Ceremony

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Venue / Weddings  tagged wedding / wedding choices by

I’m in Las Vegas for a conference as I write this week’s blog, and am being reminded that one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to weddings. From the moment I arrived I’ve been seeing ads and billboards for wedding chapels. They are stand alone buildings on the street, special spaces in the hotels, gazebos on the grounds and more. I’ve also seen brides-to-be and their entourage out on the town enjoying bachelorette parties.

While the idea of a Vegas wedding or party seems unappealing to some, it is obviously big business here, and the right choice for some people. In the same way, a barn wedding or a church wedding or a ceremony in a state park may not be your ideal, but it is great that each of those options exist because they are some else’s ideal. The point is that each couple should be able to have the kind of wedding they want.

Beyond venue, the idea that one size doesn’t fit all extends to the ceremony itself. Some people focus on the music, others spend a lot of time selecting meaningful readings, and many couples work to find or write the perfect vows that articulate the promises they are making to each other in marriage. Some people want a brief, but full ceremony – 20 minutes or so, while others are happy to spend 30 minutes for the ceremony experience. On the other end of the spectrum are couples who select a very brief ceremony – elopement style – with an exchange of vows and rings, a few words before and after, and only their witnesses present. And the simplest option is to meet the state requirements for marriage with a certificate signing where you only acknowledge your desire to marry and then have your witnesses and officiant sign the paperwork. Each of these options has the same end result – you are legally married. But for each couple there is an option that best matches your vision for your ideal.

The one size doesn’t fit all maxim can be applied to all aspects of your wedding day – from size of wedding party to formality of attire, from size of guest list to the food served, from time of day to time of year. While it is easy to be overwhelmed by all the choices involved in planning your wedding, you can be grateful that options abound for each of the decisions you need to make because truly, one size doesn’t fit all, but there is a size out there that does fit you. Happy planning!

Handfasting Done Your Way

 in Ceremony / Rituals / Weddings  tagged handfasting / unity ritual / wedding ceremony by

Handfasting is a ritual that has its roots in the Middle Ages in Ireland and Scotland. It is where the phrase “tying th knot” in relation to marriage comes from. It has also historically been used in Pagan or Wiccan ceremonies. Handfasting, however, has been modernized, secularized and come into its own as a unity ritual in contemporary wedding ceremonies.

Handfasting rituals these days can be done a number of different ways based on your personal priorities and preferences. The simplest handfasting ritual involves a single cord or sash that is wrapped loosely around your joined hands while words about the way you are choosing to bind yourselves together in marriage and for your future are offered. In this kind of handfasting the material wrapped around your hands can be significant… or not. I’ve had a couple use a sash made from the bride’s wedding gown when it was shortened, and couple use a brightly colored sash made by the bride’s mom in a lovely and substantial braided pattern. I’ve also had couples purchase a simple decorative cord from a local craft shop in a neutral color or in one of the wedding colors.

Handfasting with parents' assistance

A more elaborate handfasting ritual is possible using colored ribbons. Each ribbon represents a wish for you as a married couple. The wish is spoken as the ribbon is draped over your hands, and when all the wishes/ribbons have been placed they are tied as a group. Again the ribbons themselves can have minimal or significant meaning. For example I worked with a same sex couple shortly after marriage equality passed. They opted to have ribbons in the colors of the rainbow used for their handfasting ritual. Other couples have used ribbons in the colors of their wedding day, and I just wrote a handfasting ritual for a couple of nature lovers using ribbons the colors of sun, sky, trees and the earth.

While some celebrants perform the physical act of the handfasting, I prefer to have you invite family members or friends to do the wrapping and tying while I stand to the side and explain the significance or offer the wishes. This is a great way to include special people in your ceremony and provides visual power as they support your choice to marry by participating in the ritual.

Your handfasting ritual can be customized to your preferences and is one more way to personalize your wedding ceremony. While you are considering possible unity rituals for your ceremony, don’t forget handfasting and its many options for a meaningful, powerful and fun option.

Ceremony Programs – A Personalization Tool

 in Ceremony / Programs / Weddings  tagged ceremony programs / order of service / programs / wedding programs by

Ceremony Programs are an oft debated topic: Do we need them? Do we want them? What should be on them? What should they look like? As with most questions encountered when planning your wedding there are no right or wrong answers, only the right and wrong answers for you. So let me share some thoughts on ceremony programs.

Ceremony programs have traditionally been used to guide guests through the wedding ceremony and to identify members of your wedding party. And they can be as simple as that. But they can also include much more information and even serve multiple purposes. For example, you can include a thank you to parents or a remembrance of grandparents who have died. You can also share directions or schedule information such as, “Guests are invited to proceed directly from the ceremony to social hour at the Stone Barn.”

Beyond simple information sharing, ceremony programs provide an opportunity for more personalization. I’ve seen programs formatted as newspapers with brief columns on the couples’ history and activities. Mini-bios on your wedding party allow your guests to understand the history you share. If you really want to have fun with your program, consider reserving one side for Mad Libs or a crossword puzzle based on the two of you.

And finally, your ceremony programs can serve multiple purposes. Printed on heavy paper and mounted on a stick, they become fans to help keep your guests comfortable. Attach a packet of seeds to the ceremony programs and they deliver your favors to your guests. And if you are marrying at the height of summer, you can tie your ceremony programs to bottles of water. Your guests will appreciate the thoughtful gesture.

While ceremony programs are an optional part of your wedding day, if you choose to have one, consider investing a bit of time and creativity to make it memorable and personal.

Humanist Celebrants and Ceremonies in the News

 in Ceremony / Humanist Celebrant / Officiant  tagged celebrant training / Humanist celebrants / wedding ceremonies by

Humanist Celebrants and ceremonies are in the news with this post at thehumanist.com

Wedding ceremony clients

I was recently invited to write about the fulfilling work I do as a Humanist Celebrant, with a focus on the training available to do the job well. I’m fortunate to have obtained training from both the Celebrant Foundation and Institute and the Humanist Center for Education as I started this work over eight years ago. The training focused on ideas that have become the cornerstone of my celebrant practice:
– working with clients who seek a meaningful but religion-free ceremony.
– collaborating with clients to provide the ceremony they want to mark their milestone in life.
– ensuring that clients have the opportunity to review, make changes to, and ultimately approve any ceremony I write for them.
– offering the ceremony in a professional manner; from my clothing to my physical demeanor, from my voice to my interactions with guests and other vendors.
– committing to running my practice in an ethical manner, complying with relevant state and federal laws, paying my taxes, and renewing my celebrant credential.

I love the work I do as a Humanist Celebrant, and feel honored each time a client chooses to work with me on their ceremony. Even after close to a decade of doing this work, I still encounter many people who don’t know about Humanism or about celebrants, so it’s great to see Humanist Celebrants and ceremonies in the news.

Are Wedding Readings Required?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Weddings  tagged personal ceremonies / wedding readings / weddings by

“Are wedding readings required?” is a question I often get when meeting with couples to plan their wedding ceremony. The simple answer is no. Readings from holy books are often required in religious ceremonies, but the secular ceremonies I create for couples are bound only by state marriage law, and that says nothing about readings. So as an engaged couple, you are able to decide if a reading (or two) is something you want to include in include in your ceremony… or not.

Many couples have a song that they associate with their relationship, but many fewer have a poem or piece of prose that they are emotionally connected to. If you have such a text, this is the perfect reading to include in your ceremony. Or maybe you’re a poetry or literature lover and know the selection you’ve dreamed of having as part of your wedding day. Perfect. Go for it. But honestly, it is the rare couple I encounter who fits this description. Many think they have to have a reading, but have no idea what it should be.

If you fall into this category, don’t worry, your celebrant can provide options and choices for wedding readings and you can look at option online, too. A good reading will connect to your story and the rest of the ceremony, becoming an integral part of the ceremony experience, not a random piece bolted on to fulfill a requirement. I’m writing for a couple right now who have endured many separations over the course of their relationship. They are considering a reading called “I Will Be There” by Stephen Curtis Chapman which repeats the line, “I will be there” throughout the reading. For them, it honors the way they have been there for each other in the past, while also being an integral part of the promise they are making to each other in marriage – to always be there for each other. The bonus is that they found and selected the reading on their own.

If you don’t find a reading that really “speaks” to you, it is perfectly acceptable to not have a reading in your ceremony. Another reason to leave a reading out is if you are trying to manage the length of your ceremony and the other parts – your story, vows, rings, unity ritual, etc – are more important to you. One of the great benefits of choosing a secular wedding ceremony is that there are very few requirements you must comply with. So now you know that wedding readings are not required, but, if well chosen, can highlight a characteristic of you as a couple, or share your view of love and marriage in a way that enhances your overall ceremony. The choice is yours.