Personalization

Create Meaningful Ceremony – Memorials

 in Ceremony / Memorial services / Personalization  tagged meaningful ceremony / memorial service / personal ceremony by

Create meaningful ceremony to celebrate the important moments in life. In previous weeks I’ve written about creating personal weddings and welcoming a new child to your family. Now it’s time to discuss how to honor a loved one with a poignant memorial service.

Holding a memorial service serves four purposes:

  1. To honor and celebrate the life of the person who has died.
  2. To make space for everyone to say a private good-bye.
  3. To offer and receive support as a community of people who knew the honoree.
  4. To set your feet on a path of grieving leading to healing.
Memorial urn for a Dutch woman – surrounded by tulips

Here are some elements to consider as you work to create meaningful ceremony for a memorial service.

  • Use music to open and close the ceremony. Select pieces that connect to the honoree. Perhaps they were a country music fan, or loved patriotic marches. Classical music can always be used, too, and can be soothing.
  • Bring the honoree into the ceremony through mementos and their life story. Including a favorite team’s jersey or a quilt they made is a great visual. And make sure to share their life story through a biographical sketch.
  • Make space for shared stories. You might opt for “open mic” where guests can spontaneously share some of their interactions. Alternately, you can invite two or three people to share a slightly longer eulogy where they share highlights of the honorees life. For example, a professional colleague may speak about their work life, and an adult grandchild may share stories of time with grandma or grandpa.
  • Since guests may be of varying religious inclinations, it’s respectful to offer a time for silent reflection or prayer. You can use music or perhaps a video picture montage to accompany this time.
  • Finally, you want to draw people together and give them hope for brighter days ahead when their sorrow is not as profound as it is right now.

When you create meaningful ceremony by weaving these elements together you’ll both celebrate and honor the person who has passed. You’ll also support the family and friends in a memorable and appreciated manner.

Next time I’ll be talking about how to create meaningful ceremony around other milestone moments in life. Make sure to check it out in two weeks.

Create Meaningful Ceremony – Weddings

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Weddings  tagged ceremony music / love story / meaningful ceremony / personal ceremony / personal wedding / personalized vows / wedding guests by

Create meaningful ceremony to celebrate the important moments in your life. Share your love with a personal wedding. Welcome a new child to your family with a sweet naming ceremony. Honor a loved one with a poignant memorial service. Mark a new phase of life with an inspirational celebration. This week’s focus is on how to create a personal, custom wedding ceremony.

Your wedding ceremony needs to reflect you as a couple. Here are five ways to ensure that the ceremony is authentic for you and honors the commitment you are making to each other in marriage.

  1. Before the first word of the ceremony is spoken, set the tone with music. Use your favorite genre or select lyrics that speak to you.
  2. Bring your guests into your ceremony by acknowledging the role they’ve had in your lives to date, and asking for their support for your marriage going forward.
  3. Tell your story. Or more accurately, have your officiant retell vignettes that share how your love story evolved.
  4. Write your own vows. The centerpiece of the ceremony, this is your opportunity to make promises to your love that are meant to last a lifetime.
  5. Choose your wedding party intentionally. Select those people who support you and your relationship. Pay less attention to traditional gender roles and matching numbers, and surround yourselves with love.
Personal Wedding Ceremony with modern wedding party

When you create meaningful ceremony to begin your wedding day celebration you express your love in memorable ways. You also engage your guests to celebrate with you and prepare everyone to move on to the next parts of your important day.

Next time I’ll be talking about how to create meaningful ceremony when you’re welcoming new members to the family. Make sure to check it out in two weeks.

Ceremonies to Remember: Involving Others

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Personalization / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged blended family / memorable wedding / personalized wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Involving Others in novel ways in your ceremony shows your love and respect for them. This post is the third in the Ceremonies to Remember series where I reflect on some of the special moments I’ve experienced and some of the creative parts of the more than 400 ceremonies I’ve conducted over the last 10+ years. The previous posts focused on ceremonies I’ve done for family members and unique processionals.

Traditional ways of involving others in your ceremony include as bridesmaids and groomsmen, as ushers and flower girls. But some of the couples I married found unique ways to include those important to them. In one case the groom had a daughter who was about 10 years old. They wanted to include her in the ceremony to honor the new family they were becoming. A handfasting had been chosen as their unity ritual, and they chose to have his daughter actual wrap and tie the ribbon, signifying her support for their marriage. The cord was made extra long, so after the couple were connected, the daughter placed her hand on top of theirs. The cord was then wrapped and tied around the three hands, denoting the new family formed by the ceremony. It was a touching moment, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd.

Family Handfasting

A second couple chose to honor their parents in a way that also honored their heritage. Early in the wedding ceremony the parents stepped forward to present gifts of bread, wine, salt and a coin to the couple. Each had significance from their European heritage which was shared with the guests. The ritual also made clear the love and support the bride and groom were receiving from their new in-laws as they were welcomed to the family.

Parents gifts

The final example of involving others in a ceremony in a special way honored the bride’s Indian heritage. After the exchange of vows and rings in the western tradition, her grandfather presided over the Seven Steps ritual. This ritual marks the commitment the couple makes to each other as they take their first steps as a married couple. To make this moment even more special, he had performed the same ritual with his daughter (the bride’s mother) when she married nearly 30 years ago.

These three examples show how some thought, creativity and sensitivity when involving others in your wedding ceremony ensure that it will be significant and memorable for everyone. When you choose to have a ceremony written just for you there are nearly endless ways of involving others who are important to you.

Ceremonies to Remember: Unique Wedding Processionals

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Trends / Wedding processional  tagged custom ceremony / custom wedding ceremony / processional / wedding ceremony / wedding processional by


Unique wedding processionals offer the opportunity to be true to yourself, to your relationship as a couple, and to the relationships within your family. This post is the second in the Ceremonies to Remember series where I reflect on some of the special moments I’ve experienced and some of the creative parts of the more than 400 ceremonies I’ve conducted over the last 10+ years. The last post, on ceremonies for family members, can be found here .

Traditional wedding processionals have the bride being escorted into the ceremony space by one or both parents. If you have close relationships with your parent(s), this can be a lovely tradition to include in your ceremony. But more and more couples are choosing a different entrance for their wedding, for a variety of reasons.

One of the most unique wedding processionals I’ve seen was the bride who wanted to be escorted by her brother and sister-in-law and their two young daughters. Her parents had died years ago, and her brother and his family were truly her family. She spent lots of time with them, had a special bond with her nieces, and was very close to her brother and his wife. It made perfect sense for this group to escort her to her groom.

Speaking of children, I’ve seen many children of all ages and genders escort their moms into the ceremony space. This demonstrates a special level of support for the new marriage, and trust in the groom as a new, blended family is formed.

Recently I’ve been having more brides who want to enter without an escort. This occurs and makes sense for a number of reasons. In some cases the bride is established professionally and personally and doesn’t like the appearance of being “given away” by her parents. Other times the bride doesn’t currently or possibly has never had a relationship with her father and wishes to be authentic and enter alone. Sadly, sometimes the bride’s father has died and she doesn’t wish to have anyone “stand in” for him, and so chooses to honor him by entering alone.

A lovely option I’ve seen couples choose is to enter together. Some view this as authentic if they’ve been together a long time. Others use it as a statement of love and commitment. This option can also be chosen if the bride’s dad isn’t available for whatever reason to escort his daughter.

Two final thoughts: First, grooms traditionally just appear at the front of the ceremony space. Most often these days, the groom escorts his parents to their seats and then joins the celebrant in front. But children can escort their dad or he may choose to enter on his own, too. Second, same sex weddings have thrown lots of wedding traditions out the window. Couples choose all aspects of the ceremony including unique wedding processionals to match their personalities and reflect their relationship. How perfect.

Ceremonies to Remember: Family

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Personalization / Readings / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged celebrant / personal ceremony / personalized vows / personalized wedding by

Ceremonies to Remember is a series of blog posts to run from now to the end of 2020. In each post I’ll reflect on some of the special moments I’ve experienced and some of the creative parts of the more than 400 ceremonies I’ve conducted over the last 10+ years. This week the ceremonies to remember are ones I’ve been privileged to offer for family members.

The first family wedding ceremony I wrote and offered was for my son and daughter-in-law, back in 2013. It was interesting to step back and interact with them as I do with all client couples. I learned so much about each of them, and about their relationship through the process. They were one of the first couples I worked with who chose the Love Letters and Wine Box ceremony as their unity ritual, and it fit them perfectly. They wrote couple’s vows which were offered as a dialogue during the ceremony, and selected an ee cummings reading that was a favorite. One of the most unique elements of their wedding was the setting they chose – our local civic theatre – which was also the site of their first date. The ceremony was a special moment in their wonderful day, and my daughter-in-law still says they “win at weddings”. I hope all couples feel that way about their wedding day!

Love Letters and Wine Box Unity Ritual

The second family wedding I was asked to officiate was for my niece and her nephew-in-law. They chose a December date, and were fortunate to have a clear, if cold, day in Wisconsin that allowed all their invited guests to attend. Surrounded by family and friends, they included their families in the ceremony in multiple ways. Both sisters stood with them as bridesmaids. His father offered the reading. The mothers and sisters performed the handfasting unity ritual, sharing wishes for the couple’s marriage. As with my son’s wedding, the role of officiant provided the opportunity to learn more about my future nephew-in-law, and to see them interact as a couple.

Family Handfasting. Photo credit: Van Dreel Photography.

These family weddings were indeed ceremonies to remember. I was honored to be asked by both couples to serve as their celebrant. To legally join them in marriage and to create personal ceremonies that reflect their unique relationships was memorable. Those ceremonies stand out as highlights of my career as a Humanist Celebrant to date, and I’ll share more special moments in my coming blogs.