Ceremony

Year-End Reflections

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged reflections / weddings by

Year-end reflections offer an opportunity for gratitude, appreciation and excitement. Since I enjoyed a wonderful, lengthy vacation in 2019, I actually performed a few fewer ceremonies than in recent years. That gave me a chance to step back a bit and reflect on my work as a celebrant.

I am grateful for the couples who selected me to be their wedding celebrant this year. I started the year with two ceremonies on New Years Day for couples who wanted to begin the new year as husband and wife. I had the honor of working with some families I had served in the past, marrying the sister of a previous bride and the brother of a previous groom. A work colleague of my husband’s asked me to marry her as well, and I appreciate the trust she placed in me.

Some of the ceremonies I performed this year were certificate signings, with only the briefest of ceremonies as we made their unions legal. I’m always intrigues to learn why people are choosing these very small, minimal ceremonies, and the reasons vary widely. Some are following with a destination wedding and find handling the legalities in the US is easier than dealing with local marriage requirements in other countries. Others have had a change in employment and need to obtain medical insurance via their partner. Some are marrying for a second or subsequent time and don’t want a fancy wedding this time around. Whatever the reason, and even when I don’t know why, I’m happy to oversee these marriages and support these couples.

I also performed a few same sex weddings this year. I’m always proud that our country now allows all couples to be joined in legal marriage, and happy to be part of celebrating the legal joining of all loving couples.

As the year draws to a close and I take the time for these year-end reflections, I’m also busy writing for the couples who have already booked my services for 2020. One of the things I’m most excited about with these new ceremonies is the way couples are dropping wedding traditions that don’t fit them, and replacing them with things that do. I’m thrilled to see couples walking into their ceremonies together, dropping the “giving away of the bride”, and surrounding themselves with a wedding party comprised of the most important people in their worlds – regardless of gender or number. I also see them looking for ways to connect with all the parents at the beginning of the ceremony and not limiting themselves to the traditional handshake between the bride’s father and the groom.

I am grateful for the opportunity to do this worthy work, and close my year-end reflections with a sincere thank you to all the couples, past and present, who have allowed me to share in the milestone moment that is their wedding day.

Including Grandparents in Your Wedding

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Guests / Weddings  tagged grandparent memorial / grandparents / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding processional / wedding readings by

Including grandparents in your wedding is a great way to honor your family heritage and to express appreciation to these special people in your life. There are some things to consider, though, when planning for their participation in your wedding.

First, you’ll want to treat all the grandparents who are able to attend your ceremony the same. For example, if it is important to you to have a particular set of grandparents included in your processional, then all grandparents should be included. When deciding whether or not to have your grandparents walk in as part of the processional, you’ll want to consider their preferences, their health and mobility, the venue, and the size of your wedding party.

It’s good to talk to your grandparents about the possibility of walking in the processional, so you learn if they would prefer to stay out of the spotlight or are happy to participate. One reason they may choose not to participate is if their health is fragile or mobility is an issue for them.

Look, too, at the venue. Will you be asking your elders to walk over rocky or uneven ground or walk a significant distance? If so, they may opt out. Finally, look at the size of your wedding party and the length of the processional with and without the grandparents. If you have 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen, two ring bearers, three flower girls and a variety of parents and step-parents who will all need to walk in, along with the two of you, before the ceremony can begin, you might opt to leave the grandparents out of the processional.

If you decide not to have the grandparents walk in the formal processional, you’ll still want to have reserved seating for them up front. Don’t forget to let them know about it, too, so they can look for it or tell an usher who will seat them appropriately.

Another great way of including grandparents in your wedding is to have them offer a reading. If you’re fortunate enough to have a set of grandparents who have been married for a long time, perhaps they could share a reading on love or marriage. Guaranteed to not have a dry eye in the group.

But what if your grandparents aren’t able to attend because of health, distance, or because they have died? There are still ways of including your grandparents in your wedding in these situations.

Wedding Memorial Table

You may place a table at the back of the ceremony venue with their pictures and a message like, “In loving memory…Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved and missed, so very dear.” You can include memorial wording in your ceremony or in your program. Or you can include wedding pictures of your parents and grandparents on a special table near your cake in the reception space. All are great ways to remember these wonderful people who played a part in making you the person you are on your wedding day.

Thoughtfully including grandparents in your wedding will add depth and meaning to your day for you and for your guests. It’s a great way to celebrate those who are able to be with you, and to remember those who are not.

Receiving Line or Alternatives

 in Ceremony / Guests / Weddings  tagged receiving line / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

A receiving line is the traditional way for you to greet your guests immediately following your wedding ceremony. But you have alternatives, choices and modifications available to you today. A traditional receiving line involves you, your parents and your wedding party lined up at the back of your ceremony venue to greet and receive the congratulations of your guests. It serves the purpose of ensuring that you have at least a moment to speak directly with each of your guests. Depending on the size of your guest list it can be tricky to ensure that you connect with absolutely everyone during the less formal parts of your wedding day, but some people find the traditional receiving line to be artificial, uncomfortable and slow.

If you like the concept of a receiving line for the benefit of connecting with everyone, you can move things along and simplify the experience by having only you two and your parents form the line. This relieves your attendants of the awkward moment of making small talk with many strangers (as they likely don’t know many of your guests). Make the experience even more personal (and the line move even more quickly) by limiting it to only you and your new spouse. Your parents and attendants can circulate among your guests, help people find the social hour venue, and generally get the party started.

Especially if you have a smaller number of guests, say 100 or fewer, you may want to eliminate the receiving line altogether. In this case, you will need to make a concerted effort to speak with each guest during the festivities following the ceremony. As hosts of the event, you will want to thank them for coming to share in your special day. As the focal point of the day, your guests will want at least a moment to express their best wishes to you. One way to ensure you speak with everyone is to make the rounds while your guests are seated for dinner. If you’re having a “stand up” reception or if you think you can keep track of everyone during informal moments like the social hour, you can chat with people then, too.

It’s a great idea to consider all wedding traditions and then decide which of them you wish to include in your wedding day. It’s fine to have a receiving line if it makes your day easier, or to opt for a less formal way to engage with your guests. Whatever you choose, you’ll want to touch base with all your guests to celebrate with the people who came to share your special day.

Meaningful Rituals: Your Wedding Ceremony, Part 3

 in Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Rituals / Unity Rituals / Weddings  tagged personalized rituals / personalized wedding / unity ritual / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding rituals / weddings by

Meaningful rituals can raise your wedding ceremony from interesting to truly memorable. Over the last two weeks we’ve talked about ways to make your ceremony uniquely yours by starting with the basics and using thoughtful choices of music and readings to reflect your personalities and interests. Choosing to include meaningful rituals is yet another way to make your ceremony your own.

Ring Warming, courtesy of Midwest Life Shots

Starting early in your ceremony, a ring warming ritual can bring your guests into the ceremony in a real way. Sending your rings among your guests to be imbued with their love and best wishes for you, this ritual happens in parallel as your ceremony continues. Or later in the ceremony, having your guests imbue pebbles with their wishes can create a memento of your ceremony.

Unity rituals that celebrate your exchange of vows are common these days, but the ritual itself doesn’t have to be. Love letters, tree plantings, handfastings, and flower blendings are all newer, interesting rituals with lovely symbolism. If your a traditionalist a candle lighting or sand blending can be made special and personal with add-ons and personal wording, too.

Love Letters

The absolute most meaningful rituals are those created expressly for you. Working with your celebrant you can celebrate your heritage, honor a special moment from your courtship, or share a part of your life through a custom written unity ritual. Examples I’ve written for couples include ice cream sharing, Turkish tea brewing, cairn creation, and whiskey sharing. In each case we were able to share something significant about the couple as part of the ritual, letting the guests know them a little better and creating a memorable moment.

Investing yourselves to collaborate with your celebrant you can define the outline of your ceremony, including those elements that are meaningful to you. You can share your personalities through selecting music and readings that you love or that represent your feelings toward each other. And you can select or create meaningful rituals to draw your guests into your ceremony and celebrate your love and commitment as a couple in a memorable way.

As 2020 couples begin to engage with celebrants to craft ceremonies you are limited only by the creativity of you and your celebrant. Have fun as you make your ceremonies uniquely your own.

Choosing Readings and Music: Your Wedding Ceremony, Part 2

 in Ceremony / Music / Readings / Weddings  tagged ceremony music / ceremony readings / custom wedding / custom wedding ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Choosing readings and music that reflect your personalities, values and interests is a great way to start personalizing your wedding ceremony. Last week’s blog got us started with the basics needed to legally marry, but there is so much more you can do with your ceremony. Especially if you are inviting family members and friends to share your wedding day, you’ll want to start the day with a ceremony that reflects who you are as a couple.

Music is a great place to begin. Using music that is significant to you for your entry and exit is fun for you and shares something about you with your guests. I’ve heard “Storybook Love” the theme from “Princess Bride”, “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego Movie, “Marry Me” by Train and “I Like It, I Love It” by Tim McGraw. Each offers an insight into the couple – fanciful, fun, contemporary, and country western. You can include more personal selections to back a unity ritual, as prelude music or postlude music as your guests leave the ceremony space. Of course, if you’re going for a traditional ceremony feel you might stick with “Canon in D” by Pachelbel, “Trumpet Voluntary” by Jeremiah Clarke, or even “Bridal Chorus” by Richard Wagner – you know, “Here Comes the Bride”.

Another way to reflect your personalities in your ceremony is through the reading or readings you select. Perhaps you have a dog or two that you view as family members. A lighthearted reading about what you can learn about love from your dogs may be a perfect match for you. If you’re avid cyclists, there’s a reading for you, too. And if you shared years of friendship before moving on to a romantic relationship, there are a number of readings to select from. Once you’ve selected your reading(s), consider who will offer them during your ceremony. The person who introduced you, a beloved grandparent, or a mutual friend of yours will provide an additional memorable moment to your day.

As you work with your celebrant to craft your ceremony, carefully choosing readings and music that reflect you provides additional insight into your relationship and shares more of your personality. Letting your guests know more about you is a great way to invite them into your celebration. Watch for next week’s blog about additional ways to personalize your ceremony.