Celebration

Moving Beyond the Big Three – Create Meaningful Ceremony

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Trends  tagged coming of age ceremony / divorce ceremony / milestone birthday ceremony / retirement ceremony / transition ceremony by

Moving beyond the big three allows you to consider other moments in life that might benefit from meaningful ceremony. In recent weeks I’ve written about the big three: weddings, naming ceremonies, and memorial services. Now it’s time to discuss some lesser considered milestones that are enhanced when you honor them with a ceremony component.

Milestone birthdays: A new decade or coming of age are great opportunities to celebrate with ceremony. Mark an 80th or 90th birthday (or any other you choose to celebrate) with a tribute ceremony. Family members and friends can recall special times shared with the honoree or share how they have influenced the speaker’s life. Mementos of the honoree’s life can be displayed, and their accomplishments can be shared. You’ll definitely want to give the honoree a chance to address the group, too, and share both wisdom and gratitude for those who have gathered. A 16th or 21st birthday can recognize the transition from child to adult.

Professional transitions: Perhaps someone obtained a significant promotion, opened a new business, or is transitioning to retirement. These professional milestones can be recognized with a look back at the accomplishments or contributions, and a look forward to the opportunities that lie ahead.

Divorce: Of course, it doesn’t inspire the happiness of the wedding day, but you can’t deny that experiencing divorce is a major life event. As such, ceremony can help you on this journey. Depending on your individual circumstances and preferences you can hold a divorce ceremony shortly after you decide to divorce, with your spouse participating. The objective here is to focus on your intent to walk this path with integrity, maturity, and respect for each other. You might hold a divorce ceremony with your children (especially if under 18), where you each voice your undiminished love for them, and your commitment to keep their needs front and center as you create a new definition of family.
Lastly, as you reach the end of the divorce process, you may benefit from a ceremony where you embrace your new identity, set new goals for your new situation, and receive support from loved ones.

Guest lists for each of these types of ceremonies are smaller than for a wedding or memorial. Sometimes it may be a very small group of immediate family, or supportive friends. The key with all of the ceremonies is to craft the content, setting, guest list and surrounding activities to meet the wishes and needs of the honorees. Moving beyond the big three when considering the role ceremony can play as you move through life can provide wonderful memories and bring you close together with the important people in your life.

The Importance of Celebrating Love

 in Celebration / COVID-19 / Engagement / Love / Weddings  tagged celebrating love / engagement / Valentine's Day / weddings by

The importance of celebrating love cannot be overstated. Even as the pandemic continues to rage in our country, celebrating love with the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday, with engagements and with weddings this year is crucial to our experience as humans.

If we accept the importance of celebrating love as a major milestone in our lives, we then need to decide how to do that. Couples may celebrate anniversaries of first dates or the first exchange of “I love you’s”. Later in their relationships, proposals made be planned and executed. The period of time between proposal and wedding known as the engagement is another celebration of love.

During the engagement period most couple’s reflect seriously on what a lifetime commitment means to them. They may move in together and make the adjustments necessary to lovingly share space. And of course, they usually plan their wedding.

Wedding plans are going to be challenging again this year due to COVID, and some couples may choose to plan a 2022 wedding hoping to avoid restrictions and worries. No matter how large or small the celebration, no matter how short or long the planning cycle is, the wedding day will arrive. On that day, the couple will stand in front of a few or many of their loved ones and publicly voice their commitment to each other. They will demonstrate the importance of celebrating love in a way uniquely their own because they are unique, their relationship is unique, and the future in front of them is unique.

So with the Valentine’s Day holiday upon us, let’s remember the importance of celebrating love … even when a pandemic is making life extra challenging. Love will prevail, couples will get engaged and marry, and life will go on! So this weekend, lift a toast To life and love!

Out With the Old and In With the New

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged certificate signing / COVID-19 / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Out with the old and in with the new is a sentiment often spoken as we approach the end of the year. Never was it more true than as we close out 2020 and look to the new year with hope. 2020 has been the strangest, most stressful year most of us have ever experienced. It seems years ago that we started the year with normal hopes and expectations for the beginning of a new decade. Then COVID arrived and everything changed.

Many couples with plans to marry in 2020 were left scrambling. They variously decided to hold their dates and modified guest lists, venues and more, or postponed to later in the year or to 2021. Some couples actually planned their wedding three times as postponements to later in 2020 needed to be moved into the next year as the pandemic raged on. Some lucky couples with summer wedding dates managed to hold their days mostly as planned, but even then masks, hand sanitizer and social distancing impacted the vision they had for their wedding day.

Throughout the year many couples chose a brief Marriage Certificate Signing option. This no ceremony option meets the legal requirements of marriage, but happens with just the couple and their required witnesses. We gather briefly, masked and distanced, and say the words necessary to join them in legal marriage. Couples chose this option for many reasons, but most of them were tied to the pandemic. In some cases, they wanted to hold their original wedding date, but plan to hold a celebration later. Other couples opted for a Certificate Signing due to job losses and the need to be eligible for their partner’s medical insurance. Still others worked in medical fields or simply feared the virus and wanted to have spousal privileges should they or their partner become ill.

All of these reasons reflect the state of our world today as our lives continue to be defined, or at least significantly impacted, by COVID-19. But as the year comes to a close, the phrase, “Out with the old and in with the new” takes on more meaning than usual. With vaccines beginning to be available we can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Newly engaged couples can begin planning the late 2021 or 2022 wedding they want with fewer concerns for the virus. Those who married this year in small to non-existent ceremonies can consider the outlines of a future celebration. Love always finds a way, as the many couples who found a way to marry this year can attest. Congratulations and best wishes to all the couples I married this year. May you share your stories of 2020 with generations to come, and remember the strange and unique year you began your marriage journey.

The Impact of Changing Seasons

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding celebration / wedding ceremony / wedding concerns / weddings by

The impact of changing seasons on wedding plans is always significant. Indoors or outdoors? Pastels, autumn tones or holiday colors? Concerns with thunderstorms or blizzards? This year we have to add COVID-19 to the list of things impacting wedding planning.

Most obvious here in Minnesota is the shift from outdoor gatherings to indoor celebrations as the weather cools and the days shorten. While there is still much we don’t know about this virus, we do know that it is more easily transmitted indoors. So moving your ceremony and reception indoors is going to increase the risk of passing the virus among your guests.

The impact of changing seasons can also be seen on the news where stories of university parties sparking cases, outbreaks in schools, and even this week’s news of the first outbreaks among NFL teams are all part of this year’s fall experience. The common thread here is people gathering in new combinations, often in enclosed spaces. In wedding terms, this means increased risk when people travel for a wedding or gather with people they haven’t seen in awhile.

One final impact we’re seeing really doesn’t have to do with the season as much as the fact that we’ve been dealing with this pandemic for more than half a year now. People are getting tired of being careful, of covering their faces, of staying apart, of being isolated. This results in resistance to the safety precautions we’ve all been encouraged to take.

At recent weddings I’ve seen very, very few masks. I’ve seen people gathered closely together for ceremonies with chairs set right up against each other. I’ve seen lots of loving hugs and lots of celebratory shouts and whistles. All my recent wedding ceremonies have been outdoors, so hopefully the risk of spreading the virus is relatively low. But the impact of changing seasons means ceremonies and receptions are moving inside where the risk of these behaviors will escalate.

I can’t imagine the pain and guilt a couple would feel if their wedding became a superspreader event and some of their loved ones or even people they’ve never met became ill or worse. I encourage everyone planning a wedding in the coming months to carefully consider the risks of gatherings at this time. Decide how large (or small) a gathering is appropriate and safe. Evaluate associated activities like dancing for their risks. Consider a legal ceremony this winter, with a delayed, but hopefully larger and safer celebration later next year. The impacts of changing seasons will again be in our favor next year as we move into spring and summer. Those might be perfect months for your wedding, too.

When Love Wins

 in Celebration / COVID-19 / Personalization / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding planning / weddings by

When love wins couples get married and begin their new lives together. When love wins compromises may be made, but the ultimate goal is achieved. In the time of COVID-19 it takes a little more creativity and flexibility, but when love wins there are smiles all around.

This is the story of a family friend and her fiance. Hannah and Yousef spent much time, effort and money planning their perfect destination wedding for August 1, 2020 in Italy. When COVID-19 ravaged Italy and then started its rampage through the United States, it became clear to them that their wedding would not take place as planned.

They first had to deal with the disappointment of abandoning their dream, along with all the challenges of canceling plans and dealing with deposits and retainer fees they had paid. After mourning the loss of their dream for a bit, they decided to keep their wedding date. They decided that beginning their married life together was more important than any of the rest of their plans. They chose to let love win.

Most aspects of their day changed as they planned their new wedding day – from the location, to apparel, to the ceremony, to the guest list, to the celebration. But they kept some of the flavor of the day they had planned. Hannah wore white, and Yousef looked elegant in his blue suit. Their day started with their ceremony, although it was in a Chicago courthouse not on the Italian coast. They were surrounded by their closest loved ones, even if the guest list was smaller than originally planned. They still captured special moments throughout the day with the assistance of a professional photographer, but the backgrounds were a bit different. Best of all, they capped their day with a wonderful meal at an Italian restaurant, in a nod to their original plans.

Hannah and Yousef know that when love wins they win, too. They begin their marriage now, but will celebrate their commitment to each other and the love they share surrounded by family and friends at a later date. When health and safety issues make a such a gathering possible, they will dress up, hear toasts to their future, share a meal, and dance the night away. They may even choose to exchange their vows again as they remember August 2, 2020 – the day when love triumphed over a pandemic – a wedding day they will never forget. Best wishes, Hannah and Yousef, for a long and happy marriage!