Wedding Ceremony

Building Family Connections

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Memorial services / Wedding Ceremony / Welcoming Ceremony  tagged memorial service / wedding / welcoming ceremony by

Building Family Connections has been an unexpected benefit of my work as a Humanist Celebrant over the past 13 years. I’ve had the great good fortune to meet many wonderful couples and families as I’ve crafted wedding ceremonies, child welcoming ceremonies and memorial services. I am particularly touched when people who know my work seek my services for additional ceremonies through the years.

One of my earliest ceremonies was a memorial service for a man who was an immigrant from the Netherlands. He was the beloved patriarch of his family and we celebrated the rich and adventurous life he had led. Unfortunately, it was only a few years later when I was called on to celebrate his daughter’s life after her battle with breast cancer. A few years after that we gathered once again when the matriarch of the family died. Seeing the family repeatedly for these ceremonies was a gift to me as I learned more about them and saw firsthand the legacy of love and the values that remaining family members carry into the future.

On the wedding side of my business I’ve married sisters from one family, three brothers from another, and will shortly marry the sister of one of my previous grooms. In each of these cases the couples have seen me create and offer ceremonies for their siblings. They know and value the focus I place on the couple in wedding ceremonies. They understand that I work collaboratively with each couple to ensure the ceremony reflects their personalities and tells their stories. It’s fun to see these families through the years and reconnect over such happy events.

I’ve also had the privilege to create child welcoming ceremonies for multiple couples that I’ve previously married. And just last week I encountered the parents of one of my grooms from 11 years ago and heard about their happy marriage and two children. Building family connections like this is a true joy.

Through these repeated engagements I become something of a “family celebrant”, a role I cherish. Building family connections and being able to support families with all kinds of ceremony services is one of the best parts of my job. I never know when the next call for “repeat services” will come, but I’m always happy to catch up with familiar faces and honor the next milestone moment in their lives.

Small Medium or Large?

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding planning  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding party / weddings by

Does a small, medium or large wedding party best fit your wedding day vision? There is no right or wrong answer. But there are many considerations in choosing the size of your wedding party. The topic deserves careful review and discussion early in your planning process.

A large wedding party, five or more sets of attendants can be a party within the party of your wedding day. You’ll be surrounded by a larger group of people who are important to you. Ideally, more hands make for lighter work. They can all share the many tasks involved in planning for your wedding day. Even on the day itself there are many details that need tending to, and these folks can take some of the load off you and your families.

However, larger wedding parties also have some down sides. They are harder to keep focused. You’ll spend more time tracking down the missing attendant for pictures, for the grand march, and more. Large wedding parties are also more expensive. The cost of gifts for 10 or more will add up. If you’re considering covering the cost of make-up and hair styling for your party, the cost can be significant. If you’re looking to provide transportation for the wedding party you’ll need more cars or a larger van or bus.

For some couples, a small wedding party, zero to 2 sets of attendants, is the right answer. This option reverses the pros and cons noted above. It also provides a more intimate and streamlined experience. Small wedding parties allow the focus to stay on you as a couple. They are often perfect for shy or introverted couples, and for second or subsequent weddings. If you’re opting for an intimate wedding experience with a smaller guest list, a small wedding party is a great way to begin.

A medium sized wedding party is defined as three to five attendants for each of you. It is the most common size for wedding parties, and can be ideal if you are looking to minimize the cost and complexities while maximizing the support and fun considerations.

When choosing the size of your wedding party – small, medium or large, remember that it is no longer necessary to have the same number of attendants for each of you. You can each also select your attendants regardless of gender. Creative planning for your wedding party allows anything to work. Surround yourselves with the people most important to you, but consider how your wedding party – be it small, medium or large – fits into the vision you have for your wedding day.

Sharing Observations From an Unexpected Wedding

 in Guests / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged ushers / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by


Sharing observations from an unexpected wedding I stumbled across last weekend. A wedding took place at the resort I was visiting for a family gathering. It was a unique opportunity to observe a ceremony that I wasn’t performing. Here are some things I noted that you might want to consider for your own ceremony.

  1. Have your celebrant invite people to stand and sit at appropriate times. There was a lengthy interaction between the couple and their parents at the beginning of the ceremony. The guests were visibly shifting around, not sure if they should stand or be seated during it. Eventually the celebrant did invite people to be seated, but they would have been able to see what was happening in front if they had been seated before this ritual.
  2. Make sure your ushers know what you want them to do. This couple had four ushers which should have been more than adequate. However, they were standing around socializing before the ceremony and did not help move guests toward the seats. They also did not hold late arrivals during the processional, so a couple walked part way up the aisle between the seating of the mothers and the entrance of the wedding party.
  3. Consider allowing the women in your wedding party to select their own dresses, coordinating only by color. All seven female attendants had obviously selected their own dresses. Some were tea length, others floor length. I saw chiffon, lace, jersey, and satin, all in a peachy champagne color. The maid of honor wore a darker, almost brown velvet dress that coordinated but allowed her to stand out. Taking this approach with your attendants allows them each to feel comfortable and beautiful as they support you throughout the day.
  4. Explain any rituals or actions included in the ceremony. After the exchange of vows and rings, the couple stepped to a small table at the back of the ceremony space. I have no idea what they did there as nothing was explained and it was difficult to see. A simple introduction by the celebrant would have made this more meaningful.
  5. Help your guests know where to go/what comes next after the ceremony. Remember those ushers I mentioned above? At the end of the ceremony they remained seated in their back row instead of releasing the guests from their rows. There also as no announcement made to tell the guests where to go immediately following the ceremony. The all remained seated for a few awkward moments before some guests in the middle of the chairs stood up and started to leave the space. Others followed, but having the ushers facilitate the exit would have been pleasant for the guests.

A ceremony was not on my agenda for our family gathering last weekend. But I hope that sharing observations from an unexpected wedding will provide some food for thought as you plan your special day.

The Role of a Wedding Celebrant

 in Celebrant / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding celebrant / wedding ceremony by

The role of a wedding celebrant is more than showing up at the appointed day and time. It is more than reading a generic ceremony with only your names slotted into the appropriate spots. The role of a wedding celebrant begins with your first contact, and ends when all the legalities are complete.

Britta & Samuel, July 2021
Wedding Celebrant in action

Your initial contact will include sharing the date and location of your wedding ceremony. The celebrant will let you know if they are available. The next step is to determine if you are a good match for each other. This is a crucial step that should not be overlooked. You’ll want to learn if the celebrant can provide the kind of ceremony you want. Religious, spiritual, and secular are the high level categories here. As a Humanist Celebrant who only offers secular ceremonies, I explain that the ceremonies I write and offer do not include any references to gods or the supernatural, and do not include any readings from holy books or prayers. Don’t hesitate to let the celebrant know what you want – there are no wrong answers here, only what’s right for you.

Another important role of a wedding celebrant is the creation of your ceremony. You’ll want to learn how they work to see if it matches with your style. Examples of questions to ask here are:

  • Do you create custom ceremonies? Or do you provide samples of each ceremony element and we decide which we want to include?
  • Do you ask for our input via questionnaires? And do we get to review and update a draft of the ceremony?
  • Do you include a sermon, and if so, what do you talk about?
    Consider how much time you’re willing to invest in your wedding ceremony to ensure you’re a good match for the celebrant.

The role of a wedding celebrant also can include running your rehearsal, if you’re having one. You’ll want to know if this is a service they provide, and if there is an additional fee to have them run your rehearsal.

And finally, the role of a wedding celebrant on the wedding day is crucial to understand. You’ll want to be clear on when they will arrive at the venue, if they will help organize the processional,
if they will need a microphone, and how they will handle signing the legal paperwork. Your stress will be reduced if you know what to expect from your celebrant.

It is true that your guests will see the work of the celebrant only for the duration of the ceremony, but I estimate that I spend 20+ hours on each ceremony I perform. The role of a wedding celebrant occurs mostly before the wedding day and behind the scenes. But a top notch celebrant can ensure a memorable, personal ceremony to start your wedding day celebration on a high note.

Dealing with Unruly Guests

 in Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged unruly guests / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Dealing with unruly guests is occasionally a necessity at weddings. The need can arise from a variety of situations. Recently I became aware of an aunt who was sitting in the seats reserved for the groom’s parents. When family members suggested she move to another row of seats, she declined. I approached her and explained these seats were reserved for the parents who would be walking in at the beginning of the ceremony. She said they could sit elsewhere. I explained again and politely insisted that she move from those seats. She reluctantly moved.

Your celebrant can help in this kind of situation when it happens before the ceremony begins. Make sure you let them know where you want honored guests (parents, grandparents, etc) seated. Before the ceremony begins they can help ensure things are as you wish them to be.

Another helper in dealing with unruly guests is an usher. If you let them know who is to be seated in reserved seating, they can help ensure everyone is where you want them to be. Ushers can also handle late arriving guests. They can ensure that the late arrivals stay in the back until the processional is finished, and then help them discretely find seats. If a guest becomes disruptive during the ceremony an usher can assist them to leave the ceremony space.

Perhaps you have a family member or friend who is known to be disruptive. Perhaps they have a substance abuse issue, or are generally difficult. Asking another family member or friend to be their “buddy” for the day can help. This “minder” can stay close, and if the guest becomes loud, aggressive or disruptive, they can escort the person from the wedding.

For serious situations, you might even consider hiring professional security. I’ve had situations where an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend had caused trouble in the past. The couple was concerned they would show up and cause a disturbance at the wedding. They wanted them kept out of the venue altogether and hired security to remove that worry from their minds.

You can’t anticipate every situation that could occur when you’ve gathered a large group of family and friends. But knowing your guests and thinking through the possibilities makes dealing with unruly guests easier. Make sure to inform your wedding party, ushers, vendors, and celebrant about any concerns so we can help ensure a disruption free day for you.