked to lead that gathering. That event was balanced by a Baby Welcoming ceremony this fall that served to remind me of the joy and beauty to be found in the newest members of our community.

My life has been touched by all these people celebrating milestone moments. I feel especially honored to be invited into their lives, to share in their stories, and hopefully, to have made their days a bit more memorable. During this week for giving thanks, I offer my sincere wishes to everyone for a safe and Happy Thanksgiving Day.

Special Seating at Weddings

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning  tagged ceremony seating / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Special seating at weddings is usually provided for the parents and grandparents of the couple, and possibly other close family members. These seats are at the front of the ceremony space to provide the best view of the couple and the ceremony. There are a few things to consider when planning for special seating.

  1. Who do you want to have special seating for at your wedding?
    As mentioned, you’ll want to have places for parents and grandparents at a minimum. If your parents are divorced, you’ll want to make sure their new partners (if any) are seated with them. If you have siblings who are not in the wedding party, you’ll also want them to be up front in reserved spaces.

Other people you may choose to provide special seating for include: spouses/partners of members of your wedding party, godparents, and those who will offer readings during the ceremony. Make sure to allow space for escorts/partners for any of these people. Importantly, you’ll want to have a parent of any flower girls or ring bearers seated up front, along with a chair for the children to sit in during the ceremony.

How will these important people know where to sit?
Ushers can be a great help with guiding these people to the places you’ve allocated for them. Providing a list to the ushers can be helpful here, and ideally the ushers will be able to recognize these special guests. It’s also very helpful for people to be contacted ahead of time to let them know that spaces will be reserved for them and invite them to ask the ushers for assistance. The advance notification can be a task delegated to the moms, dads or siblings.

If you don’t have ushers, you’ll want to place “Reserved” signs on each row near the front, at a minimum. Consider actual seat assignments with name tags on the chairs if many people are involved, or if you’re concerned that your guests may not understand wedding etiquette. Just be careful not to use markers that will transfer to clothing if guests will be sitting or leaning against them.

  1. How will others know to avoid the special seating?
    This is what the “Reserved” signs are for, but recent experiences tell me that sometimes that isn’t enough. In one case, an aunt and grandfather sat in the seats in the front row normally reserved for the groom’s parents. They had to be asked repeatedly (and forcefully) to vacate the seats so the parents would have a place to sit after entering in the processional. In the second case, a stepfather who was seated before the processional began made it nearly impossible for the groom’s father to sit on the aisle as had been rehearsed. The stepfather had to be asked to move down the row as the processional was beginning. Thankfully, he moved and the situation was handled discretely, and no one was aware.

Special seating at weddings can be a bit tricky to coordinate, but is worth the time and effort. You want the very special people in your world to be treated warmly and respectfully. You want other guests to know where, and where not, to sit without feeling uncomfortable. And you want everyone ready to celebrate with you as the music starts, the wedding party enters, and your ceremony begins!