Inclusive ceremony

Customizing Family Rituals

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Customizing family rituals is a creative way to personalize your wedding ceremony. Allowing your personalities shine during your ceremony makes it more interesting. While wedding rituals like blending sand or handfasting can enhance a ceremony, extending them to include your family make them truly memorable.

Sand blending, where the couple pour two different colors of sand into a vessel, has been around since outdoor ceremonies became popular. The ritual represents the blending of two lives in marriage. It has been extended to become a popular ritual for families with children where the couple and each of their children blend colored sand representing themselves into a common vessel representing the new blended family.

I recently saw a new version of this ritual where rather than blending all the different colors, everyone took turns pouring their own color. The resulting layers created a striped effect, which was even more significant when the colors of the Pride flag were used for a same sex couple and their children. The symbolism is a little different, with everyone retaining their individuality (or stripe) while joining together in a single vessel (the new family unit).

Rainbow Ribbons for a Handfasting ritual.

The sand blending ritual is perfect for a family with younger children. If you have adult children, you might consider enhancing the handfasting ritual to represent both the couple and the new, blended family created by their union. I recently wrote this ritual with the adult family members stepping forward to demonstrate their support for their newly married parents, and recognizing their part in the newly blended family. Each adult child brings forward a ribbon which are placed over the parents’ joined hands. The ribbons represent both a wish for the couple, and a coordinated wish for the new family. For example, one ribbon may represent a wish for growing love for the couple and growing connection among all the family members. At the end of the ritual all the ribbons are tied together, as the new family is joined together through their parents’ marriage.

Customizing family rituals in these and similar ways takes a little creativity and thought, but is not difficult to do. Including modified rituals allows them to integrate fully in the ceremony and include all members of a newly blended family. As with many aspects of your wedding ceremony, customizing rituals provides one more way to let your personalities and your new family shine.

Loving on Marriage Equality

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Marriage Equality / Weddings  tagged ceremony / marriage equality / same sex wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Loving on marriage equality means welcoming and supporting couples of all genders and sexual orientations. It means working with them to help create a wedding ceremony that honors their love, and their commitment to each other. Now forces at work in our country are making noise about wanting to remove this right from some couples. So it means standing up and saying loudly that I support all couples.

Custom wedding ceremony

I have proudly supported loving couples through the years. First with commitment ceremonies before marriage equality passed. Then by offering legal wedding ceremonies to couples of all genders and sexual orientations as soon as that became possible in Minnesota. I cheered when marriage equality was extended to everyone with the Obergefell v. Hodges decision in 2015. It has been a privilege and pleasure to work with same sex couples to craft inclusive, personal ceremonies.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Now, however, there are concerns that marriage equality rights could be at risk as this news article demonstrates. Bills have been introduced in the US House to secure marriage equality rights. But it is not clear if they will succeed in the US Senate.

While the bills are considered, some couples are seeking the protections of legal marriage now. Loving on marriage equality continues to be a cornerstone of my business, and I will continue to serve all couples without discrimination. Minnesota Life Celebrations is a safe space to design your ideal secular ceremony, whatever that looks like.

I invite all couples considering marriage to join me in loving on marriage equality where love wins for everyone.

Choosing an Inclusive Ceremony

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Choosing an inclusive ceremony is becoming a popular option for couples being married. An inclusive ceremony is one that avoids gendered terms like his and hers. As we become more aware of discrimination based on gender and sexual identity, it’s thoughtful and welcoming to choose an inclusive ceremony.

Here are a few ways to have an inclusive ceremony:

  • Choose songs for the ceremony whose lyrics can apply to couples of all kinds.
  • Choose readings that avoid the use gendered pronouns like he/his and she/hers.
  • Ask your celebrant to avoid language that implies all couples are male/female. Rather speak to loving couples and partners without identifying specific sex or gender identities.
  • Choose your wedding party without regard to traditional gendered roles. Brides can have male bodied people stand up for them. Grooms can have female bodied people stand up for them. Choose your wedding party based on who you are closest to. Consider who will support you best on your wedding day, regardless of sex or gender identity.

Perhaps you are not a traditional male/female couple. Choosing an inclusive ceremony is an obvious choice for you. But traditional het couples request an inclusive ceremony to be more comfortable and respectful to some of their family and friends. You want everyone who attends your wedding ceremony to be able to feel the love you’ve found together. You also want them to be able to relate to the emotions being celebrated. To be able to envision themselves experiencing that kind of love. Choosing an inclusive ceremony makes that possible.

Discuss your desire for an inclusive ceremony when you first meet with your celebrant. If they aren’t willing to work with you to ensure that all your guests can see themselves in the ceremony experience, choose another celebrant. Request to review the ceremony draft to ensure that you are comfortable with the language being used. Each couple may have particular sensitivities so inclusive ceremonies are not “one size fits all”. But at the end of the day, you deserve to have a ceremony that you’re 100% comfortable with. Choosing an inclusive ceremony may be the perfect way to do that.