Personalization

What Happens at a Secular Wedding?

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Secular wedding / Weddings  tagged secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

“What happens at a secular wedding?” is a common question for couples who have been raised in a religious tradition. The answer is simple. Pretty much whatever you want. In Minnesota, the only requirements to make a marriage legal are to have the proper paperwork, two witnesses, and say you want to be married to each other. It can be as simple as that, but most couples want to mark this important moment in their lives with something more significant.

Traditional weddings often have religious prayers, rituals and readings, so it is very reasonable to ask what happens at a secular wedding when you remove all of that. Does it still look like a wedding as you know it? Will you feel married after a secular wedding? What will your guests think of your secular wedding?

Rest assured that your secular wedding can still have much of the look and feel of a traditional wedding, if that is your wish. You can have a meaningful, possibly even a more meaningful exchange of vows, and secular weddings can be significant, memorable experiences for you as a couple and for your guests.

The general approach is to use secular wording, readings and rituals in place of religious language and actions. In your secular wedding you have a virtually unlimited choice of music. Any genre, live or recorded, can be used. You can select from contemporary poetry or literature for a reading, or use passages from ancient writers and poets if you prefer. There are a variety of secular, meaningful unity rituals to choose from, too. From tree plantings to love letters to handfastings and beer sharings, there is something for everyone who wants a unity ritual in their wedding. And that’s the beauty of secular weddings.

So now you know why the answer to the question, “What happens at a secular wedding?” is, “Pretty much whatever you want.” Your ceremony can be written or modified for you since there are no rules imposed by religious authorities. It can be authentic because you select the what and how of all the elements of your ceremony. This is a great opportunity to put your personal stamp on this important part of your wedding day. Work with your celebrant to ensure all aspects of your ceremony reflect who you are and what you are promising to each other in marriage. Have fun collaborating to create your perfect ceremony for your special day.

Writing Your Own Vows

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personalized vows / vows / wedding vows / weddings / writing vows by

Writing your own vows for your wedding day is a wonderful way to make this most important moment of your ceremony even more memorable. It sounds like a simple thing to do – to share the happiness and love you feel, and to voice the promises you are making to each other.

But when you sit down to actually write the vows, it can quickly become an overwhelming experience. The ideas below will help you break the process down into workable pieces and create vows you’re proud to share.

  1. Talk to each other about length and tone. You’ll want vows that are similar in these ways, while still being unique to each of you. Eight to ten sentences is a good length, allowing you to share meaningful promises without boring your audience.
  2. Consider the content and flow of your vows. One approach is to break your vows into three sections: share a bit of your history, then move on to your promises, and close with your personal statement of love and commitment.
  3. Start early. You know why you’ve chosen to marry. You know what you love about each other. With a little thought, you can articulate the promises you want to make to each other. Completing your vows weeks before the ceremony removes some last minute stress for you and usually results in more articulate and thoughtful vows, too.
  4. Brainstorm to get started. Sitting down in front of a blank screen or paper can be intimidating. Create a list of concepts you might want to include, then go back and pick out the gems that are really important to you, and craft them into the thoughts and promises you want in your vows.
  5. Read the vows out loud. They will seem longer when voiced, so do this often as you write your vows. Listen to the word choices, timing and flow of ideas – things can sound different than they appear when printed. Remember your audience – you may choose to limit “inside jokes and stories” so they can stay engaged.
  6. Ask for advice or review as needed. If you have trouble getting started, can’t figure out how to get your vows to a reasonable length, or wonder if your humor is appropriate for the situation, consult your celebrant. We can help you find the right words to express yourself and provide editing support.

Remember, you’re likely to be somewhat emotional when sharing your vows, so using shorter, simpler sentences will make it easier to get through. Writing your own vows can be wonderful, but it’s not for everyone. Know your strengths and preferences – writing skills, presentation style, level of emotion, etc. Refer to my post from last week for other approaches to wedding vows, and you’re sure to find the one that’s right for you.

Wedding Readings Offered Creatively

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Readings / Weddings  tagged ceremony / ceremony readings / creative readings / readings / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Wedding readings are a traditional part of wedding ceremonies, but they can be offered creatively, increasing both interest and meaning. Readings can, of course, be offered by your celebrant, but it is much more interesting to bring another voice or voices into the ceremony.

Having family members or friends offer your wedding readings is fairly common and is a nice gesture to include those loved ones in your special day. Make sure, though, that you share with your celebrant what your connection is with the person or people offering readings so that information can be shared with your guests. And you can think outside the box when choosing your readers, too. Perhaps a grandparent whose soothing voice holds a special place in your memories, or the friend who introduced you. Think about hearing the inspiring words of your readings offered by your moms who have guided you through the years. The choice of a special person for a specific reason is sure to increase the power of the moment in your ceremony.

Thinking even more creatively, here are a few things we’ve done at ceremonies I officiated:

  • Two beloved grandparents who celebrated 50 years of marriage shortly before the wedding shared the reading titled, “All I Want” at their grand daugther’s wedding. Not a dry eye to be seen.
  • The bride and groom in one encore wedding had her two and his three adult daughters share the two wedding readings as they stood up for their parents. The couple was literally surrounded by words of love and encouragement.
  • One couple shared a reading themselves, alternating stanzas, just before they offered their personal vows.
  • An entire wedding party shared a closing reflection reading with each bridesmaid and groomsman offering a wish for the couple going forward.
  • And finally, the siblings of a recent couple offered readings as a special show of support during one ceremony.

Thoughtfully choosing your wedding readings, as I discussed in last week’s post, followed by careful choices of readers and presentation of those readings will make them memorable, and will integrate them into your ceremony in a way that heightens the power and personal meaning of the readings themselves.

Make Choices That Reflect Who You Are

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Decor / Guests / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged authentic / ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

“Make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have an end result that you can feel super proud of for a long time.” That’s a quote from Allison Davis of Davis Row, a wedding planning company. I encountered that quote recently while reading an article on upcoming wedding trends for 2019. I think it is one of the most important and helpful observations for you to keep in mind when planning your wedding day.

It is so easy to get caught up in all the wedding trends articles, all the pins on Pinterest, all the internet wedding forums, and all the interesting things you’ve seen at weddings you’ve recently attended. The truth is, you can’t include every interesting thing you see. And you really wouldn’t want to. Your budget and your time will put limits on what you ultimately decide to include in your wedding day, but there is good guidance in that opening quote to help you make your decisions.

When you make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, you ensure an authentic, comfortable and unique wedding day. A personalized wedding ceremony can be a great way to kick off your celebration and share your story and your love with your guests. Selecting attire, a venue, flowers, music and even your photographer to match your style and priorities will help ensure that your personalities shine throughout the day.

Remember that you don’t have to accept hardly anything about your day as a “given”. Perhaps you don’t want to have a wedding party at all, keeping you as a couple in the spotlight. Perhaps you’re not a flower person like one bride I worked with who really wanted to carry her video gaming laser gun instead of a bouquet. Go for it! Or like a recent couple I worked with, perhaps you’re not into the whole wedding dance experience. Take a page from their book and offer board games, card games, a huge Jenga game and a couple of bean bag games to entertain your guests. In their case, they included background music to add to the party atmosphere and guests really enjoyed being able to really converse without shouting over loud music.

Whatever your personality and preferences, make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have a happy, comfortable, and memorable wedding day to launch your new adventure called marriage.

Choosing a Custom Ceremony Starts Your Wedding Day on a High Note

 in Celebrant / Celebration / Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Weddings  tagged custom ceremony / custom wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Choosing a custom ceremony allows you to begin your wedding day celebration on a happy, high note. You will likely start your day with hair and make-up sessions, possibly a first look photo session with your partner, and some family photos before the ceremony. But your ceremony will be the first event you share with your guests, and will set the tone for the rest of your celebration.

Working with a professional celebrant you can define the elements of your ceremony, including those that are meaningful for you and leaving out others. For example, you may want to include a reading that reflects your perspective on love or marriage. You may choose to include any children you have with a special family ritual. You may choose to write your own vows, or you may choose to select from various “repeat after me” style vows.

Perhaps you don’t want to have a parent or parents walk you into the ceremony and prefer to walk in with your partner. And if you prefer a shorter ceremony you may opt to leave out a memorial ritual honoring loved ones not with you on your wedding day and to pass on a statement of community support from your guests.

Whatever choices you make on the elements of your ceremony, your celebrant can work with you to reflect your history, your personalities, your hopes for your future, and how you feel about the commitment you are making to each other in marriage. Your thoughts, feelings and even quotes can be woven through a custom ceremony so your guests leave with a greater understanding of who you are as a couple and what you find so special in each other. They will feel connected to you and ready to move into the rest of your wedding day full of warm feelings and good cheer.

Choosing a custom ceremony requires your cooperation and collaboration with your celebrant as you let her/him get to know you, define the elements of the ceremony you want, and then review and provide feedback to achieve the wedding ceremony that uniquely reflects you and honors the commitment you are making to each other in marriage. Choosing a custom ceremony guarantees an authentic, unique start to your wedding day.