Wedding Ceremony

Modern Wedding Parties

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged modern wedding parties by

Modern wedding parties are as diverse as the couples being married. No longer is it necessary to match the number of attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen). Or dress attendants identically. No longer do the genders of attendants need to match the person for whom they are standing up. Let’s consider what is most important about the people you choose for your wedding party.

The single most important attribute for inclusion in your wedding party is that the person be someone you are close to and who supports your choice to marry. These important people will work with you in planning your wedding. They will celebrate with you at bachelor or bachelorette parties. They may organize showers or other gatherings, too. On the wedding day itself, these important people will be with you throughout the day. They may gather for hair and make-up sessions. Or help you dress. They will stand with you during the ceremony and will celebrate with you throughout the reception. Bottom line, being an attendant at your wedding is often a job best reserved for your besties and your siblings (if you’re close).

Choosing your modern wedding parties is easier than in the past. You have flexibility in numbers, genders, and attire. If you happen to have four people who immediately come to mind when considering who will stand up for you, and your partner has three, this is not a problem. There are a few ways to handle uneven numbers:

  1. Have the attendants enter as couples and a trio if the numbers are only off by one. Or have one attendant lead the way, followed by the rest as couples.
  2. Have two attendants enter together and both step to one side if your numbers are off by two.
  3. Have your attendants enter single file, alternating between standing on each side. Hint: no one will notice or care if two or even three attendants step to the same side in this approach.
  4. Have all the attendants for one of the couple enter together as a group at the beginning of the processional, with the attendants for the other one of the couple following as a group.

A growing number of weddings have attendants of both genders (or non-binary individuals) for each member of the couple. It’s easy to ignore tradition in this case and have them enter two by two, but not on each others arm. Then it doesn’t matter if two women or two men are walking side by side. You can combine this approach if you have both uneven numbers and mixed genders among your attendants.

If your wedding party includes mixed gender attendants the question of dress often comes up. It’s perfectly acceptable to have the women in the party dress alike and the men as well. But you can also get creative here. A woman standing up for a groom can wear the same style dress as the bridesmaids, but in the groom’s attendants’ color. A man standing up for a bride can add a tie or shirt in the color of the female attendants. Some couples address this situation by simply asking their attendants to wear a certain color and everyone gets to choose their own style. The options are limited only by your creativity, using the comfort of your attendants as your guide.

We are fortunate to be living at a time when many “rules” about weddings are falling to the side. The make up of modern wedding parties benefits from this change. Surround yourself with the people most important to you on your wedding day and you’re sure to have a memorable time.

Honoring New Families at Weddings

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony  tagged blended family / ceremony / ceremony readings / handfasting / sand ceremony / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings with children by

Honoring new families at weddings extends the significance of the wedding ceremony beyond the couple. Opportunities to include family elements in your ceremony arise when there are children from this or previous relationships. The ways of honoring new families will vary depending on the ages of the children and on their interest in participating.

Often children of any age will be included in the wedding party. Perhaps as bridemaids, groomsmen, junior attendants or flower girls or ring bearers. It is important to understand the children’s interest in participating in this way. Even adult children may have unresolved feelings due to their parents’ divorce. No one should ever be placed in an uncomfortable public position during a wedding.

There are other ways to include your children in your ceremony that are more personal. Again, the age of the children will define appropriate options, but here are a few to consider:

For young children, there is a book called “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. This story can be offered as the reading during the ceremony. It assures the children that the couple will love them always. I’ve had a couple present a copy of the book to their daughters to follow along as the story was shared at the ceremony. This provided a meaningful memento of the day and can be read often. Other options for readings are “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton or excerpts from “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. These are stories the children will be able to relate to, that also share concepts appropriate for marriages.

My Love Will Find You
Childrens book used for reading as a wedding that created a blended family

Children of all ages can share in a Sand Ceremony ritual where different colored sand is blended creating a visual representation of the new blended family. Along this line I’ve also had family members each decorate a special stone or rock that is placed around a tree the couple has planted. If the children are of elementary age or older they can help with a handfasting ritual. They place ribbons across the parents’ clasped hands with each ribbon representing a wish for the couple and the family.

Family Sand

And lastly, gifts can be presented to the children to include them in this special day. Traditional gifts include necklaces or framed photos of the new family. I also had a new stepdad gift his stepson with a new hockey stick in honor of their shared love of the game. The more meaningful the gifts are the more they will connect with the children.

Blended Family

Each couple will decide how far they want to go in honoring new families at their ceremony. As with so many aspects of your wedding day, there are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps you want to keep the ceremony focused on your love and commitment as a couple. Or perhaps you want the children involved in many aspects of your ceremony and your wedding day as possible. Whatever choice you make, know that there are many options available to you, and working with your celebrant you’re sure to find ones that fit your situation.

Community Celebration of Marriage

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Vow Renewals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged celebration of marriage / community celebration / vow renewal ceremonies / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / weddings by

The idea of a community celebration of marriage is increasing in popularity for couples that have been married in small, private ceremonies. Covid has forced many couples to opt for a small, legal marriage when larger gatherings were not safe or possible. With restrictions easing, some couples are choosing to celebrate their marriage with family and friends now.

Small gathering due to Covid restrictions

In cases where you’re already legally married, you can, of course, opt to just host a party or reception. Choosing to include a ceremony in the community celebration, however, allows you to voice your promises to one another surrounded by the important people in your lives. Your exchange of vows (and optionally, rings) is the heart of any wedding day. Why not include it in a belated celebration you plan with family and friends?

This kind of ceremony is technically a Vow Renewal ceremony, since you’ve already exchanged some level of vows when you legally wed. But it can look like any other wedding ceremony. You can include a processional, wedding party, reading, love story, exchange of vow and rings, a unity ritual, and any other ceremony elements that are meaningful to you. The only difference will be that your celebrant will not “pronounce” you married. Instead they may say something like, “It is my honor to publicly announce that you are married,” or “It is my honor to present to you as a married couple…”. Working with a celebrant you can make your ceremony as personal and unique or as traditional as you wish.

Venue set for large wedding ceremony

Couples who married during the pandemic do not need to be cheated of the community celebration of marriage. After all, marriage is a social construct and benefits greatly from being recognized and celebrated with your community of family and friends.

Choosing an Inclusive Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Readings / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged inclusive ceremony / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding party by

Choosing an inclusive ceremony is becoming a popular option for couples being married. An inclusive ceremony is one that avoids gendered terms like his and hers. As we become more aware of discrimination based on gender and sexual identity, it’s thoughtful and welcoming to choose an inclusive ceremony.

Here are a few ways to have an inclusive ceremony:

  • Choose songs for the ceremony whose lyrics can apply to couples of all kinds.
  • Choose readings that avoid the use gendered pronouns like he/his and she/hers.
  • Ask your celebrant to avoid language that implies all couples are male/female. Rather speak to loving couples and partners without identifying specific sex or gender identities.
  • Choose your wedding party without regard to traditional gendered roles. Brides can have male bodied people stand up for them. Grooms can have female bodied people stand up for them. Choose your wedding party based on who you are closest to. Consider who will support you best on your wedding day, regardless of sex or gender identity.

Perhaps you are not a traditional male/female couple. Choosing an inclusive ceremony is an obvious choice for you. But traditional het couples request an inclusive ceremony to be more comfortable and respectful to some of their family and friends. You want everyone who attends your wedding ceremony to be able to feel the love you’ve found together. You also want them to be able to relate to the emotions being celebrated. To be able to envision themselves experiencing that kind of love. Choosing an inclusive ceremony makes that possible.

Discuss your desire for an inclusive ceremony when you first meet with your celebrant. If they aren’t willing to work with you to ensure that all your guests can see themselves in the ceremony experience, choose another celebrant. Request to review the ceremony draft to ensure that you are comfortable with the language being used. Each couple may have particular sensitivities so inclusive ceremonies are not “one size fits all”. But at the end of the day, you deserve to have a ceremony that you’re 100% comfortable with. Choosing an inclusive ceremony may be the perfect way to do that.

The Middle of the Road Ceremony

 in Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged elopement style wedding / personalized ceremony / personalized wedding / Vow exchange / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

The middle of the road ceremony that I call a Vow Exchange Ceremony might be the perfect solution for you. Perfect if you’re planning an intimate gathering of up to 20 people and want a short and sweet ceremony to join you in marriage. A Vow Exchange can be personalized by writing your own vows or selecting from some options I provide. It can include a ring exchange if you wish.

I offer three distinct kinds of ceremonies to meet everyone’s needs. Most ceremonies I create with clients are full, custom ceremonies. I work with couples over at least 5 months (and often much longer) to create a fully personalized ceremony. But sometimes that’s more than what you want or need. At the other end of the spectrum is a Certificate Signing Ceremony which is the minimum required for legal marriage in Minnesota. The Vow Exchange is the middle of the road ceremony. Perhaps you don’t like being the center of attention. Maybe this is a second or subsequent marriage for you and you don’t want a typical wedding extravaganza experience. It may be that you want to be married relatively quickly. Or perhaps an elopement style ceremony just fits you best at this moment in your lives.

Whatever the reason, I’ve seen increased requests for a Vow Exchange ceremony, and I’m happy to offer it. Lasting only about 5 – 7 minutes, it honors the commitment you are making to each other marriage, and includes all the essential aspects of a wedding ceremony. These ceremonies can take place in your home, outside in a park (weather permitting), or in a private room in a restaurant.

Some couples dress formally for a Vow Exchange. My most recent couple donned a tuxedo and white formal dress for theirs. But others opt for a more casual vibe, and it all works. Guests usually are limited to family or very close friends – again, a gathering of up to approximately 20 people. Most often there is no musical accompaniment, no processional and no wedding party. We simply gather your guests around so everyone can hear, and begin the ceremony.

All that said, a Vow Exchange Ceremony is still a significant and often emotional experience. Just because you don’t spend a year or more and tens of thousands of dollars planning your ceremony doesn’t make the moment any less a milestone moment in your life. Smiles and happy tears often abound as the couple makes their promises to each other. The world stops for a few moments as a commitment intended for a lifetime is shared.

Please reach out to me if you’re planning a wedding ceremony of any kind in the coming months, and I’ll be happy to discuss options with you. Perhaps you’ll find that the Vow Exchange, the middle of the road ceremony option, is the perfect fit for you.