Rituals

Celebrate Your Uniqueness

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged custom rituals / personalized wedding / unity rituals / wedding ceremony / weddings by


Your wedding ceremony is a great opportunity to celebrate your uniqueness. Weddings can be full of traditions that are fun to include in your day, but make sure you include all that makes you special as a couple.

Weddings have been changing for awhile now, which offers you the chance to make the day a personal reflection of yourselves and your relationship. Traditions like bouquet and garter toss at the reception and “giving away” the bride at the ceremony can be left out if you prefer. And new rituals and ceremony approaches that better reflect you can be added.

I strive to make each ceremony I craft for a couple unique to them. Sharing their story is part of the beginning of the ceremony. My goal is for all the guests to learn something new about the couple. If they are interested, I encourage couples to write their own vows. It is another way to let their personalities shine.

Unity Ritual - Sazerac creation
Unity Ritual – Sazerac creation

Unity rituals are an obvious opportunity to celebrate your uniqueness. A trip to New Orleans was a significant event for a couple I married recently. For their unity ritual we had them build a Sazerac cocktail – the official cocktail of New Orleans. I used the characteristics of the ingredients – sweet, bitter, strong, and unique to craft a metaphor for marriage. This is the first Sazerac ritual I’ve written in the more than 500 ceremonies I’ve officiated. It was perfect for them. While there are many lovely “generic” unity rituals available, many can also be customized to
celebrate your uniqueness with a little effort.

An experienced, educated celebrant can work with you to write a wedding ceremony that reflects and celebrates you and the love you share. Start your wedding day with a ceremony that will celebrate your uniqueness as you voice your commitment to each other in marriage.

Welcome to the Family

 in Baby Welcoming / Celebration / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Welcoming Ceremony  tagged baby naming ceremony / baby welcoming / child welcoming / humanist ceremony / naming ceremony by

“Welcome to the Family” is a phrase that takes on new meaning when you gather family and close friends to celebrate a new child. I recently had the opportunity to offer two very special Child or Baby Welcoming Ceremonies. I’ve worked with both families to welcome their firstborn children previously, and was invited to celebrate new additions to each family.

These Welcoming ceremonies are a great way for non-religious families to celebrate new additions to their families. For some families a Christian baptism or christening, Jewish bris or Islamic aqiqah isn’t appropriate. A humanist Welcoming Ceremony may be the perfect fit.

Celebrating and welcoming a new baby to the family.
Welcoming a new baby

A Welcoming Ceremony gathers family and close friends together as a casual but significant way to say, “Welcome to the family.” The ceremony itself is co-created by the parents and the celebrant. It includes anything the family wants, but the following elements are common:

  • Sharing the significance of the name chosen for the child.
  • Parent promises identifying the priorities they have as they raise the child.
  • Naming of Guideparents or Mentors to be a positive, continuing presence in the child’s life.
  • Recognition of the role for grandparents, older siblings, and/or extended families.
  • A ritual that may result in a memento of the ceremony that can be shared with the child in the coming years.
Props for a Child Welcoming Ceremony
Items used for a Child Welcoming Ceremony

The rituals are often the most memorable as they can allow all the guests to offer their own welcome to the family. A water and wishing stones ritual invites guests to imbue a small stone with their wishes for the baby’s future. The stones are dropped into a bowl of water. The resulting ripples represent the impact the guest can have on the child’s life. An alternative ritual involves guests bringing letters they have written to the child sharing their hopes and dreams for them as they grow. The letters are collected in a binder to be shared with the child when they are older. An interesting addition to this ritual is the creation of a family puzzle with pictures of each guest. The child can play with the puzzle in just a few years and be told the story of the Welcoming Ceremony.

Water ritual at a Baby Welcoming Ceremony
Water and Wishing Stones Ritual

Welcome to the family ceremonies can be personalized to address each family’s situation. They can be held indoors or out. They can include a meal and socializing following the ceremony. Since the little one is the guest of honor, it is best to keep the ceremonies brief and casual, and schedule them at the time of day when they are most likely to be in good spirits.

Too Much of a Good Thing

 in Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony customization / custom ritual / customization / owl ring bearer / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony by


Too much of a good thing is possible in wedding ceremonies, too. I often encourage couples to personalize their wedding ceremonies with rituals and special moments that reflect them. But you can cross a line here. Using an interest or experience to create a memorable moment is a great idea, but do step back and consider the bigger picture.

Back in 2018 a couple in the UK decided to have an owl act as their ring bearer. I’m not sure if they had a particular interest in the animals, or were just looking for a “wow” moment. But they got more than expected. When the time came for the bird to deliver the rings, it decided it didn’t like the look of one of the best men in the wedding party, and it attacked. You can see pictures and read the whole story here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/27/owls-of-laughter-as-winged-ring-bearer-attacks-best-man The story recalls the enjoyment and laughter of the bride and groom. I expect that the attacked best man may have a different story to tell.

There are falconry businesses available in the US that will provide similar services – for a hefty price. If you have an interest in falconry or are planning a medieval themed wedding, this might be something you want to consider.

There are a number of ways this choice may be too much of a good thing. Here are just a few of them:

  • The cost is very high for this brief experience. Listed prices are around $1000 plus travel expenses.
  • If you are planning an indoor experience, or if weather forces you indoors, you’ll need to ensure your venue will permit the birds to fly.
  • These are wild animals, and as such are unpredictable. Consider how guests may react to a rogue or attacking bird.
  • Animal cruelty concerns must be vetted. Perhaps some handlers can assure you that their animals are not being harmed, but some of your guests may feel differently.

I am a fan of customizing your wedding ceremony and including unique rituals. Personally, I think owls/birds of prey as ring bearers is too much of a good thing. But you’ll have to make the decision for yourselves.

Customizing Family Rituals

 in Blended family / Inclusive ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged family rituals / personalized rituals / wedding ceremony / wedding rituals by

Customizing family rituals is a creative way to personalize your wedding ceremony. Allowing your personalities shine during your ceremony makes it more interesting. While wedding rituals like blending sand or handfasting can enhance a ceremony, extending them to include your family make them truly memorable.

Sand blending, where the couple pour two different colors of sand into a vessel, has been around since outdoor ceremonies became popular. The ritual represents the blending of two lives in marriage. It has been extended to become a popular ritual for families with children where the couple and each of their children blend colored sand representing themselves into a common vessel representing the new blended family.

I recently saw a new version of this ritual where rather than blending all the different colors, everyone took turns pouring their own color. The resulting layers created a striped effect, which was even more significant when the colors of the Pride flag were used for a same sex couple and their children. The symbolism is a little different, with everyone retaining their individuality (or stripe) while joining together in a single vessel (the new family unit).

Rainbow Ribbons for a Handfasting ritual.

The sand blending ritual is perfect for a family with younger children. If you have adult children, you might consider enhancing the handfasting ritual to represent both the couple and the new, blended family created by their union. I recently wrote this ritual with the adult family members stepping forward to demonstrate their support for their newly married parents, and recognizing their part in the newly blended family. Each adult child brings forward a ribbon which are placed over the parents’ joined hands. The ribbons represent both a wish for the couple, and a coordinated wish for the new family. For example, one ribbon may represent a wish for growing love for the couple and growing connection among all the family members. At the end of the ritual all the ribbons are tied together, as the new family is joined together through their parents’ marriage.

Customizing family rituals in these and similar ways takes a little creativity and thought, but is not difficult to do. Including modified rituals allows them to integrate fully in the ceremony and include all members of a newly blended family. As with many aspects of your wedding ceremony, customizing rituals provides one more way to let your personalities and your new family shine.

Sharing Observations From an Unexpected Wedding

 in Guests / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged ushers / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by


Sharing observations from an unexpected wedding I stumbled across last weekend. A wedding took place at the resort I was visiting for a family gathering. It was a unique opportunity to observe a ceremony that I wasn’t performing. Here are some things I noted that you might want to consider for your own ceremony.

  1. Have your celebrant invite people to stand and sit at appropriate times. There was a lengthy interaction between the couple and their parents at the beginning of the ceremony. The guests were visibly shifting around, not sure if they should stand or be seated during it. Eventually the celebrant did invite people to be seated, but they would have been able to see what was happening in front if they had been seated before this ritual.
  2. Make sure your ushers know what you want them to do. This couple had four ushers which should have been more than adequate. However, they were standing around socializing before the ceremony and did not help move guests toward the seats. They also did not hold late arrivals during the processional, so a couple walked part way up the aisle between the seating of the mothers and the entrance of the wedding party.
  3. Consider allowing the women in your wedding party to select their own dresses, coordinating only by color. All seven female attendants had obviously selected their own dresses. Some were tea length, others floor length. I saw chiffon, lace, jersey, and satin, all in a peachy champagne color. The maid of honor wore a darker, almost brown velvet dress that coordinated but allowed her to stand out. Taking this approach with your attendants allows them each to feel comfortable and beautiful as they support you throughout the day.
  4. Explain any rituals or actions included in the ceremony. After the exchange of vows and rings, the couple stepped to a small table at the back of the ceremony space. I have no idea what they did there as nothing was explained and it was difficult to see. A simple introduction by the celebrant would have made this more meaningful.
  5. Help your guests know where to go/what comes next after the ceremony. Remember those ushers I mentioned above? At the end of the ceremony they remained seated in their back row instead of releasing the guests from their rows. There also as no announcement made to tell the guests where to go immediately following the ceremony. The all remained seated for a few awkward moments before some guests in the middle of the chairs stood up and started to leave the space. Others followed, but having the ushers facilitate the exit would have been pleasant for the guests.

A ceremony was not on my agenda for our family gathering last weekend. But I hope that sharing observations from an unexpected wedding will provide some food for thought as you plan your special day.