Memorial services

Our Responsibilities Going Forward

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Guests / Memorial services / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / funerals / Masks / memorial service / Social distancing / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Our responsibilities going forward continue as states begin to ease restrictions on gatherings including weddings and funerals/memorials. As our country and state continue to deal with COVID-19, many areas are beginning to lift or ease limitations on wedding ceremonies and memorial services. In almost all cases there are still restrictions in place, and we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to honor them.

The number of people allowed to gather for ceremonies varies depending on whether it is taking place outdoors or indoors, and depending on the capacity of indoor spaces. But in all cases we are being asked to observe social distancing and to wear masks. Social distancing by household will require different seating plans (and in some places chairs are not being allowed at all). While masks hardly make a fashion statement as part of guests’ attire, the long incubation period of the virus makes them essential.

Masks are not worn to protect the wearer, but to help ensure that the wearer is not unknowingly transmitting the virus. Anywhere between two and 14 days can elapse between the time you are infected and the time you begin to show symptoms. If you attend a gathering during that time, feeling perfectly well and not knowing that you’ve been exposed, you can infect dozens of other people without knowing it.

A number of COVID-19 outbreaks have been traced back to funerals and other gatherings. That’s in part because it is so difficult to keep our distance when we want to show our support and to mourn together. We get too close without even thinking about it. And it doesn’t take long for the virus to spread.

Have you ever attended a wedding where you didn’t want to hug the happy couple, or the relatives you haven’t seen in awhile, or the school friends you’ve lost touch with through the years? We do it without thinking, and might well not know that we are giving or receiving the virus with those happy hugs. Our responsibilities going forward are to care for ourselves and others as COVID-19 continues to be an issue.

It may not be fun, but our responsibilities going forward include continuing to practice social distancing and to wear masks. It may be your own life you save, or the life of a relative or friend. None of us would knowingly put others at risk, and unfortunately, masks and social distancing are the best tools we have at this time to keep each other safe. So let’s be happy that restrictions are easing, but be cautious and diligent going forward, so we are part of the solution to this virus, and not part of the problem.

Humanist Celebrants Continue to Serve

 in Humanist Celebrant / Memorial services / Weddings  tagged funerals / Humanist celebrants / memorial services / weddings by

Humanist Celebrants continue to serve clients needing ceremony services to mark milestone moments in life. As a member of the Board of Directors of the Humanist Society – the organization that endorses and supports Humanist Celebrants I recently made a video talking about how Humanist Celebrants are working to support clients whether it be rescheduling a wedding or honoring a loved one:

Creativity in the time of COVID-19

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Memorial services / Weddings  tagged baby welcoming / creative ceremonies / memorial service / weddings by

“Creativity in the time of COVID-19” is one of the ways 2020 will be remembered. Celebrating and honoring important moments in life is a universal need, and many traditions have grown up around that need. We honor the birth of a child, a couple joining in marriage, and the death of a loved one. All of the ceremonies, celebrations and memorials that help us recognize those important moments in life are being turned upside down due to the pandemic ravaging our country right now.

Even in the midst of the limitations on gatherings and stay at home orders we’re living under in Minnesota, people are exercising their creativity in the time of COVID-19. You may have heard of using technology like Zoom or Facetime to allow guests to participate in weddings and memorial services. With these tools your loved ones are able to view and hear the ceremonies of celebration and remembrance from the safety of their own homes.

Some people have found other ways to modify traditions to fit current restrictions. There is a story about a funeral home offering drive by visitation, complete with flowers and a box for cards. The final line of this article mentions that there will be a celebration of life planned when we are able to gather again.

Family and friends are finding ways to honor couples choosing to keep their wedding dates, too. This example of healthcare workers taking time to celebrate with a colleague and make their day a bit more special is especially touching knowing the stress and workload the workers are experiencing.

I encourage anyone facing the challenges of a wedding, welcoming or memorial service to exercise your own creativity in the time of COVID-19 and make plans to recognize your milestones as best you can during these difficult times. Remember that there will be opportunities for receptions, memorial services and gatherings of all kinds in the future. They will be even more significant when we can gather with friends and loved ones to recognize the milestone moments in our lives.

Memorial Services: An Unexpected Joy

 in Ceremony / Memorial services  tagged celebrating life / memorial service by

Memorial Services offer an unexpected joy and are an honor to participate in. I only perform a handful of memorials each year – most of my time is spent working with couples preparing for their wedding; hopefully, one of the happiest days of their lives.

Memorial services on the other hand, bring people together when they are sad and grieving the loss of a loved one or close friend. While these are undoubtedly sad occasions, with each memorial I write I am reminded of the significance and impact of each life. It has been a true honor to memorialize two very different women in recent months. The first focused her life on her family in a very traditional way. Her priorities were supporting her husband and raising her children. She was a significant and positive force in the life of her grandchildren, too. Her legacy lives on in her descendants without a doubt. But during her memorial we also spoke about her strength to come to this country as a young wife and mother who didn’t know the language or culture. The quiet leadership she provided as she passed on values and traditions and culture from her home country. The place she made for herself in the community with volunteerism and a strong group of friends. It was a joy to facilitate the sharing of all those aspects of that woman to her family and friends and help them see their mother and grandmother in yet another light.

Even more recently I helped memorialize another woman who was both very similar to and very different from the woman described above. This woman was also an immigrant to this country, and she had an incredibly close circle of friends in her town. However, she did not have children (or grandchildren, of course). And she was a professional woman, a scientist, who worked in multiple countries over the years. Her work was groundbreaking, and was documented in many scientific papers. She built and maintained friendships over many decades, and was mourned by people literally around the world when she passed. She loved her husband passionately, and her father deeply. She loved art in many forms and treasured her garden and her pets. Because many of the people who attended her memorial service had known her primarily through work, they were able to learn about her and appreciate even more the woman she was.

Two very different lives, each special and memorable in their own way. While I never knew either woman, I now carry both of them with me, knowing they each set their own path through life, and have left their mark on the world. It is through the creation and performance of their memorial services that I came to know these women, and I am changed by it. It was an honor and joy to be a small part of celebrating the lives they lived. I see the world differently because of what I’ve learned about them and how they embraced life. I hope to live life as well as they did. Rest in peace my friends, and know that you have impacted the world in ways you could never imagine.