Readings

Same Sex Weddings: What’s Different?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Same se weddings / Weddings  tagged ceremonies / inclusive ceremonies / same sex weddings / wedding ceremonies / wedding processional / weddings by

Same sex weddings have been legal for a few years now, and I’m happy and honored to include same sex couples in the clients I’ve served. As we leave Pride month behind for 2019, it’s an opportunity to reflect on what is different about same sex weddings and to celebrate marriage equality once more.

Anne & Allie

The first difference is that we have two brides or two grooms. Using some creativity we can come up with many different kinds of processional arrangements to welcome each of you to your ceremony. Maybe we “book-end” the processional with one partner entering first, and the other one last. Or perhaps we have each of you escorted to the front at the end of the processional, one after the other. Perhaps you would like to enter together. If your venue allows, you can also have the chairs set for two aisles and enter at the same time, from two different aisles, meeting at the front.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Another difference for same sex couples is an increased focus on inclusive language. We refer to you using language you prefer – brides, grooms, partners, and eventually as husbands, wives or spouses. It’s important to make your preferences known to your celebrant so we can use language that is authentic and comfortable for you.

Dusti & Val. Same sex weddings.

Using inclusive language throughout the ceremony is respectful of you and your guests, even when the couple is made up of a bride and groom. Inclusive language includes readings, reflections, vows and pronouncements. All your guests will feel more connected to the ceremony if it represents their relationships, too.

Same sex couples have also led the way with redefining wedding parties. No longer must there be equal numbers of men and women in the party. Same sex weddings are the perfect time to pick your party based on close relationships and those who support you as a couple. Coordinated attire is also often not required, with wedding parties reflecting the personal style of the attendants.

Same sex weddings are now legal in all US states, and we celebrate all loving couples who choose to make a loving commitment to each other in marriage.

Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Music / Readings / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged ceremony music / ceremony readings / personalized wedding / unity ritual / wedding vows / weddings by

Personalizing your wedding ceremony is a favorite catch phrase these days, but what does it really mean? Wedding ceremonies are full of traditions and can feel formulaic – seen one, you’ve seen them all. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Especially if you are planning a ceremony outside of a religious community the options are nearly endless.

Here are some ideas of ways to personalize your wedding ceremony:

  • Choose music that is meaningful to you. Country music, a single violin, guitar or harp, a movie theme or a classic rock’n’roll song can all be perfect if they are perfect for you.
  • Enter the ceremony space in an authentic way. Perhaps you’ll choose to walk in alone, with your parents, with your children, with your partner, or with your extended family. It all works, as long as they are the people you want to surround you at this moment.
  • Select a reading (poetry or prose) that reflects you as a couple or speaks to you in some way. Adding a reading that doesn’t resonate with you in some way is wasting time.
  • Write your own vows. The promises you make to each other on your wedding day are the most important words of the day, so make sure that reflect what is in your heart.
  • Consider unity ritual options beyond a unity candle or sand ceremony. There are a number of rituals with lovely symbolism, so take the time to explore the possibilities. And as with readings, if it doesn’t speak to you, consider passing on a unity ritual altogether.
  • Especially if you are having a smaller number of guests, look for meaningful ways to include them in your ceremony.
  • Include the important people in your life in your ceremony. Yes, it’s all about the two of you, but having significant people participate will make it special and memorable for you.

Personalizing your wedding ceremony isn’t difficult, but it takes some additional time and effort. An experienced, trained wedding celebrant can help you unpack these ideas, offer options and suggestions of her own and write custom elements and rituals to make your ceremony truly unique. Enjoy the process of personalizing your ceremony and treasure the memories for a lifetime.

Wedding Readings Offered Creatively

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Readings / Weddings  tagged ceremony / ceremony readings / creative readings / readings / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Wedding readings are a traditional part of wedding ceremonies, but they can be offered creatively, increasing both interest and meaning. Readings can, of course, be offered by your celebrant, but it is much more interesting to bring another voice or voices into the ceremony.

Having family members or friends offer your wedding readings is fairly common and is a nice gesture to include those loved ones in your special day. Make sure, though, that you share with your celebrant what your connection is with the person or people offering readings so that information can be shared with your guests. And you can think outside the box when choosing your readers, too. Perhaps a grandparent whose soothing voice holds a special place in your memories, or the friend who introduced you. Think about hearing the inspiring words of your readings offered by your moms who have guided you through the years. The choice of a special person for a specific reason is sure to increase the power of the moment in your ceremony.

Thinking even more creatively, here are a few things we’ve done at ceremonies I officiated:

  • Two beloved grandparents who celebrated 50 years of marriage shortly before the wedding shared the reading titled, “All I Want” at their grand daugther’s wedding. Not a dry eye to be seen.
  • The bride and groom in one encore wedding had her two and his three adult daughters share the two wedding readings as they stood up for their parents. The couple was literally surrounded by words of love and encouragement.
  • One couple shared a reading themselves, alternating stanzas, just before they offered their personal vows.
  • An entire wedding party shared a closing reflection reading with each bridesmaid and groomsman offering a wish for the couple going forward.
  • And finally, the siblings of a recent couple offered readings as a special show of support during one ceremony.

Thoughtfully choosing your wedding readings, as I discussed in last week’s post, followed by careful choices of readers and presentation of those readings will make them memorable, and will integrate them into your ceremony in a way that heightens the power and personal meaning of the readings themselves.

Readings for Secular Weddings

 in Ceremony / Readings / Secular / Weddings  tagged secular readings / secular wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Readings for secular weddings are not restricted by rules or religious requirements, so you have a virtually endless selection to choose from. Readings can be sourced from anywhere – poetry, prose, song lyrics, even movie or play scripts. You’ll want to pick something that reflects you as a couple and connect it to other elements of the ceremony.

If you are big into nature, perhaps you’ll pick the passage from Walt Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road” that begins:

Afoot and lighthearted, take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before you,
The long brown path before you,
leading wherever you choose.
Say only to one another:
I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
…

Or possibly the nature imagery in this excerpt from Jo Lynne Wood’s “Together” will speak to you:

Two trees near to each other stood
When they were young and life was new.
Their limbs reach out and their branches entwine
And thus together they grew.
Their roots spread out down under the ground
Joining one with the other,
So, from the top in the sky to the heart
In the earth-the two were joined together.
Thru days when the sun was bright and warm
And the winds were temperamental
When a laughing breeze rustled the leaves,
Or when the rain was soft and gentle.
Thru days when the clouds were dark and gray
And cold and fierce the weather
The two stood firm and faced the storms
Because they stood together.

Maybe you like the ancient poetry of Rumi or the modern poetry of ee cummings. Both offer a variety of passages appropriate for a wedding. Readings for secular weddings can focus on an interest you share like bike riding, or perhaps you want to honor your children by choosing a piece of children’s literature. There is “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton about two special dinosaurs, or multiple passages from Dr. Seuss that can be fun and memorable.

How would you describe yourselves as a couple? Fun loving, serious, romantic, traditional, creative? There are readings for secular weddings that will speak to all kinds of couples with all kinds of interests. By choosing a reading thoughtfully, your guests will see another part of your relationship and feel even more connected to you. Take the time to select a reading that speaks to you about love or marriage in a way that is meaningful to you, and it will truly be a remembered moment in your wedding ceremony.

Secular Ceremonies: A Great Option

 in Ceremony / Music / Personalization / Readings / Rituals / Secular / Weddings  tagged non-religious wedding / personal ceremony / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Secular ceremonies are growing in number across the United States. A third of people aged 18 – 34 do not identify with any religion, but want a meaningful, personal ceremony on their wedding day. If this defines you, secular or non-religious weddings are an option you’ll want to explore.

Because secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements they are more flexible and can include only the elements that are significant to you. Don’t want prayers and religious rituals? No problem. Want to include contemporary music and a poem that is meaningful to you? Again, no problem. Interested in having important people in your life help with a unity ritual like handfasting or a tree planting? Absolutely.

That kind of flexibility is possible with secular ceremonies because they are not pre-written ceremonies where only your names are slotted in as a token to personalization. Rather, working with your celebrant, you create the outline of your ceremony and collaborate to make it what you want it to be.

Handfasting, a unity ritual that can include family or friends

Options for music, readings and unity rituals are greater with secular ceremonies, and are limited only by your creativity. Beyond actual ceremony content you can also be creative with how you organize your processional and, recessional, and with your ceremony venue. I’ve had a groom escorted into the ceremony by his fellow adopted siblings, a bride escorted by her brother, sister-in-law and nieces, and a number of brides and grooms enter together. Recessional music is a great way to begin your post-ceremony celebration, and the theme from “Rocky” or “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego movie may fit you perfectly. Ceremonies have taken place in back yards, in caves and on beaches, in parks, museums, and theatres, and in historic barns and on beautiful golf courses, with each venue offering its own special appeal.

Garden wedding venue

If you aren’t tied to a religion and want your wedding ceremony to reflect on the love you’ve found together, honor the commitment you’re making to each other in marriage, and celebrate the bright future in front of you, then a secular ceremony is the perfect answer for you. I’ve been creating and performing secular ceremonies in southeastern Minnesota for nine years now, and can assure you that they are not only possible, but are well received by guests, are a great way to start your wedding day celebration, and will ensure great memories of your wedding for years to come.