Ceremony

Readings for Secular Weddings

 in Ceremony / Readings / Secular / Weddings  tagged secular readings / secular wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding readings / weddings by

Readings for secular weddings are not restricted by rules or religious requirements, so you have a virtually endless selection to choose from. Readings can be sourced from anywhere – poetry, prose, song lyrics, even movie or play scripts. You’ll want to pick something that reflects you as a couple and connect it to other elements of the ceremony.

If you are big into nature, perhaps you’ll pick the passage from Walt Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road” that begins:

Afoot and lighthearted, take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before you,
The long brown path before you,
leading wherever you choose.
Say only to one another:
I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
…

Or possibly the nature imagery in this excerpt from Jo Lynne Wood’s “Together” will speak to you:

Two trees near to each other stood
When they were young and life was new.
Their limbs reach out and their branches entwine
And thus together they grew.
Their roots spread out down under the ground
Joining one with the other,
So, from the top in the sky to the heart
In the earth-the two were joined together.
Thru days when the sun was bright and warm
And the winds were temperamental
When a laughing breeze rustled the leaves,
Or when the rain was soft and gentle.
Thru days when the clouds were dark and gray
And cold and fierce the weather
The two stood firm and faced the storms
Because they stood together.

Maybe you like the ancient poetry of Rumi or the modern poetry of ee cummings. Both offer a variety of passages appropriate for a wedding. Readings for secular weddings can focus on an interest you share like bike riding, or perhaps you want to honor your children by choosing a piece of children’s literature. There is “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton about two special dinosaurs, or multiple passages from Dr. Seuss that can be fun and memorable.

How would you describe yourselves as a couple? Fun loving, serious, romantic, traditional, creative? There are readings for secular weddings that will speak to all kinds of couples with all kinds of interests. By choosing a reading thoughtfully, your guests will see another part of your relationship and feel even more connected to you. Take the time to select a reading that speaks to you about love or marriage in a way that is meaningful to you, and it will truly be a remembered moment in your wedding ceremony.

Three Ways to Reduce Stress With Parents

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Weddings  tagged parents / wedding planning / weddings by

There are three ways to reduce stress with parents when planning your wedding. You don’t have to look far on the internet to find stories of wedding planning disasters that revolve around the couple and their parents. But it is possible to keep the peace with the parents and have the wedding day you want, and these three tips can help you accomplish that.

  1. Recognize that your wedding day is important for all of you. Yes, it is your day, and you should have the wedding you want. But I encourage you to recognize that like your graduation days, like the day you got your first job, or bought your first car, these milestone moments are important to your parents, too. They want to share in your happiness and celebrate this special event with you.
  2. Keep lines of communication open. As you make plans and choices for your wedding day, it’s a great idea to keep all the parents aware of not only the what but the why of the choices you’re making. When you recognize that your wedding day is significant for your parents, too, you can understand that they appreciate knowing what you’re thinking and planning. When you make non-traditional choices, sharing your reasons can make all the difference in how they receive your plans. The couple who chooses an intimate ceremony with only 30 people in attendance and explains to their parents that they are making that choice because one of them is critically shy, are likely to gain support for their choice.
  3. Recognize that wedding planning is an opportunity to set the tone for respectful communication between you and the parents going forward. If you engage with the parents as you would a peer in the workplace – respectfully and as an equal – you’ll avoid issues both now and in the future. Listen to their point of view, consider it, and then make and communicate your perspective and choices clearly and politely.

There’s an article in Wedding Wire titled “6 Things Not To Say To Your Mother-in-law” that is worth reading, although I would expand it to apply to all your parents. It applies the three points I’ve made above. None of this takes away from the fact that it is your wedding day, and you should have the day you want. It only offers three ways to reduce stress with parents and help ensure that you all share in a great celebration of your love and commitment when the wedding day rolls around.

Make Choices That Reflect Who You Are

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Decor / Guests / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged authentic / ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

“Make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have an end result that you can feel super proud of for a long time.” That’s a quote from Allison Davis of Davis Row, a wedding planning company. I encountered that quote recently while reading an article on upcoming wedding trends for 2019. I think it is one of the most important and helpful observations for you to keep in mind when planning your wedding day.

It is so easy to get caught up in all the wedding trends articles, all the pins on Pinterest, all the internet wedding forums, and all the interesting things you’ve seen at weddings you’ve recently attended. The truth is, you can’t include every interesting thing you see. And you really wouldn’t want to. Your budget and your time will put limits on what you ultimately decide to include in your wedding day, but there is good guidance in that opening quote to help you make your decisions.

When you make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, you ensure an authentic, comfortable and unique wedding day. A personalized wedding ceremony can be a great way to kick off your celebration and share your story and your love with your guests. Selecting attire, a venue, flowers, music and even your photographer to match your style and priorities will help ensure that your personalities shine throughout the day.

Remember that you don’t have to accept hardly anything about your day as a “given”. Perhaps you don’t want to have a wedding party at all, keeping you as a couple in the spotlight. Perhaps you’re not a flower person like one bride I worked with who really wanted to carry her video gaming laser gun instead of a bouquet. Go for it! Or like a recent couple I worked with, perhaps you’re not into the whole wedding dance experience. Take a page from their book and offer board games, card games, a huge Jenga game and a couple of bean bag games to entertain your guests. In their case, they included background music to add to the party atmosphere and guests really enjoyed being able to really converse without shouting over loud music.

Whatever your personality and preferences, make choices that reflect who you are and what you love, and you’ll have a happy, comfortable, and memorable wedding day to launch your new adventure called marriage.

Choosing a Custom Ceremony Starts Your Wedding Day on a High Note

 in Celebrant / Celebration / Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Weddings  tagged custom ceremony / custom wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Choosing a custom ceremony allows you to begin your wedding day celebration on a happy, high note. You will likely start your day with hair and make-up sessions, possibly a first look photo session with your partner, and some family photos before the ceremony. But your ceremony will be the first event you share with your guests, and will set the tone for the rest of your celebration.

Working with a professional celebrant you can define the elements of your ceremony, including those that are meaningful for you and leaving out others. For example, you may want to include a reading that reflects your perspective on love or marriage. You may choose to include any children you have with a special family ritual. You may choose to write your own vows, or you may choose to select from various “repeat after me” style vows.

Perhaps you don’t want to have a parent or parents walk you into the ceremony and prefer to walk in with your partner. And if you prefer a shorter ceremony you may opt to leave out a memorial ritual honoring loved ones not with you on your wedding day and to pass on a statement of community support from your guests.

Whatever choices you make on the elements of your ceremony, your celebrant can work with you to reflect your history, your personalities, your hopes for your future, and how you feel about the commitment you are making to each other in marriage. Your thoughts, feelings and even quotes can be woven through a custom ceremony so your guests leave with a greater understanding of who you are as a couple and what you find so special in each other. They will feel connected to you and ready to move into the rest of your wedding day full of warm feelings and good cheer.

Choosing a custom ceremony requires your cooperation and collaboration with your celebrant as you let her/him get to know you, define the elements of the ceremony you want, and then review and provide feedback to achieve the wedding ceremony that uniquely reflects you and honors the commitment you are making to each other in marriage. Choosing a custom ceremony guarantees an authentic, unique start to your wedding day.

Feeling Pressure to Add Glitz and Glamour

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged simplify wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding favors / wedding runners / weddings by

If you are feeling pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day, you are not alone. Social media, wedding sites and Pinterest present pictures of over the top wedding ceremonies and celebrations that are putting pressure on couples to “one up” their friends. They encourage you to make the day a “one of a kind experience” and push all kinds of “things” to make this happen. You don’t have to fall into this trap, over extend your budget, and lose yourselves in the process.

Instead, I encourage you to take some time to reflect and talk with each other about what is really important to you about your day, and importantly, why? If you choose things that are authentically you for all aspects of your wedding day it will be personal, unique, meaningful and memorable.

Here are three examples of ways to simplify and resist feeling pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day:

1. Allow your guests to celebrate the pronouncement of your marriage and introduction at the end of your ceremony with a hearty round of applause (and cheers if they feel so inclined). Bubbles, bells, streamers on sticks, and the most recent one I saw – custom flower petal confetti that the guests create for themselves from a confetti bar – can be expensive and often go under utilized.

2. Eliminate runners – that strip of cloth (or these days, often paper) that is rolled down the aisle before the bride enters. Runners can be big business these days as companies offer custom versions with elaborate monograms, poems, graphics and more on expensive fabrics. Runners especially in outdoor ceremony settings, are a trip hazard, roll up in the breeze and are quickly stained with mud and grass. Embrace your outdoor venue and leave the runners behind.

3. Eliminate guest favors, or replace them with a donation to a meaningful cause. There is often tension as you work to identify special favors for your guests and manage the cost of such a large number of them. The engraved shot glasses, personalized drink cozies and ornaments are often left behind at the end of the reception. Save your time and money and make a real effort to speak personally with everyone who attends your wedding, and follow with thoughtful thank you notes for gifts you receive. Realize that wedding favors (beyond a traditional tulle wrapped handful of candied almonds or other cultural favor) only came into vogue in the last 25 years or so. If you feel you need to do something, take the money you would have spent on favors and make a donation to an organization that helps people. Let your guests know with a note on the dinner tables or in the ceremony program as part of a thank you statement.

When you avoid feeling the pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day you reduce your stress, reduce your costs and save your energy for more important things. Your day will be unique because you are as a couple. You don’t need to be tied to traditions that don’t fit you or to expectations put on you by family, friends, and social media.