Ceremony

Envision Your Wedding Ceremony

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It can be a challenge as an engaged couple to envision your wedding ceremony in detail. You know your date, you know your venue, you know you’re going to have a ceremony, but what will that include and how will you make is special and memorable? Couples I work with are seeking a secular or non-religious ceremony, but want it to be appropriately significant and to mark this important step in life.

Occasionally I’ll meet with a couple who already knows many of the things they want in their ceremony, and I’m happy to work with them to include those elements. But most often couples tell me they have little idea where to start or what to include. Since we aren’t bound by religious requirements the simple answer is that anything is possible, but that isn’t a particularly helpful answer. That’s why I come to each initial meeting with a couple prepared with lists and pictures and ideas and experiences.

Envision Your Wedding Ceremony - Crossing the threshold to marriage

Using those resources we can quickly determine what is important to you as a couple, and what you want to spend time on during your ceremony. We can also set a target length for your ceremony, and explore many options and possibilities to reflect your personalities and priorities. During our discussion you can begin to envision your wedding ceremony in a more concrete way – you understand the flow, the content and the feelings evoked.

Being able to envision your wedding ceremony will help it feel more real, and can relieve the stress of the unknown. And it will become even more real to you when I provide the first draft of your ceremony and you can see it come together. Every couple deserves to have a unique and memorable ceremony. Together we can envision your ceremony and then bring it to life.

Pros and Cons of an Unplugged Ceremony

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An unplugged ceremony is an option that many couples at least consider when planning their wedding. There are degrees of unplugged options ranging from a polite request to total confiscation of electronic devices. Only you know how important this is to you, and the personalities of your guests to guide you in deciding how far to go.

There are both benefits and drawbacks to opting for an unplugged ceremony including those listed below.

    Pros of an Unplugged Ceremony:

1. Your guests will be able to focus more on the actual ceremony if they are not worried about angles, lighting, and obstructions to the picture or video they are taking.

2. When you look out at your guests during your wedding ceremony, you’ll see their faces, not an array of devices, looking back.

3. Your photographer/videographer can get some shots of the guests that are free of devices. They won’t have to worry about a bunch of devices showing up in the background as they take images of you, and they won’t have to step around Aunt Millie who is standing in the middle of the aisle taking pictures as you walk up the aisle. I’ve seen photographers do this, and I’ve seen them unable to get the best images/angles because of clueless guests.

4. If your guests share the photos/video they take with you, you might get some great unscripted moments and different angles than those captured by your professional photographer.

5. Your guests can share their photos/video on social media before you receive the finished products from your photographer or videographer. (This can be a con, too. See below)

    Cons of an Unplugged Ceremony:

1. Your guests may post images to social media while your wedding celebration is still going on, which can be awkward if you had to limit your guest list, or if you’re concerned about party crashers. Worst story on this front was a groom who saw pictures posted of his bride even before he had seen her in person.

2. Your guests may resent being asked to turn off their devices for the ceremony. They may be truly upset if being asked to surrender their devices for the entire event. This can actually be hazardous if you have on call medical or emergency services people in attendance (in these cases, a simple request to silence devices and keep them in pockets may be most appropriate).

3. You may miss some of the most entertaining or romantic candid moments caught by a friend or relative.

It really is unfortunate to see a sea of screens/devices pointed at you throughout the wedding ceremony, so requesting an unplugged ceremony with a request from the officiant before the processional may be the right middle of the road option. Then your guests can go crazy during the reception and capture some great moments and memories to share with you.

Extending Your Wedding Ceremony Experience

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Extending your wedding ceremony experience can make your ceremony fresh and memorable for you and your guests, and get your celebration off to a great start. Extending your wedding ceremony doesn’t mean making the ceremony itself longer, but rather offers ways to surround your ceremony with things for your guests to see and do.

Some couples are opting to offer a social hour – or half hour – before the ceremony begins. They invite guests, for example, to arrive at 4:00pm for a brief social time before a 4:30pm start time. While this is a nice idea, it can be tricky to get people to stop socializing and shift to a ceremony mindset. Know your guests here, and decide if this is a good idea for your group.

Extending your wedding ceremony experience can also be accomplished by showing a video of you as a couple before the ceremony begins. Some couples show this kind of video during their reception, but pictures showing the growth and path of your relationship can be a great introduction to your ceremony. You probably don’t want to include the “cute kids” pictures, but rather focus on the two of you together, the experiences you’ve shared, and your life together. Backed with some of your favorite music, this can be an entertaining interlude for your guests as they wait for the ceremony to begin. A caveat with this suggestion – if your ceremony is taking place outdoors, make sure the video can be seen in the sunlight.

Guests show support for marriage by adding thumbprints

And a final way to extend your ceremony experience is to introduce the thumbprints poster you want your guests to contribute to in place of a guestbook. These have become popular, but can be more meaningful if introduced during the ceremony as a community ritual demonstrating your guests’ support for your marriage. You and your wedding party can place your thumbprints on the poster during the ceremony, and guests can be invited by your officiant to add their thumbprints on the way into the social hour/reception space. You’ll get much better participation with this positioning and invitation from the officiant, and will have a more complete poster to hang in your home as a remembrance of the special people who shared in your special day.

As these three examples show, with a little “out of the box” thinking extending your wedding ceremony experience in ways that make it more enjoyable, more personal and more meaningful for your guests is fairly easily accomplished. Happy ceremony planning!

Meaningful Unity Rituals

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Meaningful unity rituals can add a memorable touch to your wedding ceremony. Along with your exchange of vows and rings, the unity ritual serves as a highlight of the ceremony when it is done well. So how do you ensure that your unity ritual is meaningful and significant?

Meaningful unity rituals serve a purpose. The purpose is to visually illustrate the vows you’ve just exchanged – blending your lives, joining your lives, becoming one, bringing your individuality to your marriage, and respecting each others goals and preferences can each be demonstrated with unity rituals. The more personal the ritual, the more meaningful it can be.

There are a few well known unity rituals – the unity candle lit from tapers representing your single lives now joining together, and the sand ceremony blending different colored sand showing the blending of your lives into one. They are fine, and if you like them, you should have them in your ceremony. There is another set of unity rituals gaining popularity including handfasting, love letters and tree plantings. They, too, should be part of your ceremony if you like the symbolism involved in them.

Love Letters Unity Ritual

If you select one of the newer unity rituals, and especially if you have a unity ritual created just for you, it is essential that the symbolism and meaning be explained to your guests while you perform the ritual.

A story was shared with me regarding a recent wedding. There was a unity ritual, because the couple moved to a table and did something with dirt from two containers, but no one explained what exactly they were doing or what it was supposed to signify. That unity ritual was a failure from the perspective of the guests. Hopefully it had meaning for the couple, but because it wasn’t explained the guests felt left out and not respected. Maybe the soil came from their childhood homes and would be used to plant a tree outside their own home, thus connecting their histories and families. Or maybe they had gathered the soil on vacations they’ve shared and it represented their love of travel. Or maybe the soil represented the basis for their marriage – as the soil supports and nourishes a tree it surrounds, so will they work to support and nourish their marriage going forward. If the symbolism this ritual held for the couple had been explained, the guests would have understood it, would have learned about the priorities and focus of the couple, and the ritual would have become a significant part of the ceremony.

If you don’t like any of the “standard” unity rituals, or any of the “newer” unity rituals, and don’t want to explore the possibility of a personal unity ritual, that’s OK, too. Unity rituals are a totally optional part of the ceremony. I like them because they involve movement and action for the couple which is visually interesting, and if well explained, can add meaning to the ceremony. But they aren’t for everyone. You can choose to move from your exchange of vows and rings to the closing elements of the ceremony. Simple ceremonies can be lovely and can keep the focus on your promises/vows which can be very touching, too. Just remember to ensure meaningful unity rituals for yourselves and your guests if you choose to include them in your wedding ceremony.

Congratulations to the Newly Engaged!

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Congratulations to all newly engaged couples. December holidays are the most popular time of the year for couples to get engaged, so there are quite a few of you out there this week. I hope you take a little time to savor this moment, to share the happy news with your families, and to bask in the love you’ve found together.

When you begin planning your wedding day, you’ll probably start with setting a date and booking a venue. Then it’s time to start talking about what you want in your ceremony – the part of your wedding day where you cross the threshold into marriage by making promises to each other in front of the important people who have gathered to celebrate with you.

Whether you decide on a simple, informal ceremony in front of a handful of people, or a more formal and elaborate experience with a hundred or more guests, the ceremony should reflect you as a couple and should include only the elements you want. I’d be happy to speak with you about your ceremony wishes at any time.

Please explore my services on my website, check out the testimonials, and take a look at the ritual options on the Weddings page. Then contact me via an online form, email or phone, and I’ll be happy to check my availability for your date and chat with you about your ceremony wishes. And again, Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with all your wedding planning.