Personalized Ceremony

Rejecting Ceremony Traditions

 in Ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding traditions  tagged personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

Rejecting ceremony traditions when designing your wedding is sometimes a good thing to consider. Traditions can be wonderful and memorable, but can also be outdated or downright offensive. Selectively choosing the ceremony traditions that are meaningful to you allows the ceremony to be truly representative of you as a couple.

There are four ceremony traditions in particular that you will want to consider either jettisoning or significantly reworking.

  1. Giving away the bride. This tradition dates from the time when women were considered chattel to be passed from father to husband. If you choose to leave it out of your ceremony no one will miss it. If it’s important for some reason to include some version of it, consider having the celebrant ask, “Who supports this couple in their choice to marry?” All parents can stand and respond, “We all do.”
  2. Including, “love, honor and obey” in the vows. This can be easily modified to replace “obey” with “cherish”. Or select or write personal vows unique to the two of you.
  3. Including prayers or readings from holy books. If you’re planning a secular or non-religious ceremony but want to include a reading there are many lovely passages in literature and popular culture on love, marriage, friendship, and commitment that can be used.
  4. Having your celebrant offer a sermon or homily. Rejecting this traditional part of the wedding ceremony leaves space for sharing parts of your story as a couple, celebrating the love that has brought you to this moment.

Rejecting ceremony traditions makes sense if you find the tradition offensive in some way, or you just don’t want to spend time on it. Removing or modifying traditions does not take away from the ceremony experience. In fact, it can make the ceremony more personal and more interesting. Keep the focus on you as a couple, your values, your love and your commitment to each other in marriage.

A Personalized Wedding Ceremony

 in Personalization / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged personal ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

A personalized wedding ceremony can mean different things to different people. I had the opportunity last month to perform one of the most personalized ceremonies I’ve ever created. It’s also the first ceremony I’ve performed on an ice rink!

This wonderful couple had been friends for quite a few years, when he invited her to go ice skating one day. Not being a skater, she relied on him to support her on the ice and teach her basic skills. But something more important happened that first day – they began to move their relationship beyond friendship. Through the coming years they continued to skate together, and their romance blossomed, too. Then a year ago, on the anniversary of their first skating date, he proposed marriage to her on that very ice rink. And she said yes.

This wonderful couple wanted a personal, intimate wedding, but wanted it to reflect them and their story. They contacted me asking if I would marry them on that special anniversary date this year. They also wanted me to marry them on their ice rink where it all began. Sometimes couples who have such a unique and interesting vision for their wedding plan an extravaganza of a wedding day. Not so for this couple. In fact they wanted this to be a totally personal and private experience.

Since our state requires two witnesses for a legal marriage, they asked their photographer and my husband to be the witnesses. So, on a snowy Saturday evening in January the four of us gathered at the indoor ice rink for the ceremony. They provided a carpet for me to walk onto the ice to join them. I really appreciated that as it’s been literally decades since I strapped on a pair of skates. They skated toward me; the bride in a white satin dress and knit bolero to try to stay warm and the groom looking dapper in his jacket, hat and scarf.

In a personalized wedding ceremony written for them, I reminded them of their beginning on the ice. We reflected on skating as an apt metaphor for marriage. They spoke thoughtful vows and exchanged rings. I offered good wishes for their marriage and pronounced them married, upon which they circled the rink together a few times to celebrate their marriage.

While originally planned for just the couple, their photographer and required witness, this couple did invite their parents to observe the ceremony from the stands at the last minute. As this couple demonstrates, a personalized wedding ceremony makes the event more memorable, more special, and totally unique to them. Having the opportunity to create such a novel ceremony was a treat for me, and fun for all of us.