Officiant

Finding Your Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Secular wedding / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged legal wedding / selecting wedding celebrant / selecting wedding officiant / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding your wedding officiant is one of the most significant decisions you will make about your wedding. Your ceremony is the element of your wedding day that legally marries you – what the day is all about. It is also the first “public” event of day, where your guests gather with you and your wedding party. Your ceremony sets the tone for the rest of your day, so you want to select an officiant who can create that celebratory first impression to get things started on a high note.

A recent article in Brides magazine includes not only information about officiant costs, but has a great set of questions you can ask a potential officiant. The article closes with some considerations to help guide you in making the right final decision. It’s definitely worth a read before you embark on the task of finding your wedding officiant.

Clarification on some terms may help you in choosing your officiant, too. Most broadly, an officiant is the person who will legally marry you. They may be religious, secular or civil, but if they have the legal standing to marry you, they are an officiant. Religious officiants include priests, ministers, rabbis, etc. Civil officiants, depending on your state laws, may carry Judge, Notary, or similar titles. Secular officiants often, but not always, use the title Celebrant. But beware though, the celebrant title does not have a consistent definition, so anyone can call themselves a celebrant. You’ll want to ask a few questions about any officiant’s education, training and experience before choosing to work with them.

It’s also important to understand how each potential officiant works with clients. You may want to ask questions including:

  • Do we get to see the ceremony script ahead of time?
  • Can we make/request changes to the ceremony script?
  • How do you personalize the ceremony for us?
  • Can we write our own vows? Select our own music?
  • How do we best communicate with each other – email, phone, text?

There aren’t right or wrong questions to the questions above. It is important, however, that you have a good understanding of and are comfortable with the answers the officiant provides.

So go ahead and begin your search for your officiant as soon as you have your wedding date and venue identified. Finding your wedding officiant can feel like a daunting task. You’ll find, however, that most officiants are approachable, kind, and are willing to guide your initial discussion if you prefer. They are the professionals after all, and have more experience than you do.

Initial Contact: Where to Begin With Your Celebrant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Weddings  tagged selecting wedding celebrant / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant by

Initial contact with potential wedding celebrants can be challenging for you as a newly engaged couple. You’re searching for the person who will provide you with the ceremony you want for your wedding day. Once you’ve identified potential celebrants via referrals, internet searches or personal experience, it’s time to reach out for the first time.

It may be helpful to remember that celebrants are waiting to hear from you. They look forward to speaking with or engaging with couples looking for a celebrant. They are happy to walk you through the process.

So what do you say/write in an initial contact with a celebrant? It’s best to start by sharing your name, your wedding date and the name/location of your ceremony venue. With this information the celebrant will be able to tell you if they serve the area where your ceremony will be held, and if they are available for your date. If all those items check out, it’s time to move on to the next level of conversation.

At this point your goal is to determine if this celebrant matches your wishes for your ceremony. You’ll want to share anything you know you do or do not want in your ceremony. For example, perhaps you want to write your own vows, or have certain music you want to use. Or possibly you don’t want religion in your ceremony and don’t want to include a unity ritual. The celebrant’s reaction to all these wishes will help determine if they are a good match for you. It’s OK if you don’t have any particular wishes for your ceremony at this point. The celebrant may ask you a few questions during your initial contact that will help them determine if you’re likely a good match.

Before you book any celebrant, though, you’ll want to have an in person meeting where you can chat further. If you’re not geographically co-located, a Skype or Facetime meeting can be used, too. This follow-up meeting is important for two reasons. First, you’ll want to make sure that the celebrant is prepared to create and deliver the kind of ceremony you want for your wedding day. And second, you’ll want to ensure that you are comfortable with the celebrant. You’ll work closely with them and want to feel comfortable asking questions, making your wishes known, and expressing concerns should any arise.

You may feel apprehensive or uncertain when the time comes to reach out to potential celebrants. But you can rest assured that they want to make that initial contact as easy and positive as possible. You’ll generally find friendly, caring, and interested people on the other side of your initial contact. So pick up the phone or write an email to get the ball rolling. We’re waiting to hear from you.

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

There are questions to ask your officiant at your first meeting that will help you decide if you want to book their services for your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how to find potential officiants, so you’ll want to read that post first. Now that you’re speaking with a prospective officiant in person (or via technology if you’re not in the same city), you’ll want to use your time wisely and ask some important questions.

The questions to ask your officiant are ones that help you determine if you’re a good fit for each other. You’ll want to have trust and confidence that this person will provide the kind of ceremony you want in a meaningful, professional and approachable manner. Here are 6 questions to help you make that determination:

  1. Are you available for the date, time and location of our wedding ceremony? You don’t want to waste anyone’s time if these basic criteria aren’t met. Bonus points if the officiant has performed ceremonies at your venue before. They’ll know the venue manager and how to use the space effectively for you.
  2. Do you offer the kind of ceremony we want? This is a multi-faceted question. First, if you’re looking for a secular or non-religious ceremony, do they offer that? Conversely, if you want religion in your ceremony, are they knowledgeable and willing to include the prayers and religious readings you want? If you’ve been to other weddings and do or do not want a particular element in your ceremony, are they willing to accommodate that? Examples could be a particular unity ritual, reading, or approach to vows.
  3. How involved will we be in ceremony creation? Officiants may want you to provide information via a questionnaire to allow them to personalize the ceremony. They may want you to review the ceremony draft and provide feedback – or alternately, they may not be willing to share the ceremony wording in advance of your wedding day. The important thing is to understand the expectations and make sure you’re comfortable with them.
  4. What background, education and/or experience do you have in ceremony creation? Everyone has a first ceremony, but if the officiant is inexperienced they should be able to point to education or training that prepares them to do good work for you.
  5. What is included in your services? Consider whether the officiant will run a rehearsal for you if you want, how far in advance of the ceremony time they will arrive, and if they handle the legal paperwork for you after the ceremony. Some officiants can provide a sound system to allow your guests to hear the ceremony while some rely on you to provide that. And importantly, how accessible is the officiant to you if you have questions along the way?
  6. Do you have an agreement or contract that we all sign that clearly identifies services to be provided by the officiant and those that are your responsibility? Sometimes officiant services are booked a year or more in advance, and it’s best to have clear documentation of what has been agreed to.

Using these questions to ask your officiant, you can gather a wealth of information and will be able to determine your comfort level in working with them. You’ll feel more comfortable and confident during your initial meeting when you arrive armed with these 6 questions to ask your officiant, and more confident making a decision to move forward with them.

As we move into the second half of 2019 I’m beginning to hear from more couples looking for an officiant for their 2020 wedding days. I look forward to speaking with couples and am happy to address all the questions above. But I realize that selecting an officiant is new to most of you, so I’m always happy to guide the conversation so we all get the information we need, if that is your preference.

Finding the Right Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding the right wedding officiant can be as simple as asking your local minister, rabbi or priest. However, if you are looking for a secular/non-religious ceremony or want a personalized ceremony that focuses on you and the love you’ve found together, finding the right person can take a little more effort.

Finding the right wedding officiant isn’t hard, if you follow these steps:

  1. Decide what kind of ceremony you want. Are you looking for a more traditional ceremony, or do you want something more creative that reflects you as a couple?
  2. Next, make sure you have settled on a wedding date and ceremony venue. These are likely the first questions a potential officiant will ask you. If they are not available on the date and time you need them, there’s no reason to waste your time discussing your ceremony wishes further.
  3. Ask around. Perhaps you’ve been to a wedding that you thought was particularly special. Ask the couple for contact information for their officiant. Maybe co-workers or other acquaintances have recently married or attended a great wedding. They are another source of officiant names.
  4. Use the internet. A search for “Rochester wedding officiant” should turn up a number of options. You can check out websites to learn more about these folks. Things to look for include how they describe their services: does it sound like the kind of ceremony you’re looking for? Read any testimonials that are posted and see if they resonate with you. And check if they provide a page of Frequently Asked Questions – these can give you a good idea of how they work.
  5. Take the plunge and reach out to an officiant or two or three. Many officiants provide an online form you can use to contact them, and they all list email addresses and phone numbers. If you have identified more than one potential officiant it’s good to contact a few as some may be booked already.

When contacting a potential officiant, it’s best to begin by sharing your names, your wedding date, ceremony venue and ceremony time (if known). It’s great, but not necessary in this first communication to share anything that is important to you about your ceremony. Do you want a non-religious ceremony? Is there a particular unity ritual you would like to include? Do you want to write your own vows? This additional information will help the officiant determine if they might be a good fit for you.

Finding the right wedding officiant using the steps above helps you identify one or a few possible officiants for your wedding day. The next step is setting up an in person (or video chat/Skype/Facetime) meeting. Next week I’ll write about what questions you’ll want to ask when that meeting happens.

Three Reasons to Hire a Professional Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Trends / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / wedding professionals / weddings by

There are many more than three reasons to hire a professional officiant for your wedding ceremony, but there are three that I hear most often. As both a trained and certified Life Cycle Celebrant (R), and an endorsed Humanist Celebrant for a decade I’d had the opportunity to hear many horror stories from people who have seen poor wedding ceremonies. One of the most common causes for complaint is an unprepared family member or friend acting as the officiant. Here’s what couples have shared with me:

First, when I meet with couples for an initial consultation (a no cost, no obligation meeting) I’ve heard many times that they had never considered some of the topics I raise. For example, they haven’t thought about the logistics of the processional: who will walk in the processional, in what order, etc? They haven’t considered the possible elements of their ceremony – readings, rituals, guest involvement options, and more. They haven’t thought about where and how they will greet their guests following the ceremony. By engaging with a professional officiant all these topics will be discussed and your wishes will be honored.

Second, most couples in our area opt to have a rehearsal. As an experienced professional I can run your rehearsal in an efficient and effective manner. I can get and hold the attention of your wedding party, provide tips to help make everyone look sharp for the ceremony, and make sure that all the important points are covered. I’ve heard many times from couples, parents and attendants that the rehearsal reduced their stress and uncertainty so they could relax and enjoy the actual ceremony experience.

And third, professional officiants can prepare and preside over your ceremony in a way that is memorable for all the right reasons. The ceremony will be written well in advance, and you will have seen and approved it. The ceremony will follow a logical sequence and an emotional arc that leaves your guests satisfied and ready to move on to the rest of the celebration. Your officiant will offer the ceremony with professional vocal skills to ensure clarity and engage your guests.

These are just three reasons to hire a professional officiant based on my personal experience. You can find another perspective on this topic in an article from The Knot, here.

There is a trend toward having a friend or family member prepare and offer your wedding ceremony, but there are many possible pitfalls with that approach. Sometimes it works out well, but too often the ceremony is poorly written and presented, and opportunities for truly memorable moments are missed. Even a well-paid professional officiant accounts for a small percentage of your overall wedding budget, but will provide a great first act for your wedding day festivities.