Ceremony

Choosing a Secular Wedding

 in Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Secular / Secular wedding  tagged personalized wedding / secular ceremonies / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Choosing a secular wedding when parents or other important family members are religious can be challenge. You want your wedding day to be a celebration of love and of you. But if you and your family aren’t on the same page when it comes to religion it can be difficult.

A recent article in Brides magazine captured the issue perfectly, offering, “You deserve to have a wedding ceremony that is meaningful to you. You also deserve a wedding that is a celebration rather than a catalyst for hurt feelings and damaged relationships.”

Last week I wrote about ways to make your ceremony reflect you. Deciding whether or not to include religious content in your ceremony is certainly an important aspect of being authentic. An increasing number of couples are non-religious or at least non-practicing so opting for a secular ceremony makes a lot of sense. But wedding days are also about the people you love, and if they are deeply religious, choosing a secular wedding can open the door to a lot of negativity.

I’ve worked with many couples facing this issue and have seen their anxiety as they struggle to be authentic and respectful and caring all at the same time. While every situation is unique, I can share with you that I’ve had many religious parents and grandparents approach me after weddings to tell me how wonderful the ceremony was, and how well it reflected the couple.

Since secular ceremonies are not bound by religious requirements and don’t include a traditional sermon, there’s more flexibility to create a ceremony that’s all about you. We can tell your love story. We can include music and a reading that is meaningful to you or reflects your relationship. You can say vows that you’ve written yourselves or that you’ve chosen because they reflect the promises you feel in your hearts.

Interestingly, many guests don’t even notice the lack of religious content in a well written and delivered secular ceremony. They appreciate the focus on the couple and the flow of the ceremony. Choosing a secular ceremony is more about crafting a ceremony that truly reflects you than what you are leaving out (the religion part). If a secular ceremony is the right choice for you, stand together, stand proud, and start your wedding day with a ceremony you’re proud to call your own.

Making Your Ceremony Reflect You

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Personalization / Readings / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged ceremony readings / personal ceremonies / personal ceremony / personalized vows / personalized wedding / readings / wedding officiant / wedding processional / wedding readings by

Making your ceremony reflect you kicks off your wedding day with a sparkle. Think about your personalities as individuals and who you are as a couple, and bring those qualities into your ceremony.

Begin at the beginning of your ceremony. Think about how you want to enter the space and with whom. We’ve all seen the “dance up the aisle” entrances by wedding parties, and if that’s you, that’s great. But maybe you’re like one of my brides whose parents had died. She opted to enter with her brother and sister-in-law and two nieces. They were her closest family and that felt right to her. Maybe you’ll choose to enter as a couple, because you’ve been together for a number of years and have established your life together, and that feels most authentic to you.

When it comes to the ceremony itself, think about ways to let your story shine. Share some of your experiences with your celebrant so they can be woven into the ceremony. These can be romantic proposals, funny home renovation stories, or amazing travel moments – whatever reflects who you are and the path you’ve walked to your wedding day. Picking a reading that really reflects how you feel about love, or marriage, or building your future together is another great way to bring your thoughts into the ceremony.

Don’t forget your vows – your best opportunity for making your ceremony reflect you. Either by writing your own vows or picking ones that speak to the promises you want to make to each other, you are sharing the core of the reason you’ve gathered for the day. If you are a couple that thrives on laughing together, bringing a bit of humor into your vows is fine. If you want to keep this moment more serious or romantic, that’s great, too.

Making your ceremony reflect you begins with hiring a celebrant who specializes in doing just that. If you don’t want a cookie cutter ceremony or one created by cutting and pasting from information on the internet, take the time to research officiants and celebrants in your area and hire a professional that will help you bring your ceremony to life.

Writing Personal Vows

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged personal ceremony / personalized wedding / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Writing personal vows for your wedding ceremony is a great way to share your love, commitment, and personalities. There are multiple options to accomplish this so you’ll be able to find one that is comfortable for you.

Writing personal vows from scratch allows you total control and freedom, but can be a challenge if writing is not your forte. You can make the job easier by following a few simple suggestions:

  1. Limit your vows to eight to ten sentences. This keeps you focused on what you want to say. It leaves you enough space to share your promises and your love for your partner. But if you get emotional this length will not be overwhelming. You’ll have enough space to express yourself without getting too long winded and boring your guests.
  2. Focus on the promises you are making. Don’t allow yourself to get distracted with all the wonderful things you could say about your partner.
  3. Even if you’re keeping your vows secret from your partner until the wedding day, discuss your personal vows before you begin to write. While you don’t want to share the specific words you plan to use, you’ll want to talk about whether or not you want to include humor, for example, or if you prefer to keep your vows more romantic or serious.
  4. When you think you’ve finished writing personal vows, it’s time to read them aloud. This is how you will offer them at the ceremony, and the written word can read very differently than the spoken word is heard. You’ll hear tone and emotion more strongly when the vows are voiced. You’ll also discover repetitive words or concepts more easily when speaking your vows.

If writing personal vows from scratch doesn’t appeal to you, you can still have personal vows by modifying vows you find online (or samples from your celebrant) that appeal to you. Reading these vows to each other, rather than using the more traditional “repeat after me” format will make your vows more personal and potent, too.

And finally, if you’re more comfortable with the “repeat after me” format, you can each choose a vow that really captures the promises you want to make to each other. This is probably the easiest way to personalize your vows.

A recent article in a local magazine, “Rochester Area Wedding” entitled “How to Write Vows that Wow” (see page 26) gives more suggestions for writing personal vows, and provides some great samples and examples, too.

Consider investing some time in writing personal vows for your wedding ceremony – they really are the most important words that will be said during the entire day. Your vows, your promises, your commitments are what your wedding day is all about.

Planning for 2020 Weddings

 in Ceremony / Engagement / Personalization / Venue / Wedding traditions / Wedding Vows / Weddings  tagged engaged / engagement / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding planning / wedding traditions / weddings by

Planning for 2020 weddings, and beyond, has become a priority task for all the couples who are newly engaged following the recent holiday season. Congratulations again to all of you as you celebrate your engagements and begin the process of figuring out what will come next. No matter who you are, what you envision for your day, where you want it to be held, or who you will enlist to help you with the myriad tasks you will discover as you move forward, this is and will be an exciting time in your life.

The best advice I can offer as you begin planning for 2020 weddings (or any future date) is to decide what 3 to 5 things are really important to you. This will help you focus on where to spend your time, effort and money as you plan for the big day. That doesn’t mean you can ignore all the other aspects of your wedding day. But perhaps you will spend less of your wedding budget on those items, or will enlist the help of family or friends who have talents or experience in those areas.

As you begin your wedding planning process I encourage you to identify your wedding date as soon as possible. Venue availability or key vendor availability will help you select a date, and once you have the date and location there are many more tasks that you can work on.

Remember, too, that wedding traditions are based on hundreds of years of couples getting married. Some may not fit you, and it is more than OK to jettison those that don’t. Maybe you don’t want to be “given away” at your ceremony, call all the single women to the floor for a bouquet toss, or find the garter ritual embarrassing. None of those things have to be part of your wedding day.

Rather, you’ll want to fill your day with moments that reflect you. Perhaps your centerpieces will be board game or book themed because those reflect how you spend your time. Maybe you’ll look for ways to include your family members who have played important roles in your life to date. Or perhaps you’ll place a priority on writing your own vows so the highlight of your ceremony is the two of you making the promises most important to you, in a style that reflects you and your relationship.

It helps to keep all of the above in mind as you begin to define your wedding day. Planning for 2020 weddings (and beyond) will be a big part of your coming months, but remember to take time for the two of you as a couple. Focus on your love that brought you to this place, have fun together doing something NOT wedding related, and enjoy this time in your life.

Congratulations!

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Engagement / Weddings  tagged engagement / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding planning / weddings by

Congratulations to all of you who are receiving or giving rings this holiday season. Congratulations on choosing to make a public commitment to each other in marriage. As you share the happy news with family and friends in coming days, celebrate the love you’ve found together as you begin to plan your future, too.

Your wedding day will be a big part of that future. It is your opportunity to gather those people most important to you to celebrate with you. It is your opportunity to voice your heartfelt promises to each other in front of those very people. You’ll want your wedding day to be memorable and to reflect who you are as a couple.

Perhaps you will choose an intimate ceremony followed by a big celebration. Or maybe a large gathering to share your entire day fits you best. It’s possible that you will choose a small, low key, ceremony followed by a family dinner as your perfect wedding day. No matter what kind of day you envision for yourself, there will be many details to attend to.

Those details should never overshadow the reason for the day you’re planning. Your love and commitment to build your future together. Even when wedding planning feels overwhelming, it’s a good idea to set it aside and take a walk together or share a special meal where you can reconnect with good conversation, and remind yourselves why you’re planning a wedding in the first place.

If you’re planning a medium to large wedding you’ll want to secure your wedding venue(s) first. Many couples are taking advantage of the varied facilities at local venues to plan their ceremony and reception in one place. This simplifies things for you when planning and allows your guests to only need to locate one venue on the wedding day.

With your venue, and by extension your wedding date established, it will be time to begin to secure the services of the other wedding vendors you’ll need to complete your day. Your photographer, musicians, caterer and florists will all be on the list. Don’t forget to include your wedding celebrant in this early planning, too. Popular wedding dates book very early, so signing contracts or agreement documents with all of us is something you’ll want to close on as soon as possible. Especially if you’re looking at a 2020 wedding date it’s essential to move quickly.

Congratulations again to all newly engaged couples. I hope you have great fun celebrating with family and friends during the days to come. And as we move into the new year, I hope to hear from many of you as you begin to nail down all the plans for your upcoming wedding day!