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Honoring Deceased Parents at Weddings

 in Personalization / Weddings  tagged memorial ritual / parent memorial / wedding deceased parent / weddings by

Honoring deceased parents at weddings deserves thought and consideration. Do you want to mention them during the ceremony? Is a ritual the right answer for you? Or perhaps you want a memento placed on the chair they would occupy, without anything being said at all? Maybe pictures of parents who have passed, along with an “in memory” plaque is the way you want to honor them at your wedding. There are many possibilities, and if you are in this situation you’ll want to select one that feels authentic for you.

Weddings are happy events, and bringing up parents who have passed can be a bit tricky to do. How recent the loved ones’ passing is will also impact what you choose. If the loss is fresh, it might be best to avoid talking about it during the ceremony, to avoid feeling overwhelmed by sadness. Think about your remaining parent, too, and be sensitive to how they will feel about whatever you decide to do.

Over the years I’ve had couples choose very simple statements, similar to, “John and Steven are so happy to share this day with all of you, and carry in their hearts those not able to be with us today.” That, along with a picture placed on a chair or table may be just the right touch for you.

Both fathers of a recent couple had died years ago, and they wanted to have me speak to the impact these important men had on them as individuals growing up. They also lit a candle in their dads’ memory near the beginning of the ceremony. This was the right answer for them, but I did notice that both of their moms were very emotional following this moment.

Honoring deceased parents at weddings is a very personal choice. You’ll want to discuss it as a couple and with your celebrant to decide how best to remember these important people on your happy day.

Fall Weddings – Embrace the Season

 in Decor / Guests / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged fall colors / fall weddings / weddings by

Fall Weddings offer beautiful colors and relief from the heat of summer, but have challenges of their own. September and October have become some of the busiest months for weddings in our area. June and July, traditionally the busiest time, have been uncomfortably hot in recent years, helping drive the interest in fall gatherings.

September weddings can be particularly tricky as some of our warmest weather has occurred during the first weeks of the month. I remember an early September ceremony in the lower gardens at Plummer House that had many guests scurrying to look for some shade. While we think of September as part of the fall season, especially if you’re planning a wedding early in the month, you’ll want to be prepared for heat, too. Consider options for shade for your guests. Provide paper fans and/or bottled water to help them stay comfortable. And remember the potential for really hot weather when choosing attire for your wedding party. Short dresses for women, and shirts and suspenders for the men may be great choices.

Embracing the colors of the season

Later September into October brings changeable weather to our area. You’ll want to be prepared for anything from high 40’s to mid-70 degree temperatures. And don’t forget the wind, which turns cool and can make it feel downright cold. But you’ll also get some beautiful fall colors at this time of year. You may choose typical fall colors of golden yellows, reds and oranges, purples or browns for your decor and ceremony colors. Vines and leaves, even pumpkins and gourds can be utilized to bring the season into your wedding experience.

Fall weddings can be as fresh and lovely as the weather. Brilliant colors bring a festive tone to pictures, especially if you are graced with a sunny day. Embracing the fall season and incorporating it into your wedding theme will make for a memorable experience.

Building Family Connections

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Memorial services / Wedding Ceremony / Welcoming Ceremony  tagged memorial service / wedding / welcoming ceremony by

Building Family Connections has been an unexpected benefit of my work as a Humanist Celebrant over the past 13 years. I’ve had the great good fortune to meet many wonderful couples and families as I’ve crafted wedding ceremonies, child welcoming ceremonies and memorial services. I am particularly touched when people who know my work seek my services for additional ceremonies through the years.

One of my earliest ceremonies was a memorial service for a man who was an immigrant from the Netherlands. He was the beloved patriarch of his family and we celebrated the rich and adventurous life he had led. Unfortunately, it was only a few years later when I was called on to celebrate his daughter’s life after her battle with breast cancer. A few years after that we gathered once again when the matriarch of the family died. Seeing the family repeatedly for these ceremonies was a gift to me as I learned more about them and saw firsthand the legacy of love and the values that remaining family members carry into the future.

On the wedding side of my business I’ve married sisters from one family, three brothers from another, and will shortly marry the sister of one of my previous grooms. In each of these cases the couples have seen me create and offer ceremonies for their siblings. They know and value the focus I place on the couple in wedding ceremonies. They understand that I work collaboratively with each couple to ensure the ceremony reflects their personalities and tells their stories. It’s fun to see these families through the years and reconnect over such happy events.

I’ve also had the privilege to create child welcoming ceremonies for multiple couples that I’ve previously married. And just last week I encountered the parents of one of my grooms from 11 years ago and heard about their happy marriage and two children. Building family connections like this is a true joy.

Through these repeated engagements I become something of a “family celebrant”, a role I cherish. Building family connections and being able to support families with all kinds of ceremony services is one of the best parts of my job. I never know when the next call for “repeat services” will come, but I’m always happy to catch up with familiar faces and honor the next milestone moment in their lives.

Celebrating Milestones

 in Uncategorized  tagged celebrate / celebrating / Milestone by

Celebrating milestones is what my business, Minnesota Life Celebrations, is all about. This week I have a milestone of my own to celebrate. Last Saturday a wedding at the Mayowood Stone Barn marked my 500th ceremony! In the thirteen years since I started on this journey as a Humanist Celebrant I’ve had the honor to meet hundreds of couples, to mourn with more than tens of families, and to celebrate new additions to families.

My primary goal has been to offer secular, religion-free ceremonies to celebrate life’s milestone moments. I’ve honed my skill in writing and offering personal ceremonies that work to authentically honor each person or couple. I’ve cherished the many kind words from the people I’ve served and look forward to continuing to offer humanist ceremonies in the Rochester area.

The hundreds of couples I’ve married include people of all ages and all walks of life. They include varying sexual orientations and gender identities. They include first and subsequent marriages. They include large gatherings and intimate ceremonies. During Covid especially, many of the ceremonies were limited to only the couple and their two required legal witnesses, the smallest gathering possible. Each one, however, celebrated the love and commitment of the couple as they moved forward as a married couple.

It has been my privilege to work with families following the death of a loved one. We’ve honored and celebrated these people. We’ve remembered their lives and reflected on the impact their lives have had on those around them. The focus shifts to include not only mourning their loss, but celebrating their life well lived.

Celebrating milestones has also included welcoming new children into families. These simple, brief ceremonies bring together family and close friends to offer support to the parents and to welcome the new addition to the family. They are happy ceremonies and can help bridge differing beliefs within a family.

More people are leaving organized religion. The need for secular ceremonies celebrating milestones like births, marriages and deaths is only increasing. So, while I pause today to celebrate my own milestone, it’s time to get back to work on the ceremonies scheduled for the rest of this year. I offer a sincere thank you to all the people who have placed their trust in me through the years. And I look forward to meeting new clients looking to honor milestone moments in their own lives.

Small Medium or Large?

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding planning  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding party / weddings by

Does a small, medium or large wedding party best fit your wedding day vision? There is no right or wrong answer. But there are many considerations in choosing the size of your wedding party. The topic deserves careful review and discussion early in your planning process.

A large wedding party, five or more sets of attendants can be a party within the party of your wedding day. You’ll be surrounded by a larger group of people who are important to you. Ideally, more hands make for lighter work. They can all share the many tasks involved in planning for your wedding day. Even on the day itself there are many details that need tending to, and these folks can take some of the load off you and your families.

However, larger wedding parties also have some down sides. They are harder to keep focused. You’ll spend more time tracking down the missing attendant for pictures, for the grand march, and more. Large wedding parties are also more expensive. The cost of gifts for 10 or more will add up. If you’re considering covering the cost of make-up and hair styling for your party, the cost can be significant. If you’re looking to provide transportation for the wedding party you’ll need more cars or a larger van or bus.

For some couples, a small wedding party, zero to 2 sets of attendants, is the right answer. This option reverses the pros and cons noted above. It also provides a more intimate and streamlined experience. Small wedding parties allow the focus to stay on you as a couple. They are often perfect for shy or introverted couples, and for second or subsequent weddings. If you’re opting for an intimate wedding experience with a smaller guest list, a small wedding party is a great way to begin.

A medium sized wedding party is defined as three to five attendants for each of you. It is the most common size for wedding parties, and can be ideal if you are looking to minimize the cost and complexities while maximizing the support and fun considerations.

When choosing the size of your wedding party – small, medium or large, remember that it is no longer necessary to have the same number of attendants for each of you. You can each also select your attendants regardless of gender. Creative planning for your wedding party allows anything to work. Surround yourselves with the people most important to you, but consider how your wedding party – be it small, medium or large – fits into the vision you have for your wedding day.